Readers' Submissions

The Emperor’s New Clothes

  • Written by Phet
  • April 21st, 2006
  • 25 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

I am probably the archetypal sex tourist. I certainly fit the profile of what the disapproving feminists expect a typical whoremonger to be.

So there is no misunderstanding, I come to the kingdom twice a year I cavort with bargirls and habitually sleep with girls almost half my age and two-thirds my weight. I split my time exclusively between Sukhumvit and Pattaya. I no longer visit tourist attractions or spend any time whatsoever at a Wat. I no longer feel the need to rationalise my activities or convince people back home that I come for the culture, whatever that is.

Although I have not fallen in love with a bargirl since November 03, if I am to be strictly precise I am probably still infatuated with my first Thai girl friend from that first visit. In characteristic style I believe her to be “different” so I still meet the criteria.

I am a well-educated professional, 50 years old and have been divorced almost three years. In those three years I had not had a relationship with a western woman.

Just so there is no confusion, I mean I had not even kissed a western woman in that time, never mind had carnal relations with one. I could not attract a western woman I was invisible to them. My twice-yearly pilgrimages to the Land of vertical smiles were the only time I experienced any feminine affection. It was the only time I felt alive and the only thing that helped me keep my equilibrium and any sense of self worth.

Back in the UK I was the proverbial saddo. My friends continually berated me that as a presentable and entertaining man I should be able to find a relationship in England without having to make the twice-yearly 5000-mile journey. I would spend hours on Internet dating sites in fruitless pursuit of relationships with local women. My amusing interchanges could usually elicit a reasonable level of interest but when they actually met me it seemed no amount of wit, charm or stylish attire could compensate for what I was beginning to believe were my apparently hideous features. You realise how shallow most western women are but you also become conscious of how fragile your own self-esteem is.

My previous submissions have all contained anecdotes about my sometimes amusing, often disastrous encounters with English women.

Also in earlier ramblings I have discussed at length the unrealistic expectations of western women. I reported on the phenomena of women in their 40s mislead by the “L’Oreal inspired “because you’re worth” it “culture, deluding themselves that their fannies were somehow gold lined. My perception was that they felt they should jealously guard this treasure until Brad Pitt or George Clooney finally came to their senses and came for them. I cited examples of Internet profiles and personal ads of countless 40-50 year-old women who specify men at least 10 years younger than themselves and the long list of requirements they felt they were entitled to see in a prospective suitor. All resulting I imagined in a number of unfulfilled frustrated women who still did not have the sense to review their unrealistically high standards.

However a deeper examination of Internet dating sites and personal ads revealed an interesting phenomenon that made me rethink this. At around the age 55, women appear to have an epiphany and they get a reality check similar to the one men get before the age of 50. They suddenly awake to the reality that George Clooney is not coming for them and that the dried up underused thing between their legs is of no interest to the young men they seek when there is moist young pussy readily available. The sudden awareness that they were seriously deluding themselves they were still attractive to young men usually occurs when a vindictive friend tells them that the 20 year olds who chat them up in the town centre pub when out on the Thursday night hen party were only doing it for a cruel bet. The result appears to be a more realistic expectation possibly borne of desperation and comprehension that a pussy is too far off the ground to feed itself. However I have begun to suspect that they have gone so long without sex they no longer want it.

Concurrent to my own personal experiences there is evidence in the media of a growing disaffection if not disillusion with the feminist movement amongst educated women. Some intelligent women are beginning to challenge the gospels of feminism. The strong indication of a wind of change was confirmed by the recent airing of a programme on prime time mainstream British TV. Entitled "Women can't have it all”, it was presented by political commentator Amanda Platell and proposed that if women are unhappy, it's because they are ruining it for themselves."

Amanda Platell is the archetypal highflying career woman. She has been editor of a national newspaper, spin-doctor to the Tory party and presented a prime time political TV show. In the programme she investigated whether feminism had unwittingly damaged a woman's chances of real happiness – with a husband and children – liberating them from the shackles of housewifery, but offering an unrealistic dream of being able to have it all, whenever they want it. She made the point that equality now equates to young women behaving like men – competing with them in the workplace but also matching them drink for drink in today's ladette culture, binge drinking and vomiting in the street.

Herself a high-profile career-woman, Amanda Platell believes it is a myth that women can spend their twenties relentlessly pursuing a career and their own agenda then suddenly switch tracks and try and find a life partner and dad for their kids.
She met some of the key thinkers on women's issues, among them feminist icon and author Fay Weldon who confessed her doubts over the achievements of feminism, suggesting it may now have gone too far.

