Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 215

  • Written by Dana
  • June 27th, 2009
  • 5 min read



ALPHA MALE UPDATE PLUS MUSIC RUMINATIONS

Greetings Stickmanites and all the ships at sea: Dana here with an alpha male update on my personal life.

I'm about four rows up on the right hand side as you enter the Obsessions tranny bar in the N.E.P. on Soi 4 off Sukumvit in Bangers. Three hours before I had dropped my second load of Viagra for the day and had car park Bim give me a BJ in my room at the Mothership. Why is this important? Because I know now from experience that I won't be able to fire again for about 24 hours. Once my tissues get saturated with Viagra everything gets a little wacky. Tent peg hard veins bursting photo opportunity erection yes–ejaculation no.

So that's when I always head for the Obsessions tranny bar. Anyway, I'm six rows up, leaning back, pants around my ankles, and big tranny Danny is on me like a dog on a bone. You'd think she was licking bacteria off a corpse to earn her way to Nirvana. But I ain't gonna spout. I know it. She doesn't. So she gets frustrated and goes to Plan B.

Plan B is to ride me in public 'till I blow like Melville's white whale. She pulls off her skirt and underpants, unties her dick, and starts to mount me. I'm little and she's about 6'2" in heels. It looks like a preying mantis consuming a rampant mouse. I'm holding my flagpole up with two hands and she's rockin' and rollin' and grinding. As soon as she hits bottom she'll start to go up and down like a perverted piston.

Just then the bar lights flash on and off twice–all the dancing girls scream and start hopping down off the stage–and the police burst in. They've got the skin tight uniforms and the piss cups and . . . guns. I've got a half naked tranny trying to hide behind the seats, and my pants around my ankles. But that is not really what I want to talk about today. What I want to talk about today is an essay entitled:

GOD I LOVE MUSIC

Greetings again hepcats, and Dana fans. Today is Buy One, Get One Free Day as the mamasan said to the tourist. In other words, this essay has two offerings. I know what you are thinking:

"How much can Dana smile on me?"

Just go with it. The first part is titled: Classical, and the second part is titled: Pop. One deals with classical music, and one deals with pop music. Enjoy.

Part One: Classical

How about you? Do you love and understand violin music as much as I do? Of course you don't. How could you? You must often feel lost and confused between the text description of some music and the actual music. Sort of like Moses wandering for forty years in the desert with people saying: "Hey Moses, where the fugawi?"

Well, as a service and as a learning tool, I am going to present the text description of some music and then translate it into layman's terms. I hope this makes it seem more approachable and real to you. You will see when you read this typical text description that it is the kind of thing that usually makes a lad say: "Holly Cowsky Batman, this looks really important and interesting; but I'm just not sure I am smart enough to understand it."

Example:

"The first two movements are coupled together in the manner of an improvisatory prelude and extended fugue, the latter continually alternating between strict polyphony and single line passage work. The third movements release the tension and provide welcome tonal relief, while the finales share the symmetrical plan of a typical binary suite movement." — Unknown

1. " . . . the first two movements are coupled together in the manner of an improvisatory prelude . . . "
That is what happens between you and your bargirl before you leave the bar.

2. " . . . extended fugue,"
Ok, that is what happens back at the Nana Hotel.

3. " . . . the latter continually alternating between strict polyphony and single line passage work."
Ok, easy: sometimes both of you are working at it, and sometimes only one of you is doing the work.

4. "The third movements release the tension . . . "
Too easy; orgasm baby!

5. " . . . welcome tonal relief,"
That is what you feel on the plane flying back to Melbourne, or Juddah, or Edmonton, or Christ Church, or Boston. No more Thai language. No more wondering if your teeruk spent the last nine days saying 'darling' or 'monkey's ass'.

6. "the finales share the symmetrical plan of a typical binary suite movement."

Ok, more on the athletic heaving and grunting of the final orgasm. This happens either because she:

a. Loves you.
b. Wants you to think she loves you.
c. Is actually having an orgasm and you are completely unimportant.
d. Has cramping gas and is trying to blow out a fart.
e. Likes to pretend she is a Christian as in: "Oh God – Oh Jesus – Oh God".
f. Is on yaa baa and would couple with a soi dog if someone trimmed his nails.

Of course, none of the above reasons for the fact or fictional performance are important. The only thing that counts is that it is a " . . . symmetrical plan of a typical binary suite movement." and it only cost 500 baht.

Part Two: Pop

I nominate the song Lonesome Town, sung by Ricky Nelson in most cases, as the official song for Pattaya and Pattayaites. Give it a read, Google it up, play it; and see if this does not work for you as an anthem for the Pattaya experience.

Lonesome Town — music and lyrics by Baker Knight

There's a place where lovers go
To cry their troubles away
And they call it
Lonesome Town

Where the broken hearts stay
You can buy a dream or two
To last you all through the years
And the only price you pay
Is a heart full of tears

Goin' down to Lonesome Town
Where the broken hearts stay
Goin' down to Lonesome Town
To cry my troubles away

In the town of broken dreams
The streets are filled with regret
Maybe down in Lonesome Town
I can learn to forget

Maybe down in Lonesome Town
I can learn to forget

Lonesome Town
______________

That's it guys. My nominee for the best Pattaya song. Got any better ideas for a Pattaya official song? Great. Send them in to this website. Let's have some fun.

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