Readers' Submissions

What If Bargirls Discovered The Stickman Site?

  • Written by Ben Dover
  • October 7th, 2005
  • 9 min read


This, in my opinion, would be nothing short of Armageddon. No, not the movie, dearest Stick readers, I’m talking about the real Armageddon…like in the bible. You know what I mean…apocalyptic ruination of society as we know it, thunder and lighting from the sky, fire and brimstone, rivers of blood type of stuff.

Let me explain what I mean…

The percentage of Thai youths wanting to learn English is growing by the day, as is the use and knowledge of the internet.

All it takes is one blabbermouth farang, whose girlfriend knows English, and is computer literate, and internet savvy and the game is up.

Well, come to think of it, the chances of a bargirl being fluent in English, computer literate, internet savvy, and also curious to learn something is probably about the same as the chance of me winning the Thai lottery! But nonetheless, it WILL happen one day.

Fast forward many years in the future…

I envision a futuristic Bangkok not unlike the city in the movie Blade Runner, starring Harrison Ford.

Stickman’s grandson has now taken over the site (I figure that it will probably take a few decades before any Thai people become curious about anything in the world, let alone bargirls), all of the bars in the naughty nightlife areas are totally dialed in with ultra, high-speed, fiber optic lines going to several dozen computers in each go-go bar, and all of the computers each have built in web cams for live private sex shows and the bargirls know more about programming than Bill Gates.

Of course with voice recognition software, people no longer use keyboards, so the entire CPU is built into the paper thin OLED (organic light emitting diode) monitor, 3D holographic display, speakers and microphones are built-in…and the monitors are everywhere you look in the bars.

Baht is no longer used, as everyone in the world now uses a card that contains their identity along with all of their account information in form of ‘credits’ that are set to one monetary standard, worldwide. The customer merely swipes his card, and looks into the retinal scanner for positive ID and then the money instantly transfers into the bargirl’s account. Mission accomplished. Or is it?

Oddly enough, there is still a need for go-go bars as the farangs desire to mate with flesh and blood affectionate, cute, warm and cuddly girls will never go away. And the same goes for Thai girls’ desire to make money for themselves and their families. It’s just a match made in heaven.

But now the tables are turned…and the bargirls are tuned in to the Stick site and what we know about them. So, now what happens?

I know what you are all afraid of…

You are worried that you will no longer hear things like:

“You so hansum mistah!”

or

“I want go wit you”

or

“I not beautiful”

or

“You take me long time?”

Well, rest assured my friends that these things will never happen that day in the future when the majority of bargirls learn about the Stickman site and here is why…

Remember now, this is decades in the future. At this point, robotic, holographic technology, and bio-engineering is advancing at such a rapid pace that man has created genuine full-size, life-like, ‘pleasure model’ robots made for the lonely farangs (or ANY man for that matter) that are so perfectly built with a human look and feel that they make Pamela Anderson look like Queen Elizabeth. Plus, they will be customizable to the specifications (desires and tastes) of the new owner.

All you do is go into the local Tesco, WalMart, or Lotus, with your money card loaded with credits and place your order for your new little ‘friend’.

I can imagine that the conversation with the salesperson will go something like this…

Salesperson: “How can I help you?”

Farang: “I would like to buy a robot.”

Salesperson: “Are you looking for a maid, a personal assistant, a gardener, a babysitter…”

Farang: “Um, sorry to interrupt you, but I am looking for a ‘pleasure model’. Do you carry those?”

Salesperson: “Why yes, of course! That will cost a little extra, but it certainly is worth it. Tell me what you want.”

Farang: “Well, I am kind of tall, so I would like her to be about 5 feet 10 inches tall.”

Salesperson: “Ok. And what race do you want? Black, Caucasian, Hispanic…”

Farang: “Do you have an Asian model?”

Salesperson: “Yes, do you want Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Indonesian, Indian…”

Farang: “I would like a Thai model. Do you have any of those?”

Salesperson: “Sure. That will be 74,000 credits. Are you aware of the upgrade options that we have?”

Farang: “Um, no. Not really. What do you mean by ‘upgrades’?”

Salesperson: “Well, are you a breast man, or a leg man, or an ass man, or what?”

