The Lady-boy-ization of the Western Female

Okay, I know ‘Lady-boy-ization’ is not an accepted word in Webster’s or Oxford’s tomes of wisdom, but I needed to make a word up to describe an interesting phenomenon that I noticed for the first time today. I know there are medical and psychological terms that more accurately label what I noticed, but what is important is that the phenomena, as I noticed it, fits into context with the warning signs that Westerners look out for in Thais in order to work out whether someone is a female or a ladyboy.

Let's start at the beginning. Most Western males when first visiting Thailand quickly learn the different “tells” for determining whether someone is a ladyboy. For guys who chase local women, this is a particularly important skill to master as bringing home a bloke in a frock isn’t much fun when sausage isn’t your preferred diet. In most cases, it is pretty obvious to all but the absolute straight off the plane noobie that “she” is really a “he”. Some of the more obvious clues are the existence of an adam’s apple, tall height, broad shoulders, rock hard porn star quality double-D breasts, stubble protruding through the make-up, a large and well muscled jaw line, big hands (and feet), muscular (kick boxer) legs (especially the thighs), and the existence of the good ole meat and two veg neatly tucked or taped away. For even the most clueless noob, the game is usually up when s/he opens his/her mouth and that deeper chainsaw rasp of a voice emanates in place of the expectant feminine kitty cat mewl.

However, ladyboys are getting much more convincing and these days it is getting harder and harder to be certain. More ladyboys are getting discrete operations to remove the adam's apple, streamline their facial features, and take hormone supplements to grow their own tits instead of using silicone. Some even take voice lessons and / or surgery to get rid of the chainsaw buzz voice. The unfortunate side-effect is that many ordinary Thai girls are often accused by Westerners of being a ladyboy. Take a look at some of the unfortunate profiles on Thai dating sites where a poor fugly or overly tall female has to expressly stipulate in her profile “I AM NOT A LADYBOY. IF YOU THINK I LADYBOY THEN YOU GO NEXT STATION… KA”. I doubt there is much worse you could say to a poor Thai girl looking for a date than to accuse her of being a bit too masculine.

I really do feel sorry for the real Thai girls accused of being trans-gendered. On many of the profiles where the accusation had been made, I didn’t think the girl looked even remotely like a ladyboy. I think a lot of Westerners have been fooled (especially in their earlier years) and as a result are now overly cautious and too quick to make the accusation. In many cases, the girl wasn’t even fugly or tall… her only downfall was that she is Thai. When in Pattaya’s Walking Street, my friends and I play a game of spot the ladyboy. The person who first identifies 20 ladyboys wins free beers for the night. I notice that some of my friends automatically call out the fuglies, with the result that I had to create a new rule that your score gets deducted for each mistaken identity. Dating sites should do something similar, perhaps a one-day ban for false accusation (and no, I am not being serious).

Now getting more to the point of my submission, and my most revealing revelation that I experienced this revealing morning. Let me put the scene into context. I was walking down the office corridor at my dull workplace in the dull West on a dull morning and the only non-dull thing was the vibe from whole “thank God it's Friday” working for the weekend mentality whereby 5/7th of your life is not actually lived but just sacrificed for the sake of enjoying the remaining 2/7th (what a mouthful). Anyway, so I was walking back from the Coke machine with a morning Coke (I don’t drink coffee) to try and wake me up and I got stuck behind a perfect stereotype of the Western female. She was quite tall, about 5’10”, and wouldn’t be considered fat (in the West), but perhaps just a little “big boned”. She had long hair that tried its best to hide a rather masculine jawline that I noticed yapping away every time it passed a cubicle. She had broad shoulders, big feet, big hands, and a fairly deep voice.

My annoyance level was rising as she was walking down and blocking the middle of a long but narrow corridor, and doing so at a very leisurely pace. I had things to do, and had to debate whether I should open my Coke now while it was still cold, but have to drink it while in said female’s drift, or else wait until I got back to my office an eternity later and when said can of Coke was no longer as frosty cold. The problem with the first option is I didn’t quite trust what airborne particles might be in her drift, and I wouldn’t put it past her to try and sneak one off just to get the satisfaction of knowing I walked into it.

As I decided on the latter option (wait until I get back to my office) my revelation hit me. A lot of the Western females bear all the hallmarks that Western guys attribute as warning signs to determining Thai ladyboys. Wow, that must be shock horror to you guys (yes, I am sure many of you realized this a long time ago, but hey, I am sometimes a bit slower to put two and two together and even then it rarely equals four). I looked a bit more carefully at the female hulk in front of me. She was in the process of eyeing up poor George, a recent engineering graduate, and giving him a nod of approval. The worried smile in George’s face said all I needed to know. I mentally went through my ladyboy checklist: Height… ladyboy height; Her figure… kind of like a box-car; her legs… well they were hidden in dress-down Friday jeans, but the ass packed into the back didn’t look feminine at all; Her feet… I think she wears the same size shoes as me; her face… the longer I looked at it, the more I could visualize stubble eventually protruding through her make-up. Her jaw-line was square, almost like Neanderthal man. I wouldn’t want to be eyed-up by her either…. and she was representative of many of the girls working here!

Western women have become far too masculine for my tastes (and I dare say, the tastes of quite a few other Stickmanites). I am not saying all Western females fit this category, because there are many that are very attractive and feminine in appearance (especially in their younger years). However, it does seem that more and more are taking on those ladyboy qualities that so many of us dread and even worse, their behaviour is becoming more masculine as well. People sometimes ask me why I only seem to show an interest in Asian women these days, and what I just described has got to be the primary reason, i.e. a lack of femininity (either in looks or behaviour).

After my revelation, a slightly evil though spread into my mind… what if… no, that is just too wicked to contemplate. But…, well what if a Western guy accused a Western women of being a ladyboy? That would be a very interesting discussion. I am not sure if I am game to do it, especially not in an office environment. Knowing how the law works here, I would be up on sexual harassment charges, not to mention defamation, sex discrimination and anything else that could be dreamed up by a $200 an hour K-Mart suited no win no fear (I mean no fee) ambulance chasing lawyer. I guess the first step would be to try this out on Western dating sites. With most Western sites, it can be difficult to get a big response rate out of the girls… e.g. out of five girls contacted, you would be lucky to get one response (special exceptions for Brad Pitt and George Clooney though). However, if you sent messages to five girls asking if they were a ladyboy, I am sure you would get five responses. Unfortunately, I am also pretty sure the only reason they would agree to meet up for a coffee would be to skin you alive (and then set their ambulance chasing lawyer on you). If I tried it, I would probably spend my final years in a jail cell, although with my luck, I would be accidentally sent to the women’s prison for looking more feminine than the female judge presiding over my case, and share a cell with a female bodybuilder named “Brucella” who has a six inch long c1itoris.

Oh… and yes this is just a very light hearted piece that I put together this morning, so please don’t take it too seriously. I just thought I would share some of my revelations for your amusement.

Stickman's thoughts:

Good point about how many Western guys have become so hyper sensitive to the idea of that they lady they are interested in might be a ladyboy that they wonton accuse anyone who doesn't look overtly feminine of being a ladyboy…and it is, as you say, an insult to a Thai female and can be really hurtful too.