Stickman Readers' Submissions September 2nd, 2009

Good Girl Or Someone’s Cheating Wife

I am a bit less than 30 years old, never (God saved 🙂 married, and, besides 5 holiday visits before, lived mostly in Thailand and nearby countries more than a half of this year. Last May, just a few days before my return ticket date, I met a girl in Chiang Mai, and finally (even having limited funds since I was jobless for a couple of months) changed my return tickets and lived in her nice private house just across the Super Highway more than in my room downtown. She seemed to be better than the girls I usually met in Thailand, pretending to have a university education, a job in U.K., formerly being an owner of a bar in downtown. She often paid the bills (sometimes even more than me!) when we went out, and so on. I was quite happy initially.

About a week after we met, she became angry to me in the bar, and then talked a lot with other farang men. After a second or third Sang Som even allowing one to touch her a bit, after which I even thought to leave her and go away, but instead limited myself to several harsh words. A couple of days later I went out with her friend (girl who formerly worked in her bar), which was the reason for her to be jealous all the time until the end, even though there was nothing serious and we were in the bar where people know all us. Also, I started to find alarming things about her. First, I noticed that she calls or sends SMS someone in England at the same time in the evening (as she explained, it was her "boss"), saw a paper for her UBC signed definitely by some European man, and also found some paper, after reading which, even with my limited Thai skills, I understood she has an European surname (she explained she got it from a boyfriend whom she almost married last year), and many other small, but disturbing things. As I result of my growing suspicions and her constant denials (even when something was looking not clear to me) there were more and more tensions between us, but we still tried to calm down and to stay together, even if had a conflict.

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Also, in June she went to Bangkok to apply for a U.K. visa (I went to Koh Samui with friends shortly before and met her after in Bangkok). Later, I've found a paper in her home which stated that she applied for a "wife's visa", and was quite furious. However, she explained she had just paid 50k baht for a fictive marriage visa, because she wants to stay for longer periods in England. Meanwhile, while waiting for that visa, she told me several times she would like to go work as a cook to her friend's bar (interesting choice with university education, isn't it :-), but she did not! Instead she just was drinking out every other evening or so, receiving money from England, telling me that she "borrows" that money from her boss. When once she thought she had spent too much, she just started to press me more and more to pay our bills, stating that as a my girlfriend she didn't have to do this. Ok, I don't mind, as long as I control how much I spend – and soon I ended up paying all of them, however, this change was a bit alarming.

Well, with all those things coming and going, I was less and less sure about whether she was "good" – but still stayed with her, as I had no better choice at that time, and anyway was going home soon. Also, she held me in constant tension by being very jealous about every girl she even saw *near* me. That, combined with frequent drinking parties, led to more and more conflicts between us.

Finally, before my third departure date I decided not to change the ticket again and forced myself to go home. Shortly after (on the second day) some kind of hell happened to her. She started to talk bad to me often, to provoke me even more. Several times she didn't reply when I called her at night when she was out and drinking. Well, on the second week, she suddenly became "good", but then again even worse. Finally she told me that she got her visa and she would travel to Laos (Vientiane first) and Vietnam, as she had never been there.

Alas! When I tried to call her, she either dropped my call or was offline for 4 days (I know well how DTAC SIM card works in Vientiane near the river), and finally sent an SMS that she's on Samui (!) and I can call her in Friday (this was last Wednesday). I tried to call her but without any reply and, as such, sent her an SMS asking why she can talk only in the Friday. On the next day I've got completely unrelated message stating that she slept with someone and I have to forget her. But (!) on the next day she tried to talk with me as if she had never said anything, first by SMS, then by e-mail. When I did not reply, shortly after she started to write bad messages again – like she has someone, and so on.

Quite bored, I've suddenly noticed her name and surname in the email "From" header. I knew both already, of course, but this led me to an idea – why not to combine the name of her "boss" she contacted with almost every day, with her surname? Quick request to the Google – and I've discovered many interesting facts. That this Englishman really lived in Chiang Mai, and even owned the bar she pretended to own until last year (after she said she sold it), and most likely purchased her a house also! Moreover, I've also found contacts of this man online. Looks like I was right in my suspicions and she actually cheats not just me, but also her husband!

With all these things and all that she said to me, I do not have intentions to stay with her. I know this all quite well, as I started to explore Thai women from the very bottom – from Pattaya bars, and also have read many warnings here of course. 🙂 But what about the man she cheats much more than me? Well, with me she just played a jealous girlfriend who drinks a lot – making a lot of trouble to my brain and to my liver, and spending some money – but, to be honest, this was not much, as we were not splurging at all and initially she spent money also, and initially (first month and sometimes after) there was a lot of fun also. But I know about a person who is cheated by her far more than me (and her friends in the bars, who I'm sure know she's married, never told that of course, like "real" Thais). Well, I can contact this man and explain it all so he can decide… but, I can ruin her life that way. I don't want that for her much, but I also feel myself dishonest if I let her make such big lies (and possibly ruin this man's life, who now probably sends her money while she has fun on Samui). And also there's another thing – if she somehow would know who told him the truth (say, if she would sweet talk him so much so he would believe her, Thai girls love this kind of tricks) – there could be even problems to me from her friends in my favorite town of Thailand, which I do not want also.

Stickman's thoughts:

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This is all par for the course I am afraid. When you see so many red flags it is safe to assume the worst.

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