I thought I’d try to put something down on the topic of mongering, sort of a collection of advice and ground rules if you will. I base this on my own experiences and on my observations and I’ve tried to divide it into chapters on some of the most important sub-topics in the extensive field of mongerism. My monger experience is primarily from Thailand so that will be the basis here. Most experienced mongers will surely disagree with some part, and many will surely find some gaps and flaws, in this submission. That’s fine – it’s not an exact science. Still, I think that many will also find lots that they agree with and for newbie or would-be mongers I think it contains decent basic information and some good advice.
“Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in!”
Michael Corleone, the Godfather III
Monger-newbies and monger-wannabes: be warned! Once you've got sucked into Thailand’s naughty nightlife and become a monger, what we also know as a sex tourist or a sexpat, it's damned hard to quit. To become a monger has consequences.
It has consequences on many levels both while being on holiday and when at home.
I honestly didn't go to Thailand for the easy women the first time around. I got a mere taste of the bar scene that time. I went to Thailand because 'everyone' goes there and 'everyone' says it's great. And it was great, even without factoring the nightlife. Then I went again and I knew what there was to be had at night and although I would not say this was intended as a sex holiday my number of evenings spent in the bars increased to cover more than half of that holiday. During later trips it increased further and became the main reason for going to Thailand at all. I still liked other aspects of Thailand but the nightlife was the main lure. I had become a sex tourist.
My fourth trip was supposed to be the last, for a while at least. I told myself that there's a whole world to discover and that it's stupid to go to the same location over and over. I had a great itinerary planned for this trip and after that I'd look elsewhere I thought. But I found myself in the last days of my five week vacation sitting on a bus from Isaan back to Bangkok, contemplating. And when I thought about not coming back it made me really depressed.
I thought about all the places I'd been and all the people (bargirls mostly) I'd met and I felt I just had to come back. I could not accept not to. And right there I made the decision that I would return as long as I feel like it. I remember
the moment clearly. After that the question has not been whether or not I should vacation in Thailand but whether I should go one or two times per year. And no, I don’t go there for the beach or the food or the temples, especially not for
the temples, I go there primarily for the girls, or rather for the bar scene including the girls. It would take a real effort to break this pattern now. So you see how becoming a monger can affect your holidaying.
At home it affects you too. One major way is that going out partying becomes much less enjoyable. It’s just that much of the complete bullshit we are used to putting up with back home suddenly shines right in your face. You’ve always considered it unavoidable but now that you’ve been in Thailand you know that it’s not. Some things sucked before but you were used to them, they were the norm. Now you are not prepared to suffer them any more.
Like waiting in line outside nightclubs. What’s with that? I am a paying customer and yet I have to suffer perhaps up to an hour of waiting in line and then pretend gratefulness towards a huge steroid monster in the door when he finally decides to let me enter. And if there’s a VIP line and you’re not on the list you stand there like an idiot while other people pass before you. None of that crap in Thailand, not in the places I go to anyway.
Then inside the place once you’ve made your way to the bar you stand in line and two bartenders are struggling to be really cool and casual while you wait there with fifty other guys and try, through a fog of alcohol, to calculate the average time for one served customer times fifty divided by two and you realise you’ll have to stand there for maybe half an hour. And then some fucker orders a Strawberry Daiquiri that takes forever to make and you realise it may be closer to one full hour. And all you wanted was a beer. None of that crap in Thailand.
The women. Of course this is a major one. You were used to have to really hit on girls to get anywhere. Maybe pretend you were something that you are not. Oftentimes suck up to them and give compliments and buy drinks for them. And many times they just took that for granted and were not especially nice back to you. Sometimes you struck gold but far from always. And worst of all were the rejections that could sometimes be fast and rude, execution style, sort of meant to put you in your place, and could ruin the good mood you were in completely. And sometimes, even worse, they could come after a long evening of her having pretended you were getting somewhere.
Who hasn’t been there? You’ve danced with a girl, and smiled at her, and faked interest in her, and really listened to her, and flirted with her and bought her drinks for a whole damn evening and she’s appeared mutually interested in you. And then, five minutes before closing time, she says she’s gotta go because her boyfriend, whom she has NOT mentioned before, although she sure has talked enough, will be expecting her home soon. You stand there with aching balls like a total joke. It makes you feel homicidal and suicidal at once. None of that crap in Thailand.
