Readers' Submissions

West Africa versus Thailand

  • Written by Up To You
  • November 10th, 2006
  • 12 min read


I have noticed with a couple of other submitters, their prime motivation for summiting was to not be left out of a future gathering of the revered 800 word + ramblers. I too have decided to try and gain membership in this lofty fraternity so that I might also be invited to the Stickman Submitters fraternal gathering. I can hardly bare the thought of not being present at a gathering which most likely will include some of the world’s greatest Four Square players currently alive. For all of you Jinga professionals (the other favorite Thai bar game of stacking square sticks), please do not take this as a slight. Four Square is much more a thinking mans game compared to Jinga, whereas Jinga requires a high degree of physical ability. Myself being the nerdy type and lacking in athletic prowess (bedroom gymnastics excluded), I naturally go for the games of higher mental endeavor.

In a recent email to the Honorable Mr. Stick, he chided me for never having made a submission and recommended a subject for a submission. Stick recommended that I should compare Thailand with where I work. Originally, I thought what is there to compare but then decided there may be a few who would like for someone to confirm what they should already know, regardless of their travels.

I am an American (no apologies even with our current state of foreign affairs with the exception that Dana also hails from there) ex-pat working in West Africa. I became addicted to Thailand many years ago and visit as often as possible and my teeruk and I plan to retire there. I am hesitant to say which African country because there are six Thai ladies living here including my teeruk. All the Thai ladies here know each other very well and with the ever growing popularity of the Stickman site I think it is best I maintain some autonomy or I will be severely limited in what I am able to tell. Let it be said, the West African country I work in was a former French Colony. The mix of Africa culture crossed with French bureaucracy has created a current hybrid state that even Australia if they had ever been a colonial power could not of emulated (The Aussies seem to be fair game for many of the submitters so I had to take my shot as well). I am not sure if the French should be blamed for all the malaise here but I would like to think so, and “For Fxxx Sake” in all fairness the Aussies really would have done a better job.

I just returned to my ex-pat home in West Africa from a wonderful trip in the LOS. A few of the things that sticks out in my mind that I thought worth comparing are public transport, infrastructure, medical facilities and of course for all you sex-pat/sex tourist globe trotters, the girls. I could at this point cut it short and just say “There ain’t no comparison”, period! Thailand wins hands down. End of story. Unfortunately if I did that, I will not have my 800 words and my hopes of meeting some Four Square legends would be dashed.

Let me start with public transport. Along with my own experiences, many people have commented about Bangkok’s crazy taxi drivers and how taking a motorcycle taxi is a thinly veiled version of a death wish. Well Bubba, you need to bring yourself to West Africa for a true eye opener. Granted, on my recent visit to Thailand there was more than once when my teeruk and I got in a taxi and I could have sworn the driver must have gotten his learners permit as a former NASCAR driver. I even remarked to my teeruk how adept some of the taxi drivers were at using NASCAR drafting techniques to save fuel. In comparison to the taxis in West Africa, the only good things about the taxis here are:

1. Most are not in good enough condition to go fast enough to scare you. (Actually, most would make a car in the US which we would label as a Piece of Shit (POS) look like a limo suitable for prom night.)

2. The roads are typically in such poor condition that even if the cars were in good condition they could not go that fast.

To give you an example of the condition of some of the taxis, an Australian miner friend and I had spent a “few” hours in the bars one evening. Shortly after getting in a taxi he commented how much a waste it was to of spent so much money on alcohol that evening. Not being at my highest level of cognizance, I was not quite sure what he meant. You all know how cerebral those Aussies can be. He noted that as an added benefit to just being driven to where we were going he was getting a better effect from the exhaust fumes coming in the cabin than from the long arduous hours at the bars. Those WA (West Australian for you wet behind the ears bunch) guys really take getting a good buzz to the next level. We also had the pleasure of paying more for riding in this rolling POS than we would of for a nice air conditioned Bangkok taxi albeit it might be driven by a NASCAR driver want-a-be.

Regarding the road conditions or infrastructure, in all fairness there are some roads here in a semblance of good condition as compared to roads in Thailand albeit few and far between. One thing the highway engineers are more adept at here than anywhere I have ever been is in the construction of speed bumps. They may not have a history of engineering or architecture beyond mud huts in West Africa but they sure as hell can build speed bumps. On a recent trip, I was on a relatively new road on the outskirts of the city and without warning, encountered a recently placed barricade disguised as a speed bump. I hit it at about 70 kph and the impact was such that it broke a motor mount on my Toyota Landcruiser. Thought my eye teeth had been jarred loose as well but they somehow remained intact. This was on a main road with no real reason such as a pedestrian crossing to necessitate a speed bump. You get off the main roads, even in the city, and speed bumps are no longer needed to force you to drive slowly but a four wheel drive is the vehicle of choice.

