Stickman Readers' Submissions February 23rd, 2012

Looking For Love in Jakarta Part 4

Are there any differences between Indonesian girls compared to Thai girls? And who are easier to pick up Thai or Indonesian girls? Westerners in Jakarta asked me these questions on a regular basis in Jakarta after they learned that I spend lots of time in both countries. Because not all the expats or travelers you meet in Jakarta have been to Thailand, believe it or not.

I do think there are differences between Thai and Indonesian girls. In my experience Indonesian girls tend to be less complicated and a bit easier to get along with. They don’t seem to get angry as quick as Thai girls but maybe that is only my experience. One big difference is communication, but this can perhaps easily be explained (in my case) by the fact that I have dated mostly bargirls in Thailand whereas in Jakarta I mostly dated regular girls. But The level of English of the Indonesian girls is generally superior to the English that (most) Thai girls produce. But it also helps that I speak fluent Indonesian whereas I can hardly speak one word of Thai.

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Picking up Indonesian girls or Thai girls is surprisingly similar in my opinion. But I have to compare the few mainstream Thai girls I have picked up with the Indonesian girls because picking up bargirls is quite a different matter altogether.

What I have found out in my interactions with both Thai and Indonesian girls is that most are very impulsive creatures. Even the older ones still seem to react very impulsively. The prospect of fun or a good time results in seemingly very instinctive behaviour which means that if a girl thinks the guy she is with is a fun guy or a guy she can have fun with, having sex with him does not seem to be a major issue.

This does not mean that she needs to have chemistry with the guy in question, chemistry gets often mistaken with “feeling comfortable” but they are altogether completely different. An Indonesian girl and also a Thai girl does not strictly need to feel chemistry with a guy to decide to go home with him but she will need to feel comfortable with him. If they do not feel comfortable with the guy in question nothing will happen.

When an Indonesian girl or a Thai girl feels comfortable with the guy she is dating, anything can happen, and things can progress really fast. Feeling comfortable means that fun can be had with the guy and these girls are always looking for fun without thinking too much about consequences or having too many hang-ups about the results of their actions.

It is often said that sex is like food for Thai girls. The same is true for Indonesian girls. This does not mean that these girls have sex every time they feel like it (on the contrary) but it means they don’t have many hang-ups or issues about having sex even with a guy they just met. The main thing they need is to feel comfortable with the guy.

So what is the difference between chemistry and feeling comfortable? In my opinion Chemistry is a feeling of personal connection on a spiritual level (I like his personality) together with physical attraction. One does not always exclude the other though. Chemistry can develop purely from personal connection but that takes longer than the combination of personal and physical. It can also develop from physical attraction only but then it is mostly instantaneous (almost like feeling comfortable) and not bound to last long if it turns out there is no or little personal connection.

Feeling comfortable might be a little bit related to chemistry but it might develop on the first date even if the girl in question feels little chemistry with the guy. The guy she meets might not be her type physically or personally but if he can make her feel comfortable by doing and saying the right things, or by making her laugh and having a good time during the date she might get a feeling of anticipation and then she can really impulsively decide it would be nice to go home with him. Later she might find out she has nothing in common with him but that’s ok.

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How to make them feel comfortable? I think every guy who has been in Asia for some time knows how Thai and Indonesian girls like to be treated. It is surprisingly easy to make them feel comfortable and it depends mainly on yourself. I have always noticed that they are very sensitive. If I did not feel happy or comfortable myself I could NEVER make the girl I was dating comfortable. There is one very easy strategy to make Indonesian girls comfortable within 1 minute after you have met them, and if you know this strategy you can almost not go wrong with them. I will keep this one for myself because it took me more than 10 years to find out.

Another more difficult strategy is to play the funny guy with the girl. If you can make her smile with the right jokes it will also make her comfy with you (in most cases) but that is a bit more difficult in my opinion even though it is generally surprisingly easy to make Indonesian girls and Thai girls laugh. They love a certain kind of humor though, but luckily it is a simple kind of humor.

I think this is the reason why it is so easy to pick up Asian girls compared to Western girls. Western girls have a completely different attitude towards sex. For them sex is not similar to having a nice meal but it should only be given when looked upon from every angle and they are just a lot more rational then Asian girls. Young western girls of course can be different, and don’t have the emotional and mental baggage of older Western girls. I think feminism has a lot to do with this difference.

