A Bird In The Hand…
This will ring true to many Stickman readers I think. I had a similar experience and it does hit home hard. I thought I had found the perfect woman. She was attractive, smart and still had an excellent body. She was a Thai lady from Bangkok and of Chinese
heritage. She was not poor and she had a business to allow her to be virtually retired.
When I met her I knew she was talking to men from Europe as well. But she was worth pursuing and when we met we hit it off and everything was rosy. She asked me about marriage and she told me she needed some security for her future. I was not ready to marry her but I told her that I would in 3 years. Until then I would come back to her 3 – 4 times per year. I thought we had something special together and I told her I was wealthy and when I retired we could travel and see the world.
I did not realise she still kept in contact with a man from Europe and she told me later that he was her backup plan. She always considered I would leave her for a better lady and nothing I could tell her would alleviate these fears. If I had married her I think it would have sealed the deal but I told her I was not comfortable to marry until I retire.
Interestingly, she had a 27 year old daughter who thought that I was her best option but this still didn't allay her insecurities. I stayed with her in her house on 2 visits for 20 day periods and I could feel her fears. She was shuffled off to her grandparents when she was young because her family lacked room and they had 5 brothers and she had an older sister. Her grandparents said they didn't want her but cared for her nevertheless.
Eventually when she married she lived next door to her sister but she worked hard and came home one day to find that her sister had stolen her husband. I knew she was insecure but I thought she could look ahead to what she would have with me. She still told me she was talking to a man from Iceland who is 7 years older than me. He sent her some money to buy a ring and proposed to her without meeting her. <It is this sort of thing that is really screwing up the situation of long-term relationships between Western men and Thai women and giving Thai women a million options and making them ultra choosy – Stick> When I stayed with her he could not contact her but still he remained in the background.
I am in Thailand now and I was due to come back to her but instead we decided that she should have time to make a decision on who she wants. I am not going to wait for her to decide so I met a lady from Phetchabun who is a maths teacher and when her husband died she went back to university to do her maths major.
She is from Isarn heritage but she is very successful lady. Her family are poor but she has a big house and 2 other properties and earns 46,000 baht per month. Her old husband was a director of education. She is still beautiful and weighs in at 44 kg and has a lovely temperament. I have already told her that I will marry her and we are making plans already. I have learnt a valuable lesson that if you find a special lady then you need to do the correct thing by Thai culture. I have not had full sex with her yet and I can't sleep in her bed but I respect her for this and for true good girls I realise this is how things are.
The lady from Bangkok contacted me knowing I was in Thailand and asking how I was. I told her I am in Phetchabun and have met a nice lady who I feel I will marry. She understandably became angry and told me if I had married her then we would have been together. But the way I see it I am not sure I could live with her insecurities and I feel that she has not been totally honest with me. The twist is I now have insecurity issues with the Bangkok lady fed from her insecurity issues.
The lady from Phetchabun I have no such issues and I have already met her extended family and her fellow teachers and students from her school. This is the original good lady who has only had sex with one man who died 10 years ago. I don't know if I believe in fate but I think many Thai's do. But if you ever meet a special Thai lady be prepared to embrace her culture and allay any insecurities she may have.
Any lady with insecurities – or any other problems for that matter – is not really marriage material. One of the problems in Thailand is that a lot of women have problems, be they emotional, financial, pressure from the family or whatever. Problem women, no, make that problem people, are just no good.