Sandra Davies one of the UK s leading divorce lawyers (she handled Princess Diana’s separation) was also interviewed. In her opinion women did not try hard enough at marriage any more, they feel they are entitled to be happy but don’t have to make any effort. Women don’t take marriage seriously enough they seem more worried more about their wedding frock than their future life. She also cited examples of the selfishness of women in particular hearing the majority of women talk of MY marriage, MY house, My children etc never once is the word OUR used. (Dana alluded to this phenomenon some time ago in his excellent Thai Thoughts & Anecdotes part 68).

She also feared large divorce settlements were causing an anxiety amongst young men putting them off marriage completely. She concluded that Feminism had trashed marriage fracturing the institution and now 40% of marriages break up.

The programme also tackled the taboo subject of the biological blight of delaying motherhood. She spoke to two highly esteemed doctors Susan Bewdley and Melanie Davies who had been pilloried to howls of derision for suggesting women are damaging their chances of having children by waiting until their late 30s or even 40s to conceive. Despite IVF (which apparently is dreadfully ineffective) the most secure age for childbearing remains 20-30. Nature does not perform to order or pay regard to social idealism

In a visit to a leading girls' school Headmistress Mandy Watts agreed that feminism had let a generation of girls down by focusing on careers and giving them no preparation for the realities of juggling a career and a family.

The question was posed; do women have something to answer for?
The answer appeared to be a resounding yes!
Particularly in their unrealistic expectations that; –

1. They are entitled to be happy and have everything they desire.
2. They don’t have to work at it – No effort is required
3. They cannot accept that with freedoms come responsibilities.

Ms Platell concluded with the final comment

“Women have habitually played the victim but how often have they looked in the mirror and asked is it my fault? If women are ever to feel truly happy we have to stop whingeing, stop blaming men and society, stand up and ask ourselves are we ruining it for ourselves, could it be the freedoms we now enjoy is part of the problem”

The programme was quite refreshing. Stickman contributors could have written much of the content. Many of the themes have already been raised in numerous submissions but it was interesting that it was a 50-year-old high profile educated western woman expounding them. The programme appeared to represent a significant change in the feminist mindset and has subsequently prompted quite a debate amongst the chattering classes in the media. Maybe I am a cynic but it is no coincidence that Amanda Platell herself underwent a divorce last year. I suspect the inspiration for the programme was her own epiphany that she couldn’t find a new man to meet her exacting standards and expectations.

My last submission “Snow white, Internet dating and other options” elicited a surprising amount of correspondence, which to my delight included notes from some of the major luminaries of the stickman site community. But the most significant correspondence I exchanged was with the guy who writes under the pen name Nak Pa-Jon Pai. An exceptionally articulate and intelligent chap, He clarified some of issues for me about the behaviour of western women that I was struggling to comprehend let alone articulate. He explained although 30 years of liberation has convinced them that them they are entitled and empowered the majority of Western women are still bundles of intense insecurity. Individual women do not know what their role is, or where they fit in. The pressure from feminism to observe the “new rules”, which includes treating men with disdain, compounds the confusion between independence and responsibility. Their unrealistic demands are the result of the insatiable need to fend off this insecurity. When men complain there is no pleasing a woman; we fail to realize that that is indeed the agenda.

I sent a note about the Amanda Platell programme to him suggesting it represented a chink in the armour of rabid feminism. Perceptive as ever he suggested the “Emperor’s new clothes” was a far more appropriate metaphor, as the whole edifice of liberation was an illusion created by smoke and mirrors.

In addition to his general observations his appraisal of my personal situation was alarmingly accurate. The personal advice he imparted gave me a new perspective. The clarity of his reasoning has changed the paradigm in my thinking.

I began to question why I was allowing peer pressure and cultural conditioning to compel me to pursue a relationship merely to observe the social norms of having a partner. For some time I had recognized that English women were not worth the effort I was expending on their pursuit. My fruitless endeavour had undoubtedly taken a high toll on my self-respect and emotional stability.

The scales were lifted from my eyes. I cancelled all my subscriptions to Internet dating sites, ceased writing to personal ads and decided to stop chasing relationships with English women. I had endured celibacy anyway so I may as well stop worrying about it. I resolved to get a life.

After a difficult and unsatisfactory year involving ambitious but ultimately unrewarding and unsuccessful assignments in strange cities, I licked my wounds and accepted a modest employment, which allowed me to return to the West Midlands. This gave me the opportunity to renew old friendships and rejoin the social circles I had given up since my divorce. I began having interests again. Ironically almost overnight my experiences with women changed, I began having encounters with women that were not the unmitigated disasters I had become accustomed to.

