Readers' Submissions

Pussy Hunting in Thailand 8

  • Written by Anonymous
  • August 16th, 2008
  • 9 min read



The OD is Here!

Dearest Stickies today Aha has a most wonderful treat for you. Yes, despite all the abuse some of you ungrateful slobs have heaped on me and my buddy Bart, me I still want to make you heppy. Bart he wants to too but he is otherwise engaged with one of the products of today’s heppy story. More on that later. First let me tell you who my most welcome guest is today.

Tarrrraaaaaah Daaaaaaah! Please to give a big big hand for DANA!!!!

Hello Dana it is so nice of you to come today. Can you tell my readers what we have been busy doing for the last week?

Hello Mr. Pussy.

No. No Dana. Me I keep telling you. My name it is not Pussy. Me I am Aha! The name of my column is Pussy Hunting. That is what I do. Not who I am. Me I am Aha! Got it? Aha Aha Aha!!!!

Why are you laughing? Is it my braces. I mean is it my suspenders? Take your pick depending on which side of the Big Pond you come from. You know I mean the stretchy things that hold up my gold lamé trousers and keep them away from the polished tops of my crocodile skin shoes.

I am not laughing Dana. Your suspenders are superb. Aha that is my names.

You have a single name in the plural? Ah yes. You told me some woman gave your laughable name to you when she looked down your pants. Jealous I am. All the girls do when they look down my pants is sigh in wonder.

Dana please you tell the truth. I heard one girl sigh this week and then she told me she sighed because she was wondering why you did not finished the sex change.

Pussy!

Yes Dana that is exactly what I want to tell my readers about today. You and me we have been working on a most wonderful invention. This is something I tell you dear Stickies that will exceed all your expectations. It is a wonder. It is even better than Dana’s Whore Catapult. It will have your women salivating like wild dogs on heat in Walking Street. They will chase you on songtows, on motorbikes, on the backs of fake monks begging in the street. They will beg you to let them experience it with you. They will be screaming in ecstasy. They will….

Enough! Aha, just tell them about what we have been doing.

Oh. Aha, aha ok. Dear readers, because Aha and Dana we are so generous we going to give you the opportunity to buy this device from us for a paltry small sum because we want you all to be happy. Is not that right Dana?

It is? Oh! Yes, it is. Sorry. I was lost in reverie about our discussion this morning about all the money we will make.

Yes. We have to make a lot of money to pay for the plastic surgery for our test subjects before we perfect the devices eh? What about that poor girl who had so many. . . . oh! Maybe I better tell our readers what we talking about first eh?

Good idea. Well folks several Stickmanites have complained lately about some bar girls being starfish in bed. Not the great Dana of course. All my girls get so excited when…ah…never mind. The point here is that there are too many starfish around, so Aha and I have invented a special Orgasm Device (OD) that we are going to sell to individuals and to all hotels in Pattaya. Maybe in all the low budget hotels in Bangkok too.

Yes! Yes! We had to talk to the Mayor of Pattaya and get him to pass an ordnance making every hotel in Pattaya install our device in their beds, did not we Dana?

Indeed we did. My persuasive powers and your hulking presence were all that was needed to convince him. That and a few generous sample tries. City hall is all abuzz these days after our visit. Anyway, as a result of the good Mayor issuing the edict all the hotels are installing our OD’s as we speak. It is going to revolutionize tourism in Pattaya. This will be the first place on the planet utilizing our wonderful sex aid to generate multiple orgasms on call any time you want them.

True Dana. Just imagine this Stickies. It works on any bed. It drives women crazy. She will have orgasm after orgasm. She will be shaking squirming writhing screaming squirting orgasms hours after you have left the scene. She will not stop thinking of you. At least not until you have paid her anyway. Even the laziest bar girl in the world will perform like a porn queen now. Just plug her in and away she goes! It is way better than one of those blow up sex dolls. You can have your own real live sex doll. It doesn’t get any better than that do it now, eh?

