Thai Women and Money
It’s been said many times that when Farang guys arrive in Thailand they leave their brains at the airport. I’d like to take it one step further and suggest that quite a few leave their bollocks there too.
Recently there have been a number of submissions regarding Thailand and the attitudes of the people towards money and more often, specifically Thai women. Now I’m not going to even try to dig into the psyche and motivation of the gents who’ve made these submissions – I think overly aggressive language speaks for itself and as I’ve said in previous subs, I strongly believe that people need to take a look in the mirror at themselves and their own actions to see why people treat them in certain ways. I don’t think it’s applicable in every situation – if someone tries to scam you or speaks rudely to you then there’s every chance that it’s their issue, however, if everyone you encounter treats you negatively then it might be time to look at how you’re projecting yourself to them. I’m not perfect but I strongly believe if you treat everyone you meet politely and with respect then your journey through life will be a lot smoother – this does not equate to being weak.
I think it’s fair to say that the majority of these submissions and views on women come from guys who either don’t live here or expats who spend their time around prostitutes – let's not be coy about their profession – these are women who make a living from having sex. The reasons these ladies end up working this way has been talked over many times and is more than enough for a series of submissions – however to break it down simply, girls I’ve spoken to tend to fall into one of the following four categories:
● She had a baby young and is working to support her baby. I’m dubious of this claim as we know that babies in the provinces don’t cost a fortune to raise and it’s likely that one of the following three ideals also comes into play, however, there are some genuine situations and these women want to provide for their children.
● She’s materialistic and lazy. The idea of earning 10,000 baht a month working in a service job doesn’t appeal to her. It’s hard work for low reward.
● Her parents are money hungry and pressuring her to send back significant sums and she’s too weak willed to resist them.
● She’s addicted to Ice or has some other kind of habit (drug or alcohol) and needs money to fund it.
If a woman falls into one of the above four categories are you really surprised that she’s not the most moralistic character in the world and that she’ll do anything she can to try and take more money out of you? In my experience these girls are some of the most emotionally damaged people I’ve come across no matter what their reasons for getting into the industry. Add that they are spending time around other morally corrupt and damaged people who are telling them what they are doing is okay and reinforcing it is a recipe for disaster. I don’t know how many times it needs to be said – don’t date bargirls.
It’s my belief that a lot of money problems in relationships occur because the guy has no balls at the beginning of the relationship. For whatever reason he feels the need to try to strongly impress his new girl and treats her like a princess, paying for everything, taking her to expensive restaurants, buying her gifts etc often without the girl making these requests. After some time it starts to become expected and when the gloss has worn off a relationship the guy starts to resent it and potentially stops providing it. Arguments start as he has changed the way he acts and the girl feels that he cares less about her and/or is angry that she’s not getting what she’s used to financially. Sure some girls are like this from day one and will make demands or give an indication that’s what she’s like – the red flags are there. A woman being hot is not a good enough reason to compromise your integrity. Keep a hold of your balls and walk away.
I’m not advocating treating women badly, I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t pay on dates if that’s what you like to do – just keep your actions in check and don’t do something you wouldn’t do with a woman in your own country or with a less attractive girl. Doing something out of sorts is approval seeking behaviour and it’s unattractive. It comes from a place of low self esteem, it doesn’t surprise me that a girl doesn’t respect you as a man and instead treats you as a cash cow – you’re the one who gave her that impression.
I don’t profess to be an expert on Thai women (or women in general!) but I’ve dated around, have a lot of farang friends who’ve done the same (outside the bar world) and I have a decent number of female Thai friends, most of whom don’t exhibit this money grabbing attitude “all” Thai women supposedly have. Here are a few of my experiences:
● I dated my first Thai girlfriend for 14 months. She was from what’s considered to be one of the poorest provinces and from a very poor background. She didn’t feel comfortable being bought anything and likes to pay her own way. We’re still close friends now. She earns a maximum of 13k a month including service charges and manages to save 3-5k a month. She lives in a cheap room, eats the food she loves, isn’t interested in iPhones or designer clothes or bags. She derives her pleasure from spending time with her nephews, cooking, reading English books and watching English and American TV online. Every few months she will send 5k back to her parents. I once bought her a pair of Converse allstars as a small surprise – she was grateful but considers 1000THB far too much to pay for shoes! On Nut or Huay Khwang markets are her favourite places for buying new clothes.
● A girl I’ve been seeing for a while earns around 25-30k a month from her salary, service charges and commission from trips/tailor shops/jewellers she arranges for guests at her hotel. She saves most of it or buys gold she believes will appreciate in value. She sends money intermittently to her family who both have government jobs close to Chiang Mai. She says getting married doesn’t interest her and if she does marry then she doesn’t believe in sin sod. I pay for our meals when we go out, I pay for the cinema, she buys me small gifts and I do the same for her. Last week we were walking down Soi Thonglor when 2 guys on a bike snatched her bag containing her wallet, makeup and iPhone 5. I had to almost force her to borrow 5k to tide her over until she gets her new bank card. I will have the money back next week – I’d be absolutely astounded if she didn’t pay me back.
● I lent a close Thai female friend 20k as she was in a bind and needed to move to a new apartment. She paid me back 10k per month over the next 2 months, on time exactly as promised. Her friend suggested to her she should stop work as she had an American boyfriend who “should take care of her”, her comments to me were “I have two arms, two legs and a brain – why do I need his money when I can work”
● I dated a girl for a month or so. She told me her parents expected money from her – 6k every month. She told me she loves designer perfume and bags. She told me that she thought that a girl having multiple guys overseas sending them money was “smart”. She found herself looking for a new date. Read the warning signs and exit accordingly.
● One friend dated a French chap for 8 months. He didn’t pay for anything, he made her split meals 50/50, he cheated and she knew it for 6 months but she didn’t leave him because she loved him. Another guy offered her a monthly ‘salary’ of 20k to be his girlfriend. She turned him down. She’s certainly not about the money.
The warning signs will be there, you just need to keep your wits about you to avoid the small number of women who are out just to rinse your wallet. It’s not just in Thailand – it’s worldwide. There are always going to be people who want to take the easy route. If a girl loves designer clothes but is never going to be able to earn the money required to buy them then that’s a concern for me. If a girl tells me her parents expect money on a monthly basis then that’s a concern. If she thinks that cheating or scamming or taking is the easy route then the writings on the wall and I’m not going to be the one providing for her lifestyle. If I think a relationship is going to be anything other than casual it’s easy to find out a girl's thoughts on a situation like this and share your thoughts at the same time just by having a general conversation about likes/dislikes in a partner.
Most girls out there are not money grabbers and if you end up with one who is then you’ve got to take responsibility for that. Start a relationship as you mean to go on. If you want to buy everything and pay for everything then that’s your choice – but consider your reasons for doing it and whether, when the haze of infatuation clears you’ll resent her for wanting it to continue. If from day one you are clear with boundaries about what you’re willing to do and what you expect then you’re starting with a strong foundation and if she doesn’t like it, she will break it off there and then.
This is the sort of simple, honest advice that guys who always seem to meet the wrong type of girls should read over and over again until it sinks in. It's not often I can say that there is not one single thing I disagree with here.