I found myself attracting the interest of two English women in my new social circles, both a couple of years older than me both intelligent educated women of independent means. One is a headmistress the other a successful estate agent. I found myself in the unusual position of having them compete for my attentions. For a few months I have enjoyed pleasant evenings squiring them both (separately of course) to the theatre, concerts and events in relation to their work. For all my faults I am reasonably cultured and presentable. I can use a knife and fork and make a literary allusion. I believe they enjoy that they can take me to most social situations without me making a faux pas. However I have not “pressed my attentions” as I have a notion they do not want a conventional relationship or any intimacy.

For some time I have felt there is an aversion to sex amongst middle-aged English women and it is more widespread than is commonly thought. My half-baked hypothesis is that sexual desire in women begins to fade following the initial consumption of wedding cake. In their teens they are sexually inquisitive animals but in their 20s they see sex as a means to an end. In their 30s they are at best ambivalent about sex. By their 40’s they have acquired the children and material possessions they want (mainly yours) and a collection of sex toys means they no longer need a man for gratification. In their 50s they are comfortable, set in their ways and the thought of the “unpleasantness and mess” of a sexual encounter is abhorrent to them.

Both my lady friends have let me into a secret. I am absolutely correct. Oh dear this is one time when being right is not a help to a man in my condition.

What are the options available for a 50 year old that still has juices flowing and not quite ready for the cardigan and slippers and the enforced retirement of his tadger. Well there is always paying for it. Now I have no compunction about paying for sex per se, I was married for 18 years, which is paying for it but on a different schedule of payments. When in the Kingdom I have readily paid for sex. Of all my encounters there were only two girls I didn’t have to pay for. But prostitution in Britain is not like the TGF experience in Thailand, it is fraught with danger you need a tetanus jab before an encounter with the average call girl and the classier ones are so expensive a flight to Bangkok is actually cheaper.

The most attractive option to men of a certain age remains the beauties in the land of vertical smiles. Once you have overcome the issue of geography the P4P experience is easily available and only as complicated as you make it. There is also the potential for finding a life partner. However, as all Stickmanites are aware, this avenue is not without its difficulties. Unless you actually live in Thailand or spend a good proportion of your time there, contemplating a relationship with a Thai girl is not a practical proposition. The majority of submissions to stickman warn of the difficulties of a relationship even when one lives in the Kingdom. In a recent submission “The Challenge”, Union Hill in his own inimitable style defines the demands and sacrifices necessary to undertake a relationship with a Thai girl in the form of 11 questions to ask yourself. In what will clearly become the definitive article on this subject, he makes a persuasive case for only doing so if you have an exceptionally strong constitution and extraordinarily stamina.

It remains the prevailing opinion that if you bring a Thai girl back to the west they quickly adopt the appetites of the west (even if they don’t adopt its values). The child like qualities you found so endearing quickly evaporates if they have any contact with western women. Six months of a western diet you will have a fat bloated dark woman sharing your bed (or not sharing your bed if she adopts other traits of her western sisters). You wonder what happened to your sweet little teeruk. You speculate that the fat dark woman you now see came in to your house whilst you slept and ate your Isaan cutie during the night.

Nevertheless what do you do when you have caught Jasmine fever and you know your encounters with the ladies of the Isaan have ruined you forever for western women?

It may be opportune to once again revisit the ubiquitous western women v Thai girls debate and discuss the relative pros and cons in a rationale manner. I am aware one should not make sweeping generalisations but even a good scientist doesn’t let a set of adverse results alter a decent theory as I believe you should never let the truth spoil a good story

Western women
They share the same cultural background as you. Cultural values are implied and inherent. They probably own property and have capital (albeit courtesy of a previous husband) and are likely to inherit from their families. They have the ability to earn money, the ability to budget, and can deal with bolshie tradesmen and the like. They know how to behave and dress appropriately to most social situations. Generally they are independent and you can leave them on their own without them getting up to too much mischief.

However, if you are 50 you are unlikely to get the interest of a western woman younger than 45 unless you are rich or a perfect genetic specimen. You are more likely to attract women 50-60. Postmenopausal English women tend to look like overstuffed mattress, and have permanently pinched expressions on their faces. They like don’t like sex (blowjobs? Dream on!), they organise the tombola at the church fete, drink nice cups of tea refer to almost everything outside their narrow terms of reference as disgusting. They are prone to martyrdom have ailments and often smell of embrocation. They have strident opinions on most things irrespective of an absence of knowledge of the subject. They will not entertain any social discourse on pain of death between the hours of 1900 and 2030 whilst Emmerdale, Coronation Street and East Enders are on TV.

