Readers' Submissions

Of Black And White Dresses In Bangkok

  • Written by Monte
  • October 10th, 2008
  • 19 min read



Since my first visit to Bangkok in 1986, this city and its citizens just fascinate the hell outta me. The sights and smells, the atmosphere and energy is mesmerising and as we all know very addictive. Every visit brings a new flavor or experience that always seems to insure your return. As my initial submission on 14/8/08 explains my absence of a coupla years, I would in July start planning my return. Setting up my flight and hotel reservations would be easier as I, at 56 yrs, had become semi-computer literate. Contrary to western news reports of huge increases in airfares, I was to find that by juggling dates and flights on Orbitz, I was able to actually duplicate my fare ($1271 USD), from my 2006 trip, from Palm Beach, FL to Bangkok, even maneuvering the Tokyo-BKK-Tokyo portion on Thai Air. I grew up in an airline family and have learned over the years that the once proud American air carriers have truly fallen on hard times and whenever possible I find Thai Air, Cathay-Pacific, and Lufthansa represent much of what a great, luxurious experience air travel once was.

So late in August I arrived at the new Suwarnabhumi airport. Am I just unlucky or does everyone's flight pull up to the furthest gate from the terminal? Anyway, the moving walkways are a great feature and I whisk along to the beloved smoking rooms. Why don't all airports have these rooms? I've found them at Atlanta and L.A., on the way at Dallas I made a toilet stall the new smoking room. Ha! Years ago I got caught smoking in the toilet onboard a Continental flight and I think I am still on a naughty list on their computers.

Anyway, back into this beautiful airport for my long trip thru currency exchange and out to the taxi stand. Taxi guy will use the meter but, seems put out that I want a cigarette on the way, what a party-pooper he is. When I do eventually light up he puts down all the windows, at highway speed…nice move Plato, as this insures that all the flaming ashes end up blowing around inside the cab. Also, how convenient is it to fumble around your pocket in the dark cab for toll money for these clowns? Couldn't we just settle up at the end?

Exiting the toll road and into the city, I like to roll down my window and take in the odd smells and surreal sights of all the street people under all the low wattage fluorescent lighting so prevalent in the third world. That's the first real sign that your not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy! The next sure sign is driving down Soi 3, the Arab area, and into the car park of the Nana Hotel. Now, I feel sorry for any newbie that hasn't pulled into here after a 25 hour, sleepless flight from the U.S. east coast, it doesn't get any more surreal than this.

As you exit and pay the fare, you are surrounded by the freelance girls at their place of business. You just know they are sizing you up for future reference. I just stare back in wonderment of what will transpire here in the next 16 days. It's like Christmas shopping and you are the most tired kid at the toy store. Taxi fare is approx. 300 baht ($9), and I soon square off with Dragon Lady at reception.

Anyone who has ever stayed at Nana will know of whom I speak. She is actually about 50-60ish slim and small, at one time she was a real spinner. How I had never had a run-in with her in previous stays is a minor miracle. Anyway, even though you have emailed them a month ago with reservation and room preferences, and they had confirmed albeit with their price increases…yah whatever. In typical Thai style, Dragon gives me one shitty room after another, the second of which I tell her I would accept only if she stayed with me herself. Ha! Sadly, she passes on this opportunity and produces the perfect room, but with the 1690 baht rate, possibly my small punishment for hitting on her…well, old girl it seems we will never know what could've been. This is about the seventh time I have stayed here, previously I had stayed at the Menorah and the Dusit Thani, but they cost a lot more and their parking lot just has cars in it. Seems like both the hotel and I have aged semi-gracefully together. I love the large breakfast buffet they have with both Thai and western food. And after all it is the Mothership for all the carnal pleasures that are close at hand. It's ground central for all the friends I have made over the years, both the guys inside and the females outside. I will certainly try as I might, to get to as many girls as is humanely possible in the days ahead.

