Readers' Submissions

Stand By Your Ho




I think I am pretty much like everyone else. I was here a long time ago and maybe that gave me a leg up on my learning curve. The action was different but also the same. The lady and I still fell in love on the first night in 1968. Although I ran out of money and she moved me in with her, I am sure she was thinking long term. Her son became very much attached to me. The locals were very nice. She quit the bar and borrowed the money to support us as long as I stayed. We didn’t have a refrigerator at home and when I wanted a cold beer the boy ran a block to get me one. When I left on the plane it was raining. Someone was playing a Peter, Paul & Mary song that still brings tears to my eyes. Or maybe it was an Ian and Sylvia song. I can't really remember so I have to cry when I hear, Four Strong Winds, Early Morning Rain and Leaving on a Jet Plane.

What was I looking for when I came here this time? The land was much the same but I was different. I reached my peak years ago and I was on a downhill slide. I wanted what I left. I picked Princess because she was over the hill by most standards. She had bought and lost a karaoke business and was on a downhill slide. I thought she was ready to get out of the trade. I realized that the legions of young strippers were untrustworthy and any woman who could be or would be a swinger in Thailand was probably already working at Eden or the Hell club and I knew I would never fall in love again.

Arriving in Thailand a couple of years ago I was ready to buy a business. I knew about the naughty nightlife. I knew the perils. I knew about the ploys. I did not know about the prevalence of Thai boyfriends. I did not know that most, not many, but most Thai bargirls paid for Thai men. Sometimes they pay in cash, sometimes in food and sometimes in booze. One night I went into one of the clubs where one of her boyfriends works. He was sitting on the stage in his silver lamet backless underwear. He came over to my table to chat me up. He asked me all the usual questions but was stopped when I admitted I had a female roommate instead of a male one. This fact freaked him out. Apparently it is OK for a large percentage of the male population of Thailand to be bi-sexual but some kind of sin for a farang.

Chatting for a while he admitted that during his young life he had sex with over 26 women in addition to his male companions. He even had a Thai girlfriend. He eventually got around to the point of asking me if I would bar fine him. I asked him if he realized it would be for my lady friend. The young man seemed to go through a lot of soul searching to arrive at an answer. The first question he asked me how old she was. I told him 40. Ironic, I thought that he would be about as mentally deep as the average punter. When he finally answered me I realized in his hesitation he was trying to come up with a price. This 19 year old male whore was trying to figure out a fair price to be exposed to an old woman. He said 500 baht. I told him I was just kidding and really she was only 18. He smiled and said, “in that case only 200 baht.” It is reassuring to realize 20 years of age only costs 300 baht. I told him I would telephone my lady and get back to him. If I ever see him and Princess together it will be a fun conversation.

Before I lived in Thailand I could not imagine just how much both Thai men and women drank. I did not know about the casualness with which diseases, both STDs and others like worms, were approached here. I did not know about the incredible lack of sanitation even in expensive French grocery stores, let alone common restaurants or ask a woman in Lolita's to wash her hands between blowjobs and watch the girls laugh!

I didn’t know that vegetables were regularly sprayed with insecticides in markets and produce stands. Keep in mind that I came from Florida and was used to rats and roaches in food service establishments but not to the degree I saw them in Thailand. The above observations are not from a consumer's point of view. They are from a professional restaurateur's point of view.

It is very difficult in Thailand to produce a safe food product because of the weakness of the sanitation infrastructure in the food chain and the lack of public knowledge in even basic safe food handling procedures.

Since I have been in the hospitality business in Chicago and New Orleans I was used to bribes, corruption and the mob. No surprises there but I was not ready for the coup and the anti-foreign legislation and visa restrictions. I was not ready for the free fall of the US dollar.

When I first met Princess she took me on a tour of Bangkok. I saw every different kind of venue available. I was impressed with a few things. 1. Nothing was realistically priced. 2. Closed restaurants and / or bars tried to sell at open prices. 3. A restaurant only open for a short period of time tried to sell as if it were open for years. 4. Owners thought clear title and lease were not necessary to sell a property. 5. Key money, which is akin to armed robbery is commonplace. 6. The owners whether farang or Thai were living in some kind of seller's fantasy land.

I literally ran to Chiang Mai to see if conditions were the same. My first impression was that the prices were reasonable. Then I discovered most of the tourists in Chiang Mai and the increase in tourism were not among Farang peoples. It was among Thais, Chinese, Japanese and other Asians, most of whom were on group tours. This does not bode well for the independent small Farang entrepreneur.

Pattaya looked better until the coup and anti-Farang legislation.

My negative reaction made perfect sense to me. But take a minute and look at it from the point of view of the Thai bar girl who thought she was going to have a business to run and call her own. I had switched from high roller mode into conservative mode. I knew I had enough money to retire, with a pension, maybe teach a bit and live comfortably. I wasn’t going to buy a BMW, luxury condo, seaside home and own three gogos in Nana Plaza.