The thing is that when you’ve been to Thailand and gotten involved in the nightlife you find it hard to enjoy the nightlife back home. You know that in Thailand you will be waited on and get attention and have beautiful girls treat you like a king. You hopefully also know it’s a charade, that it’s not real, but regardless of that it sure feels great. To come back home and realise you are back to making a huge effort without any kind of assurance of success is a downer. Going to Thailand and becoming a monger ruins the nightlife for you back home. And if you spend one month per year on vacation and the remaining eleven months back home then this is an issue.
Another thing is friendships. You will inevitably be drawn to other guys who’ve been in Thailand and who share similar experiences. It is easy to fall into sort of a Thailand-visitors club back home. Through friends of friends you’ll meet guys with Thai girls that they have brought back home. There will be parties, Thai parties where the girls sit in the kitchen and play cards and speak Thai and the guys sit in the living room and drink beer and talk about Thailand. In most medium or large Western cities there is a Thai community, many of whom are former bargirls, and you risk getting sucked into its orbit. This might not be a good thing at all.
Your other friends, the ones who have not been in Thailand and are not mongers, will have very little patience with your new obsession. They will listen with interest once, when you have just come back from your trip. But if you keep bringing up Thailand in every kind of discussion they will be very put off by it. They don’t want to hear how boring it is to wait in line outside a disco and that in Thailand you don’t have to do this. They are very much against tirades about everything that sucks at home. So, if you become a monger, or any other sort of Thailand addict, don’t preach it. I know this from having been on both sides of the fence. I was not the first among my friends to travel to Thailand and I remember being sick of stories about Pattis (Swedish slang for Pattaya) this and Phuket that. Then I went there myself and came home yapping about Pattis this and Phuket that.
Another thing still is relationships. Let’s say you’ve just got back from your yearly holiday. Now you have about two months of de-thailandisation to suffer: a period where you rehash your trip over and over in your mind and generally feel low about it being over. If you’ve been to Thailand you probably know what I’m talking about and if not think of it as a de-tox program. The drug was wonderful when you were using and now it sucks to get off it. After that period you get back to normal for a while. And then you book your next trip and you start to think about all the fun you’re going to have once you go.
During the de-thailandisation you’re not going to hook up at home because you don’t even want a relationship. All you want to do is feel sorry for yourself because you’re no longer in Thailand and to plan your return there. And during the build up to your next trip you don’t want one either. Why would you? You don’t need a woman in your life, you’re going to Thailand. A steady girlfriend would only complicate things at this stage.
So, for a large part of the year you’re not really looking for, or ready for, a relationship back home. Getting laid? – sure. A relationship? – no. Now what if you go to Thailand two times per year? Suddenly you live a life that barely allows a normal relationship with a woman back home at all. Then again, perhaps you want it this way? And, being a monger, perhaps you deserve it too?
I might sound like I regret going to Thailand and becoming a monger but that's not really the case. I’m just trying to be honest and admit that it’s changed my life and not only for the better. But I've had so many great adventures
and experiences and I treasure them all. I'm going back again this winter for more. So, if you have never got involved in the nightlife in Thailand and are toying with the idea of it, by all means, go ahead. You'll have a blast for sure.
But know that it will change you.
Don’t get too attached
“If you want to be making moves on the street, have no attachments; allow nothing to be in your life that you cannot walk out of in thirty seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.”
Neil McCauley, Heat
It’s not that I look down on bargirls but I still say it’s not wise to get too attached to one. I’ve seen and heard of enough stories about farang-bargirl relationships to know that attempting to form a serious relationship with a bargirl is a dangerous risk to take and that the chance for success is very low. The risks are both financial and emotional and in some extreme cases they are even about one's physical well being.
I’ve seen newbies buy into the mirage that Thailand often is for the inexperienced and proceed to get plucked like chickens by the some clever bargirl. I’ve seen guys who should know the ropes thinking they are immune to the mistakes of a newbie and take a shot at it and still they end up crashing and burning. The difference from case to case seems only to be the magnitude of their crash. This seems to depend on how heavily invested they were in terms of both emotions and money and also on their personal ability to get over hardships and move on. I’ve never personally witnessed anything I could even remotely consider a success story when it comes to relationships between a western man and Thai bargirls.
