Only in Thailand (OIT)

Ko Samui, Pat

When I meet a new bargirl in Thailand I always make the same agreement with them. I want to drink Heineken or Sangsom the all day long and the rest is up to them. What they want to do, where to eat, where to drink, as long as I get my beer
or whiskey, it is fine with me. The first time I went to Ko Samui I was with Pat. It took her a few days to get used to this but then she was fine with my rules. We were on the way from Chaweng to Lamai when we got a flat tire. I left the motorbike
on the side of the street and we walked the 200 meters to the motorbike repair shop. There was a table with the 4 stone benches on which I sat down while Pat was talking to the motorbike repair shop man. After some time they made an agreement
and Pat sat down with me while the motorbike repair shop man went out. Instead of walking to my bike he went right to the 7 Eleven and came back with to Heineken for me. Then he went to get the bike. Just when I finished my second beer the bike
was ready to drive again. Total cost 200 baht. OIT.

Pattaya, Wa

We come back from Ko Chang and check in the Visa House on soi 8. It is early afternoon so we retire in the room. Wa is doing the woman things like unpacking while I rest on the bed. Suddenly I want to watch TV and while Wa is busy I stand
up from the bed and take the remote control from the TV. When Wa sees what I am doing she turns angry to me and said: what are you doing, I want you to lelax, if you want something you tell me and I do for you. OIT.

Ko Samui, Nee

We are walking on the beach when Nee says to me, tilac you need a beer. I reluctantly agree and we sit down at a beach restaurant. Nee orders the beer and the menu. After some time she calls back the lady of the restaurant and starts a discussion
with her. She turns to me and said, tilac no have Thai food today, only Farang food. How the hell is it possible in Thailand that you have Farang food but no Thai food? If they said no Farang food, only Thai food, I would have understood. OIT.

Bangkok, Rung

We are in the Dynasty Inn when I wake up at 2 in the afternoon while Rung is still sleeping. I look TV while Rung is still sleeping. I drink a few Heinekens while Rung is still sleeping. Finally she wakes up at 6 o'clock and cannot believe
it is evening. She thinks it's the morning. When she believes me that it is indeed evening time she tells me that it is dangerous to sleep so long. I ask her why she tells me that if you sleep too long you can die. I tell her not to worry
because if this was true there wouldn't be any Thais left. She didn't think it was funny. OIT.

Bangkok, mama

The first time I went to Thailand was 7 years ago as a backpacker. Every evening I went from Khao San Road to Patpong to look at the girls and drink beer. I was on a budget so I only drank and never barfined a girl. A friend of mine was staying
in an other guesthouse and said one day that the lady of his guesthouse (mama) wanted to see Patpong. So we went with 2 taxis with 2 couples, another backpacker (Mark), mama and me. Mama could only speak Thai so my friend's Thai girlfriend
had to translate.

When we were in a gogo and mama asked my friend's Thai girlfriend if Mark and me were sick. I said why does she think that. She said because you are in a gogo bar and you don't have a lady. I told her that I didn't haed money
for a lady and I only came to look and drink. She said you need a lady and asked me which one I liked best. I told her the number and so did Mark. She went to talk with the ladies and they came to sit with us. Just before we left mama said to
us that we had to pay bar. I told that it was no use as I couldn't bring a girl to my guesthouse. Mama asked which guesthouse and after I told her she said no problem. Back in Khao San Road mama escorted the girl and me to my guesthouse and
after a short discussion with the owner I could bring the girl to my room. Mama was 84 years old. OIT.

Bangkok, Fon

I am with Fon in her bar when she tells me that a girl who worked there before had opened a restaurant. She asks me if we can eat there later in the evening. Of course I say and ask her where it is. I don't know is the answer, then we
have a problem I say. After a long time thinking she says maybe the mamasan knows it. The mamasan doesn't but thinks she knows somebody who does. She calls but no result. After an hour of calling everybody they can think of she finally gets
the address. When it is time to eat we take a taxi and she tells the driver where to go. After 15 minutes I recognise Khao San Road and surprised I ask if the restaurant is here. No she says, then what are we doing here? I don't want to go
anymore is the answer, I want to go Gulliver's. OIT.

Stickman's thoughts:

A nice collection of stories. I loved the comment about oversleeping you made!