Thai girls
They are lovely and even at 50 if you are presentable and are solvent you can attract women much younger than 40. If you have a strong constitution or masochistic tendencies you can even have girls in their 20s. Thai girls are graceful they are cute, they have soft skins, sweet voices, silky black hair and their smiles alone are worth the 5000 mile journey. When things are going their way they are affectionate, attentive and fun. A Thai girl’s Djim is the 8th wonder of the world.

However they are only interested in the current transaction, they care nothing for the past or future and they have the attention span of a goldfish. The family thing, the cultural thing and the face thing are almost insurmountable barriers to a rational relationship. They have an inability to tell the truth and fail to understand the concept. Their irrational mood swings and a tendency to violent overreaction can come as quite a shock. They are likely to leave you if a better offer comes along.

In a nutshell one looks like a water buffalo while the other is trying to get you to pay for one

In a recent submission, Korski made the contention that guys who fall in love with Thai hookers are clinically sick. He is a very intelligent and perceptive contributor and as always there was much validity in what he proposed but I am not totally convinced the infatuation is clinical insanity. I will concede it is certainly not rational and is comparable to going to Disneyland and hoping to marry Minnie Mouse

In his books the writer Christopher Moore also refers to the obsession with the Bangkok bar scene as “the sickness”.

Why do we find Asian girls in general and Thai girls in particular so irresistible? Michel Houellebeq in his book “Platform” speculates it is driven by “Darwinian miscegenation”. And no, I didn’t understand it either but then again the guy is French. I believe it has something to do with the concept of the “Melting pot” immortalised in the 1960s in the song by Blue Mink, which talked of “turning out coffee coloured people by the score”.

I must make an observation regarding Thai culture. Like the bleeding French the Thais are ludicrously chauvinistic about their culture yet I have yet to determine a discernable Thai culture. The cuisine and religion is borrowed from China and India and their best historical architecture is Khmer. The contention that they were never invaded by foreign powers is at best spurious and how the Japanese were allowed to build the infamous Burma railway so close to the capital Bangkok begs a question or two. They talk cheaply of freedom yet willingly sell their daughters. They have only one single unique resource, which is the wonderful woman of Thailand

Conversely Thais do not have the monopoly on bad intentions. I witness more criminal activity on a daily basis in Britain than I ever experience in the kingdom. Being scammed for a few quid by a soft voiced beauty is far preferable to being robbed at knifepoint by a criminal refugee from a war torn Balkan state or having my pension scheme pillaged by the barrow boys who now inhabit the once proud financial institutions of the City of London. Unfortunately these situations are becoming more prevalent in President Blair’s politically correct Britain.

My hometown of West Bromwich (where the women call you “Bab”) has been the most successful example in the UK of multicultural and racial integration for 30 years. Even the local branch of the right wing British Nationalist Party has Black and Indian guys amongst its membership. There is every conceivable nationality here but there is no discernable Thai community. Yet a nearby town Stourbridge boasts a thriving community of guys who have bought Thai brides back and it is reputed that in some middle class areas there is a couple in every street.

A few weeks ago I was in an Asian owned pub watching the Albion game on an illegal satellite channel beamed in from an Arab country in the Middle East. The Hindu and Sikh clientele joke that the half time entertainment usually comprises a criminal having a hand ceremoniously chopped off. A couple and their children came in and sat next to me on the only free seats in the pub. The man was an unremarkable 45-year-old local but his wife was an incredibly cute 30 year old from Chang Rai in the north of Thailand. They had been married and lived in UK for 5 years and had knocked out two delightful children. Half-caste Thai- Western children are the most beautiful people on the planet. I chatted to them for over an hour and they seemed the happiest couple I had met for some time. The girl had not lost her sweet childlike disposition or sylph like figure even after 5 years in the Black Country.

It was quite heartening to meet them and renewed my hope that maybe in the future a relationship with a Thai girl need not be a hopeless delusion. Freed from the tyranny of my fruitless pursuit of English women and seeing signs of a wind of change in attitudes to feminism I find myself quite optimistic about the future.

The only downside to my new mindset is that it may be that being miserable was the only thing that kept me happy. Like the cold war CIA operatives who saw the collapse of communism removing their raison d’etre. Similarly the leper in Monty Python’s Life of Brian, who with the curing of his leprosy sees the removal of his livelihood as a beggar, However I am certain there will always be windmills for me to tilt against in true Don Quixote fashion.

