Readers' Submissions

Pussy Hunting in Thailand 9

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 30th, 2008
  • 9 min read



Thai Customs & Behavior

Hey there Stickies! It is your good buddy Aha again. This week me I am going to help you get on with you good Thai lady by explaining some of the Thai cultural cultures they have. You know like wai’ing, dowries, and all that other crap they try to push on unsuspecting western boys who fall in looooove. Some of it is ok for grown up men like you and me, eh? But some of it is just crap and needs to be treated like that. Me I am going to explain what the crap is today and what to do about it.

Wai not Wai?

One Stickmanite that actually seemed to be intelligent at first asked Stick when he should wai. This is a very good question because me I have seen so many white boys get it so wrong it turns my stomache. This guy he spoiled his intelligent question by ending that he will continue wai’ing the wrong people anyway just to show them respect. Ha Ha Ha Aha!

The rules for wai’ing people are real simple. Let me explain. You wai first if you are greeting someone superior to you like your boss or a older person or a politician (on second thoughts maybe not) or someone you owe money to. All others are inferior to you. Yes even that cute little girl who ushers you into your favorite bar. You do not and should not wai her. If you want to acknowledge her wai just nod your head and smile at her as you head for your night of debauchery. No need to wai doormen or security guards or shop assistants or the motorsy driver. These people are all lower on the social scale than you.

You wai back only to people of equal rank if they have waid you first. How do you figure that out if you don’t know their rank? If the person is not a service person but in some position where you need something (apart from sex or access to a bar) then you should wai. Maybe you meet a teacher or an immigration officer or a doctor you should wai them first. If the nurse wais you just smile and nod your head gratefully for her courtesy. You should do this any time you are in doubt. You are a farung. If you get it wrong the Thais will not mind. Even many Thais have trouble figuring out who to wai.

Should you wai a bar girl? No Way! She is lower much lower on the social scale than even the most dedicated monger ever will be. If you want to acknowledge her wai give her a red note. If you are too keeeneeeow to do that then just smile and offer to buy her a drink. Then she will respect you.

What if she is too ugly and you don’t want to buy her a drink after she wais you? Easy. Smile and then shake you head. She will get the message. Her wai is only intended to cow you into submission to her will for a drink anyway so denying her this way you are still being polite without knuckling under to her quest for Baht.

Dowry Payment

You are a farung a western boy. Why would you want to buy your bride? Would you pay a dowry back home? Don’t even try to tell Aha that it is to show respect to your wife’s family and show everyone what big people they are. What bullshit. What does this have to do with you? If they are genuinely happy you are marrying their daughter and that you will look after her better than they ever could they should never even mention a dowry. You are marrying the girl not the family. As one friend of me asked when his girlfriend asked him to pay the dowry …”are you asking for a bar fine like some bar girl for sale?” It is not necessary to pay a dowry these days. Let me Aha make this very clear. The demand for a dowry should always be a deal breaker. Stand your ground and do not pay it.

The dowry come about during the days of slaves when women was considered about the same status as a slave or maybe had even less status. Back then you had to pay the parents because you are taking away a daughter who could still be working under her mother like a slave. Do you want to treat your future bride like a slave? Not me brother. Many good families either rich or poor will not even ask for dowry these days. It is usually only the low class or nouveau rich what ask. The low class because they value money over their daughter’s happiness. The nouveau rich because they are so crass they think showing off so much obscene wealth elevates them in the eyes of others. Me I just laugh at these idiots. They are beneath contempt. Just look at Tata Young a beautiful young Thai superstar. She got engaged recently and her husband-to-be agreed to pay one hundred million Baht dowry. If you pay that much to buy a beautiful young woman you would want to keep her for a very long time, eh? Here is the kicker. The engagement was just called off. If they had of gotten married do you think she will give all that money back? No. Of course not. When have you ever paid for something in Thailand and then when it got busted you asked for a refund and they give your money back? Never!

Even in Samoa we do not try this crap on and ours is a very ancient yet simple society. The groom he pay for the wedding party and the bride parents she pay for the wedding. What could be fairer eh?

That First Date

In the old days good Thai women she don’t go out alone with a man on her first date. No way. She must take a friend or even an auntie along to make sure she do not get up to any mischief. Or was it in case the man might get up to any tricks? Maybe a bit of both eh? Whatever. Some Thai ladies they still like this. So if you ask a good Thai lady out for a first date and she turn up with one friend this is ok. You don’t say anything. You just be extra charming and show both ladies you are a good guy with excellent manners. The aim of the first date is to find out if you like each other. So when you think about it maybe having another girl along on the first date is good especially if the friend is even hotter than the girl you ask out eh? You can always slip the other girl your phone number some time during the evening and win even if you lose out on the first girl. You got to compliment the Thais for being so thoughtful eh?

What some Thai women do though is invite not only their good friend along but a whole lot of they friends too. They gonna have a party and you gonna pay. Oh yeah. This is not a nice thing to do eh? So you have to know how to handle this situation.

You take them to a very expensive restaurant somewhere. Yeah that be right. Make sure you know this restaurant already because this is very important point. I explain why in a moment.

Now you all sit down and you order a few bottles of Chivas whisky, ice and mixers. Then you order the best dishes on the menu. Then you all party! Yeah, you gonna party and party like there is no tomorrow. Do not you be worrying about the bill now. Me I am coming to that. Your aim right now is to make sure all her hanger on friends have a real good time. They gonna be toasting you. The girls they gonna come up and kiss all over you for sure. Your new date she is gonna be smiling and so happy because you give her big face.

Now here be the kicker. This girl she is for sure a low class idiot you never want to have anything more to do with ever again. So why you gonna spend all this money you asking? Because you are not going to pay! Oh no my good buddy. You let the party run on. Order more whisky, more food and let them have a real good time. Then when you are ready and before it is time to ask for the check bin you head out the back to the toilets. Only you don’t actually go there. You walk out the back or maybe you can walk out the front without being seen (this is very important eh?) and you disappear. You leave all them hangers on and freeloaders sitting there eating themselves stupider. Then when the bill comes they have to pay! Your ‘date’ she is not going to be too happy so you better not see her again ok? Ha Ha Ha Aha! This is what the Thais call Karma.

Now me I know some of you Stickmanites you are very smart guys eh? You know who you are and me I know too because you be the ones writing good things about Bart and me Aha. Only problem is some Stickman readers they still do not know about Thai culture or why the advice Bart and me dispense is to valuable. So don’t you be shy now. If you have any questions you be asking. Bart and me Aha will never let you down. We full of good tricks and good advises. Me I might be just a young guy but me I been to many countries and learned all the tricks real early. Anyway, with my high IQ (did I tell you my IQ is 165 and me I am a MENSA member?) you be in good hands. See you next week. Time to go tone up my 6-pack abs now. Maybe I see you at the gym eh?

Stickman's thoughts:

OK, even I will admit that this week's Aha is quite readable! Actually, this is one piece I actually liked. I had to laugh at the idea of ordering up large and leaving. Personally, I think a better thing would be to up and leave and simply throw in your share of the bill. If the bill was several thousand and there were, for basic maths purposes, seven of you, throw 1,000 baht down and say you're outta there – and make a beeline for the door and don't look back. I could never do this myself – but then I would never get into such a situation in the first place – but I have heard of similar happening, I really have!