Another reason to avoid letting things escalate to the relationship level is that while I am sure there are girls out there who are genuinely good hearted and with whom any drama could be limited and a solid relationship could perhaps be built I still think the differences between them and us are often too great. For a while it might work with affection, attraction and good sex. But for a long term relationship to work I figure you’d need a bit more in common than that. And let’s face it; your average westerner really has little in common with your average Thai bargirl when it comes to the general interests department.
Are there no exceptions? Well, of course there are. There was a very nice submission here on Stickman a while back from a guy who met his wife in a bar in Patpong and now lives happily married with her in Thailand. But that would be just that: an exception to the rule. Myself, I don’t play cards if I know the deck is stacked against me, even if others have done so and won.
I know some guys maintain that a dedicated monger should see any girl just once or possibly twice and then move on, so as not to get emotionally involved. I even remember reading an excellent submission here a long time ago that advocated just that approach, using pretty damn good arguments too. Still I do not adhere to this principle myself. I sometimes find a girl that I feel like I’ve fallen in love with, at least in the heat of the moment. I’ve had a few GFEs and I have a few favourite ladies of the night in various locations in Thailand that I might, or might not, try to locate in the future.
But I still force myself to keep my distance, even if it sometimes hurts. I have a few ways to do this, some are self-imposed rules and some are more spontaneous. For one, I often do not tell the girl my real name. This might seem paranoid but I see no real reason why she should know my name. It happens that my first name is pretty difficult for Asians to pronounce so why not choose an easy nickname, a nom de guerre? After all, the girls do it themselves.
And I see little point in explaining what I do for a living or give any other detailed personal information. When they ask, which most do, I just say that “I work with computers” or that “I work in an office”. This normally ends that discussion right there and it’s sufficiently vague. It signals that I work what they would consider a good job and that I probably make OK money but it doesn’t suggest that I’m seriously wealthy. This is just what I want them to think.
These standard questions, “What you name”, “Where you come from”, “How old are you” and “What you work”, they only serve two purposes anyway. First they are the first phrases a new girl learns after “beer” and “hello, welcome” and the reason is to give the new girl a way to engage with customers. They’re the bargirl’s equivalent of a western male’s pickup-lines and the purpose is to get your attention. Second it’s to gauge what type of customer you have the potential to be and if possible to get an estimate on your financial strength. It’s an evaluation. You have no obligation to supply this information truthfully but should rather supply her with an image of you that you yourself would like to project.
Further, I never give a girl any way to communicate with me when I return home. I know I’m going to suffer a mental hangover after my vacation and I don’t need to prolong it with communications with some girl that keeps my mind in fantasy-land. Better to bite the bullet and get back to reality as soon as possible. Going cold turkey, as they say. Plus, writing emails to someone with limited English skills and getting replies with little content that may or may not have been written by the girl herself and that sooner or later will include pleas for financial assistance, that’s not my idea of fun.
For the same reason I buy a new SIM-card for my mobile phone when I arrive in Thailand. There’s a booth selling them 20 meters into the country, just after Customs at Suvarnabhumi. This new number is used for all communications while in theatre and discarded just before boarding the plane home, and the phone is then rinsed of any bargirl phone numbers saved directly on it. I don’t want to risk falling into the trap in a weak moment, perhaps after drinking, and send messages to some bargirl from my permanent phone number and get drawn into continued communications with her. If it’s a girl that I cared about and felt like I fell in love with then I feel a pang of regret when I erase her phone number and know that I have no way of contacting her from then on. But that’s the discipline it takes to be a careful monger.
Yet another rule I have is that I am truthful about this. I don’t lead a girl on and promise her everlasting love and all the riches of the world, because I won’t be delivering that. From experience I know that many guys seem to do this, which is why bargirls trust us mongers just about as little as we trust them. But I think this is plain stupid, it just makes it harder to walk away from her. Also it’s a pretty cruel thing to do. If she is new to the scene and naïve enough to buy into the bullshit she stands to lose face and feel betrayed when she finds out it was not for real. Why do that to her? Better to be friendly, have fun, not make silly promises and, importantly, pay your dues. That way there will be less drama.
