Stickman Readers' Submissions May 10th, 2013

Peccadillo on Peccadillo

I understand that you are/have been a prolific Lothario in various parts of the world, to include Thailand. Would you be so kind as to share your adroit techniques? You maintain that you employ a modicum of effort, yet you consistently establish liaisons with black haired lovelies, irrespective of venue. Irrespective of country.

Very good question. And yes, by indicating that you asked a "good question"… I am providing you, the interviewer, with affirmation. A subtle example of my myriad gambits for establishing a dominant position. But to answer your question, we must be constantly aware of our physiognomies. And how we project self-confidence and self-assuredness, while concomitantly not projecting imperiousness or superciliousness. It is always a balancing act.

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Being height weight proportionate is a sine qua non. You must dress fashionably, but dressing fashionably does not need to be cost prohibitive. My default for years has been a navy or black blazer (USD 400). A nice fabric. Wool or Gabardine. Paired with faded denim. I like Anthony Bourdain style rough out boots. I am six feet tall and 180 pounds, with a 31 inch waist, but I appreciate the extra two inches that the rough outs provide. Italian loafers (with out socks) is also a good selection. And this is not a Don Johnson knock off. The look is relaxed and utilitarian. And projects insouciance. And insouciance is an intangible. Yet insouciance is always noticed and subconsciously perceived (by women) as attractive. Alluring.

Well, this describes your presentation, but can you expound on your actual technique when courting lovelies in a non-remunerative environment?

Yes. Obviously fashion and fitness are first. Assuming that you are sober, you simply approach a vivacious trollop (and they are all trollops) without hesitation. Remember, someone is always observing you. (But that is another story that I will cover in detail later.)

When I approach (with supreme confidence) a woman, I introduce myself. Example: "Hi. My name is Peccadillo. And your name is?" In the vast majority of situations, I determine that she wants me to sit down. And I do so. Then I say, "I like your sequence." Now obviously, "I like your sequence" makes no sense. But she doesn't have a clue as to what I mean. So it puts her back on her heels a bit. But she makes the assumption that she was just complimented in a slightly esoteric manner. She smiles. I ask her (being from Texas) if she likes guacamole. I say, "have you ever enjoyed a world class margarita, on the rocks, with a fuchsia orchid in the glass.“ At this point in my contrived tete a tete, she appears enraptured. My next statement: "Let's get out of here!" Ninety percent of the time, without exception, she gets up and we leave. I take her to a nice bistro and ply her with a little alcohol. And frequently, by the end of the evening, her knickers come off.

I cannot tell you how many times I have entered a club, and within 10 seconds I see a stunner, and I say "Hey wallflower, let's dance." We dance. And we leave together.

I like what you have just said. Insouciance and all. I must say, I am intrigued. But will this work for a jellyfish?

Yes. Here is another gambit. Even if you are a jellyfish–you need to break the ice. Tell her you have never lost a staring contest. Induce her into a stare down. Wide-eyed gaze. The loser buys a round of Chang. The salient: you will never lose this contest. You stare at the space between her eyebrows …the confluence of the medial aspect of the converging eyebrows and the superior aspect of her nasal bridge. So you are not actually looking into her eyes. And she will never know. You will win. She will buy Chang or Jameson in a snifter glass. She will smile.

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Aren't you just a cold misogynist?

Yes! And that was an excellent observation. (Providing affirmation again.)

Do you think Thai women are generally nutjobs?

When Philip of Macedonia stormed the gates of Sparta, he sent a message to the besieged king: “ When I capture your city, I will burn it to the ground.“ A one word reply was delivered…”if”. That is a laconic response. So, do I think Thai women are generally nutjobs? Yes!

The Telegraph had an interesting piece on Thai women and a man's penis. Comment?

"A Durex-sponsored study of faithfulness in intimate relationships among 29,000 respondents in 36 countries found that Thai men lead the world, with 54 per cent admitting to being unfaithful. Thai women kept apace with a 59 per cent unfaithful rating, second only to Ghana’s women at 62 percent."

"In context, an intimate couple may not really consider that the woman is cheating by having a concomitant relationship with a Western male because it is only a business transaction, the nature of which would not carry a connotation of prostitution for many Thais. Interestingly, business is one thing, but Thai men are wary of their partners finding out about their lovers for justifiable fear of losing their manhood. A colloquialism holds that a man has to return to his conjugal bed or his partner may “that hai pet kin” (roughly translated as “to cut and feed to the duck”, i.e. thereby making the organ unavailable for reattachment). It is a serious threat: Bangkok is known as the penis-reattachment capital of the world."