Princess was devastated although she did not know how to express this. In addition to my not wanting to buy a business she had become convinced that I wanted at least two women at a time sexually and enjoyed swinging and watching her have sex with other men and women. I had stopped taking her out to Thai clubs because I understood enough Thai to realize I was paying for her boyfriends under the guise of being a generous host. Instead I slipped into the Pattaya expat mode.

Princess was also coming to grips with my declining sexual performance because I did not want to have sex with her more than a couple of times a month or even not at all. Before you judge me too harshly, try living in Pattaya with an old beat up bar girl and 5, fresh as a daisy, ladies from upcountry. When my roommates weren’t hustling me Soi Six was only a 10 baht short ride away.

She was also faced with her peers (she thought a 25 year old drop-dead good looking stripper was her peer) all making at least 30,000 baht a month in season and who were establishing liaisons with dumber than dumb Farang sending their sweetie money to buy houses and condos for the lady and her Thai boyfriend while they were at home in Europe sweating for every penny shipped to Thailand.

Spending time in my youth as a male hooker I could understand where she was coming from. I used to do the old ladies and then pick up my young girlfriend in my Jag XK 150. I remember holding my nose and washing myself in the shower. Washing ten times to get rid of that old lady expensive perfume smell. Running strip clubs and bars I could understand her mindset.

It may be hard for most readers of this submission to understand but I taught Princess how to have sex. It may be hard to understand that a 10 year veteran of the sex trade all over Asia has anything to learn about sex from a 60 year old Farang.

For five years on the leading internet interactive porn site I listened to men from all over the world request their sex fantasies and I and my small crew satisfied them.

Most Thai women are relatively unsophisticated about sexual technique and Princess was no exception. Even when a gogo dancer gets off stage and into the bedroom she becomes modest. I taught Princess how to make other woman multiply orgasmic. I taught Princess how to use toys and leather and latex. I taught Princess how to use pain to increase pleasure. I taught her about fetishes and golden showers and much more.

Most importantly I taught her about what she refers to as “Winging.” “Kelly, Ramiken Hotel on phone want me winging this weekend, money maak maak.


I conditioned her to drop the last vestiges of her modesty. I made her proud of her old stretch-marked, leather-like body. She is no longer bothered by marks, rashes, bruises or her dark complexion. She now knows what men want. Instead of worrying about negatives she emphasizes the positive. Swinging taught her how to float naked in a pool while having sex with 5 people and order a drink at the same time. She is now the consummate sex salesperson.

Ben, my highly educated Canadian friend, said that what ever business he got into he would hire her. I asked why. He said that even if he was pushing used auto parts or a new skyscraper she would be a star because she would promise a blow job with every one sold and then lick her lips in anticipation. I made her the Eveready bunny of boomsing.

This weekend she is on a yacht with a number of other women and a large group of wealthy Japanese businessmen. She is about as far from the type of woman Japanese men like as one can get in Thailand (check out the eye operations, age, beautiful breasts, low heels and general white-skinned beauty of the ladies at Superbabies on Soi Diamond, Walking Street). What is Princess doing there? Because folks, without Princess it’s not a party. She can turn an ordination into an orgy. She has been kicked out of more than one monastery.

To uneducated women from Isaan violence comes naturally. She was just bigger, drank more and had some formal boxing training. Mostly I was not angry. I was sorry for her. I messed her up more than she already was. I unintentionally led her on. It might have worked. The government made sure it would not work.

There will always be enough old Farangs coming to Thailand till the baby boom runs out. There will always be enough Farangs who have never owned a bar or restaurant or hotel to keep things going. There will always be enough Farangs who think there is a whore with a golden heart. At the low rate of interest in Thailand there will always be Thais and Chinese ready to put up buildings and hold them till things get better.

Before she left she asked me to buy her a franchise noodle stand for 50,000 baht. She said she wanted to get out of the bar girl business and work 12 hours a day selling noodles in the heat and beating sun. I wouldn’t even cough up that paltry sum because I think she would have sold the stand for scrap to buy one last fling with her 20-year old Thai boyfriend.

I learned to speak too much Thai. Not enough to communicate well but enough to understand her on the phone at 4 AM yelling at her Thai man to take her back and she was sorry she could not give him any more money. I learned to speak enough Thai to have her girlfriends tell me I was getting screwed because she was sleeping with three Thai men. Even her daughter ratted her out and told me about her other men. Her friends have left her. Her friends won’t loan her any more money. Her friends all think she drinks too much. She is not alone yet but she is close. Her family is fed up with her. She is on a short leash.

It is a real toss up. I don’t know who I feel sorry for the most, her or me. We both tried in our fashion. We both failed.

It is hard to be angry with a loser. It is hard to be angry with a person who can’t love trying to love another person who can’t love.

So now I lay me down to sleep,
good night Princess wherever you are.
I pray to Buddha your soul to keep.

Thai Dating, Singles and Personals

Stickman's thoughts:

I thought you had extricated yourself from her clutches already?!