One of the most dangerous situations for a monger is if a girl starts to offer herself to you for free. “Run for the hills, run for your life!” I would tell you if you found yourself in that situation. Don’t go there. To go there means that you commit yourself to her as more than a customer. It also means that the reaction if you decide to move on can be fierce. No, always pay your dues. That way you can walk away and move on at your convenience and she will have to accept it. Those are the rules and she knows it.
And if you should happen to live in Thailand there are more rules I would think are important, although I speak without firsthand experience. Such as never letting a bargirl know where you work or live. And if you do decide to move a girl in then keep yourself mobile enough so that you can relocate with short notice if things get out of control. Which means renting with as little money as possible paid in advance so that you can just up and leave if the situation demands it. Things like that.
My main point is that if you’re agreeing with the fundamental belief that bar-girls are not candidates for long term relationships then keep your distance. Make sure that you can walk away and walk away easy the day you decide to do so. This of
course means you need to keep from knocking her up also, or she will really have you by the balls.
The folly of sponsoring
“Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor!”
Wayne – Wayne’s World
Don’t sponsor a Thai bargirl with money from abroad. There’s never a good reason for this. It always makes you look stupid. It always will make you feel stupid too; once you find out she’s been doing what you paid her not to do. It will make other mongers think you are a loser and it will make them pissed at you for spoiling the girls too much. There are so many reasons not to sponsor and not one single compelling reason to do so. Just don’t do it.
Let me deal with some of the arguments. I think the most common reason for a farang to decide to sponsor a bargirl is that he fell in love with her, and wants to be with her again and wants to help her monetarily so that she can stay away from the bar and other farang customers while he is at home working to get back to Thailand, or to get her to him. It doesn’t work. She’s in the bar, or in another bar, or in a disco hooking up, or on TLL hooking up, or with her Thai boyfriend. She really is. I know it sucks to hear it but she’s working other customers or a local boyfriend until you return. Am I 100% certain? No, but I’m 90% certain and those odds are bad enough.
OK, so you know that she might stray but you still feel it’s worth an instalment each month to keep your place in line. Guess what? It’s counter productive. If she’s got any interest in you and you’re not a complete cheap Charlie your place in line is kept anyway. Bargirls love return business. You don’t need to make monthly payments. Sponsoring her only increases what she will expect from you later on when you are together. Instead of not paying now and pay a regular rate in the future you are paying now and will be expected to pay an inflated rate in the future. It’s a double loss.
I know a really hot girl that I would have liked to do bedroom gymnastics with but sadly I happened to go with her best friend from the same bar before her and to keep my image as a “good man” with a “good heart” I just couldn’t stand changing. Anyway, this chick (damn, she’s hot!) has a farang boyfriend who she says she actually loves. He’s supposedly a really good looking Brit who is only 28 years old and she’s 24 years old herself. They met when he visited Pattaya where she worked in a bar. He sends her 20K baht every month and she has promised not to work in the bar. He comes to Pattaya for two whole months once a year and she stays with him then. What does she do the rest of the time? Does she stay in the village and pine for him, like he pays her to do, like she has promised? What do you think she does? She goes to Hua Hin and works in a beer bar, that’s what. Because “him have friend Pattaya, me cannot work there.”
Now, this lady is really hot even by Pattaya gogo standards which mean that she’s steaming-super-ultra hot in Hua Hin beer bars. The real pick of the litter, so to speak. This, in turn, means that she’s being barfined every day at least once. She screws new customers every day even though the guy she professes to truly love sends her money to stay faithful. And what’s more, she actually resents him for only paying her the same 20K when they are together for two months that she gets from him the rest of the year. This means the period they are together is a low-income time for her, since she earns so much more screwing farang at other times of the year.
And her friend (also hot, but not as hot) that was entertaining me has an old Canadian that sponsors her. She initially denied any sponsors but got real honest one night while drunk and claimed she “want tell you everything, no lie to you”. This poor old sap, according to her, works the last years of a dead end job and is soon about to retire and in his mind he will then move to Thailand to live happily with her. She’s a fully fledged working girl and although I think she has many fine qualities, and not just physical ones, honesty is not one of them. Whatever she’s promised him she’ll break if a better deal comes along. I actually very much suspect she’s taken this guy on the marriage/sin sot ride already. I know she’s built an 800K baht house (indisputable photo evidence) but she claims none of the money from him went into that. I guess she keeps separate accounts, eh? And I guess that makes me a proud co-financier of said house.
