DV8 Diary – First Mistakes

Start from the beginning and work back.

Imagine your fist overseas assignment for your company – Where are they sending me? Norway, Holland, Germany where most of our other offices are. No they have me on a Quality Management Course with all the high fliers (Managers) from
the Asian and Middle East offices. Off to Kuala Lumpur for a week long course in some hotel for me. Unfortunately shagging the Vice President's secretary (normally in the stock cupboard) hasn’t paid off for me this time, she arranges
all the flight details and ensures I have as little time as possible away from home. So I can be back and in her bed sheets before they get cold. She probably doesn’t trust me as far as she could throw me, understandably so, but we would
eventually end up engaged (not in the stock cupboard) – but that is a whole other story!

So I am off, no looking back for me, I am finally gracing the world stage with my presence as an International playboy – If only this were true – Young men and their imaginations. Don’t get me wrong, I have been floating
around in Europe on holidays testing my charm against my Euro cousins and proving myself successful. One of my mates loves telling a story of how I am the only guy he knows that shaved off half his hair (one complete half) and was sexually molested
by a bird the first bar we walked in straight afterwards. I'm not saying this woman was a looker, in fact the same friend also loves telling the part of how he refused to let her enter our apartment because she was so ugly and refused to
let me sleep with her in the room (Some mate!). So I just went to hers instead… She wouldn’t take no for an answer, In fact I think it was more the fact she wouldn’t have anyone say yes again in a hurry so she was going to make
the most of this opportunity! To be polite to say I would shag the crack of dawn if I got up in time would be a fair statement and relevant to the Secretary’s obvious apprehension of me being the other side of the world out of view!! I
think the rule is different postcodes….

I arrived in Kuala Lumpur on a Monday morning, course starts on the Tuesday. We are all booked in and staying at the Concorde in Kuala Lumpur and our course is being held within the same hotel. I was not to know it at the time of arrival,
but whoever booked this place was a bloody genius. Hard Rock Café was downstairs and the beach bar just along the road. If only I knew then what I know now. We are all young and naïve at some points in our lives. I like to think I learn
quickly, or at least adapt to situations or the best rule is never make the same mistake twice. Well the first night there on my own I decide to venture out for some food and a couple of beers but obviously not to far from the hotel, as much as
I am a boy from the hood back home I do not know what this city holds for me. So I take a walk along and come across what looks like a pretty cool place, restaurant / bar called the beach bar. I ate alone and drank alone and watched what was happening
with great detail and intentions to get drunk and have some fun in there over the next few nights. I was oblivious to my surroundings and what the real action was that was happening.

The course details are irrelevant to this story and neither would excite me nor anyone reading so I'll skip to the more important details. During the days' activities / meetings I had became friendly with a young guy around the
same age as me and we planned as soon as the course finished to swiftly shower and change and head out and see what there was to offer. Both of us were in relationships but of course the different postcode rule applies. We headed along to the
beach bar where I had told him there were some gorgeous women; we could garb a bite to eat and get a few beers in and see what else happened. Well to my complete astonishment he told me the place was full of prostitutes! Like a fucking idiot I
am looking around in every direction and can not seem to place anyone who I could figure out as being a prostitute. I know I am used to seeing them at the corner of the street in the UK, short skirts, revealing clothes, most probably looking a
bit worse for wear or smacked out of their heads (that’s heroin). I just couldn’t see anyone one looking like that. I told him he was full of shit and asked him to point out which one he was talking about. Hell – it gets worse
he tells me, all of them! I am just lost for a few moments I can’t compute this in my head. Right he can see I am confused. Right, the next time a white guy walks in watch what happens, and seriously look around you at the stunning birds
and the shape of the guys they are with. I had really paid too much attention to it, just presumed they were work colleagues or similar and now was beginning to notice the open groping etc! What the hell is going on here, Of course the next white
guy that steps in has 4 women in tow with him and to say he wouldn’t win any prizes in a beauty contest was a slight understatement but he was doing his best impression of Hugh Hefner. Finally the penny drops!

I spent the rest of the night trying to bleed as much info out of this geezer as possible as to how he knew, what the story was prices etc what happens, you can imagine we have all had those conversations first time around, right? So my friend
enlightens me that he has just returned from a business trip to Singapore and if I think the beach bar was anything I should get myself there. We headed back toward the Hard Rock Café as we had promised to meet up with the rest of the crew
from our company. What a great night, we got stuck in to the beers and stories a load of these guys were expats living around the world in different managerial positions and they all knew the lay of the land. Of course they picked up on my complete
stupidness and oblivion to the pay for play scene and set me up good and proper. There was of course a lot of flirting going on with the girls and the guys had me going that 1 little beauty had her eyes and heart set on me, she really likes you
they kept saying. You’re a young guy they kept saying, she obviously just wants a piece of you etc you can imagine my ego building and building. Well I get chatting to her and think I'm playing the game as if it were on home soil;
I’m trying to be smooth, attentive etc. She tells me she is there on holiday with her sister from Indonesia and she was at the Hard Rock Café as they had always wanted to go. One thing leads to another and it's now time to head
off to my room – I have a course tomorrow and it’s nearly 3 AM. This girl comes with me and I think it's Christmas come early.

