To Maggie And TL101
You are going through a difficult situation and some of the responses on this site were coming from a mongering, butterfly perspective. There is no realistic way that anyone could possibly know what happened in your marriage except for you and your husband. In any relationship, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors except for the people in the relationship. So I didn't really care for some of the people that wrote in assuming Maggie's husband left her for a bar girl because she let herself go appearance-wise or her sexual need. I'm sure these sex tourists don't like judgment about their Thailand activities when returning to Farangland – so they shouldn't throw stones .
I liked the response from Thailover101 and I think it was Marc Holt. They were realistic and fair viewpoints – one taken from a man in the midst of the Thai bar scene and perhaps the other from a man that has been there and done that/or has moved on from the Thai nightlife. Either way, the submissions were as men that can empathize – not from the mongering sex tourist who doesn't care about the repercussions. It is true that if the wives / girlfriends ever did anything similar to what the men do in Thailand it wouldn't be tolerated at all. The person who suggested a soapie massage with sex doesn't count because it's a no-strings attached transaction is really a comedian. If he had a wife or a girlfriend, I'd like to see him accepting that justification for their behavior.
With Thailover101, he wrote Maggie an email, one to express his thoughts for her sake and then also for what appears to be his sake. It sounds like he knows he should try to get over the Thai bar scene, P4P industry, but he's in the middle of it. He wrote his "ex-girlfriend," to which Stickman entered "a Freudian slip"- <NO, he wrote girlFIEND not girlfriend! – Stick> this is interesting because it appears that Stickman knows Thailover101 is still in a relationship. This makes sense, otherwise why would Thailover101 want to remove himself from Thailand, hoping to get burnt out by all the sex Thailand has to offer. Especially since his other entries about his sex trips tell how much he's willingly been swallowed by the P4P.
Thailover101, if you are still in a relationship and the ex-girlfriend remark was a Freudian slip, you should make good on your subconscious slip of the tongue. Otherwise, if you are in so deep (and your other entries prove it) it's not fair to lead someone along into believing they're in a relationship with you when they're not. When women think of relationship, they generally think monogamy, however, with your Thai fever, it's not a relationship until you extract yourself from the Thailand sex life. And it's not fair of you to live a double-life of boyfriend AND Thailover101. You should end it with your girlfriend and then you can either completely dive 100% into Thailand sex life or remove yourself from it 100%. From all of the other stories on here, there is no reason why a man who is single and loves the hookers so much in Thailand would ever want to stop himself with only a few trips to the LOS. <Your interpretations are wrong as you saw an R that was not there! This ex-teacher says you need to read more carefully – Stick>
And to Maggie, be careful about taking your husband back if he returns to you. I can tell you that taking a man back that is so deep into the Thailand sex scene is easier said than done. In fact, I'm not sure it's out of mine's system. I'm an Asian woman who works out, keeps my appearances up, take care of myself and still have my share of opportunity/compliments from men in the US and when I travel. Why stray from one Asian to another Asian when you get your needs, desires met? Only the men involved can answer that. While taking care of my Farang man, I have accidentally done the things that are a part of the GFE: cooking, massages, backrubs, soapy showers and tried to show physical affection. However, the physical affection is something he still has problems with and I realized not too long ago that his Thai hookers do this and he's trying to keep us completely separate.
Who knows if Thailand will ever get out of a man's system completely and you will always question it with your husband. You will also doubt yourself. He will hide his obsession more carefully and it will drive you crazy. This is what I'm going through and even though we're trying to work it out, it may be too late. I don't see him in the same way, my love even though still there and burning bright, has shifted a bit. And when he looks off into the distance, I wonder if he's thinking about his hookers from Nana Plaza. When he glances at another Asian woman, does she remind him of a freelancer?
So Maggie, think long and hard about taking your husband back. He has made the bargirl choices without you and your feelings in mind, so you should do the same. Think about the advice you would give to your daughter or your best friend in the same situation. Decide if you love yourself enough. You have been betrayed, hurt and humiliated, can the love for your husband overcome the betrayal, pain and humiliation? Step back from your emotional angst and then see what love you have left for your husband. Perhaps you both can turn to a future in a different place, a more honest place of love. Or sometimes the damage done just keeps collapsing out from under, no matter how much you try to get past it.
Interesting perspective this, whether a woman could truly forgive and forget.