This latter girl even made a quite reasonable argument in favour of her betrayal. She basically says that she’s now 26 and hasn’t got so many years left that she can make good money in bars and she can’t be sure that this man will be there for her so she needs to secure her own future while she can. She feels the competition from younger girls and that’s why she’s relocated to Hua Hin where she still stands out. She started with building her own house and that’s now finished. Then she has an idea that she would like to build up a one million baht bank account and then start a small business in her home town. I’m not at all sure how realistic or thought through this plan is but I think she believes it when she tells it. This requires her to keep working; the money from her sponsor in Canada is not enough.
By the way, both these girls considered 20K way too little to even tempt a girl to stop working. They see that as wasting their youth and their potential for high earnings while waiting for a guy who might or might not be there for them in the long run. They both thought 50K would be a nicer figure but when I asked if that would make them actually stop working I got no affirmative answer but crooked smiles instead.
Many of the real stunners can earn more than many of their customers through the combination of a few foreign sponsors and keeping up working in a bar, or going freelance in discos which many switch to. The upside is that it’s nice that they can make good money in one way. The downside is that some of them get spoiled and develop crappy attitudes.
Another downside is that many western men get their feelings and sometimes finances ruined. Some mongers hold the view that sponsors deserve what they get for being stupid and gullible. I agree that they are stupid and gullible, but I don’t think they deserve emotional and financial ruin. But this is what they’re often in for. And since damn near every bargirl, and not just the better looking ones, seem to have a sponsor or a few it means there are serious numbers of suckers back in the west toiling to keep their “love” happy in Thailand.
I can understand how a sponsorship that ends because he finds out the truth can be devastating for a guy's ego. Especially if having supported a girl for a long time and having seen himself as her saviour and then finding out he actually means little
or nothing to her and that she’s been fucking a long line of other men while he worked and saved and dreamed of her. This must be a real downer for a guy. Which is why you should not sponsor, or you might become that guy.
Don’t be a pushover
“You’ve got to fucking stand up for yourself!”
Danny – American History X
Some guys let Thai bargirls walk all over them. I had a hard time figuring out how this could possibly be the case and I came to conclude that it must be because the guy is much more emotionally invested in the relationship than the girl is. If he really loves her and is afraid of losing her and she’s only with him for money and feels he’s easily substituted, then she’s got the upper hand.
But she doesn’t get the upper hand automatically. She can’t know from the beginning that she has the upper hand. She gets it because she tests him and he lets her get away with stuff that he shouldn’t have let her get away with. He wants to please her so he’s always accommodating and gives in to her demands and sudden urges to a point where he’s putting her interests before his own. She learns this, knows she has the upper hand and her demands increase to the point where she’s bossing him around.
It’s always a sad sight seeing a pussy whipped man and the above mentioned could, and does, happen in regular relationships too. But when you know that that man is also paying for being bossed around then it’s just pathetic. It didn’t have to be this way if he had just stood up for himself to begin with. But sadly many Western men seem hard-wired to bend over rather than stand up for themselves. And Thai women know this. At least the bargirl versions of Thai women know this. So they test us.
An easy way to know how and when you need to straighten up and bite back if a bargirl puts you to the test is to simply be aware of and keep in mind that you are a paying customer. It’s really that simple. Regardless of whether you are on a visit to a short time room with her or if you’re on the third week of a complete GFE trip to a romantic beach resort you are still a customer and you will be expected to pay for her services. And how is the relationship between a customer and a service provider supposed to be? You know that already.
My suggestion would be the following: don’t accept poor customer service. Period. Pouting and sulking is not acceptable behaviour and should certainly not result in your girl getting her way but instead result in a reprimand. Screaming and threatening behaviour is completely unacceptable and should render her a one way ticket out of your life. Attempts at theft or fraud should be treated likewise. Denial of agreed upon services equals fraud. She provides a service to you the customer and all normal rules for this interaction apply.
You wouldn’t go into a restaurant and accept insults and attempted fraud by the staff without at the very least settling the bill, reneging tip, and walking out of there never to return, would you? Of course you wouldn’t walk into a restaurant and behave like a prick either, or expect sudden extras at no cost or withhold payment upon receiving your bill.