Farang: “Well, I love girls with long legs.”

Salesperson: “OK, that’ll cost you an extra 5,000 credits. And what about skin tone, do you want a light-skinned robot, or medium, or dark-skinned unit?”

Farang: “I’ll take a medium skinned, olive-toned colored version.”

Salesperson: “OK, that will be 3,000 more credits. And what do you want her measurements to be?”

Farang: “Well, how about 34DD, 22 inch waist, and 32 inch hips?! Now that you are mentioning all of these neat options, I was wondering if I can make any ‘special’ requests?”

Salesperson: “Well, what did you have in mind?”

Farang: “I would like a girl that can deep-throat my larger sized ‘member’ and I also want a girl with a very tight vagina that is also somewhat moist. Is that possible?”

Salesperson: “Sure, anything is possible…IF you have the credits!”

Farang: “If she is extra moist, do I have to worry about odors?”

Salesperson: “Absolutely not. Those were the older models. These new models have bio-degradable, self-dissolving, hypoallergenic, odor-free lubricant that leaves no residues after sex.”

Farang: “And how much will those additional options cost?”

Salesperson: “About 17,000 more credits.”

Farang: “Ok, I’ll take it.”

Salesperson: “Great, hand me your card and I will deduct the credits. Shop around the store for a while because it will take about 45 minutes to customize her for you. Then drive around back to pick her up.”

Farang: “OK. Oh, by the way, I noticed on the display model that it said that she comes with a warranty. How long is the warranty good for?”

Salesperson: "All of the models have a 2 year parts and labor warranty. But, sorry, there are no warranties on the Thai models. That's because sometimes they have glitches in the software code that makes them act unpredictably."

Farang: "Yeah, that is what I figured. Thanks."

Once purchased, these synthetic models will gladly accept a lifetime of ‘deposits’ with nary a whimper or complaint, unlike real bargirls who sometimes complain and also give less than stellar performances between the sheets.

But then that might take some of the fun out of finding that golden gem of a bargirl who really rocks your world like you were the wild pony fxxk of her short, young life. I mean who really wants to have steak and lobster every night and have awesome sex? Wouldn’t it be better to have some great sex one night, then some not so great sex the next? Then it would make you appreciate the great sex so much more, right?

HELL, NO!!!

Personally, I’ll take the lusty, aggressive, hard-core, 3 times per night sex until my gonads have shriveled to the size of peas and they are so dry that I’m ejaculating talcum powder when I have my last orgasm of the night!!!

Yeah, that’s the kind of sex that I want to have…EVERY DAY, until they bury me!

These new man-made, cybernetic female organisms will be able hoover a man’s penis so hard that he will think that ‘she’ is sucking his anus through his penis!!! OUCH…or maybe I should say OH, YEAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

So, now that the bargirls realize that they have virtually unbeatable competition in the form of these bio-engineered masterpieces of human sexuality, they will be forced to act like the perfect, doting princesses that we all want them to be.

Never again will the average punter be subjected to the common female complaints like…

“I’m too tired, maybe tomorrow.”

or

“It’s my period. Maybe we can do it next week.”

or

“I have a headache.”

Those excuses will be history.

A side benefit of these robots will be that the human bargirls will all have to lower their prices dramatically to compete with these robots that many men will have around the house as their personal play toys. It’s the laws of supply and demand working at their most basic levels.

But, the more that I think about it, perhaps it is nice to have a burrito every now and then between those long bouts of lobster and steak because every now and then you can find a great little dive restaurant serving some killer Mexican food right where you never expected it. And it might be cheap and exciting to go there as well.

I guess that, as they say, ‘variety truly is the spice of life’…especially when it comes to women.

So, decades in the future when the bargirls have discovered the Stickman site, I will turn to the punter sitting next to me at the beer bar and say, “Fxxk those robots…I’ll take a real bargirl tonight!”

But, if I hear just hear ONE complaint from any human bargirl, I will permanently and forever ‘change my tune’ and only utter my new life’s mantra…

“Don’t fxxk those bargirls…fxxk the ROBOTS!!!”

Stickman's thoughts:

The bargirls discovered this site a long time ago….many read it with their boyfriends on a Sunday night. Really!