Karma, Bargirls Or Both Part 3?
So, what was the game, well the game was to achieve my goals, at all costs, to do absolutely anything necessary to be rid of her and have my 2 angels safe with me. I would need to deceive, lie, cheat and manipulate the situation and I would HAVE to bite
my tongue to avoid conflict or suspicion.
Now you may be thinking at this point that you can surmise my situation into a very simple black and white scenario, she cheated on you, she still wants you, she’s trying to fix it, think of the kids, but it wasn’t that simple.
You see my ex has 2 sisters, one who worked in Nana from the age of 15 years, had had 3 abortions before she got to 18, and is now married to a hippy Swede in Sweden that she met when she was 16 and he was 40…he always claimed to never know. The older sister, a dragon to look at married a German guy and lives in Germany. Both sisters have Thai boyfriends that they shack up with and spoil every time they leave their foreign husbands in their respective countries. Both sisters send copious amounts of cash back to mum and dad. Mum would try to save some, but dad spent it all on Lau Kau (always pissed by 7 AM every day, yes AM!) and presents for the various nieces and cousins in the village that he would frequently be caught shagging. The German has built a great big western house in the village with a huge garden, when he came over it all looked lovely, nice and new and a well kept garden, but he will have a huge shock when he comes back at Christmas. The in-laws are permanently living there now, the garden is overgrown and now has a metal shack house on it where the brother and his wife live and run the village shop from. They’ve also built tables and chairs for all the underage kids to come and sit on and drink 100 pipers all night long! Why didn’t I tell him all of this? I don’t know, perhaps he knows what he’s got into? Who am I to judge or question? We all have our own reasons for being with these girls and accepting different levels of unusual behavior.
But that’s not explaining why you cannot surmise the situation. My wife and her sisters routinely organised for fellow village girls to be shipped overseas and into the hands of desperate, unsightly foreigners for which they charged a fee. They organised flights, visas, accommodation and sent over a fresh village girl or ex-bar girl. They routinely falsified Schengen visa applications to Sweden (they used Sweden as it is extremely easy. The girls only stayed in Sweden for 3 days before taking a flight to Germany, their true destination, where they would be delivered to their new customer for ‘an interview’ where words were not spoken! At first it was one girl a year, but it soon started picking up to 3 or 4. I often wondered why so many of her village went over to Sweden. Well now I knew and I wanted nothing to do with it.
My then mother in law, and both of her sisters had told my wife to leave me. In their eyes the fact I had moved out for 2 days meant I was bad and had abandoned my wife. This was a big no no and I could no longer be trusted. They had 2 German men ready to marry her, 1 million baht sin sot and go live overseas, and she should take the kids, dump them in Baan Nok with her parents and get on a plane as soon as possible. My wife told me she didn’t want to do that, didn’t want to go through the lies of it all, but that I should pay her 50,000 Baht to stay with me so that she could appease her parents. So I need to pay you cash to apologise for my actions on learning you were having an affair….how very Thai!
The trouble was, as I had previously pointed out, under Thai law I stood no chance of keeping my angels. She had the law truly on her side and I needed to change that. If I had to I’d pay whatever I needed, to get what I wanted.
I told her that I would pay her 50,000 but in return she would need to sign government papers confirming I am the father of our 2 daughters. She agreed to the eldest daughter but not the youngest. She said that if we were to be unsuccessful in staying together then the kids should be split, 1 each. With some smooth talking from a lawyer friend of mine (pretended to be on her side and explained that signing these papers gives me no rights but it means she can sue me for child support, the first part not true, but the latter is very true) she did actually sign the papers for both and it was witnessed at the district office. I was now the legal father of my angels, I had a 50/50 say in their lives. Now I needed to sway the scales.
Home life was up and down, kids seemed oblivious to everything, the ex and I weren’t communicating, plenty of sex but nothing much else. It was an all round fake time, for her too I believe. Neither of us wanted to be there. I think she was doing it for the kids. She didn’t want me at this point, nor I her, but I couldn’t let her think that.
As she’d agreed to letting me have my eldest we proceeded to sign some very strongly worded documents affording me full parental rights and her waiving all future claims. We did this in case we split up, papers were in order.
Looking back it is now clear that she had already decided in her own mind that she was out, despite my best efforts I wasn’t able to act ‘normal’ and I can see now why she felt she was losing everything.
The truth of the matter is, whilst I realised early on I didn’t want her, I would actually have been happy if she really had tried, tried the right things in a situation like this, tried to spend more time communicating, tried to make an effort to spend more family time together, tried to make an effort to have more us time. I tried all of those things, each time met with nothing. Her idea was to not see her friends, destroy her SIM card and no longer have a phone and provide sex on tap. I can get that for 1,500 baht in Cowboy. From someone I loved for 10 years I expected so much more, I expected it to be so much deeper than it was. <Many of these girls from the bar background seem to forget so quickly that offering sex alone is not nearly enough in a city where it is in fact a commodity widely available – Stick>
Short side note here: I’ve written and re-written and re-written the above a dozen times, each time including other events, each time deleting some events, however I wrote it when I read it back I was bitter….I genuinely am no longer bitter, for that reason I will stop the potentially perceived rant and simply end with where my daughters and I are now….
