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Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 341

  • Written by Dana
  • August 18th, 2012
  • 5 min read


Today's thought:

"IPSO FACTO FON DU LAC EL BEANO SHOSHONE ROE LOOPIS" — makes you think, doesn't it? Now say that in Thai.

I have a whole book of these sayings if anyone wants to contact me and be my pen pal. The above saying I have many times used on the boardwalk. It always works. God, I just love being international, and sharing common human vibrations, and communicating in a meaningful way with the daughters of Thailand. Don't envy me, these are just the cards God dealt me. When it comes to talking to the girls on the boardwalk I am a veritable polymath of words and meanings.

and now . . .

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 341

First of all, Dana Quote Contest Number 10:

"One of my enduring fiction writing fantasies over the years has been to be typing jacked on Burmese yaa baa, plunging needles choked with steroids and veterinarian drugs in my ass, and the table covered with dirty glasses of whiskey and Turkish cigarettes. Menthol sticks stuck in each nostril, incense burning a line in the desk top, and zonked out filthy whores laying around like broken toys. Moaning, and drooling, and rockin', and snapping facial tics back in place, and pumping my legs under the table; I have a heart attack and die at the exact moment that I hit the Print key on the greatest piece of fiction ever written. The best timing of my life. A literary orgasm."

and the bonus quote:

"One thing led to another and . . . her helper drove us to Som's house and showed me how to help with the wheelchair, and how to start the generator that charged the chair's battery. Between the two of us Som and I had one arm and one leg apiece–all that people need who also have hearts full of love."

and now:

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes — Part 341. Enjoy.

INTRODUCTION

On Newton —

"During 1665-66 he devised his law of gravity to explain planetary motion, developed the laws of mechanics to explain and analyze any kind of moving body or particle, invented both differential and integral calculus, and made major advances in optics." — Taming the Infinite by Ian Stewart

Ok, what have you done in the last two years? Me? I have discovered that if you stuff one sock inside the other sock in a pair of socks that it takes less time to find them in the sock drawer in the morning. Ok, ok; I'm no genius. That's why I love looking for love on the boardwalk in Pattaya. The wonderful Thai lady I meet leaning against a palm tree may be ten times smarter than I am smart but neither one of us will ever know it. I don't speak Thai and she does not speak English. Bliss. Communication without the constant measuring of higher intelligence. I can see the curve of the tops of her breasts in her low cut blouse and she knows that I can see the curve of the tops of her breasts in her low cut blouse. Adult communication of the most primal kind. Everything else is just bragging with long equations and Latin phrases and chalk dust from a university blackboard. But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I really want to talk about today is . . .

THE MOTHERSHIP AND FAIRNESS

Recently, in the November 2011 issue of Conde Nast Traveler magazine there was on pp. 156-157 a list of the top 125 hotels in Asia. All the usual suspects showed up: the Peninsula in Tokyo, Pudong Shangri-La in Shanghai, the Taj Lake Palace in Rajasthan, Amansara in Cambodia at Siem Reap, Park Hyatt in Saigon, and the Raffles in Singapore. Of course there were a lot more but you get the idea. Luxury for the rich in faraway places. Thailand hotels made the list with the Oriental, the Shangri-La Hotel, the Sukhothai, Le Meridien in Chiang Mai, the Banyan Tree in Bangkok, and the Dusit Thani in Bangkok.

Again, you get the idea; more luxury for the rich in places far from home. Personally, I think the Oriental is way overrated but others disagree with me. Anyway, a list of the world's most wonderful Asian hotels. All good hotel choices by the readers of Conde Nast Traveler magazine for Asian and Thailand hotels. But where in all fairness is a listing for the Mothership, aka Nana Hotel of Bangkok? Located on Soi 4 off of Sukhumvit Road in Bangkok I consider this one of the top hotels in the world. Why? Prostitutes. The Mothership, aka Nana Hotel of Bangkok, is located right in the heart of a down market, filthy, sleaze infested red light district that offers more sex per square foot than most men can dream about. In short, paradise on earth.

And the Nana Hotel does nothing to discourage this environment. Prostitutes, and tramps, and thieves are in the parking lot, the lobby, the bar, the restaurant, the nightclub, the hallways, and the elevators. Enter an elevator and have a sex heart attack. Been there, done that. Anyway, can the snotty Peninsula Hotel in Tokyo, or the Taj Lake Palace in India, or the Raffles in Singapore say that? No they can't say that. In fact, these lameass elitist snob hotels actually have rules against whores in the parking lot, and in the lobby, and in the hallways, and in the elevators. Same with the Banyan Tree, Dusit Thani, Oriental hotel and others in Thailand.

What's with that? What about their online marketing talk about serving the customer? Well, this customer wants to see prostitutes and lots of them. At the Mothership girls of the commercial and smiling kind will help you carry your bags to your room after check-in. Need I say more? Speaking as a world traveler, without easily available nooky and poontang and tranny action why even check in? And now you know why worldwide it is known as the Mothership. This wonderful five star (five stars for nooky, poontang, prostitutes, free-lancers, and tranny action) has sex opportunities available 24/7. Four in the morning in the lobby? No problem. Seven in the morning in the parking lot? No problem. It's a new day in the Kingdom and there is pussy everywhere.

So if you feel this list of world class hotels in Conde Nast Traveler magazines should include the Nana Hotel of Bangkok send in a letter detailing some of your Thai thoughts and anecdotes relating to pounding pussy there. I am sure in service to journalism and in service to their readers they will appreciate it. It's all about the Mothership and fairness. And another thing . . . oops, I see Ming in a leopard skin lycra body suit with a 50,000 watt smile. She is smiling at me. Obviously she appreciates my handsome face and my manly body. She has been waiting for me and only me since the last time I was in the Kingdom. Gotta go.

Sincerely yours, Dana.