You should behave well and expect to be treated well. If your expectations are met you should pay the agreed upon, or the industry standard, price and if they are met with an extra effort you might tip accordingly. It’s not rocket science. You
do this all the time when dealing with all kinds of different service providers. You know the rules. Just apply them like you are used to. Of course, to be able to apply this in your interactions with bargirls you have to remember that you are,
in fact, their customer.
Respect the girls
"…the kind of total jerk loser who has to
beat up on a girl to make himself feel like a man!"
Shellie – Sin City
What’s even more unsightly than a small Thai girl walking all over her farang man and bossing him around is a big farang who is abusive to a small Thai girl. To abuse women should be anathema to any sane man. But sadly it’s not. And bargirls have the kind of job that sees them at high risk of running into an abusive bastard sooner or later. Further, many men who are abusive assholes seem to have this predatory sense that allows them to pinpoint the most vulnerable victims, the newly arrived girls who cannot fend for themselves yet. I would guess that many girls have experiences of being treated very poorly.
These girls are not exactly working an easy job. They have perhaps in some ways taken the easy way out, as in choosing to work the sex trade because they see it as easy money. And they have chosen it themselves, often, I would assume, after having been in a really tight spot financially and seen how other girls seemingly have all the money in the world to spend. But while it may be the easy way out, it isn’t an easy life.
Some would say that me partaking in the P4P scene, or more bluntly paying for sex, proves I have no respect for the girls in that business, or for girls and women at all for that matter. If you hire someone to use their body for your sexual gratification you cannot possibly respect them as individuals they would argue. And it also proves, they would claim, that you disrespect not only the individual you hire but that you disrespect the female gender entirely.
Others, a completely different category of people, would say that since I get involved with bargirls but as a principal do not allow myself to get into a serious relationship with any of them I do not respect them. I think that I’m better than the girls or that they are not worthy of real affection they’d say. Who am I to get into physical relationships with girls but to label each girl in the entire industry non-girlfriend-material without considering individual qualities of them? This proves I think I’m better, or have a higher value, than the girls, they’d say.
Then of course there’s another category of people who don’t think bargirls are worth any respect to begin with. They see the girls as basically breathing sex-toys. They think the girls are theirs to use and that the girls’ feelings and physical and/or psychological well being is of no concern. These guys, if they heard me talking about bargirls and respect, would just shrug and think: “Who fucking cares?”
Well, I beg to differ. To the first group I’d say that I love women and I have felt love for many bargirls that I have also paid for sex and company. I know they’re not in their dream occupation but I also know that when they get what they consider a good customer they’re happy about it. I understand that there are those who claim a monger is by default a morally corrupt man; it’s just that I don’t agree. Because I don’t view the buying and selling of sex as something inherently evil I don’t consider paying for sex morally corrupt in itself. It’s how the format of the sex industry is set up and how you conduct yourself that’s important.
And just because I don’t consider bargirls girlfriend material it doesn’t mean I don’t respect them as individuals. It’s just that I recognize that the bar scene changes people and people who are exposed to it develop traits. I think that most bargirls have developed traits that make them poor choices for long term relationships. And all the examples I’ve seen and, with precious few exceptions, all the stories I’ve heard have only made me more convinced of this. I’m sure most women, even some bargirls, would feel similar about many mongers by the way.
To the third group, the ones who don’t think bargirls deserve respect at all, I’d say: “Get treatment, psycho”. Common decency and basic moral says we should treat others with respect and that we should not step on those who
are weaker than us. The fact that some small girls are only seemingly weak but in reality fierce little creatures better not crossed is beside the point. To me, treating a girl well is a no brainer. First of all it’s the decent thing to
do and also it’s self rewarding. Bargirls are often really fun to be with if they are happy and content.
Keep yourself out of harm's way
"I'm a lover not a fighter"
Cruz Candelaria – Blood in blood out
I really have a hard time understanding people who get excited by violence and seek it out. And by this I don’t mean watching a violent movie or a Muay Thai tournament, I can enjoy that too. But people who go on a holiday and go out to party and then decide to start fucking with other people to get a fight started. They are complete morons in my opinion.
One sad thing about Thailand as a holiday destination and in particular the bar scene is that it attracts quite a few morons. And if you should find yourself in the unfortunate situation and get the attention of a moron it’s better to try to get out of it or walk away. Even if you have a valid reason to get pissed off and you feel you could take the guy on, I’d say it’s still better to back down.
