The Other Side of the Coin
We have all read stories about Thailand and its people through the eyes of Western men but we rarely hear anything from Thai women’s side. I always wanted to write something and BKKSW suggested me some good topics to write about, so let me start with the first topic about my experience with Western men.
Many writers cautioned Stickman readers to watch out for Thai women who have preference for Western guys. “Grab your wallet and run!” But that’s such a sweeping generalization about us. I’m not from a circle in which Thai men cheat on their wives, or fathers molest daughters, so the reason that explains my preference would not be that famous statement, “Thai men no good”. I developed my preference for Western men after spending time studying in the US for over half a decade, during which I became Western-influenced to some degree. What attracts me most is how Western brains work. Generally speaking Western men have more analytical minds than Thai men do. They appear to be more logical than Thai men, more direct, and know how and when to have fun. Their modern philosophy “work hard, play hard” seems appropriate, but doing things in “moderation” the way Thai people do seems half-assed to me.
Toward the end of my academic program I started to make contacts and got to know more people both online and offline in my area—Southern California. I didn’t have an interest to go out dating before that. I wouldn’t even notice when an American man hit on me unless it’s super-obvious like one guy asked if he could sit with me on the beach when I was in my bikini doing my reading. Even that, the answer was, “Sorry, I’m studying.” I learned a lot about how Western men are in terms of relationships from then until now. And I want to share with you some stories that you may give you a glimpse of a Thai female’s perspective.
The Navy Guy
This is the first long distant ‘relationship’ I was in. I was in California, he was in Florida. He was premium member on TF where I had been a member for a while. He was good looking but the picture he posted on TF didn’t do him justice. I remember picture of Udon Thani taken through a hotel room window on a rainy day. It painted a picture of a sad, bitter guy in my head. I mentioned that he didn’t smile in pictures on the profile. The next day he took another picture with him all smiling and sent to me. I took this as a sign of desperation. [Author’s Note: That’s a no-no, guys. Play hard to get and keep her on her toes for a while.]
Long story short, I went to see him at his home in the north end of Florida. He was divorced, Hispanic ex, 11 year old son and we’re talking about $700 alimony and seven more years of $350 child support. [Author’s Note: Girls regardless of race can do the math!] I forked out to rent a car for a week while I was there because I didn’t want to ride in his “POS Chevy truck”. Sex with him was good only when considering I had been abstinent for four years concentrating on studying and didn’t date at all. He also took me on a few naval ships on his base which I’m not sure he’d get in trouble for doing that.
The best part of the trip was that he’d leave me at home to study while he was out for work. He had this work station desk at home with a tall hutch. He put a lamp on top of the hutch. I stepped on a chair trying to reach the lamp to turn it on. Then I saw a notebook next to the base of the lamp with my phone and flight numbers on. Below my phone number were phone numbers of girls in Thailand. No wonder he tried to ask me earlier how to make a phone call to Thailand. So much for telling me he didn’t chat with anyone. He didn’t have to lie to me about this small thing but he did. [Author’s Note: don’t leave a girl at home by herself. She might not snoop but chances are she’d accidentally find some of your secrets.]
He later told me he was being sent to a US naval base in Puerto Rico for a month. Said there would be no communications from there. Hello, we are talking about US Navy base, aren’t we? No communication on the base?? Anyways, one month turned into three hadn’t heard from him. Called his cell and always got his voicemail. One day I asked myself, what if he blocked my number. So I asked my friend to call with a different area code and he picked it up in no time. It was his voice loud and clear. My heart dropped. A few weeks later he called telling me stories of how his bad commander had him stranded in Puerto Rico, his best friend used his cell phone and ran up the bill, crashed his truck, etc, while he was gone. I dumped him.
The Bruin 1
I met Bruin 1 on TF. He was also living in LA area. He pushed for meeting up that afternoon. That worried me a bit so I didn’t call him. [Author’s Note: Rushing into the first meeting really makes you look like a serial killer or a pervert!] After a few weeks I decided to meet him. He’s a Jewish Russian, but naturalized. He made fun of my accent. I thought it was funny back then but now I think what nerves! His accent is far from impeccable anyways. Sex with him was good considering his fully grown equipment was only 4” long and not what you’d call thick. His statement, “You got me hard” resulted in me looking lost as I did not notice anything no matter how hard and long I stared at his crotch! He compensated his shortcomings with good technique, though. [Author’s Note: Don’t go drown yourself if you don’t have a massive tool. Just learn and perfect the techniques and you’ll be fine] He moved to Thailand 10 days before I scheduled to come home for the summer. He asked me to bring 100 lbs of stuff to Bangkok for him. I ended up putting his 70 lbs in one suitcase and another 30 lbs in my carry-on bag. Now THAT is heavy on my back. He had a habit of flashing his jewelry. I advised him not to do that in Thailand or he’d attract the wrong kind of girls. Apparently he didn’t listen. I think his jewelry compensates for his physical shortcomings somehow.