But before I plunder the womanhood of Isaan, let me clue you into the very best value in the land, yes folks even possibly better than the pussy! Blasphemy you say! Well to that I say…Thai massage…yes, you heard me right. After a 25 hour numbing flight from Farangland, and with this being the Kingdom, the very next morning I will proceed to Bua Thip Massage, 4/1-2 Sukhumvit Soi 5, just past Foodland on Soi 5. I have been going there for years a and these ladies have the hand strength of steel workers. This isn't the happy ending or soapy massage, this is real kick your ass massage. A one hour massage is a mere 270 baht ($8), two hour is 350 baht ($11 USD). Once, I had a two hour and the last half hour she had me on my side, pulled my top leg up toward my chest, then she put pressure on my inner lower leg just between my balls and thigh. Holding it there for about 25 seconds and when she released it my femoral artery shot the blood back into my leg. Hell I thought I pissed myself, that was one of the best sensations ever, we've all had orgasms that pale in comparison. Now am I talking you all's language? I usually tip strong here depending on how great it was, never had a bad one.

Another must when I am in Bangkok is Camel shirts which can be found at MBK shopping center, a great place to girl watch also. Also they sell Camel stuff at the Central Dept. store at Chidlom, right next to skytrain station. These shirts are kind of a Safari style with zippered and buttoned pockets, especially good for flying around the world. I've tried to find them in USA, but I think Camel is an Australian brand. They even have a single store in MBK, sometimes they discount. Check it out next time you're in the city.

Among the really good food in this area is Bully's, where I had the best Pad Thai I have ever had, wrapped in an egg crepe, the steam rises as you cut into it and only 140 baht ($4). My American friend swears by the pork chop dinner here.

Also enjoyed the Big Mango, on down Soi 4, then down a narrow alley on the left side, look for the big sign down the alley. Anyway they do a killer cheeseburger from 89 baht, you can add fries or onion rings too. Only thing was I couldn't get across to her that I wanted "RARE", some places are afraid of cooking any meat rare, it was great anyway. They have this fancy stone bar and true HD television right in front of you, can't wait to go back there next trip. Big Mango has Beer Lao, which I like a lot, even though as I always say it will never be big time unless it gets a proper logo that looks good on a t-shirt.

Also Foodland has really delicious, reasonably priced food. I like to sit down toward the end and watch the women cook, like artists with the wok, stirring it up, flying the food up in the air then, down and right onto your plate. I just love to watch them cook.

There are a coupla Japanese places at MBK that I like as well. When I have had too much to drink, which is a lot in Bangkok, it's like spring break in college, anyway the two Thai girls that grill cheeseburgers, 80 baht, at the entrance to NEP, can be a godsend.

One of my favorite hangouts (hunting grounds) is of course The Biergarten on Soi 7, very informal, good German food, and usually a nice selection of freelancers on hand. The beers are a good deal here, unfortunately for me, scotch and waters are too small and too expensive. It doesn't seem as busy as it used to be and several times on this trip it seemed like there were as many guys as girls in there, but I still like it there. Some of the guys bitch about the girls, you know how they lie and are insincere. Well I say, God bless these girls, none of these guys can get their heads around what life must be like for a lot of these girls, the awful life they have, the shit they must put up with! I asked one of my buddies, "See that fat German guy over there? How many baht would it take for you to blow him and let him fxxx you, huh? how much?" Maybe a lot of guys that come to Bangkok ought to give some thought to such things.

Sorry, I almost slipped off the barstool or soapbox there. I once took a really cute shy girl outta here and she told me no one had taken here in three weeks…can you imagine getting cleaned up, dressed up, trying to look sexy and getting passed on that long? Sure they lie a lot and they might angle to get more baht outta us…but, their world is nigh on impossible for any of us to contemplate, anyone that thinks I am wrong, my email address will be at the end of this submission. Cowboy up, and let me know what you think! Anyway, seems like a lot of the girls seem to gather together and don't spread out enough to score a guy like they should. As an ex-new car sales manager, I think better marketing skills should be employed here. Also, how about some new lines,…Hello handsome man…where you go?…I go with you…you want massage? Come on girls, we have to get some better closing lines than these don't we? I am going to try like hell to think of some new opening lines for these unfortunate maidens, before I return next year.