It just matters more to me that I can enjoy the rest of my holiday without any injuries than get the satisfaction of putting some idiot in his place. I might get angry as hell and fantasise about what I would have liked to do but I restrain myself and take comfort in the fact that a person who goes looking for trouble will soon find it coming his way.
One incident and one guy in particular I can think of, a guy about 25-30 years old who came into a beer-bar where I sat. He was wearing a tank top and camouflage cargo pants and had broad shoulders, limbs like tree logs and a thick neck. He was there with his two Thai “Muay Thai trainers”, buying them drinks, and they arrived quite drunk. He was loud-mouthed and annoying and brought tension and discomfort to the whole place and even seemed to embarrass his supposed trainers. How do you relax when someone is practicing round kicks behind your back?
I sat at the end of the bar and felt I was at a safe distance but still on his way back from the bathroom he, without warning, punched me in the shoulder and said “wanna go a few rounds, big guy?” Now, it could have been meant as a joke but it wasn’t. He punched far too hard for that and there was menace in his eyes. He clearly wanted to provoke me to get a reason to practice his skills and beat me up, which he no doubt could have done. So I had to play along like I took it as a funny joke and go “Nah, man. You’d win too easily. Ha-ha!” Then as soon as I saw an opening I got out of there with my girl. I had a big bruise on my shoulder after that but I also got away without having my teeth smashed in and I had a sweetheart who could kiss the pain away. And I know that in most games in life, except in a fight, I’d utterly destroy that troglodyte so why on earth should I choose to face someone like that in his area of expertise?
Of course it sucks to back down and walk off too. It’s better not to get into such a situation at all because you get so angry the evening is more or less ruined. But sometimes trouble finds you even when you’re not inviting it and those times I’d say that your main interest is damage control and that your vanity and macho pride is less important than getting out of harm's way.
Also I’d advise against trying to mediate in someone else’s quarrel. Somehow it’s often the mediator who gets smacked down first and he can get it from either side or even from both sides. So better to watch from a distance or simply to relocate if there are tempers rising.
Then there is the possibility of getting into trouble with a Thai. I’ve never been in trouble with a Thai myself and I’ve never seen first hand a situation escalate to violence between a Thai and a farang so I know only what I’ve been told and what I’ve read. And summed up that’s that you should never, ever get into a violent situation with a Thai and that what triggers a Thai to get violent can be different from what triggers a westerner, what with face and all. Also that if a situation escalates to violence it can happen very suddenly and the violence can get very much out of proportion. And that you will not get help from bystanders but rather there is a risk that locals will gang up on you.
This suggests to me that getting into disputes with Thais in Thailand is very much a no-win situation and something that should be avoided at almost all costs. But I also feel that there is quite a low risk of a Thai ever attacking you completely unprovoked
like a fellow farang might do. If you don’t look for trouble I think you’d have to be unlucky to end up attacked by Thais. The worst risk I can see is if you call someone on a scam they’re trying to pull on you and it escalates
from there. In that situation you’d better know how far you can push for your rights before it’s wiser to back down and accept an unjust loss of money. And again the very best defence is to minimize the risk of getting into the situation
in the first place.
"And that's all I have to say about that"
Forrest Gump – Forrest Gump
So there it is. My experiences as a monger in Thailand boiled down to some basic personal ground rules that may, or may not, serve as advice. It’s not anything revolutionary at all, and I know most has been said by others before me. Anyway, to sum up: If you are a monger going to Thailand for sex vacations then try to follow some basic rules. Don’t disrespect the girls, but don’t let them disrespect you either. Avoid all fights and problems. Know that mongering changes you in ways that can be described as destructive and that it’s addictive. Be aware of the fact that you’re valued for your money rather than for whom you are. Avoid any deeper relationship with a girl from the bars. Protect your personal information; apply a “need to know” approach. Be honest and don’t make commitments you won’t honour. Always pay your dues. And don’t ever become a sponsor. That’s about it. As easy as A B C.
For someone who has only ever visited Thailand as a tourist and not lived here, you have a great understanding of the industry! I thought the thoughts and advice in this submission were spot on – I could not disagree with ANYTHING!
In my opinion, this really is a must read for both newbies and regular visitors.