Questions about Thailand

Dear Mr. Stickman,

I was hoping that some of your more enlightened and experienced readers might be able to help me with some questions that my mates and I have about Thailand and especially about how to behave there. Some of these questions are:

If you hold the woman you met in the bar last night really close and have your arms touching as you continually look down into her face about every 5 paces as you walk along, do you think the other people on Sukhumvit or Walking street etc, will believe that it is really true love?

If you sit outside one of the bars around 5.30 – 6.30 PM and eat som tum and grilled chicken with the girls before they start their shift, does this mean you are really into the local scene and the girls will think more highly of you?

If you “lend” money to one of the girls in a bar and she does not give it back next day as she said she would, what should one really do?

When you take your “new lady” out for food and you go to Thai Food style restaurant and you just play nonchalant and let her chose, does this make you look like “a man of the world’ in her eyes?

When she does order the food which has about 23 chilies in it and your tongue is burning, nose is running and you are sneezing, how should you act to keep up “the man of the world” pose?

What sort of tip should one leave after visiting and eating at this restaurant?

When you go into the bar and have 3 girls come to sit and drink with you, why does it seem the really hot ones are already over the other side drinking with some “neantherdal man” type character?

How come the ‘chicks’ at Lolita’s seemed really hot and spunky when you went there with a bunch of pals around 11.00 pm after a big night in Nana but when you went back at 10.00 am on the Sunday morning, they only had ugly ones with lots of tattoos on them?

Do they have a morning “ugly shift” at Lolita’s and the good ones only come on after around 10.00 pm when the heavy drinkers are around and would really appreciate beauty?

When the ladies at Lolita’s address you by your name “Helro Khun Glant” does this mean you are now one of the ‘in crowd”?

If your choice of “lady” has more tattoos on her than you have, does this mean you really are a free spirit with no prejudices; or just a guy who doesn’t care?

If you are trying to impress a “normal” local girl and want to impress and show her how you have integrated into the Bangkok scene and the Thai culture and know your way around the city, do you think you should take her to Soi Cowboy or Soi Nana first?

When you go into a 7-11 and the lovelies behind the counter always look at you and welcome you and smile, how do they know you are an Adonis and Stud all wrapped up in one and are looking for a big night out?

Do you think you should have 2 pairs of different colored flip flops to wear to the bars, so the girls don’t think you are poor and have not many clothes to wear?

How come when Little Nong from Rainbow 4 thinks you are hot and a great person and loves to go out with you, why then do the snotty nosed stuck up bitches in the cosmetic sections at Central Emporiums look at you like you are a fat over weight balding farang and won’t even smile and give you eye contact?.

Do you agree that most of the hi-So women in Thailand have been brain washed about the best body shape of a male? Just because their fathers, brothers, cousins, teachers, school friends and casual Thai acquaintances are all skinny, underweight, scrawny guys why don’t they appreciate the proper farang size and body shape and what it really means and stands for?

When you are on the crowded BTS at 6.00 PM and you are squeezed in and pushed up against some gorgeous hot Thai bodies, do you think they are having the same thoughts as you are?

How does one act and what do you say to your buddies after a great night out with lots of booze, food and then back to the hotel and have wild sex and a great time and then when after you wake up in the morning you realize that she is not a she?

What do you do after you have read every back issue story of the Stickman stories and you decide to have a big night out in Pattaya with your friends and you want to impress them so you start to tell the bar people that your name is Dana and then they bring in some “heavies’ who claim you still owe them drinks and bar fines from previous visits and want some rent for the boardwalk premises?

I hope you can help us with some of our questions.

Maybe we could get Dana to answer all of these questions? I am sure his answers would be amusing!