Stickman Readers' Submissions December 7th, 2007

Age Difference – So What?

I’ve read many comments on this site and others regarding why a twenty something Thai girl is with a middle aged foreigner and why that middle aged foreigner travels many thousands of miles to get together with that twenty something Thai girl. I’ve heard the same comments in bars and even had similar suggestions from so called friends. The comments are usually something like “she’s only with him because he’s paying her” and “he goes to Thailand because he can’t get a woman in his own country”.

He Clinic Bangkok

Well, while there’s some truth in both comments in some circumstances, they are often made by younger guys who just cannot think of any other reason for such a union. Surely these girls are reserved for them…aren’t they?

On many occasions such comments are made by people who have either never been to Thailand or if they have, they have never stepped far outside the ‘nightlife’ areas. I doubt they are made by people who have any understanding of Asian cultures. Before going further, let me make one thing clear, I am not talking about the 19 year old dollies that can be seen in Sukhumvit, Patpong or Pattaya, tottering along in their high heels with a 65 year old beer bellied westerner. I think the basis for those relationships is fairly clear and it may also be clear to both parties involved but that’s their business.

So to give some of you younger ‘studs’ out there a different slant on things – and one that you will probably not believe because it just doesn’t fit with your over-testosteroned western based thinking…here is my story of why I became involved with Thailand.

CBD bangkok

I’m from England and fast approaching 50. I can drink with the best of them and I love to party but I’ve always taken care of myself and would die before I let myself get a beer belly. Yeah, I lost my hair when I was forty but its amusing to hear you make jokes about ‘baldies’ and then go out and shave your head to look like me. I’ve never fitted in with the usual ‘middle aged’ social scene, preferring to do my own thing instead. ‘My own thing’ includes dancing, motorbiking (never been without one for over 30 years) and generally doing what I like to do rather than what is expected of a ‘man of my age’.

A number of years ago my English wife of 20 years decided a new life was for her, cleaned the house out and left – just like that, no warning, nothing. Ok, that in itself was devastating but we get over these things. After a while, I started going out again but found it almost impossible to meet any decent looking girls of any age. I’ve never really been interested in the age of a girl and don’t particularly target younger girls. What I do go for is a good looker with a nice, slim body – she can be 18 or 48, I really don’t care. I’m not interested in lots of baggage or a jealous ex husband hanging around and I like girls who are genuinely interested in horizontal action – and lots of it. Now then you younger guys, try finding that on the singles market in the UK when you get to my age. Sure there are dozens of younger girls in the pubs and clubs but generally, western girls are not interested in much older men – I would be very suspicious of the motives of one who was

Have you ever taken a look at what is available in the middle aged bracket? Do you think that as a guy gets older he should settle for some fat, multi stomached old hag? – lets see what turns your head when you get older. There is one big difference between us ‘middle aged’ guys and you – we’ve been there, we know the score, whereas you have a lot to learn, you just don’t know it yet. I would add one further point, given the ever increasing waist sizes of English girls, I wouldn’t be interested in a lot of the younger ones either. Who ever told them that their fat, blotchy pink bellies look sexy in those cropped tops?

After a while the second wave of devastation started to set in – my sex life was over and I’d better learn to play bridge…not! For as long as I can remember I had fancied the pants off oriental girls but had never had an oriental girlfriend or done anything about it. Wait a minute, hadn’t I read somewhere that a guy my age could have a lot of fun (paid for) in Asia? The computer was fired up, Google given a hammering and within a few weeks I had decided that either Thailand or the Philippines was my destination. I bit more research and I decided that Thailand was the place to satisfy my sexual urges…yes we still have them in our forties – for me even more than ever. I was going to pay for it but I didn’t really care. I will also let you know right now that I have never subscribed to the thesis that you pay for it anyway – one way or another. You might if you’re a mug but I like to think I’ve never been that and my divorce settlement proves it.

wonderland clinic

A few months later I checked in to my room at The Dynasty Inn on Sukhumvit Soi 4 and within half an hour I was sat talking to 2 beauties in Big Dogs bar. And so it began – the next 2 years were spent travelling back and forth to Thailand, ravaging as many girls as I could manage on every trip. Dirty old bugger aren’t I? Yeah and I was loving it. I was pretty streetwise before I ever arrived in Thailand and had read enough to know better than to ever think the girl I was spending the night with was ‘different’ or that she really loved me. I’m sure there are some ‘good girls’ working in the bars but I wasn’t going to risk it – besides, I was having the time of my life.

After a couple of years I began to tire of the bar scene. I’d helped girls in internet café’s to send multiple e-mails (money requests) to their western sponsors, got a dose a couple of times and heard all the horror stories about the guys who got fleeced. The sparkle went and I began to see the whole scene as nothing more than sleaze. I’d regained the self confidence I lost when my marriage ended and now I was ready for something a little more fulfilling. I’d met a few people on my travels and started to become interested in seeing the other side of Thailand and trying to meet non bar scene girls. Now that in itself is not as easy as you might think – it is sometimes hard to know where the bar girl ends and the ‘Robinson’s girl’ begins and that is as true in Ubon Rachathani as it is in Pattaya.