You better let me explain Aha. You are not making much sense, but that is nothing new is it? My Stickman friends our Orgasm Device or OD as we professionals like to call it is a simple device that plugs into any wall socket. Then you place the medical adhesive tabs on the girl in strategic places. This adds to the excitement of course as you help her undress and then search for the right spots to place the adhesive pads. We are not cretins. We know certain things turn on people more than others. So, just to add to the fun we supply the tabs in a range of designer colors too so you can color-coordinate with her underwear or her makeup. Whatever turns you on! When she is all hooked up, flick the switch and the OD starts sending out rhythmic pulses that stimulate her erogenous zones. All of them! We have programmed the OD to detect the best resonance for any girl. After a few minutes feeling the vibrations from her skin it will adjust to her aural field. As the pulses build up in intensity the girl begins to feel a warm glow. If you are smart you will be on top of her before this happens because as the glow builds she will start writhing and moaning better than a porn queen on steroids. Your girls will be OD-ing all over the place.

Dana do not forget to warn my readers though will you eh? Our OD is so devilishly good that not just the bar girls are going to do good out of it. As she starts orgasming she will produce a copious flow of juices. This will necessitate the use of many addition towels. Hotels will have to employ more room maids to deliver the towels. More money into the economy right there. At the same time the laundry shops in Pattaya will start doing a roaring trade washing all those additional sheets and towels. They will run out of room to dry them. So they will have to hang them on the beach road to dry giving Pattaya a whole new ambience. No more need Pattaya fear being bombed by Al Qaida. The white sheets will fool them into believing the city has already surrendered. As the terrorists wade ashore the girls will be waiting to slap on a couple of OD tabs and take them to paradise! No need for bombs. Just plug in the terrorists and watch them prostate themselves in gratitude. Thailand could become a whole new weapon in the war on terror. The hell with Bush. We have Dana and Aha’s OD!!!

Never again faithful readers will you have another starfish. No more disinterested girls going through the emotions. No sir! Each girl now will become a sexual athlete. A veritable Aphrodite seeking sexual gratification on a level you dear readers have never experienced before.

What happens you ask if you cannot keep up? Fear not! Just put a couple of those pads on your body and you too will join the girl to experience the most fantastic orgasms of all time. The shouts and screams all over Pattaya will deafen pedestrians, shoo elephants back to Surin, scare evangelists into converting to sexism instead. The world will become a wonderful place. Geriatrics will no longer go sky diving. For the cost of a girl for the night they can spend their last hours on earth bonking their brains out instead. The crime rate in Pattaya will go down to zero. Who wants to go out robbing farungs when you can stay home and do the boogaloo?

Oh happy days!

Oh crap. Me I almost forgot to tell you what happened to Bart. You know he flew back to Canada recently. He took one of our ODs over there to test the market it, eh? He sure was lucky. He landed in Vancouver where there is a large Chinese population so he did not feel homesick at all. He went down to Chinatown the first night and met a girl call Lee. He did not say if that was her first or last name but what does it matter? He plugged her in and away she went. All the Chinese shopkeepers noticed it first. The electricity blew out as she built up to the orgasm of all time. Unfortunately, Miss Lee built up such momentum she flew off the bed and landed outside on top of a car. Still vibrating so much Miss Lee caused the car to start moving. It flew down the steep hill and into the harbor where the OD finally shorted out. But not before shocking a bunch of fish. The local fishermen hauled in a bonanza. However the restaurant diners send their fish back all night complaining that they smelled too ‘fishy’.

If that is not proof that the OD works better than any other sex aid ever invented me I do not know what to tell you. Bart is in Pattaya right now setting up our special demonstration weekend. Dana and me we will joining him very soon. We just have to pull the plug on a couple of starfish from the Mothership car park we are treating. Every customer will be a happy customer from now on.

Dana, Bart and me will be at Millionaire BJ bar on Soi Post Office this weekend giving free test drives to anyone willing to try out the OD. We warn you. Throw away your viagra. You will not need it. One burst on the OD and you will be OD-ing for hours.

Plug in! It’s a blast! See you at Millionaire.

Stickman's thoughts:

Published because the readership berate me when I try to kill off these two. Don't say I am not democratic…