Funny thing happened one night at Biergarten when my buddy Phil from England and I were drinking at the bar, playing that ever popular bar game called…WHO WOULD YOU DO??? Among our favorites was an exceptionally beautiful tall girl, sexy slim, that we called black and white dress, for want of any real name. Sadly, I forget most of their names within days. We watched as this big Aussie guy plied her and another girl with about 4 beers. Later, as the Aussie evidently took the other girl, Phil pointed out another guy was buying large red wines for several girls including black and white dress. As Phil and I got more wasted, he had to go back to the hotel to sleep, leaving me talking with an English guy who taught at one of the universities. Teacher and I were having a great time and soon he attracted a cute short girl who sat down beside him. Well she just had the best personality and we were all joking and drinking and such, when she asks why I am alone, that she has a friend, and don't you know within a minute, who sits down next to me but, Black and White dress! Well it must be my lucky day! Her and I are now both pretty much in the bag and within minutes we are really making out right there at the bar. Finally we come up for air and I ask her if she will be alright to go back to my place. She thinks she is about 50/50, but doesn't think she'll get sick.

We excuse ourselves and walk down to "Pussy Passage", the narrow walkway between sois 5 & 7. We decide Isaan food might be a grand idea and sit down for some. I even tried some and it was only semi-nuclear. A lot of it is just raw vegetables. Now she is looking better and we make it back to the hotel, wolfing down two iced coffees on the way upstairs. Well we just had the best sex together and eventually spent the whole night together, which is rare for me.

Turns out she is 30 and has a ten year old son, showed me his photo, and he was just as cute as her. This girl was built like a supermodel, 5'8", about 115 lbs, tiny boobs, I will never look at models the same way again. Funny, in the morning when we come downstairs, Phil sees her leave and asks, Black and White dress? He is blown away. We both laughed our asses off about that. I told him the funniest part was I never even had to buy a single lady drink! God, I just love Thailand!

You know, over the years I think I've had just as much fun with girls from the Biergarten as the girls from NEP. The ladies from Nana Entertainment Plaza just have better marketing on their side. You get to see their bodies before renting them. I have another buddy from the states who has the hots for this girl at Mandarin Gogo in NEP, so we go there and as I barely have two sips from my beer and suddenly this little gorgeous angel climbs onto my lap, bouncing up and down, and french kissing me like we are engaged. I am very turned on and soon she can feel the woodie she has produced, thought I was gonna rip my cargo shorts, a true diamond cutter moment! Anyway, after her drink, my drink, one for the Mamasan as I think a happy Mamasan is the key to a happy experience, we're back in my room, naked and making out like dates at the prom. Turns out she is really tiny, maybe 4"8" and all of 75 lbs. Cute as a button and with the biggest bush I have ever seen on a Thai girl. I thought it looked like she had Buckwheat in a leg lock! Ha! She tells me she's worked at Mandarin only one month and as she knows almost no English, I believe her. Hope maybe her home girls at the gogo can clue her in that the winter-ready bush look is out. Thankfully, she was great in the sack, because I figure it costs roughly 3000 baht minimum to do a girl from NEP, drinks, barfine, her 2000 baht all together. Lucky I am retired. If I was still working I would probably give a shit! At least at NEP, they dance in front of you naked or near naked so you know what your getting. Days later little one stops me out front in the street and wants me to come get her, I tell her I will see her some night before I go. Sometimes these gogo girls ruin it for you going back there because they have some kind of rights of discovery on you at that place. Has anyone else felt this way before?

The guy I consider my best friend in Bangkok, moved there from Colorado in 2005, and we met as he arrived at the Mothership. I'm so proud of how he has acclimated, learned to speak, read, and write in Thai. He has truly met the challenge of a new environment head-on. Even an ill fated relationship with a gogo girl outta NEP hasn't dampened his spirit. He has the sharpest wit of anyone I know and on many nights there we could be found drinking at the outside bar in front of Playskool. I get to know some of the girls that work there, while we get shit-faced. I wear a big, semi-gaudy diamond ring, it's the only jewelry I wear. I got it years ago, as my sales guys sold the most Nissans in the area, over the years the car biz was very good to me. Anyway two of the girls at the bar jokingly tell me how they would get it. One says she would cut the finger off right at the hand and take it, the other says to just put some oil at the knuckle and slide it off. I find them both cunning and cute! Ha! A great adventure is when you really have to take a piss and you stumble thru the gogo part in the mostly dark, girls reaching down from the stage for you, to find the open urinal in the way back. You know where the girls walk right behind you giggling, and on the wall are adverts for the ten minute HIV test, a truly nice touch in this environment. Sometimes it's fun to drink and observe outside as there is none of the pressure exerted on you, as being inside the gogo. He is very knowledgeable of much of the inner workings of the industry. I was shown the girls that specialize in the Japanese guys, with different hairstyles, makeup, and dress, designed to attract their specific clientele. To watch these ladies in action is to watch refined pros, as they speak enough Japanese to really close the deal. Much like the aforementioned cooks at Foodland, it is inspiring to see true professionals at the top of their game.

