My P4P Top Tips in Thailand

First something about myself to show my credentials. The first time I came to Thailand was in 1996. I came alone and I didn’t like it. Apart from the gogo bars I didn’t understand the scene at all. Two years later I came back. The world Cup was on the TV at night, so I finally had a reason to get inside the bars and restaurants. Sometimes I took a lady, and at the night of the greatest goal of the tournament a very nice looking girl said she liked me. I was in love. Now mind you this wasn’t a bargirl. She worked in a restaurant, which was totally different. Which of course wasn’t different at all. When I learned that lesson a year later I knew that I had to learn the rules of the game everybody was playing.

I learned my lessons in Chiang Mai, spend a few weeks in the same bar. Talking to the girls, sometimes paying a barfine but no sex. The sex I got from Spotlight a Gogo. I went to Thailand twice a year for 3 to 4 weeks at a time, making every newbie mistake along the way. I have sent money to a girl, just to name one. After a few years I got bored with it. Something was wrong. And as usual there was something wrong with me. I wanted something that just wasn’t there. I wanted the girls to like me, maybe even fall in love with me. I guess I wanted the charade of the scene to be real, and I realized more and more that it isn’t.

Now I do like sex, and I like to have sex with girls who are half my age (that would make the girl 23) so I came back as a monger. I still like to talk to the girls, have fun, but there is never a relationship or even a friendship in sight. Like a bargirl in Chiang Mai would call it: I am a good customer. So how do I survive in the jungle of Pattaya and Nana Plaza?

1 You are dealing with human beings just like yourself.

Treat them with respect.

2 Know what you want

If you want something other than sex, don’t get involved in the scene.

I like it when my relationship with the girl is clear. I pay for sex, she provides it. That is the deal. If you are looking for extra’s you are in the wrong place. I wanted a lot more than just sex in my first years, but it just isn’t there.

3 Know where you are

If you are in Pattaya than you are surrounded by hookers and old guys.

You don’t have to dress up. A clean shirt and a shower is enough. Hookers like you because of your wallet. Showing of wealth is not necessary. Openly worn gold is an invitation for theft. Who cares what the young and fit guys think. This is to the young and fit guys: I have never seen so many men looking really, really bad as in Pattaya. I guess this is their natural habitat. A place where you go when you have outstayed your welcome at the hip and trendy places first and the other places after that. This is Pattaya, the end of the line. You might as well complain about the rainy season. They are there so quit bitching about it and go to Ibiza.

4 Know what they want

The hookers (that is what they are) want your money. Nothing wrong with that. I am willing to give them some. I like to know upfront what the price will be, so I negotiate. It makes the situation perfectly clear. She is selling and I am buying. This is the easy part. The hard part is on the way home, at the 7 Eleven, in the restaurant, at all the little stops where I am paying. I want to be nice, and that is a big mistake. The only thing standing between her and the wallet wants her to like him (I know). So just say no, or go straight to the hotel.

5 It is not about them

You are the boss. You are paying, you decide. There are some obvious exceptions that might lead to a rape trial. Don’t do that, you didn’t pay that much. A few years ago I was sitting on the back of a motorbike in downtown Phnom Penh going from disco to disco till 5 in the morning, just because the girl wanted it. I wanted a quick fxxx and some sleep. Did she like me after that? I don’t think so. Was the sex better? Nope. Did I have a great evening? Negative. Paid for everything though. Sometimes in the bed it is about them, but that is because I want it. I am not like Korski who gives them a mind shattering experience.

6 It is never their fault

When the sex is bad, when they steal your money, when you thought they genuinely liked you. It is always your own fault! I had sex with the girl from the After Dark calendar. I always point at the poster in the Angelwitch toilet and say that out loud. The sex was no good. There was no click. The negotiations were carried out by her sister (who was great by the way) and a service girl (whose sister was also great). And the few times that she had danced on the table there was some reluctance on her part. The sex I got was the sex that I could have expected. My mistake. Stealing is easy, giving the opportunity is stupid.

