My Sad Story
I've been a faithful reader of your site for many years and always enjoy reading every submission both from yourself and readers.
Now this is my own story and which I consider sad and stressful.
Back late last year, in December, 2008, I was introduced to this lady by a Thai friend called Muay. We started to chat online via MSN and once in a blue moon, she would call me. We hardly chatted online as I was too busy with my own business.
A little about her background. She came from a well to do family from the province of Nongkhai. She had been alone and studied university in Bangkok since an early age while staying alone. She has a decent salary, about THB 15,000 – 30,000 a month since she is a sales executive and works a 5 day week. I would consider her far better off than .any Thai people. Father has a minor wife and mom staying and working in another province. She has a young sister staying in Bangkok but not with her. Family gathering are considered a once a year affair. Apart from that they speak over the phone. The usual Thai way of life.
Often she would ask me when I would come to Thailand and meet her (the usual pattern from most Thai lady). Only this year, late July, I flew to Bangkok for some business purposes and that was the first time we met. We just had lunch + a movie together and that was about it.
From then on, I decided to try with this relationship and we started calling each other and chatted more often.
In August, I came back again for business again and we went together to an island resort where we started having a closer relationship. Like I said, I wanted to try out this relationship and I tried my best to fly back every month (mostly over the weekend). Somehow or rather, she kept mentioning to me she wanted to get married and have a baby (She's 26 years old). But I wasn't ready and I feel that it was too rushed and because we did not understand each other well. I told her it was impossible for that at that time and we shall wait.
Not till November after I flew back to Singapore, my family started to know about our relationship and they objected it so much that I should leave this lady. Reason being, they've heard a lot of stories about Thai ladies and believed the relationship would not last long. Due to family pressure, I decided to end it by not picking up her phone calls. <That is pathetic. Are you a man or a mouse? – Stick> But to my amazement, she managed to get hold of my Hotmail contact list and started emailing everyone stating her relationship with me, etc. I wasn't happy that she invaded my privacy. I told her we should end but she insisted that she is alone and no one ever gave her true love. The fact that she broke off with her ex-boyfriend last year.
It was my pitfall that I sympathised with her and I came back in mid December to meet her again. She told me she was pregnant. She even showed me the baby scanned picture and letter written in English from hospital. How the hell she was pregnant? I cannot figure out. I admit that I didn't use any protection at all. That was a SUPER RISK which I took and no point saying any word of sorry now.
She wanted me to be fully responsible, marry her and take care of her and the baby. Oh dear……. am I a "LUCKY FATHER" or a stupid guy in such a circumstances? I told her I wasn't prepared at all. Knowing her for just 4 months and now I needed to accept such a cruel fact.
She insisted on keeping the baby as per Thai beliefs. She insisted that I sent her THB 100,000 before the baby was born (can be in multiple months). She insisted that I give her THB 15,000 a month to support the baby up to 5 years of the baby's age. If not, she would go straight to my family in Singapore and reason with them. She said she has copied down my home address and she can hunt me and find me no matter where I shift.
Am I being threatened? Am I willing to submit to her and listen to her everything she told me?
I'm SUPER STRESSED now! I didn't want my family to know about this cos I do not want them to get mad about me that I didn't listen to their words of advice. She started calling me up to to 8 missed calls a day. She started to cry and yell at me saying I did not care about her and the baby at all. She started to provoke my movements, saying that I shouldn't go out with my friends and leave her alone in Bangkok. Saying I'm happy now enjoying myself with my friends. She says I'm such a coward and have no guts to admit my mistake and am not willing to accept being a father.
But I discovered her telling lies when she said she went on medical leave for a week but she was in the office. Cos I used my iPhone to go offline in eBuddy and saw her login during the day. And she called me midnight saying she was in the hospital and she doesn't have any more money to pay the bill and meet her daily expenses. So much so that I was forced to send her THB 30,000 two days ago in her bank account.
Questions that spin my head now:
1. It's not possible to do a DNA test unless the baby is born.
2. No matter how I ignore her calls, she keeps pressing me for an answer by returning to Bangkok to see her next month (or else she will fly to Singapore in no time and knock on my door!)
3. I wanted to give an end to this but she refuses saying I'm such a bad guy dumping her and the baby. She will announce to everyone in my email contact list.
I'm not a hard hearted guy. And I want a fair deal to sort things out with her. But can she see the whole picture? I'm afraid not.
What she wants is for me to be a father of the child. And money of course supporting her & the baby. One interesting fact is that I came back on Thursday, 10th December. Only on Sat, 12th night she told me she was 8 weeks pregnant. Can you imagine we has sex in all kinds of positions for 2 days while she was pregnant! Can you imagine she's not aware that her period didn't come during the past 2 months?
I just wanted to end this relationship ASAP. But at what price? THB 500,000 or priceless? Like I said, I'm not a black hearted guy. Maybe because I'm too soft, she's taking advantage of me. I did ask a few Thai friends of mine and they suggested giving her a sum to end it.
She's like a hunting ghost now affecting my daily life. To pick up her call is a pain in the ass. Not picking up her call, she will question me, etc. That includes online in MSN Messenger.
And how to track her going to a private hospital and ask her to produce the bill to me? Before I came back to Singapore, I did accompany her to the private hospital to see the doctor. We did a blood test together as advised by the doctor. There, I paid
about THB 2,500.
I am just too stressed now to think of a way out. Take it as a punishment from God. I already deserved my punishment. Life still needs to carry on. I need to travel for my business and I will take all actions to keep my family out of such incident.
More questions spinning in my head again"
1. I presume she will dare to buy a air ticket and knock on my family home's door.
2. I presume she will mess up my life by all means at any price.
Due to this ordeal, I've lost almost 3 kg and not being able to perform my work. I wander from place to place and keep thinking "What should I do?"
Isn't this a sad story? I hope you guys out there can learn a lesson from me. Can anybody give me some clues – will deeply appreciate that – to resolve my nightmare. Or I simply accept and give in to her being a good father and husband.
This is real and I'm now feeling stress as I'm writing to you, Mr Stickman.
Thanks & Regards,
This is a very unfortunate situation you have got yourself into. I won't lecture you on how this mess came to be – that is obvious to all – and I do hope others see the many benefits of wearing a raincoat.
There are a few red flags in this story. First of all, if this woman was being truthful with you about her job, she has enough money to look after herself and meet medical expenses before the baby is born. I do wonder why she is putting so much pressure on you for money now. Her lies about being away from work for a week when she wasn't also needs to be looked into. What was she up to and why would she say what she said?
My advice would be to get a DNA test done after the baby is born. If it is your child, then I would suggest working out a reasonable amount of support. You will need to monitor who is looking after the baby. It may not be her. If the baby is upcountry being looked after by older members of the family as is typical in a situation like this, if you each chipped in say 7,000 – 8,000 baht a month that should cover the baby's expenses as well as compensate the family members charged with looking after the child. Yes, you could do it cheaper but would you want to?
Is this relationship recoverable? I guess it isn't given that she has tried to coerce you and extort money from you and has various made threats. That sort of puts a downer on any hopes of recovering it.
I can see how you might want to wait and not tell your family because there is no guarantee that it is your child. But if it is, you'll have a bridge to cross and a decision to make, a decision I wouldn't envy having to make.
I would also go back to the person that introduced you to this girl. That person must know her reasonably well so you might want to talk with them and see if they have any thoughts on the matter. They might be able to offer a new perspective or perhaps fill you in on details you're not aware of.
If the DNA test shows that the child is not yours, you might consider throwing her into the Chao Praya with a large som tam mortar secured to her ankle…