Readers' Submissions

Thai Thoughts and Anecdotes Part 184

  • Written by Dana
  • July 7th, 2007
  • 5 min read



MAYBE IT'S TIME

"Fate has written a tragedy; it's name is 'The Human Heart'.
The Theatre is the House of Life, Woman the mummer's part;
The Devil enters the prompter's box and the play is ready to start." (Robert Service)

I have a 10:30 p.m. appointment with Wan in front of Swenson's Ice Cream on Beach road in South Pattaya. I haven't seen her in six months and this has been all worked out in advance. I have been chasing her around now for a year and a half. And I am not sure why. She is a lousy prostitute. She has been fired from or quit all of her Go-Go hooker jobs for incompetence or indifference. She is lousy before bed, during bed, and after bed. She hates having sex with men. She sleeps with her elbows and knees pointed at me to keep me at a distance. She gives nothing, and compromises nothing, and earns nothing. She's basically just a brainless overweight drifter who couldn't make money giving it away in a blind men's prison. And I keep coming back. I keep making appointments to see her. I keep taking abuse. I keep overpaying her. I must be crazy.

The only thing I can figure is that this is one of the parts of my life that is just in the mystery category. I certainly couldn't explain it to anyone else. The other thing I know for certain is that I can not wait to see her. It must be physical. Because when I see her I light up and act foolish and happy and talk too much and try to please. Her non-Thai figure is more German or early mamasan than anything else and I can not take my eyes off her. I find her spellbinding. Now I am walking fast down the boardwalk. I don't want to be late. I am kind of a punctuality freak. I consider an appointment to be a verbal contract and I honor my contracts. I can see Swenson's Ice Cream now. I'll make it.

As I am standing on the curb waiting for a break in the traffic so that I can cross over I see her on the 2nd terrace waiting for me. I feel like a ten year old who has spotted the ice cream truck. Suddenly I feel younger, happier, more hopeful, taller, slimmer, smarter, handsomer. Over I cross and then start up the stairs slowly savoring looking at her. Her body is made for breeding–she'd make a wonderful wife and mother. Then she sees me and her face lights up. Big smile and she runs towards me. Now she is in my arms. I have to pinch myself–I feel as if I am dreaming. How could God give me this much happiness? Her soft plentiful voluptuous body was made for me. Now I know why I keep coming back. I can't help myself.

We cross back over to the boulevard and start the walk down to the AA hotel. It is a beautiful night. A night for love. For hope. For rekindled dreams.

Me: Have you missed me?
Wan: No.
Me: Have you thought of me?
Wan: No.
Me: Are you going to kiss me on the lips tonight?
Wan: No.
Me: Are you going to allow me in the shower with you tonight?
Wan: No.
Me: Do you ever dream about me when I am in America?
Wan: No.
Me: Are we going to do smoke?
Wan: No.
Me: Is there anything you would like to talk about?
Wan: How much you pay me?

"How much you pay me?" I have dreamed of her for six months. I have dreamed of us for six months. She now lives in Chiang Mai and drove all the way on her little motorbike. She got to the appointment early and waited. You would think that there would be a human relationship seed here that could grow. You would be mistaken. I turn from her and look straight ahead. The stars are out and the heat of the day is done. The lights offshore on the floating restaurants are pretty. People around us are happy. It is noisy because of the traffic and the urban chaos of a seaside resort. The noise is good because that way no one can hear the hiss of my emotional balloon deflating. I know I have value as a human being but boy-oh-boy the world of sex commerce in this country is one tough gig. People like to talk about how many farangs come here to spend time with the women. I'd be curious to know how many come once and then never return.

Farangs do not have relationships with Thai women. Thai women have relationships with farangs. Everything that happens to the farang is a surprise to him. Having a relationship with a Thai woman is like running through the woods at night with your eyes open. It is only a matter of time before you get a twig in the eye. If you don't want to get a twig in the eye then don't run through the woods at night with your eyes open. But don't fool yourself into thinking you are having a relationship with the tree.

Tough gig. As we walk I can feel my hopes and enthusiasms being replaced with temperance and wisdom. My bones and brain just give up the fight and welcome in age. No wonder old people are sometimes so cranky and impatient. A lifetime of this nonsense could wear down a diamond ball bearing; and to think that I dream and save and fly long distances to be treated this way. Is it because I can not get attention in my own country? No, the women of my country are brainless and easy. I could just as easily be disrespected and abused in my own country. But like a moth to the flame I come to Thailand. And to Wan. Anyway . . .

Wan and I–
Me and Wan?
Maybe it's time–
Time to move on.

Stickman's thoughts:

I loved this quote – "Farangs do not have relationships with Thai women. Thai women have relationships with farangs."