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Part I: THE TRIP WHERE NOTHING WAS PLANNED
I'll be married 37 years in January, with no intention of getting divorced or separated any time soon, so every time I travel to Asia, I remind myself that I'm not looking for true love, just a good time, yet I seem to wind up falling in love (or at least extended lust) every time and worse, it's never girls that I pick for myself. Either a friend winds up picking them for me, or they pick me, but it's never the ones I'm initially attracted to and this trip was no exception.
I had been to Hong Kong, Korea, Taiwan several times, Bangkok twice and Singapore and Cambodia once each, but never the Philippines. The idea was to meet my good friend "Ed", an experienced Master Whorist who has lived and played in Asia for the last 20 years and is currently based in Singapore. He is a long time aficionado of the Makati bar scene and would show me around, even though he is semi-retired and was staying in Manila with a legitimate, non-bar girl girlfriend, a Filipina accountant he had met on the Internet.
He had supposedly explained to her that an old friend who he had not seen in six years was coming out from the States to party and act like a 21 year old and that after a couple of days in Manila, we would probably leave her behind and head off to Angeles City, but the first screw up occurred at the airport. I breezed through Customs and Immigration and so when I got to the waiting area where my friend and his girlfriend were supposed to be, there was no "Ed" After about 45 minutes, I was just about to give up and take a cab to the hotel by myself, when I spotted one old white guy in the crowd that was otherwise all Filipinos.
I could only see the back of his white head, but I was convinced it couldn't be Ed, because from the back he looked too old, but he was the only white guy there so what the hell and sure enough it was Ed and I would not have recognized him after six years, if I was not expecting to meet him. It turned out he didn't recognize me either – I found out later from one of his friends in Manila that he was expecting "A big, fat guy, probably about 300 pounds by now" and I fooled him by being down to a svelte 200 pounds, down from about 240 the last time I saw him.
So, he introduced me to his girlfriend and the three of us took a cab to Makati and got checked into the Sunette Towers right off Burgos Street and then went to lunch with a crazy Brit friend of Ed's (The one who later told me had been expecting me to be big and fat) and then dropped the girlfriend at the hotel and began making the rounds of the go go bars.
Ed is a binge drinker, able to stay sober for weeks or even months, but unable to stop once he starts drinking and so he had promised to stay sober for the first couple of days, until I got acclimated to Manila and didn't need his guidance any more, but I should have known better. He admitted that he had been drunk the night before I got there and began drinking again at lunch. Meanwhile, I was half wiped out from an 18 hour flight and didn't even feel like drinking at all, so I wasn't particularly into the bar scene. I just wanted to pick up a girl and get laid.
Ed is actually five years younger than me, but looks his age, with white hair, while I am lucky still have naturally brown hair and still pass for 45, so I started jokingly telling the bar girls that Ed was my father.
Ed kept telling me that there were thousands and I shouldn't pull the trigger and pick one too soon, but I was getting impatient, not seeing anything really spectacular. After a few other bars, we hit the Flamingo. I was eyeing some of the dancers on stage, trying to decide, when Ed started talking to one girl who was not dancing and was dressed in street clothes. He was hot for her and wanted to take her for short time, even though he had his girlfriend back at the hotel. To me, she was cute, but nothing special and a little young and thin for my taste. I usually go for "Older" girls, anywhere from 25 to 35.
Anyway, Ed decided he was already too drunk for getting laid, so we left and went to a couple of other bars, before he decided to crap out on me and head back to the hotel to sleep it off. I was alone, bored and horny, so I headed back to the Flamingo and when the cute one he had been talking to came over and started talking to me, I figured "what the hell" I could either waste the night seeking perfection, or take this home and get laid. She was cute enough, so I paid the barfine and took her back to the hotel, where I immediately got three very pleasant surprises.
First of all, my experience with bar girls has always been that they want you to shower first and then they shower before you do anything. This one wanted to shower together and get things going even before we got into bed.
Surprise Number Two, with her makeup off, she was not just cute, but beautiful (She later told me that the Flamingo had a gay guy who did the makeup for all the girls) with a really gorgeous face that didn't need any makeup.
Surprise Number Three, for some reason, she was wearing a very heavy bra which made her breasts look small. Once she took it off, I was staring at one of the finest pairs I had ever seen, about 34C staring me right in the face with no sag. Yeah, she had a three month old kid, with the stretch marks to prove it, but I didn't care, because she was 19 years old and had an absolutely perfect, Playboy model-type body, with not an ounce of cellulite anywhere.
But Surprise Number Four was the best of all. Once she got into bed, she was not only responsive, but she had the softest, sweetest, most kissable lips I had ever run across and made me feel like a teenager again, content to make out with her for hours at a time, but she wasn't satisfied with that and wanted to fuck. She was about the best I've ever had and that's when I decided that Father knew best.