Falling in love with a bargirl is not smart either. That’s why I never go with the same girl for more than two days in a row. I can go back to the bar but I will not pay the barfine, just having a friendly drink. Another red herring is when I start thinking whether she really likes me. That shouldn’t be important (rule 5), and I will never know for sure. Also time to move on. When you give them the opportunity to play the I love you game", you stayed to long.

7 You don’t lose the girl, you just lose your turn.

I never compete over a girl. If she sits with two men, I don’t care. See rule number 4. They will use whatever means they have to make you or someone go with them. The Caveman example in Secrets (read it, it is somewhere in his report), a girl with two customers. Been there, done that. Heard the badmouthing of the other guy, and that she really wants to go with me because I have a good heart etc. It’s bullshit. Paid the barfine for a girl I wasn’t sure I wanted to go with. Didn’t want to lose to the other guy. Bad decision. She will be there tomorrow and if not, there are a few hundred more to choose from.

8 Don’t get angry

If you don’t like it, just walk away. When she starts to annoy you, walk away. If she is pissing you off, walk away. You can have another girl in your lap in 10 minutes. I got ripped off by an airport taxi to my hotel. He had a bad meter. I told him that and all of a sudden something on the ground caught his attention. We never made eye contact again. Since then I take the airport bus, now replaced by the skytrain. I don’t get angry in restaurants, in the bus or in the bar. In Thailand you don’t achieve anything with anger.

9 Don’t lie

Don’t get me wrong, you can lie about everything. Sometimes I am married, sometimes my girlfriend is shopping and I just snuck in to have a quick look at a gogo bar. All lies. I don’t lie about being a butterfly and I don’t hide it. I think it saves me a lot of hassle.

10 You’re a loser

Look at me for example: 46, bald, the body is okay, but the face is wrinkling. What are my chances in the dating game back home? Well quite good actually, if I was attracted to women my own age which I am not. And my chances of dating a woman under 30 are bad. Is that important? No it isn’t. I have a good life. I am doing the things I like to do, and whatever other people think of that is their problem. I know that the girls are hookers. I know that I am paying someone that probably wouldn’t want to have sex with me if I didn’t. But I also know that I am having a lot of fun. I have done 44 gogo bars on Walking Street in two weeks, some good, some bad. When I walk in Nana Plaza the Angelwitch show dancer calls my name. I sit at the bar in Sharky’s in Phnom Penh with a cold beer, looking at the ladies playing pool. Having a massage in Siem Reap I wonder if there are extras on offer (yes). What happens at the karaoke bars in Yangon (still don’t know, they looked really bad and bored). Brazilian woman work hard for it. I have seen the 4 Rainbow bars. The girls in the one near Obsessions look ridiculous (Thai girls all Japanized). Walking back on beach road to my hotel I can still find a lady for the night. I have been to Eden Club (not my thing). I have been in a blowjob bar (1998). The Thermae, Grace Hotel, Clinton Plaza. Had my first happy massage there (girl's name was Tip from Chiang Mai, paid 1,000 baht for that). I sat with three sisters, two of them naked. I have seen a lot of ladyboys. I have seen the beggar on Sukhumvit near soi 7 dragging himself through the mud. It gets old after nine years. I have seen the shoeshine girl get pregnant and then get pregnant again. I was in G Spot when it was good. I was in Hollywood when it was amazing. I was on stage in Angelwitch doing a show when my father died. (Not sure about the time, but when I left on holiday he was fine, when I came back one week later he was dead, and yes I went back because my father was dying. I know my priorities). Sat talking with the bargirls on Loi Kroh Road till the sun came up and then stagger back alone the 200 metres to my hotel (before Purachai). Had sex with the lovely shower show lady from Johns Place in Chiang Mai. Stopped smoking because I liked Lek a lot (2000). I have got one free drink from Dave the Rave. I have been coming to Angelwitch for 11 years now. I hear Dave lie every time I am there. Next show in 10 minutes time. Never, Dave, never. Maybe Dave is on Thai time as well. I have many, many great memories. So a loser, whatever, up to you. I will be back in two weeks' time.

Stickman's thoughts:

There's quite a bit of good advice in there and it's well worthwhile for anyone new to things to take note.