Saturday night, party night. I was going to meet Imoet and her friends in a café somewhere in Kemang before we would head to a club. It was one of her friend's birthday and there would be lots of guys and girls present (also bule guys she had told me). Everything in the club would be paid for she had told me, bottles of whiskey and vodka and other liquor had been ordered. I had a good shower and a shave and brushed my teeth. After that I put on my Sunday best and got in a taxi to the café in Kemang.

What to give to the birthday girl. I had of course asked Imoet that and she had told me to give what everybody gives, meaning some money in an envelope. I had thought about buying a bottle of Whiskey in the duty free store but that would only have been a good idea if the party had been at the home of the birthday home.

When I got into the café Imoet came to get me (I had send her a message just before I had entered the place). I was happy to see her again, Since Astri was out of my life she was had become my main project. She led me inside to meet the birthday girl and the others. This was the first time I would meet her female friends, most of whom I had seen pictures on her Facebook page. I have to say most of her female friends are really pretty and as usual they were even prettier in real than on the photos. There were about 9 girls present and 5 guys (apart from Imoet and myself) of which 2 were Western guys, both a lot younger and a lot more handsome not to mention taller than me and each of them seemed to have something with a girl present. I got introduced to everybody and I congratulated the girl and gave her my envelope which she put away unopened like they often seem to do when they are presented with a gift. But she would most likely use it later. I was calculating in my mind, if everybody had given the same amount of money like I had (250.000 rupia) then she would have 4 million rupia. Add off the entrance for each person lets say 100.000 rupia x 16 she would have 2.400.000 rupia left for drinks which would buy her almost 3 bottles of Jack Daniels. This would of course not nearly be enough for 16 people, so she would at least have to buy, let's say, another 2 bottles of liquor herself and a couple of beers for each of the guys. But of course there was the possibility that for example 2 of the guys and 4 of the girls did not drink alcohol, then the 3 bottles would be enough, she would only have to get some extra beers and soft drinks then. I was so busy thinking about this that I didn’t hear one of the western guys who had started to talk to me. I asked him to repeat what he had said and he asked me some things about what I did in Jakarta and if I was the boyfriend of Imoet etc. We made some small talk and it turned out this lucky bastard was the boyfriend of the birthday girl. I told him how lucky he was to have such an incredibly gorgeous and sexy girlfriend and he admitted it with big smile of course.

A bit later we went to the club also situated in Kemang. Everybody had to pay his and her own entrance fee of 100.000 rupia but the drinks would be free so that was good. It was pretty busy inside the club with mainly youngsters. Quite a few young western guys here also (they seem to be in abundance in every club in Jakarta nowadays) and also lots of Indonesian girls and guys. I felt a bit outdated but at least I was with a group, this place would not be my choice if I would go out alone. There was a table reserved for us and the bottles were already waiting so the fun could start right away. Like in most Indonesian clubs people were dancing anywhere. The crowd in this place was very different from the one in Red Square, mainly middle class student types and expats, and it did not look like a real pick up spot but it was of course still relatively early.

I had a reasonable time with Imoet and her friends, and I think I drank far more than anybody else in our group, the others were mostly dancing and talking while I was taking care of the whiskey. I am not much of a dancer to be honest but when I get drunk enough I tend to think I can dance almost as good as Michael Jackson so after a while I was dancing just with as the others. They must have had their thoughts about his stupid old guy but I couldn’t care at that stage. I am pretty sure I was at least 15 years older than the oldest guy or girl in the place.

I asked Imoet what she would be doing after the party, would she go with me? She told me maybe, we will see which can be translated simply to NO in Indonesia. When Indonesian girls say maybe or not sure yet they almost always mean no. Even in my state I still knew this so I got a bit upset because I was not planning to spend the night alone again. It had been a week since my last romp and I thought that had been long enough. So I asked her Yes or No? Then she told me what I had expected, she had promised her female friends that she would stay with them tonight and some more blah blah. It was already around 2PM by that time so I had not much time left to find somebody and it would certainly not happen in this club so I told Imoet and the others I was going home. I said goodbye and went outside to find a taxi. Luckily there were still quite a few taxis so I hailed one and told the driver to bring me to Blok M Jalan Felatehan. I knew I would have to pay to bring a girl home from there but I could not care too much.

