Things That Make You Go Hmmm

I have been very fortunate as to work for a major US airline so travelling free or at a very reduced rate has been a great bonus to see the world very cheap. After the Euro went into effect I felt Europe to be too expensive and started travelling to Asia. I have been to Thailand a total of 15 times over 5 years. The following are all true stories that I have seen / done first hand. Hope you enjoy them..

I live in the Upper Midwest of the United States and a friend who also works for the same airline lives in Florida. So he calls me up on a Monday and says "I want you to take me to Bangkok". I said when do you want to go and he says we can leave Thursday and come back on Monday. I told him he was nuts, it's not like Europe as we have done several European cities on different weekend trips. I said we would have like one hour on the ground for every hour in the air. He said he didn't have much time. I told him to forget it and hung up on him. He called me back in 20 minutes and said he got Thursday off so we could leave on Wednesday. And he says first class is wide open. I didn't want to go, but I called my stepfather who is 61 and asked if he wanted to back to Bangers for just a weekend. He said fine as long as first class looked good.

So the 3 of us left at 7 AM Wednesday morning and got into Bangers at 2330 Thursday night and flew home Monday morning at 6 AM. We did Bangers for a weekend for no other reason than we could. First class both ways total cost for tickets was $45 each…. (21 hrs flying time each way) NEVER AGAIN!

After 2 years of telling my best friend all about LOS, he finally just sends me an e-mail with his flight E-ticketed. Now he loves Asian women to begin with, but alas he wants to go because he's sick of me telling him about LOS and everything just can't be true, NO WAY. So we meet in Tokyo and fly to Bangers getting in late like 2330. We get out of the airport quick and head for Nana hotel. Not the optimum choice I must add but, I have told him on several occasions, that when we got to the hotel I could have 3 women for him before he was checked in. As we got close to NEP and the taxi was stopped in traffic just short of Nana hotel a girl blew him a kiss and that was all it took. He talks about that moment to this day some 2 yrs later. It's too bad Nana didn't close so early back then as the timing would have been perfect for Nana hotel parking lot being full of the ladies emptying out from NEP..

Anyway we both proceed to check in and get our room keys, now he's still wondering how I'm gonna get 3 women. As we are walking from the reception to the elevators, I point to a cutie sitting on a couch in the lobby. He says no way she can't be.. I waved for her to come along, never even stopping, and she gets up and walks the next 10 feet to the lift with us where she gives security her card. Not a word has been spoken to this point. We get on the lift and he says hi to her and asks her name and I go to my room and they go to his.

Next morning, like 11 or so he calls and asks if I'm hungry. I'm starving. He says this girl knows a great place to go eat and she says it's not far. A 2 minute walk. 10 minutes later they knock on my door and off we go. He's braggin how great she was and how he is really looking forward to some authentic Thai food. So we go out Nana Hotel, across the street towards NEP, go left to the corner and then take a right. 50 feet or so and we walk into eat.

He looks up and says, "It's Subway"….

This one happens at Sunshine Hotel on soi 8 in Pattaya.

Behind the reception desk, above the safety deposit boxes, there are 5 clocks, with cities under them telling you what time it is in different parts of the world and a sign just below the clocks stating in several languages that the boxes are only available from 0800 to 2100. Now I would like to point out that all 5 clocks aside from being different hours obviously, are also anywhere from 5 – 20 minutes off from each other. I mean Bangkok time was 12 minutes different from New York time, etc.

Anyway I return to the hotel and am waiting to get my key while the gentlemen in front of me is asking for his safety deposit box, the gal looks over her shoulder and says it's 2105 please come back tomorrow at 0800. He says it's not 2105, the clock is wrong. She looks again and says sorry too late come back in morning. He's now getting pissed and points out that all of the clocks are off, just give him his box. She looks again to the clocks and says sorry, too late come back tomorrow. He shows her his watch and says it's not even 2100, still one more minute by his watch and he's been arguing with her for at least 3 minutes. She says sorry again and he's really pissed now and asks to speak with the manager.

Now at this point I am in no hurry and am finding this rather amusing so I get my key while he's waiting for the manager. She makes a phone call and a few minutes later a manager shows up and asks how he can help. The guest asks for his safety deposit box, the manager looks over his shoulder at the clocks and says sorry too late, come back in morning and points to the sign with the hours. The guest is frustrated as hell and says you can set the clocks for whatever time you like but that doesn't make it the correct time. He tells the manager he's going to go behind the counter and set the Pattaya clock for 0800 so then they can give him his box. Manager says sorry, only employees can come behind counter. Guest is now screaming to give him his damn box. He was here 5 minutes before said time and wants his box.

Manager looks to him and looks at clock and says, OK, I do this for you one time, but tomorrow you have to come before 2100, reaches behind him and unlocks the box and gives it to the guest, he opens it, checks for his passport then gives it back.

He took nothing out nor put anything in. This all took 15 minutes at least.

This was a treat in Macau at the SANDS CASINO.

My stepfather and I had spent about 4 hours gambling at the casino and decided to pick up some fast food from the casino and just take back to the hotel with us. So he ordered first and after he got his food they took my order. While waiting at the counter a cute little Thai gal slides right between me and the counter, not a lot of room as I was standing directly in front of counter. I thought she wanted to grab a straw or condiment or something, so I moved a little but she moved with me and asked, what hotel you stay? I told her, then she said "we come with you."

I looked behind me and she had 2 friends with here, my stepfather was grinning ear to ear, I asked "How much?" she said 800 HKG, (about $100 us) I said "EACH"?

She said NO NO NO, "BUY ONE GET TWO FREE"

Stickman's thoughts:

Light stories are always a nice change.