Valentines Day Special Part 1, Predators
That said, I wonder if a common element with these girls was that most (all?) were either met online or in tourist areas. It sounds as though many of the women you met were not really good girls at all, but rather "good time girls".
The three parts of this series are opinion pieces. My opinion. Nothing more and certainly nothing less.
The above quote, oft said in one form or the other by many expats with significant time in the country, is nothing short of what I call “obvious wisdom.” Since reading these words at the bottom of a submission I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the message. What seems obvious to some, might not be to others. As a Valentines Day gift I’m going to endeavor a three part series designed to help you accomplish the goal of finding a proper mate.
With that said I’m not sure I believe in marriage anymore. Marriage in the western world has become nothing more than a legal contract that heavily favors the female partner. I maintain there is not a single advantage for a man to marry, with the exceptions of immigration purposes and perhaps some tax savings. Anything else you can do with standard legal contracts. Knowing very few will heed this advice I continue:
The women in the bars, tourist areas, and online are predators. Predators? Absolutely! Men don’t normally think of women as predators but they well should. Do you think women choose to come to Bangkok and work in the bars servicing foreigners because they enjoy the work? Or because working in the hotels, travel agencies, and other supporting infrastructure of the tourism industry is a dream job? Almost without exception (and there are always exceptions) the women choosing to work in these areas do so because they’re hunting YOU! Some do so with pure intentions, most do so for greed and lifestyle gain.
Why would they be hunting a foreigner? Does anyone really believe that one day sweet young Noy wakes up with a romantic vision of meeting a dashing foreign stranger 20-30 years her senior and living happily ever after? What about the myth that Thai men are lousy husbands and fathers? Anyone who has been here a while knows that like in any western country, there are an almost equal ratio of good and bad husbands. Thai men in general adore their families and take great care to protect and care for them. Thai men however generally have less money when compared to their western counterparts. Thai men can also put homes in their own name.
Where I grew up those gifted with certain looks were often told by family and friends to become models, actors, or entertainers of some sort. If you were lucky enough to be born with desirable looks you were encouraged to take advantage of them. Becoming a model, actor, or entertainer offers the promise of more riches and a better life than you’d normally have. Thai families don’t think any different, if a daughter, or niece, or a friend has desirable looks and nothing else better going for them, they’re often encouraged to pursue a farang. And the families know the successful pursuit could very well raise the standard of living for the entire family. For ages, beautiful women in America have been encouraged to head to Hollywood or close by somewhere in Los Angeles. The closer they get, the better the chance they’ll be discovered. For ages, beautiful women in Thailand have been encouraged to head to Bangkok or Pattaya. Predators. They come to Bangkok or Pattaya with the express purpose of meeting farangs for financial or personal lifestyle gain, ideally both.
Virtual tourist areas are what you find online at Thailand Love Links, Hi5, and other online social networks. Thai women don’t even need to move to the tourist areas, they only have to be willing to travel there to meet their marks. They’ve also learned that they don’t necessarily need to be beautiful or young, only smart and manipulative.
You might ask what’s the problem, why would it be bad to meet women in these areas? Many reasons, but let's talk about just the main ones. Women with the desire for “more”, especially to the extent of being willing to leave their family, friends, and country and relocate overseas, show a strong willingness to cut through almost any moral or ethical boundary to do so. Often they don’t have anything else going for them so they’re willing to “settle” for less than real love. Many have told you that Thai women don’t ‘love’ the same way western women do. Don’t you believe it! Love is love the world over. A Thai women knows how to love in the same way western women do. Usually though it’s to a Thai man. A woman willing to forsake, or plain fake love.. is driven past the point of ethical and moral boundaries most western men consider essential in a spouse. It comes down to motivation.
So where do you find them? Fortunately the bars and tourist areas encompass only a very small percentage of Thailand. Thailand is full of wonderful people and great women. You only need to get away from the tourist areas and you’ll find them everywhere.
It never fails to amaze me when I see how many men come to Thailand and never leave the tourist areas. They don’t even consider taking trains or buses to the countryside, or the BTS or MRT to parts of Bangkok away from the tourist areas. Or maybe renting a car and taking a road trip up north or northeast. The opportunities are limitless.
Leave your hotel and get as far away from the tourist areas as you can. Sure, if you go into Robinsons on Sukhumvit and ask a saleslady to dinner, chances are she’ll say yes. After all, that’s why she’s working at the Robinsons in the tourist areas. Head to the Robinsons across the river, in the Rangsit area, or the many other Thai only areas of Bangkok and the chances she’ll say yes are greatly diminished. Yes, this means you have to work much harder to get women to go out with you. This is because these women aren’t predators and they aren’t primarily motivated by greed. These are more likely to be well adjusted women with real lives. You’ll need to work to get their attention.
Visit the same mall or store many times, eat at the same restaurant often, or make yourself known almost anywhere on a regular basis and you’ll start to be noticed by the women regardless of your nationality. When you do ask a Thai woman out, expect that she might say no. That’s okay, don’t give up. Ask her again at a later date. And perhaps again. When one does agree to go out with you, don’t expect too much too soon. Normal Thai women (those who haven’t already mentally decided to hunt farang) need time to think about dating a farang, to consider all that’s involved. You might ask them one week, they might tell their family and friends they were asked shortly afterwards, and by the next time you ask them again they’ve had a chance to think about it. They might say yes.
This much effort requires either long vacations or the commitment to live here a while. Sorry, but the chances of you finding your soul mate during a two week vacation in a tourist area full of bars and massage parlors isn’t very keen. However, the chances of you meeting a financially motivated shark are very good.
Use your imagination and reasoning skills. Not long ago I had the occasion to visit a dormitory on the campus of a major university. This dormitory was expressly for female professors. Most female professors at the bigger universities come from good families, are highly educated, possibly worldly, and most speak English at a very decent level. Many have studied overseas and might be familiar with a specific western country. While standing outside the lobby I had 4-5 nice looking female 30ish professors stop and say hello and ask if I needed help. It was obvious some wouldn’t have minded starting up a conversation.
Businesses employ many women. I meet them on a daily basis. When I get my car serviced the ladies at the dealership are eager to chat, buying airplane tickets at the airlines main office reveals more. Everywhere you conduct business you’ll find professional women. Don’t be afraid to chat with them.
Introductions can be both bad and good. If the introduction is made through a Thai you have professional dealings with, then they’re actually vouching for the person they introduce. It’s much better if a Thai male makes the introduction, they tend to have higher standards than Thai females interested in fixing up friends. However, be very careful if being introduced by a farang. Most farangs are involved with women from bars, tourist areas, or online. These women all have friends who work in bars, tourist areas, or hang out online. Who do you think you’ll be introduced to? What do you think their expectations and motivations will be?
Really, meeting a normal Thai women is just like meeting a normal western women. The same rules apply. Do you think you’ll find a great western woman when out bar hopping? Apply the same rules as you would in the west, and you’ll be doing fine. Of course all this means that you’ll need to work hard to meet a quality woman, or maybe it’ll just happen by accident while out and about. Either way you’ll want to increase your odds of long term success by exercising just a bit of “obvious wisdom..”
Until Next time…
What you say about the Thai online sites not being the bets place to meet the best women is oh so true. Oh how the internet landscape has changed!