Readers' Submissions

Comparison

  • Written by Yards
  • January 16th, 2012
  • 4 min read


Recently I wrote a story called Ousted over My Affair which conveyed some thoughts over my love / hate relationship with Bangkok. Some readers wrote asking more about likes and dislikes and some friends asked the same questions. Recently I was down in my own piece of Farangland of Australia and some happenings there made me think of things back home in Thailand.

My first car ride back home was a 55-minute taxi trip from the airport to where I was to stay and the drive was mainly on expressways and toll ways. A nice big, clean taxi with a driver from the subcontinent and we drove fairly quickly. When I got there and paid the bill of A$112.50 (baht 3,487) I was shocked. The return fare about 3 weeks later was A$117.20 (baht 3,633) as we ran into traffic jams due to road works.

Can you imagine if I approached Mr. Somchai taxi driver in Bangkok and asked him to take me on a trip to spend baht 3,500? I would imagine he would drive me around for 2 hours, take me home and Mrs. Somchai taxi driver would wash, dry and iron my clothes and cook me a meal while the “special aunty” from up the soi was giving me a special massage, then Mr. Somchai would drive me home and probably be still embarrassed enough about all the money to wash and polish my car as well before giving me a big wai with a big smile.

The score here is taxis in Bangkok 3, taxis in Farangland 0

The only redeeming thought on taxis in Farangland is you do not have to open the door, wai the driver, smile and in your most friendly voice, ask, cajole, plead or beg him to take you to a certain place, as down there they have to take you anywhere you ask by law and it is enforced so I will change the score line here to taxis in Bangkok 3, taxis in Farangland 1.

I know that there has been a lot written about the women in Farangland with most writers having denigrating thoughts about them so when I was travelling around, in the spirit of research I decided to really take a close look at the eye candy on display there in shops and malls etc. I will break the females down there into 3 categories: Team A is top class, Team B is medium and Team C is, well let’s just say bottom of the table. As I looked and researched I realized that the majority of the ones in Team A were generation X or Y or Z, which is to be expected. Old Yards here is Generation O.F. (Old Fart) but he believes he would have more experience and objectivity in these inspections than younger guys.

When looking at the Farang ones in Class A I actually believe that they are just as good as and even better than Class A in Bangkok, in fact I have to give them a higher score because of breast size. I mean a handful and a half is better than a small handful, isn’t it? In lots of ways the woman from both places in this Class A are great to look at and make me feel really good and warm and fuzzy to have the pleasure of doing this research. Overall I would score this one as Farangland A Team 2, Bangkok A team 1.

As for the B team well here there is a big difference, as I believe that Bangkok Team B is way ahead of Farang Team B, who I must have admit have a lot more going for them than Bangkok team B. I would say probably at least 20 kg more. Here the score would be Bangkok Team B 2, Farang team B 1.

I am going to refrain from scoring on Team C as if I did, some of the more enlightened readers would just think I am being callous or plain nasty, as how could I, an old, very overweight, balding guy with bad teeth be objective about women in Farangland who look this same way and if I really did score it as Bangkok Team C 6, Farang Team C 0, it would not be objective, would it?

There is one area though that Bangkok women of any team win very easily. During all the time in Farangland, not in one place that I went to, like in bars, clubs, restaurants, shopping malls or just even walking around did one farang lady say I was handsome, not once did they say I looked a strong guy and not once did they even ask to have a drink with me. So obviously in the friendly stakes, it is Bangkok 3 Farangland 0.

I was surprised on the taxi ride out to the airport to realize that I was actually looking forward to getting home to my Ms Bangkok City, maybe I will need to go and get a check up to see if this means that I have really caught something in my system.

Stickman's thoughts:

There's a lot to like about the West, but for sure, the price of a taxi ride and the friendliness of the average female towards a middle aged or older man are not amongst the things to like!