Dude Yo Whazzup Stickman, You Helped Me 9 years Ago!
After 8 years of marriage, I am afraid I have to join the chorus of discontent about the perils of marrying a bar girl. Interesting that “Tina” and I should last so long, which is probably more a testament to my ability to stomach the bull than her personality.
In 2002 I used your investigation service to check on a girl who had worked for a brief time in Pattaya. You came in to the picture to check out whether her story was believable. I ended up marrying Tina who really seemed to be a humble and lovable, simple woman with a good heart … and we were reasonably happy for some time. Recent stresses however proved to be too much on the relationship. Her unwillingness to learn and to work, and to continue to spend money while money was tight, created a lot of resentment.
It’s impossible to say with any degree of certainty whether the affairs started happening before or after our money problems. Needless to say there was more than one affair. The crowning jewel of disrespect came when she abandoned her daughter with me for 6 months and left to go to Thailand to get breast implants, fool around with a cousin of hers, and then proceed to try to embezzle more money to party in Nongkhai.
What is AMAZING was her ability to lie so well. I mean us “normal” guys just do not have ANY exposure to this level of deception. The pretence for her trip to Thailand (that I and her daughter both bought) was that she was going to spend time with her son. She even told her friends and family about it, so that if I were to ask anyone I would get the same answer.
When she came back to the States I asked her mother why Tina was acting so strangely. Her mother finally told me about the affair with her cousin. Shortly thereafter I filed for divorce.
In retrospect I realize that her friends here in the States had a huge impact on her. Before she got in with the “ex”-bar girl crowd here, she was a reasonably good wife for several years. After about a year however of hanging with “me-go-same-same-you”-types of girls, you could just tell Tina had changed. Her command of English actually got much worse. (BTW she has zero American friends, excepting of course the guys who want to bang her). She would stay out later and later with her friends. Dishes and laundry would not get cleaned. Getting a meal was hit or miss. Did she work? No. Wouldn’t even really try until I started to yell, and then it was pretty half-assed.
But there is something else I want to add here that I find very disturbing. One of Tina’s friend’s husband had committed suicide partly because of cancer and partly because he wanted his wife to get the insurance money. Now I never met this guy, nor the bar-girl wife, but you could tell there was almost this pride – or admiration – Tina had for this other girl when she would tell me this story on more than one occasion. I guess I was supposed to get some hint there!
Another story in the same vein is this guy who accepted everything his bar-girl wife would do – including having affairs, and ultimately getting pregnant with some other guy (of a different race). Again the pride and admiration Tina had for this relationship is just repulsive on a level that I find hard to describe.
I mean sure, tolerance, love, forgiveness should all be parts of the equation when it comes to relationships. But I am beginning to wonder if it is not so much the “ex”-whore’s fault as it is these guys (including myself to some extent) who are putting up with this garbage to get laid; because it creates a false (wacko) standard that all of us guys have to then abide by. But to be sure, these are women who do NOT have the same moral upbringing as your typical reader of this site.
In one of our last fights (verbal, never physical) Tina yelled at me, “What were you expecting bringing a Thai woman to the US?”
Well at the time I really didn’t have an answer to that question. But I do now: “What was I expecting? More than this, Tina … a lot more.”
Unfortunately it is doubtful that she will ever read this as even after 8 years of living in the US and many attempts at trying to get her to learn, she still cannot read at any level much higher than “Cat in the Hat”.
On a more philosophical note, all marriages have problems, even marriages of equals. There is betrayal and cheating at every level in every society. I suppose it’s all about the odds in the end. Eight years isn’t bad. And there were some good times. So, what’s my advice? “Ahhh fuck it.”
Start again, learn, live, love, laugh Ok?
Sorry to hear that it did not work out for you. But good on you for eventually ending it. It sounds like you carried her for a long time and she took advantage of you. It can take us a long time to realise that often we're really better off without someone like that!