There will always be reactionaries in the feminist movement and to even hint that women may have some culpability in the slow degradation of marriage and society is seen as betraying the sisterhood. In a recent BBC radio interview this question was put to Natasha Walter a young feminist. She was unbelievably bigoted and strident in her response; she would not listen to anyone else’s view and seemed incapable of entertaining the notion that she and women of her ilk could be less than 100% correct.

This woman is typical of the reactionary feminists who attack sex tourism. They display a strong sense of indignation about western men like me, allegedly using our economic muscle to exercise our penile prerogative on poor girls in the third world. We make the mistake of assuming they view it as a moral issue but their stance has little to do with morality and more to do with men escaping their control. Knowing there is an alternative to the emotional blackmail we know as brownie points and realising it is possible to have sex without first mowing the lawn is tremendously liberating to us and the feminazis hate it.

History suggests the moral high ground is fragile territory for British women and quite hypocritical for them to adopt. We only have to look back 60 years to Britain during World War Two. The relatively prosperous American soldiers who appeared on these shores in the run up to D day must have been seen as rich and mysterious creatures to British women in the climate of austerity imposed by rationing and general shortages. The parallels with the perceptions of Thai girls to the annual invasion of farang tourists are self-evident.

The grandmothers of today’s strident feminists were doing with American GI’s what the girls of Vietnam were doing with them in the 70s and what the girls of Sukhumvit and Pattaya do with us today. In fact contemporary reports state the US military authorities were so shocked at the complete lack of morals being displayed not by a small minority but by a large majority of British women that in 1944 representation was made to the highest levels of the UK government. Reports I have read suggest a level of immodest behaviour that would have shamed a veteran Pattaya bargirl. Post war prosperity has insulated western women against the realities of a life of poverty and despair that drives girls in the developing world to seek prostitution as an escape. Many of the rabid western feminists have chosen to forgot history or have clearly lost the plot.

Looking further back at Victorian society renown for being the very epitome of high morals (and hypocrisy). I have come across numerous accounts of women being treated for “hysteria”, which is clearly the euphemism for sexual frustration. Hysterical women would make weekly visits to their physician who would administer treatment. The cure involved him using his fingers to elicit a “hysterical paroxysm” which is an orgasm to you and me. Nice work if you can get it? I am tempted to think the doctors would invariably be tempted to use their 11th digit, you know the one with no nail on it!

The invention of the electromechanical vibrator in 1883 by Dr Joseph Mortimer Granville removed the burden on these poor overworked physicians and reduced the risk of them suffering RSI. Prior to this vibrators were huge steam powered contraptions. Their operation involved two men shovelling coal to the boiler that powered the engine, the power being transmitted through a complex arrangement of gears to the vibrating device in an adjoining room. In that room the doctor applied the vibrator to the tender parts of the women. The size and complexity of these machines and amount of power that must have been generated is a source of amazement and wonder that it did not shake loose the teeth of the women receiving it. I think a full sized working model should be built which would be ideal for the Eden club. Clients would have the choice of playing the role of the doctor or being the stokers. Or maybe I should get out more often.

If there are any readers still with me who have not lost the will to live I feel I should conclude my ramblings. I acknowledge living and working in Thailand is not a feasible option for me at present. My divorce left me almost destitute and penniless, an experience I am certain, I share with other Stickmanites. I am resolved to continue working in the west at least in the short term in order to accumulate some money again.

I intend to spend as much time visiting the Kingdom as my resources permit at least whilst my libido continues to impel me. I envisage Thailand will continue to beckon even when the imperative changes from the need for a lover to the requirement for a nurse and carer. I am currently planning my next campaign for next month, not for sex but to collect new material for my next “Broken man repaired” story. I will stay in the Nana and follow my usual pattern of hiring girls on a two-shift system. Employing slightly older sensible girls to look after me in the daytime from 09.00 to 17.00 and procuring younger models from the Go-Gos of Cowboy and NEP for evening activities. I have a lot of friends in the Kingdom who will only require some mild coercion to have a beer with me. I have a checklist of things do before my departure from this mortal coil that I believe can only be achieved in the kingdom. I suspect that one or two of them will merely hasten the date of my demise but mai pen rai.

Maybe I could take some time exploring the rest of the country visiting spiritually uplifting centres of culture, broadening my perspective and enriching my mind?
Or then again maybe not, once the archetypal monger always a monger.

Stickman's thoughts:

Away on holiday, so no comments…