One night, my last, we go into Mandarin, I wanna say goodbye to little one and he wants to visit a Mamasan he knows from another gogo she used to work at. Little one is dear enough to me that I hope she survives this life. I know eventually she'll become hardened to the career. It's tremendous how much you can learn about this industry if you just sit back and listen. Eventually we are the only guys in there and I find out even if we leave, the girls must keep dancing, it's a job requirement, to make things look busy should others wander in.

On exiting NEP, there is a Buddha shrine on the right side, next to the escalator, lavished with food and beverage offerings. If you are ever there early evening as the girls come in you will see them bringing stuff and waiing to Buddha. It's kinda dark but as we walk by I am taken aback as several large rats are gorging on all of Buddha's treats. As I recover from this visual nightmare, there is something somehow appropriate about rats crawling around NEP, they have both big and small, huh? I wish more guys would write into Stick about all the weird experiences they've encountered at NEP. Stick, I will tip my hat to you, as you are spot on about the whole naughty environment has really dropped off quite a lot. Several long-time friends that annually visit Bangkok, now say Angeles City is the next big destination. I will never know as my wife is a Filipino and as she lets me visit Thailand annually, you really gotta love the way an Eastern wife thinks, huh? Anywhere in the Philippines might be pushing the envelope too much. Plus, to a degree, most of the Philippines is a dump and more dangerous than Thailand. I do think that the guys that are looking to find a life mate would be much better served if they looked in the Philippines, rather than in Thailand. I know many have had differing degrees of success with Thais, but, and I say with some experience, most all Filipino women are honest, strict Catholics and speak excellent English. They sincerely just want someone to treat them well and give them a better life. My wife is the most honest person I know. You just have a better chance for success there, but probably not Angeles City. Some time I will write a submission of the adventure that was finding and marrying my wife of 18 years. When I show her photo to my friends, they always wonder what I am doing in Bangkok. Unusually, some of the best girls I've ever had in Bangkok came outta the Nana Hotel parking lot. This trip it's not quite the scene as previous. I know business is really slow as I have made friends with several girls over the years and also possibly the slow demise of Angel's Disco is probably partly responsible. That place used to be a huge chick magnet. Met Rick once. He did a great job running it, guess he is long gone now…too bad. One night I wander outside at midnight to find only 6 girls in the lot…6 girls…amazing! Anyway later in the evening it's usually much busier and my drinking buddies and I are sometimes among the late-night cruisers. I've had some of my best fun with these girls and rarely get a starfish. Sure, you'll be disappointed occasionally but for only 1000 baht short time, what the hell. I've met some of the warmest hearted ladies on this lot that you will ever find in this city. Sometimes it's in what you make of it…right? When it gets to be 3 or 4 AM, I think the ladyboys outnumber the girls. There are a lot more ladyboys than there used to be. Somebody must be fxxxing them! Some of them are better looking than the girls…what's up with that?

I've never been with a ladyboy, but sure am curious about what it must be like? Where is Dana when I need some ladyboy feedback? Enquiring minds need to know! Well, sorry this has gotten so long. As I just got back to Florida two weeks ago and my left butt cheek is slowly getting the feeling back from the 25 hour return flights. Wife and I saw "Bangkok Dangerous" – it was OK…the Thai version was better. Does anyone have any tips on surviving these flights or any great things I am missing in the Sukhumvit area, please feel free to email me. I have learned, as a smoker, that the nicotine patch is a godsend when airborne.

Stick, thanks for your patience, letting old wankers like me prattle on and also thanks for your weekly submission report, it means the world to guys like me………Peace Out…MONTE.

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

A nice, raw, old-fashioned trip report.