When in Thailand, we met at a pool place in Soi Nana—a no-go place for a woman non-working girls. He’d only call me when he needed help with his setting up his business, where to get notarized, translations, or even a band for his new bar, etc. I hardly get to hang out with him. He hardly call me back and always out with someone. His Thai friends are all female. We went to Chiang Mai together and he’d be taking phone calls and walking away from me saying it was too loud or bad reception where I was standing and he didn’t hear the other party. [Author’s Note: Lame excuses like this make you look really suspicious!]
I finally went back to the US when the summer was over. I hadn’t seen him online for a few weeks after that. When I saw him I asked if he was seeing someone. He said, yes. She was a woman who owned a salon. She has very big bone structure and looked totally like an aging bargirl. So I wish him luck. She can have him. This guy is a player and user.
The Bruin 2
Bruin 2 put an ad on Los Angeles Craigslist and I replied to it. He was my age, English, very good looking, only 5’6” but tall enough for me. He was a VP of a bank in Westwood area. The first dinner date was comfortable. His dry wit and British sarcasm cracked me up. Second date was miniature golfing and go-carting. It was so much fun and is the best date I’ve had so far. Occasional brushing up our bodies created incredible sexual tension. A passionate make out session in the car followed at the end of the day. On the third date we had some minor encounter in the car and broad daylight. We finally got the real actions going on in a nice hotel by Redondo Beach on our forth date. (Why not his home, right?) He got done and all pleased and started to watch football game on TV. I asked, what about me? And he genuinely looked puzzled, “You are this wet and you weren’t there yet?” Failure of sexology in British educational system, apparently! [Author’s Note: Do some research about sex and make sure you don’t make false statements that make the woman roll her eyes into the back of her head]
The Arab American
After a year and a half that I moved back to Thailand, I broke up with my Canadian American boyfriend in the US due to distance and different goals. I put up an ad on Bangkok Craigslist out of boredom. A bunch of “Western” men replied to my post, including this guy who wrote, “I’m American but I’m different.” He was Iraqi, grew up and worked in the US. He holds a US passport. He spent at least 10K baht for that particular night—gifts and a 7K baht dinner for two at the Oriental. He got me a bottle of Chanel perfume. “Do you like expensive perfume? Do you know Chanel?” Hello!! My parents got me a big set of Lancôme makeup when I turned 18 and I’ve been using brand name beauty stuff since then, how do I not know Chanel or can’t afford it?
When he was paying for food, he’d pour out all his big bundles of cash onto the table, stumble through them to get the right amount, and put what’s left on the table, which was still a lot of money, back into his pocket. I found doing that a huge put off. If he didn’t try to show of how much cash he had, he would be the clumsiest person. [Author’s Note: No pouring cash in front of a girl or you’ll attract the wrong kind of girls who would be after your wallet. But if that’s what you want, be ready when she pulls the buffalo trick]
This guy would insist or seeing me more and more (and probably see more of me). The chemistry wasn’t there so there was no kissing or anything more than that. I only gave him a friendly hug once. (Right, I hear you guys say, “Put out, B*tch!!”) I did not want to sleep with someone just because I felt obligated to. [Author’s Note: and you men out there shouldn’t be expecting that either!]
I received a weird phone call from him around midnight after I came back from our dinner one time. He goes, “Where are you? I don’t see you!” I was already sleeping!? He hung up after realizing it was me that he called. The next day I got a phone call from his number but it was some girl with an Isaan accent. She claimed to be his maid and asked me several personal questions including, “Are you his girlfriend?” After realizing I wouldn’t buy her BS, she finally admitted she was his girlfriend coming for a visit from Ubon. I told her not to worry about me as I was only a friend, and told her to worry about her own man. I connected the dots with the weird phone call the night before and I confronted him. He said that with her was an “untangled relationship”. He normally dates several girls at the same time “just to come down to one”. It seems like our principles don’t coincide. I date one person at a time. It would’ve been OK if I knew before I started going out with him what I was up against but he never mentioned multiple dating until I found out myself. She can have him. I don’t compete with her or anyone for that matter. [Author’s Note: Guys, please be upfront. Only correct and truthful information can help making the right decision and choosing the path. Tell her and let her decide if she’s up for the competition]
I’m afraid I can go on and on but I don’t want to bore the readers more than what I might have already done. I’m not saying I’m flawless and I’m sure these men have their own versions of stories about me too. I just want the readers to hear some stories from the other side of the coin. I’m still hoping to find a superman with his pecs as hard as his tool and can do it five times a day, someone who’s 48 but looks 38, good looking, and with a nice smile and loving blue eyes that can change to green or grey depending on his moods.. but I heard a guy like this is hard to find? lol .. J
It's really good to get such an honest account from a Thai woman, albeit a Westernised and perhaps not quite so typical Thai woman.
And for any readers out there who dispute that JTG is in fact a Thai woman, I can vouch for the fact that she is, having met her.