Blok M is not far from Kemang so after less than 20 minutes we reached Jalan Felatehan and I paid the driver, got out and went into D’s place. There were not that many people left in D’s place so after a few minutes and one bottle of Anker I went into My Bar. This place was luckily still quite packed and there were even a few sweet young things left. One was standing at the bar with an older friend. If I look for a bargirl in Jakarta I always target the young relatively still innocent looking girls. In the Blok M bars there used to be quite a few of these girls during in the weekend but nowadays they are quite rare. I observed her for a bit but she seemed ok. She was not looking at the western guys much and not flirting with them, she looked rather shy actually. After a couple of minutes I went up to them and started talking. We introduced and the older one did most of the talking for the girls. The young girl apparently could not talk much English. Normally I speak Indonesian with the girls in these places but tonight I was a bit more serious so I used English. The old one knew I wanted the young girl so she tried to latch her onto me so to say but it seemed she was not that keen. I told the old one that the young one did not like me but she said “She likes you but she is shy”. I thought she probably really did not like but it would not hurt to try so I started talking to her in Indonesian. She opened up really fast after that and warmed to me (more likely to my wallet). She was 20 years old and I bought both girls a drink. The girls in My Bar don’t expect much of a courting process, (especially not around 3 AM) so after a short while I asked the young one if she wanted to check out my place (or check into it). She was ok with that so we got out to look for a taxi.

The taxi drivers who wait with their taxis in front of the bars are real sharks and everybody knows that, so we went up the road to look for a decent taxi and got one soon enough.

Not much later the young girl and me were at my place. The sex was disappointing like it mostly is with these girls but at least she was cute and sexy and not a hardened pro so that was good.

The next morning she wanted to go home early so I gave her the money and she left. My cellphone had died some time during my stay at My Bar so I charged the battery. When I turned on the phone I saw about 50 messages and some missed calls from Imoet. The gist of it was that she had been disappointed that I had left and later on a lot of heated messages why I did not pick up my phone and that I had another girl, anyway the usual stuff. If a guy does not pick up his phone or does not reply his messages they always think he is being naughty with another girl. Well she was right of course but I decided to call her anyway. I called her and told her my telephone battery had gone mati (dead) and that had been the reason I had not received her messages. I asked her how her night had been and she said she had gone home with some of the girls to sleep with them and that I should have come along too. Maybe I had made a mistake by going to Blok M. I told her I would have loved too but she hadn’t told me if she had I would have joined. Anyway we made an appointment for the Thursday night. I would be going to Singapore on Saturday so she wanted to say goodbye even though I would be back in Jakarta after 6 days.

On Tuesday night it was time for Yani again. I did not have to pick her up but she came to my place around 6 PM and we had a good night in. She likes to stay the next day (her day off) but she does not do a lot else than sleeping and playing with her laptop. She introduced me to a new dating website which looked quite promising and it was free so I made an account there. Let's see if it yields some results. Yani is a girl who is quite honest about her relationships and she is totally not jealous. So I told her about my other female friends and the experiences I had with them. In turn she told me about her new Australian boyfriend who would be coming to Jakarta in 3 weeks time. She would stay with him when he was in Jakarta “Will you still see me when he is in town” I asked her jokingly. She looked at me very naughty and said “of course not. I am a good girl you know?” I told her that I did not know that and she laughed and then she said she would try to come when she could.

On Thursday evening exactly at 6 PM Imoet knocked on my door and she came in in her office dress and knot. She told me she could only stay until 10 and we did not waste a single minute of the 4 hours we were together.

Saturday morning I went to Joost's room to help him with his website. He was making a web shop and he needed my help. I had told him I could make one for him in WordPress or OpenCart but he wanted to make his own in Google sites, in my view a very ugly and inflexible platform. He could not get the add to cart and PayPal stuff working and the pages were a mess too. They looked completely different from one browser to another.

Anyway I helped him and we got it all working again and around 1 PM it was time to go to the airport. I left much of my luggage with Joost because I had already checked out of my Kos so I would be carrying only one very small bag to Singapore. I got into a taxi and one hour later I was at the airport looking for the Air Asia check in desks.