"Ill-educated and with no “silver-spoon” connections, many Thai women’s only resource is themselves, and they know better than to squander their one advantage in a transactional economy. And some of them are quite industrious about it. It is not unusual for the women to have several Western boyfriends. As the expats return to their home countries, they show their appreciation by sending their girlfriends money every month until they can take another Asian sojourn, encouraged by the women’s promises of “I love you too much". It beats the women working in a brothel run by organised crime. "

"So, older men – who probably never had such beautiful, charming and acquiescent women give them the time of day even when they were young and virile – get to fulfil their fantasies. Wealthy, older men with younger, trophy wives, is a cliché in Western society. This new take on elder care simply lowers the entry cost, making such relationships available for the average bloke."

– The Telegraph

Peccadillo Distillation

Don't keep foraging ducks on your residential property. BTW, ‘The Telegraph’ missed a word in the Thai saying –here is the correct phrase: “That ham hai pet kin." He he he. Popular with girls from Buriram, Surin and Si Saket. Avoid like the plague!

What about female hostility?

Exude optimism and enthusiasm. Complete attendance. A show of concern works like a charm. Things feel right when you show concern. Asking questions is listening and interacting. Take time to make the other person feel important. Finessing people who are hostile is a winner’s art. People tend to live up to the compliments they receive. Construct a consent zone: “I just love what you are wearing.” Others will react the way you act.

Awareness of “tells”– body signals…context is a powerful trust-building secret; listen rather than talk for at least 75 percent of your conversation. A willingness to explore mutually acceptable alternatives. And remember: You never wrestle with a pig–you get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

In every instance…strategize your alternatives. “To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must be truthful.” Edward R. Murrow

Do you use “the false time constraint?”

Phet is a genius and a gentleman. Yes I do!

You attended a Lucullan Feast. A hi-so Thai wedding. How did that work out for you?

I must give attribution to Phet for the moniker "Spare Prick." I encountered this term in one on Phet's well written, and humorous submissions.

The Lucullan feast, named after Lucius Licinius Lucullus, the Roman general and consul (110-56 BC) famous for his luxurious banquets… was an extravagant hi-so wedding. I attended it with June in BKK..

June, my Thai girlfriend abandoned me (and I did not know anyone at this reception) for over 45 minutes. Rudeness as common as orchids in Thailand. And I did not like being a "spare prick" at this wedding. It was hard for me to process this absurd environment. At times, I felt like a fly on the wall. Just observing it all. Or more appropriately, a pigeon in a nest of falcons (wonderful metaphor).

Remember, rejection is a myth. Be impervious to it!

Historically, I have been the life of the party. In the west, people are drawn to higher ordered states. You know…like me!

A very attractive woman (from June's office) came over and sat with me. She always appeared intrigued by me in BKK at the office. And she was sweet.

After 45 minutes of wondering where June was, I abruptly, and in exasperation, handed this woman June's handbag–and indicated that I was on my way to the restroom– sans handbag.

June was engaged in a tete-à-tête with her oldest sister. The sister that thinks she is an empress.

The wedding really did have me against the ropes. It felt evil. June was a spectator…as opposed to holding on to me. I thought I would be fighting my way out before it was over. I might have misread the signals…but viscerally– I felt like I was all alone. And I was.

I really don't know how I rolled with the punches. She would intersperse her rudeness and petulance with generosity and tenderness. Probably "to keep me off balance and on the defensive." I was in a situation where I had no control. The only Westerner in a large complex of Thai functions. Suddenly, four of her brothers converged on our table. They knelt on their knees. They were reasonably pleasant. But this is what they said to me: "June is our sister." I remained pleasant and insouciant. But I thought the comment was somewhat odd. Territoriality personified.

Fast forward 60 minutes. June is now standing 30 feet from me, talking with a few Thai friends. I approach a half dozen Thai men as I am moving in the direction of June. They are obviously under the influence of alcohol. Her brother yells out "Hey Tex." Kind of an informal verbal ejaculation from my perspective. A few others are dancing wildly as they approach me with an energy I viscerally did not like. I look in the direction of June, and she can see my discomfiture. She did not smile. She was like a spectator.

Her other sister (the policeman's wife), was within 15 feet, and she started waving to me. Kind of a "bye bye" kind of wave. I looked at her quizzically. Like it was bizarre. Tek is a policeman in Thailand.

June remained in a fixed position. Observing. It was the strangest moment I have ever experienced. Hundreds of Thais…and I am the only farang. And my so-called girlfriend is a spectator. She is not on my arm.

This event, for me– was more disconcerting than the lugubrious sub-soi in BKK.

I finally extricated myself from the wedding reception. I did not know my location as she drove the X3 through the streets of Bangkok. I told her I did not want to go to the home of her policeman brother-in-law. She was unresponsive. I unfastened my seat belt in the X3 (because I did not want to go to Tek's home), and this is what she said to me: "the police will find you."