Back home I discovered chat rooms and it didn’t take me long to find those with lots of eager Thai girls on them. It also didn’t take me long to work out that in a lot of cases these ‘MSN’ girls, as I call them, were not much different to the girls from the bar scene. In fact, I’d take a guess that a lot of bar girls go hunting on the chat rooms in their time off – actually I know they do. However, during one of my internet sessions I met a girl who lived in Bangkok, worked in an office and already had a foreign boyfriend (with whom I later became great friends). This girl made it quite clear that she only wanted to chat, she was very happy with her boyfriend and was not about to cheat on him. For some reason we got along very well and chatted online most days. After a while she told me she had a friend but she was very shy, spoke little English and had never had a foreign boyfriend. To cut through things a little, I eventually met her friend who was very hard work at first – I think someone had told her the story about foreigners marrying Thai girls and selling them in the west. A year later we were married and I embarked on a learning curve of what it is to be married into a very different culture. My wife was 26 years old, very beautiful, had a good body and was a genuinely nice person. She had a reasonably good job in Bangkok and would rather die than ever think of selling her body in the red light areas of Thailand. The age difference never came into it and I soon learned why.

She came from Isaan and I spent a lot of time up there before she got a visa and we returned to England to settle down. During that time I learned a lot about Thai culture and Thai relationships. I can tell you now that it is not at all unusual to see 20 year old Thai girls with forty year old Thai husbands in the villages of Isaan. When I questioned my wife about this she was surprised – “why not” she said? This is something that you guys who make the comments I referred to in my opening paragraph need to learn. In many Asian cultures, not just Thai, a much older partner is totally acceptable. Why? There are many reasons. Thai’s are taught to respect age and unlike westerners they do not see older people as a subject to make jokes about. But the main reason that an older man is acceptable, provided the other usual boxes are ticked, is financial – he is generally seen as stable and more likely to put bread on the table every night. In many Asian cultures, girls are taught this by their parents. Now this is where some of you younger guys get confused – you cannot tell the difference between being ripped off for everything you own by a teenage bar girl and the genuine desire for a better, more stable life of a good Thai girl. If you think you can and you still got fleeced, let me tell you, you did not meet a ‘good girl’.

For a number of reasons (read my fault), the marriage didn’t work out but I won’t go into that – it has absolutely nothing to do to with this story. During our marriage my wife never made demands for large amounts of cash, she worked all the time she was in England and sent a small amount of money home each month (just as she had done when she lived in Bangkok – it’s the Thai way – there is no welfare state in Thailand). We are still in touch today and she would have me back tomorrow if she could.

My current Thai girlfriend is 23, she was 21 when I met her and she’s a stunner. We get along very well and she’s the one who gets tired and wants to go home when we are out partying. She’s never asked me for a penny and knows very well that she wouldn’t get it if she did. She also knows that I know every trick in the book so a long term ‘sting’ is out of the question. So you over-testosteroned 20 or 30 something’s out there, how do you explain that? Why did a 26 year old agree to marry me and why am I with a 23 year old now?

I’ll grant you one thing, I can’t get a girl like my girlfriend in England because on the whole it just doesn’t happen in the west…so what? But is she with me for money? She’s not doing very well if she is and its almost 2 years since I met her. Why would she want to be with me when there’s all you virile, handsome young studs out there? Of course, you could satisfy her much better than I can couldn’t you? How the hell can a guy approaching 50 hope to satisfy a young girl like her? Well ask her who tires first lads. Ask her how good her younger ex boyfriends were in the sack?

Open you mind and realise that your thought’s are due to the culture you were born into. Not all cultures are the same and Asian cultures are very, very different to western ones. A closed mind cannot accept differences and merely sees them as wrong. I don’t feel ashamed when I walk along with my girlfriend and see your looks – it actually boosts my ego more than you could imagine. Your thinking will change as you get older and no, I’m not being patronising, I’m simply stating a fact because I’ve been there. You will find that the world is not only your oyster – believe it or not there are older guys out there who are still in full working order and yes, younger girls may find them attractive. People do not just cease to be significant when they hit middle age, they have lives too and dare I say it? Desires.

Me? I’m loving it and will do as long as I can. I couldn’t really give 2 hoots what your opinions might be but I thought you ought to hear a different slant on things. Of course you will still not accept this and brush it off as an ‘old man’s’ way of justifying his ‘lust’ for young girls but if I made you think for a moment, this post has served its purpose.

Stickman's thoughts:

Yes, older guys can easily meet younger women in Thailand – but that doesn't mean *sometimes* it does not look ridiculous. Even for me, in my mid '30s, I would not date a woman aged under 25.

nana plaza