The plane would leave at 4PM and arrive in Singapore at 6.20 PM. Singapore is one hour ahead of Jakarta. This meant I would be walking around in the dark looking for a Hotel (I never book a room in advance).

I arrived in Singapore on time and took the metro (SMRT) in town. It was already nearly 8PM when I was walking around in the center looking for a place. Geylang is usually where I stay but now I decided to stay in the Bugis area in a backpackers to save some money. If I did not like it I could always check out later to transfer to Geylang. Joost would be coming in 2 days and he would be staying in Geylang.

The previous year (2010) I had been in Singapore during the World Cup football and I watched the semi final match Holland versus Uruguay in a bar in Geylang together with Chinese, Thai, Indonesian and Philippina hookers and a few westerners. During the match I befriended one of the Indonesian hookers (a hot girl) who also happened to be a real fan of the Dutch national team and we betted together that she would sleep with me for free if Holland would win the match but if Uruguay would win I would have to pay her 100 Sing dollars for nothing. So I had the best night ever in Singapore that night. Not only did Holland enter the finals of the World Cup but I also had a hot girl in Singapore for free!! I had been in Singapore many times but this was the first time I had a girl there and a good one too because even though she was a hooker she was a also a nice and decent girl (in my opinion) and a looker too. We had a great night (too bad the night was nearly finished when we went to bed).

I found a backpackers in the Bugis area, one I had been before and I booked into a dormitory.

It was a bit stupid to go to Singapore on a Saturday because I would have to wait until the Monday for the embassy to be opened and then it would take 3 days to get my visa. It is of course possible to get your visa the same day but I believe that is a bit more expensive. I never tried. Anyway I would be in Singapore for a while. I always get bored after Singapore after about one day, I don’t know why but I really don’t like the place a lot. It is full of pretty or better said gorgeous Chinese girls but to me they all look like robots, I never seem to be able to get any eye contact with one of them or God forbid a smile, they might as well be on another planet. Well at least the place offers a lot of eye candy for me, I have been to many cities in Asia but I think I can not recall any place where there are so many beautiful girls. Almost all of these girls are gorgeous and sexy. I have never been to China but if it is the same there I might consider moving to China some day. Having said that I don’t know if I like Chinese girls. They are very pretty and sexy but they don’t seem to be very friendly at least not in Singapore. They do remind me a lot of Western girls in my country. But having said this every year I notice more white guys with local Chinese girls, it gets to a point now where it seems to be quite common to see a Western guy walking around with a local (Chinese) girl. I don’t assume these girls are hookers so perhaps things are changing in Singapore now.

The place I was staying was very basic. I was in a 4 bed dormitory with 2 Japanese guys and one Japanese girls. In the first night I could not sleep because those Japs kept walking in and out the room all night long, which would not have been so bad if they had not turned on the lights every time they came back.

On Monday morning I went to the Indonesian Embassy by bus to apply for a new visa. I had to pay the fee and got a paper which I would need to collect my passport again in 3 days. Late that morning Joost called me that he had arrived in Singapore and that he was on the way to his hotel in Geylang. I decided to save some money and to stay in the backpackers and I told him that. He was fine with it and said we would see each other in Jakarta in 4 days.

Of course nothing happened in Singapore. I stayed mostly in the hostel reading a book or I went out to get some food. I could not use Internet on my laptop in Singapore somehow because the hotspots in town don’t seem to be directly accessible. I believe you need some paid account or something, so I could not use free wifi. Luckily the hostel had free internet so I could still get online, but I could not do any work.

One day I checked my dating profile for messages and I saw I had received a message from a young Indonesian lady. I replied her and about 7 minutes later she replied me back so I asked her to give me her Yahoo ID.

She gave it and we started chatting on messenger. She was really into meeting me and things got a bit heated so I made an appointment to meet her on Saturday.

On Wednesday I collected my passport with the visa. And on Thursday I flew back to Jakarta.

Stickman's thoughts:

The opening part was particularly interesting where you talk about making a woman comfortable. Absolutely it is that way with regular Thai girls, exactly the same as it is with the Indonesians by the sound of it. It does help to be clean cut and slim, but even that is not critical. Make her feel comfortable, be positive and fun, don't use the word "no" and anything can happen…!

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