Her sister is married to a Chinese guy and resides in a fashionable three story home in BKK. I know where her house is in BKK, but demurred when June suggested (more than once) a social function at her home. The Chinese guy likes to pick off the occasional whore near Lumpini Park. One night, the two sisters tailed him, and caught him red handed. They pursued him on mototaxis.

And you reconnoitered Pattaya at least 30 times over a six month period. What say you?

Pattaya is many times more unpredictable than Bangkok. And Thais do not take farangs living in Pattaya seriously. But who cares about that? Right?

There is a guy in Pattaya. A quasi gangster from the land of Oz. He balls Beach Road hookers condomless. Gives them THB 300. He carries a filed down screwdriver. Apparently, one night a guy from Vancouver decided to take this cretin on. The Aussie is about 260 pounds and fully tattooed. The Canadian had a gash to his face and lost several teeth. The Beach Road whores lied for the cretin when the "men in brown" got involved. The Canadian settled for USD 1700 and it went away.

This cretin always carries THB 20K on his person. Because he believes that is enough to make most problems disappear. He indicated that he could probably throw someone off his 20th floor balcony and make it go away for THB 20K. I don't personally know this cretin, but I am familiar with someone that does.

Pattaya is a wild card. Perceptions can get you in trouble in Pattaya. Let's say you are physically fit, handsome, and you dress fashionably. The girls like you. And everyone knows it. And then one day this cretin from Oz is observing you. He viscerally doesn't like your presentation. He can set ugly things into motion. Always remember The First Law of Peccadillo: Stay off the radar of long term farangs in Thailand.

I drove the length of Soi 6 several times at dusk. Interesting. But the girls know some bad actors. Same thing applies to Beach Road hookers. Even though I loved to saunter the beach boardwalk and look at the girls. South Pattaya Road as well!

What makes a woman tick? Of course in Thailand we know it is money and duplicity. What is it like in Dallas/San Antonio?

Women like a challenge.

Women love a great sense of humor.

Never buy a woman flowers. You might as well tattoo “loser” on your forehead.

A woman wants what she perceives she can’t have. The conundrum: as soon as she gets what she thinks she wants, she doesn’t want it anymore. Be elusive. Kind and firm, yet always somewhat elusive.

Enigmatic. A perceived challenge. If you are smart, you realize the deal is going to go south at some point anyway.

You mentioned Valentine’s Day!

I bought one flower one time in my life. A peach rose. A solitary peach rose. She was my girlfriend in Dallas. When she arrived at the townhouse, I was upstairs in bed waiting for her. She enters on ground level, and Ottmar Liebert is on the sound system. The song: Surrender to Love. She loved Ottmar Liebert. He lives in Santa Fe, and lived much of his life in Cologne. I took her to see Ottmar at Caravan of Dreams in Ft. Worth on two occasions. She was deliriously happy. A dinner theater. I greased the maitre d’. We enjoyed a table right next to the stage, and a bottle of Cabernet.

She enters the townhouse and hears the music. A card leaning against a bottle of Tattinger. And the rose. She makes her way upstairs to the master. Why am I telling you this? Because 10 years later (and she is married now), she tells me that is the most romantic day she has ever experienced. Cost: USD 75. Impact: Incalculable. Just a little finesse. And she endured my gaucheries with angelic patience.

Why are you are captivated by Japanese women?

I guess it is Japanese demureness. Women encouraged–even trained to project an air of charming acquiescence that suggests everything and means nothing. The ravening ardor of these women, who could, if they choose, turn that same unearthly attention, in an instant, on someone else. Hopefully me!

And I could go on and on, rhapsodizing about Japanese tea houses and Kyoto Ryokans. Impeccably brushed tatami mats. For through whatever curious affinities propel us toward people or places we have never met.

Everyone so punctual. A relentlessly punctual land. A land of Spartan epicures. Girls crouched meditatively over ponds. A gaggle of kimonoed girls laughing in embarrassed perplexity. The engaging guilelessness. And Gion…”flower district.”

Maybe Japan is a reproach to my dilettantism. In Japan, I have encountered more kindness and consideration than I have ever found elsewhere. The Japanese never lose their smiling equanimity.

And "dark willows, bright flowers"–A Zen metaphor for the Buddha nature–has long been a metaphor for the pleasure quarters.

I want to thank you for your observations. I realize you are departing for Provence in a few hours, so we must truncate this insightful interview.

My pleasure. And I would like to include a bit of Thai cuisine!

Fresh duck eggs. Bamboo. Jasmine rice topped with nam pla.

A Thai colloquialism holds that a man has to return to his conjugal bed or his partner may “that ham hai pet kin”. The Telegraph

Penis still attached!


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