My daughters – they are happy, of course they miss their mum, but my youngest can go weeks without mentioning or crying about her and the only relapses are triggered by her mum calling her. My eldest (almost 7 years old) has had conversations with me far above her age, the maturity and strength she has shown has amazed me and made me so proud of her. Unfortunately she is still a child and in her soft, teary eyes, expectantly told me, “Daddy, I wish mummy and daddy stay together again, I want stay with mummy and daddy together, I love mummy and daddy, can we?”.
The one thing my close friends have told me is don’t lie to your kids, not even to protect them, as it will come back and bite you when they’re older. It hurts so much to dash her Cinderella thought process, but I have told her, it can’t and won’t happen. I’ve told her her mum loves her very much (and will continue to do so because it is true) but I’ve told her mummy is very busy, she has to take care of a lot of people and we just can’t be together anymore, but I also enforce that I will never ever leave her, I am here for good and she can rely on that no matter what.
I have 50/50 custody of my children at this time, but my lawyers say they will have this concluded in 1 month, with me having 100%, and no, not lawyers in the Bangkok Post that charge fees of 50,000 Baht up, but a lawyer of an influential Thai friend, doing it all the right way, no under table deals, just the odd box of biscuits and a flat rate of 10,000 Baht. They are also changing my daughters' family name to be mine.
My ex – well when she eventually left us, she went direct to the Swedish Embassy, obtained a 1 month visa and flew, all within a week. She’s in Germany now. My understanding was there was 1 guy in Sweden her young sister set her up with, and 3 guys in Germany all interested, plus the clubs were to be hit as well. She says she can’t do it, says she wants to be back with me, it's not her anymore, she can’t work and lie with guys she doesn’t want, she wants me and the kids back she realises what she’s lost and is truly sorry. But then, what is a lie and what isn’t? Perhaps the guys she was set up with don’t want her? Perhaps the sin sot was not sufficient for mother's approval? Whatever the reasons, unfortunately, I no longer care, sad to say that that part of my life is well and truly over, I will always remember the amazing times, the good times, and the rough times. It was a journey, one I where I would only change one thing, I wouldn’t have had children. It’s a tough enough world out there already, and Thailand is very hard, but to go through what we’ve just gone through and it’s not over yet, absolutely, I’d relive every minute with my ex, the highs and the lows, but absolutely no children.
Me – It took a few weeks to realise that it wasn’t her I wanted, it was someone, I feared being alone, yes, I know I live in Thailand, but it’s a very different type of loneliness I’m talking of. Meaningless sex with a sexy girl from a bar for a few hours of delight is great….if you have someone you love that you can go back to. Remove the love from someone else, remove the normal family life from that equation and your left with meaningless sex for money. That’s not even remotely appealing….strange that it appealed so much when I was married. I’m enjoying my new life very much, it’s very hard, but worth all of it. Yes, I am a single dad bringing up 2 young daughters. We now live in a very nice condominium, have a professional nanny company that look after them when I am at work. They are in a nice, safe, routine.
Being a single father has actually enabled me to bond so much more with my girls, we do everything together, every night is story night, every night is swimming night, every weekend we hit Junior Chef at Fashion Island where they cook their little hearts out and we devour the results in the car on the way home.
But what about a new lady? Well that’s one thing I want to say that guys like me should never ever be worried about. The internet is a fantastic place, once you weed out the girls looking for a Caucasian guy aged 18-80, you weed out the very attractive ones in a bra, or suggestive pose, the ones sat on bar stools, you end up with literally 100’s of opportunities and the one thing a guy like me brings to the table that some fit handsome young guy doesn’t is stability, reliability and no playboy factor simply because I have 2 daughters, Thai woman love that, I have found and I love it to.
I’m not serious with anyone yet, but have a handful of seriously potential future wife/mum material. I’m taking it slow, no need to rush, at my leisure and the first sign of trouble, or the slightest concern and it’s over. It’s not about me anymore, it’s all about my daughters, it’s too quick for them at this stage but I have to admit I am missing genuine, caring, female company, but it’s coming, my biggest fear that it wouldn’t be out there was false, because it is.
One thing I will say, for any Swedish or German guys, in their home countries that may have just been introduced to a good looking Thai woman the answer is no, I will not send you her name or a pic. We all have to survive in this world, we play the cards we’re dealt with as best we can, I have no intention of spoiling her hand, despite everything, she has all the potential to make someone very happy.
Thanks for listening, thanks for all the feedback, so many nice words from so many people, I apologise my writing style for part 3 and the ending is not so dramatic or well written, but I hope it satisfied the curiosity enough to put a close on this episode.
A big thanks to Stick for having this section on his site, the closure for me has been exactly what I’ve needed to kick start my future. For me it’s all about the future, and no looking back.
A nicely put together, if somewhat sad, story. I take my hat off to you for being able and willing to put your daughters first. Many wouldn't.
As soon as it became clear how the sisters were involved in the industry, the chances of it ever working were highly unlikely.
Good luck for the future!