A whole bunch of mistakes! The guys from the course don’t think I'm going to make it, as I missed breakfast. Before the door is shut at 8.30 AM I come bouncing (well limping) through the door. A bunch of smiles greet my entrance.
At the first break they all ask for detailed re-enactment of the night’s activities and I being the gentleman that I am reveal all. They then go on to ask me what time she left etc and to their complete and utter disgust I told them she
is still in the room, I quickly realise a major mistake when they hit me with all the horror stories and rush straight off upstairs in the hotel, get her dressed and basically drag her out of bed and into the lift (dressed first). I give her a
kiss and tell her I will be out again tonight. Head back to the course. Lunch time centres around my idiocy when they discover I never paid her any cash. They asked how much she cost or what did I get her for? I told them free, she was on holiday
with her sister and was not a hooker – I am grateful to them now for such a harsh bollocking! I felt guilty as hell and hoped I would see her again so I could pay my dues, which I had not realised, I owed. I was also scared shitless that
she would have someone come to the hotel and kick the shit out of me or worse!

I was still a bit confused by this pay for play scene, and still feeling real guilty that I hadn’t paid the young lady any cash. So that night I was a bit subdued, well not subdued because that’s just not me, but I decided to
focus on getting drunk other than those confusing little sex machines. That didn’t last long when I had a young English girl that worked in the Irish bar along the road on her night off start talking to me – This was the games I
was used to. All the guys slowly petered off to the hotel one after the other, each asking me if I was ok and also that I should watch the time. I hadn’t realised it at the time but the last guy left there about 3.30 AM and I was still
hitting it hard. We were drunk me and the young English lass and off back to my hotel (because she wanted to see what the rooms were like). As soon as we hit my room, the messages were flashing and I had a message from my current squeeze, the
VP’s secretary. Shit I had forgot about her, no one at work knew because internal company relations were frowned upon and I started shitting myself that some of the stories of my exploits had made it home and she was sharpening her testicle
remover as lay on the bed with some random English bird. I told my accomplice that I had to make a call and she sat and listened as I spoke with my girlfriend, she at this point decided it a good time to start taking my jeans and boxers off and
the rest I'll leave to your imagination. Its real difficult to keep your concentration and tell another woman you love her and not to worry, you are in your hotel safe and sound and miss her. Hard job but I managed it well, too bloody well.

Again I made the 8.30 mark just as the door was closing; I barely moved never mind limped to my desk. I was absolutely shattered. However it was my last night in KL thanks to the secretary’s strategic planning! So me and the rest of
my teachers (let's say the gave me the basic knowledge I needed, the rest I figured out for myself by making mistakes) were planning a send off and the Big Night. No shock to think that we all used our time to the best of our abilities and
got as drunk as possible on company expenses and decided to make the most of it with the local talent, me and one of the other geezers decided on a pair and headed off back to his room, I thought I was fully clued up by now and I told him I would
make the negotiations. I asked if they would come upstairs with us “short time” I was even learning the lingo now. And we would give them 300 Ringit! Another mistake I was to learn in the morning, what I had said and what I meant
were misunderstood! What I had meant was 300 ringit between them or 150 Ringit each if you like, what they understood was 300 Ringit each. Anyway that was to be discovered in the morning. The specifics I'll leave out again but me and my special
friend decided to take ourselves up to my room instead of sharing as things were a bit heated and I don’t think the other guy was quite extreme as I prefer to go. My little lady didn’t want to leave so we snuggled up and slept until
morning. I was due on a flight and had breakfast ordered to the room, I left the girl to munch on this as I was in such a rush because I'd slept in. I got her up and dressed and we were heading in the lift when I gave her 150 Ringit –
oh yes you can imagine she was pleased, oops I managed to make every mistake known to man on his first trip in Asia. I had to beg borrow and plead with one of the other geezers for some cash as I was all out. Luckily he made up my pitfall….

Was this my last mistake – No!!!! As I got on the plane, I had a real bad itch in my groin. This is when the paranoia set in. Too much booze, not enough sleep and the complete idiocy of not wearing a condom with any of these girls
suddenly came flooding home. Not to mention the feeling of guilt when I thought of heading home and how happy my girlfriend will be to see me. If this itch doesn’t go how I can be confident that I won’t pass anything on to her –
refusal to sleep with her will lead to interrogation and testical extraction. My relationship with her will be finished, was it worth it? Had this trip been a complete disaster?

Until the next episode. Mistakes in Malaysia try Thailand

Stickman's thoughts:

Sounds like you had a great time!