For all of you who have been annoyed, cursed, amazed and amused by the motorcycles in Bangkok, you would be totally immune to all this with one trip to West Africa. First, due to the economics in West Africa most people cannot afford a car. Second, in the country I work, to operate a motorcycle does not require a license and the motorcycles are not tagged or registered. Rarely do you see a rider with a helmet and they do not have a clue what traffic rules are. As an added benefit, most motorcycles do not have mirrors and if the do it is the local fashion statement to turn them in making the mirrors totally useless. One day I did notice a lady on a motorcycle with mirrors intact and positioned outward. I was somewhat amazed until I got along side of her and could see the mirrors were positioned so she could see herself! I have been in India, China, Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia, and others places and none compare to the motorcycle chaos in West Africa. When I finally got brave enough to start driving here, I was hit twice in less than a month by motorcycles. Of course being the white ex-pat in West Africa, I was financially responsible for the idiots’ mistakes. The best way of describing what it is like driving in the city is to think of a life size video game where motos come out of nowhere and always do the unexpected and you get all this without having to buy software or inserting a coin.

At this point I see I am over 800 words, so I will not bore all of you with a lengthy medical facilities comparison and will hastily proceed to the chase and compare the girls. Briefly, there is nothing here that even comes close to comparing on the medical front. During my recent trip to Thailand, I used the opportunity while in the LOS to have some routine medical things attended to. My teeruk and I were staying near the Yanhee Hospital and she had used the facility previously so I figured I would give it a try. What immediately hit me upon entering was I do not think you could find a bevy of finer looking female specimens gathered in any Gogo in Thailand! It damn near made me wish I was sick so I could enjoy the view and attention 24/7 even though they all had their clothes on. If they would have served beer in the waiting areas, I would have been content sitting all day enjoying the view waiting my turn to be called. If they would add a couple of brass poles, I would gladly pay a cover charge to get in the door. I will not be redundant with more details but if you would like a more detailed description of Yanhee Hospital check this submission out, http://www.stickmanbangkok.com/Reader/reader1700.htm . He did a very good job of describing the place.
Now to the girl comparison: In West Africa, the available girls are in abundance same as Thailand and they readily gravitate toward farang ex-pats. Although, I would highly dissuade anyone from going to all the trouble to come here for the girls. There are other extenuating circumstances such as the food, hotel cost, lack of transport, etc. to content with as well as the girls mercenary attitudes. This is saying nothing of the culture gap for a farang African relationship which I would venture to guess is many orders of magnitude greater than the typical farang Thai relationship. Of course, there are nice girls you can meet and a couple of my friends have a good relationship with a local girl. But as with most anything of quality here, it has to be imported. Luckily, I was able to import a quality companion. A few years back I convinced my Tee-Ruk to come here with me. She has adapted well but that is a whole other story and maybe worth a second submission. Hence the need for a submitter pseudo name.

If you are like me, or like what I used to be, and prefer the short time liaisons and no commitment, the bars and clubs here are full of freelancers. Even though as a white male and being somewhat anatomically challenged when compared to the local males, the girls do not seem to care that size does make a difference. Actually, one of my Aussie friends said something one time about money being a stronger attraction. You know, sometimes those Aussies are quite astute though maybe limited in scope. Actually, one of the biggest problems with taking West African girls from the clubs is getting rid of them later. This got to be such a problem for me that I started avoiding bars and when I did go, I would drink less hoping to keep my force field strong enough to repel all advances. Unfortunately, this was about as effective as using the withdrawal method for birth control.

Let me elaborate on what I am sure some of you might consider a big positive for African girls. If you are an ass man, Africa, without a doubt, is the place you need to be and you would be handsomely rewarded for your troubles to come here. I even have to admit that many Thai girls could use a little help in the rear area. A friend once said that the West African girls here had asses made for “Heavy Duty” action. I did not ask that he elaborate and thankfully he did not volunteer how he reached his assessment. I personally think the African girls are normally too well endowed in the derriere, but (pun intended) each to his own.

There is another positive I will give the local girls here. They do go to a lot of effort to make themselves up and on a busy night in the bars and clubs there is plenty of fine scenery. I think the girls here go to much more effort than the typical farang girl. I would say the effort given here is in line with the effort Thai girls go to look good.

Finally, a point of comparison that no matter how much effort they put into it the local girls will never, never, ever excel when compared to Thai girls. One word, Hair! It is evident by the great lengths the local girls go with braids, weaves, wigs etc. they are not even happy with their own hair. All one needs to do is look at the photo on the cover of “Private Dancer”, by Stephen Leather for a classic example of a Thai mane that would be worth dying for. You will never find a mane like that in Africa, at least not on the two legged variety which I have always limited my liaisons. Maybe my Aussie friends could elaborate on the four legged varieties.

In summary, I am sure some of you are asking why in the Hell do I live in West Africa? I can easily answer that. Money! There is also the added benefit of being about as far away from my first wife as can be attained and still being located on the same planet. Instead of bitching and moaning about the conditions here I really should give thanks daily for the malaise. If it were not for the lack of even mediocre professional skills in some fields, I would be forced to ply my profession for a lot less monetary reward in a first world country.

So there, it is done. My first submission and hopefully I have now garnered an invite to the fraternal order of Stickman Submitters. Anybody up for a game of Four Square?

Stickman's thoughts:

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