Dating in Thailand and in a Quandary
I finally made it to Thailand and I absolutely love it here. If I didn't have kids and grandkids back home in the USA I would probably move here, as the people, food and sights have made me fall in love with the place. I was talking to a lady for a few months before I came here and now I'm here dating her.
In the week I've been here, I have fallen for her. She is very pretty, very smart, speaks pretty good English takes good care of herself, is independent, runs her own clinic, raises her child on her own, has a home and a car, and was married before. She's been divorced two years, her ex-husband lives in Bangkok, and he sees the child once in a while. She left her husband because he wasn't financially capable, and they lost their home because of it. She now lives in Northeastern Thailand, what is known as Isaan.
We have seen each other every day since I've been here, with her paying for half of what we do. She wouldn't take any money for gasoline to drive us around. She actually drove over 180 km to pick me up! We have visited temples in this area, and gone out to eat at least once every day.
I have listened to a lot of advice from readers here, from Stick, and from posts online on how to treat a Thai lady and what to expect in return from a good woman. From everything I see in her, she is indeed a good woman. The only physical contact we have had is her touching my hand, me doing the same, and a couple of bumps together while we were laughing at one another's jokes. It makes me crazy to be so close to someone I'm very attracted to and not be able to at least hug and kiss besides whatever else, but I think I'm doing what I need to do to win her over.
Here's the problem, as I see it.
I was coming to Thailand even before I met her on a dating site, and I wanted to see the country, especially more of the country and maybe a beach area. I'm not a partygoer, so it's just about the sights and food. I had planned to leave after a week to see other things before I had to fly home. I'm here for almost a month and I thought I could at least see some of the major sights before I left Thailand. I want to stay here near her longer and we have talked about this a little. She said basically it's up to me but she knew my plans before I came here and she feels I should "live my dream" while I'm here. She has stated she would relocate to another country with her daughter, so there's at least that. She wants to get to know me better over a year by online and phone conversations, including webcam. I am okay with this, as I feel a good woman is worth waiting for.
I'm almost 60 and she is 43, so I'm at the age where I really don't want to wait that long, yet I feel I can see myself with her eventually. I know sometimes absence lets the heart grow fonder, but sometimes it doesn't. She seems pretty straight on this subject so that's where I'm at now.
She has mentioned that she had talked online and via webcam to another man she met on the site from the states for a year. He then told her he couldn't come to Thailand because of finances. Being a guy that knows guys, I think he found someone close by and ended it because of that. When I mentioned this to her, it looked like a little bell went off in her head.
We have talked about what work she could do if she moved to the states. I know with her talent, years spent as a nurse, and English skills, she wouldn't have any trouble finding a job in the medical community, at least for now in a clinic until she decided to maybe go to school. With all the ways of her life she has shown me, her generosity, independent nature, sense of humor and such, I can definitely see myself having a future with her.
Another thing, from what I have read Thai women don't introduce a farang to any of her family if she isn't serious about him. I have met her daughter and the daughters little cousin, gone out to dinner and temples with them, and bought them gifts which they really loved. The daughter seems to like me. She has also talked to her sister about me and mentioned that I'm a kind, generous, good man. This to me shows that she is serious even though she isn't showing it otherwise.
I can wait another year but I'm worried about the distance. I know I've pretty much made up my mind about this, but any outside advice others may have would appreciated, especially if they have gone through something like this.
Just for the heck of it, I went to the dating site to see if she was there recently, and she was there yesterday. I'm guessing she could have went there to see if I was there myself, or maybe she's still talking to others there. I don't second guess so I don't know. Also, would it be wrong to ask her for a hug or a kiss, knowing full well that hugging and kissing tells the other person a lot about the chemistry, and that absence of touch makes a relationship harder?
This woman's profile and lifestyle make her sound like she could be a good partner, but there are a few red flags. I can understand some women are slow with physical contact and jumping in to bed might not happen straight away – but I would have thought there might be a little more contact by now. That she says she wants to get to know you more by talking online and webcam and taking another year sounds "off" to me. You can only learn so much communicating that way. The real worry for me is the fact that she was on the dating site the day before. That suggests she is not as committed to you as she says she is and she is keeping her options open.
Thai women can be very sensitive and every woman is different. What works with one might not work with another. All I can say is that if I were in your shoes, I would be looking for a little bit of "sugar". I'd want a little more than merely taking day trips and your hand brushing against hers. It's not like the two of you are inexperienced, awkward teenagers!