Readers' Submissions

12 Years Of Marriage With a Bargirl

  • Written by Anonymous
  • January 7th, 2012
  • 9 min read




I saw you were looking for guys with successful marriages to Thai women connecting to the industry, I survived 12 years but as I told you I've had enough and it's more to do with her pig stubborn attitude than anything else. That and the threats and continuous need to try to control me by fear.

The final straw for me was our last trip to Bangkok. Madam had kilos of extra baggage of total rubbish, clothes to sell mostly. We were late and I pleaded with her to dump them so we could catch our flight as airlines are much more strict these days and you must check in hours before take off. So standing there with our 11-year old son after working hard all year, she just suddenly took off and no amount of pleading or reasoning could stop her. So while I had the house keys and passports including boarding passes we waited as the gate closed and our luggage was taken off. The feeling of depression I has at that time you cannot imagine as I wandered around the airport in a haze, totally broken and unbelieving that after all my planning this could happen. I picked up our luggage, sat there in a busy airport at a loss what to do next.

My name was called and she was back expecting that we were on the plane and she would just join us even without a passport or boarding pass. When I told her we had missed the flight and her kids and family would now be disappointed there was no reaction from her. No, it was the fault of the airline, China Airways, so we would not use them next time! WTF!

So we took a taxi home again, another 50 Euro. The neighbours were wondering and asking, oh the embarrassment of it all. I made some calls and we were lucky as it was high season but they had 3 seats in business class. It cost me 600 Euro on top of the good rate tickets I had booked early to save money. Again, no interest or could not care less attitude about me losing money.

I was happy we left the next day but ignored her the whole trip. She forced me to have sex the day before we left again, her control games but I refused her in Thailand. I just could not. I do not immerse myself in sex in Thailand. I'm in my hotel in soi 4 alone every day but just use my laptop or watch TV. I do go drinking in the evening with her brother and then I do partake in the odd freelancer. I also go for a massage now and then and none of this she seems to notice or care about. If she did I'm just a butterfly or bad man and never ever has it anything to do with years of abuse and neglect on her part.

The second nail in the coffin and when I finally became free was in Pattaya. We were staying on soi 13 2nd road and drinking in the wonderful 2 bar. I always bring her kids and her brother so she can have time with them and I can go out at night without getting beaten up or feeling like I'm in jail while others are having fun.

We had an argument I remember and I went out with her brother and my son to a restaurant owned by a friend here in my country. I was not sure where it was and tried to explain as she hates walking that I wanted to go alone. Then a big scene even we are there for 7 days because on the first day I must be seen out with my wife paying all her drinks etc. Anyway we found the place after various phone calls back to Amsterdam and walking up and down sweating profusely but my friend was not there.

Back at the bar she was there with her daughters 15 and 16 dressed up like hookers and drinking alcohol. Again an embarrassing situation so in agreement with her brother we left and went back to the hotel. After she came arguing again why I had not paid the bill and owed her 1,000 baht for drinks. The shame I feel to be involved with a person like this has now reached boiling point for me, seeing farang sniffing around. She looked like a madam with two underage girls but won't listen to reason.

That night I went out and fell in love for the first time in 12 years of marriage, not a quick short-time to ease the pain. No, I fell in love but no sex took place, it was not like that.

I was already looking to when my son is older to have a better life with a good woman and my heart fell hook, line and sinker for a bar owner in Pattaya. All we did was hold hands. This carried on until I returned to my country. I even took a taxi from Bangkok to Pattaya to see her. It was then I found out it was ok for me to short-time but to form a relationship or have feelings was not allowed and her brother threw peanuts at me the whole time. Luckily maybe she started ridiculous stories wanting money and I was forced to stop our friendship. It's a shame as I like her but thinking with my brain she was obviously an ex bar girl made good by marriage to a farang and up to the usual tricks. My years of experience probably saved me and a newbie would have been like a lamb to the slaughter. Since then I met a flipper from Manila and although until we meet I won't know for sure something nice seems to be going on between us online. <You're making the same mistake again of falling in love way too fast, and with someone you don't even "know"Stick>

My wife has allowed me to look at porn for years as she does not care. Somehow she woke up to late to the fact I was gone and love another.

The last weeks, first she wanted sex and started to put make up on every day, proper feminine clothes but it did not last long. After we finished having sex she threatens me not to talk with that women again or she will kill me or break my laptop. Not exactly things where I get horny from being threatened who I want to talk to taking away my freedom. So it has been weeks of being policed, beaten, threatened and even so low as to tell our son things he should never know just to get what she could have had by being normal, namely me. But she has already lost me I told her she is ugly and I don't want her any more. I hate her but still she won't go!

She cried and said she loved me even after the years of abuse and snide cheap Charlie comments when I threatened to leave or ask for divorce. Her reaction was to get hysterical and smash up the whole house! My laptop now needs a new LCD screen and I had to bin an external disk that she broke. Thais are very good at breaking things and some are very violent! She does not scare me and it has become boring actually. I don't want to waste my life like this anymore. I intend to divorce her but on my terms next year. She knows and she can sense it but I until then I'm trying to survive with her in the same house although we no longer sleep together. I'm very happy with a woman from the Philippines same age BTW. <Drop Old Bill in Cyprus an email and you might change your tuneStick> This has given me the balls to follow through as it's no longer just my son but my future happiness at stake. I gave up too many years wasted on this rubbish and I want out of this prison cell. I want my freedom back! I will not stop chatting with the Filipina as maybe she is the one to make me happy. Who knows, but I feel alive again and can smile again. She knows I won't have sex with her anymore so things are quiet now. I'm just waiting my moment and I don't own any house or money. Her visa is up next year as I always renew it. I won't anymore. I just want rid of her and it would make me the happiest person alive. The last weeks are only stress and sadness. Sorry it's not the success story you wanted but you wanted to know the progress. The decision has been made to divorce and it's just a matter of when and how I'm busy.

Funny though, when I threaten to go she gets scared about money and all the stuff she takes for granted. She thinks it's a never-ending story whatever she does. For some reason a ring and a kid and she is set for life. It was not all bad though and the first few years were ok.

My advice to anyone is don't give in to threats as that's all they are. Call her bluff and see it crumble as frightening seems to be a tool used a lot to get what they want, at least from my soon to be ex wife.

Just one thing I'd like to add. I live in Amsterdam. We have legal prostitution here and I'm convinced I was pushed back into that scene because of my wife's behaviour. I never got married with the intention of playing around on the side and this gives only minor relief as when you get home the problem with the wife is still there. I'm very happy now I visited a friend who works in a bar in the red light here Friday and walking home the ladies were waving to me but I have absolutely no interest.

This is to me the most precious time to not have even the need to engage in p4p of course it has its uses but I don't see it as something to do forever.

My use of it was always just at certain times in my life. It's a nice feeling to be at the point to be interested in a woman and only in her not trying to have as many as we can as they are soon forgotten. A few stand out but are not relationship material the others are quickly forgotten.




Stickman's thoughts:

This sounds like utter hell. I cannot stress enough that you need to get out of this relationship ASAP.

As far as the future goes and seeking happiness, I think you are going to have to be brutally honest with yourself and may find that you need to make a few changes. Your wife sounds like an absolute nightmare. Often a guy who is introspective realises that through his (often passive) behaviour may have contributed to the misery himself.