She stayed with me until about 5 in the afternoon, when she had to go change for work and was mildly surprised when I decided to bar fine her again that night. Again, she stayed with me all night and all day, but by then, I was getting sick and couldn't even get it up anymore. The next day, Sunday, she went home to see her family and her baby, but she actually called me to see if I was okay. Monday, she called three times and then stopped by the hotel on her way to work to make sure I was okay.
PART TWO: LEAVING MANILA FOR THE PHILIPPINES
We were supposed to leave Monday for Puerto Galera, but didn't partially because I was still sick and partially because my friend's girlfriend had an appointment Tuesday morning and then through various screw ups, we didn't leave until
Thursday and by then I decided to take Rona, my little Flamingo beauty with me This had not been the original plan, but Ed made it sound like a quiet place to relax, but without much action, so I figured what the hell.
Once we got to Sabang Beach at Puerto Galera, I realized this was not true and there were plenty of go go bars and local talent, but the only other time Ed had been there was with his girlfriend and so he had been totally unaware of the bar scene. It turned out I had brought my own pussy with me to another pussy lover's haven and worse, just as I was getting over being sick and feeling horny again, she got sick and just wanted to sleep.
Ed and this Brit who was there for a month taking skin diving lessons, started drinking in the afternoon, while his girlfriend and my little honey both stayed back at the hotel. I restrained myself until about 8 in the evening. I took my girl out for dinner, but she was still sick and did not even want to go to the bar, telling me that if I wanted to pick up someone else that was okay with her. She would even leave the room for awhile if I wanted to bring someone back, but then when I said I might take her up on that, she suddenly got better and decided to come with me after all and Ed's girlfriend decided to come too.
PART THREE: BRINGING COALS TO NEWCASTLE
Why bring a bar girl to a gogo bar stocked with girls? That's what Ed and my other drinking buddies kept asking me and I was beginning to wonder myself when I saw all the cute girls on stage and found out that they only cost 2,000 pesos a night (Half for the girl and half for the bar fine) while Rona was costing me 5,000 a night including the barfine. Then Rona started hitting her stride, not even drunk, but dancing and laughing and having a good time and proved she had more personality than all the other girls in the bar. Even Ed, who had been making a well-meaning pain in the ass of himself, warning me that she would try to rip me off and create a big scene in the end demanding more money, agreed that she was something special
That's when I fell in love and realized that I had hit the lottery and picked up the best bar girl in Manila and if I was 35 and single, instead of 59 and married, I would have made a serious run at this girl as a long term girlfriend. It turned out she even knew two of the girls working there, which turned into a squealing, giggling, joyous reunion. One of them was really cute and I did my best to attract her attention and promote a possible threesome, but unfortunately got no response. Oh well.
We closed the place at 2 AM and tried to drag Ed home, but he was just hitting his stride. His girlfriend had given up and gone back to the hotel hours before and he wanted to keep drinking. We managed to drag him out and made it all the way to Ed's Place, a straight bar/restaurant right on the beach, with no go go girls, which was still open. Since Ed flat out refused to leave, I figured what the hell? How much longer could Ed's be open? (I later found out it's open 24 hours a day) and it's only a short walk down the beach to the hotel, so Ed would be all right. We went home.
PART FOUR REVENGE OF THE CELL PHONE
7:30 the next morning, after about four hors sleep, there's banging at the door. It's Ed's girlfriend, coming to return my passport which she'd been holding since I knew I was going to get drunk the night before and tell me she was leaving and going back to Manila by herself. It wasn't just that Ed had staggered home at five thirty in the morning, with his neck covered with hickies and scratch marks, but she had found text messages on his cell phone from his wife in Singapore (They're divorced but still living together) and from his other girlfriend in Mindanao, wanting to know when he was coming to see her.
I had breakfast with her and saw her off on the boat, then went back to bed. Rona was still sick and just wanted to sleep. Woke Ed about 11 AM and he was still drunk. He drank another couple of beers for breakfast, then we grabbed a jeepney and headed for White Beach, about a half hour away, across treacherous mountain roads full of beautiful scenery. We walked around and then had a nice lunch while Ed had a few more beers, then back to Sabang and even more beers for Ed. By 8 o'clock he wisely decided to go to bed and call it a night.
I took Rona out to dinner – all of 400 pesos with the tip, for both of us – and then we went back to the room. She was genuinely sick, with a fever and all, not faking it, so she didn't want to go got the bars or even fuck, but she did kiss me all over and then give me a nice blow job. Then she wanted to go to sleep.
Unfortunately for me, it was only 10:30 at night, I was not sleepy and it was my last night in the Philippines, so I figured "Screw it". If she and Ed were both going to crap out on me, I would hit the bars alone and see if I could find any of my drinking companions from the night before. I couldn't and was sitting at the bar alone, feeling sorry for myself – alone and horny again on my last night there, when who showed up but Rona's friend who I had admired the night before.
I bought her a drink and we started talking, but there didn't seem to be anything there. She asked about Rona and I said she was back at the room, sick. We had a few more drinks and things were going nowhere, but at least she was company and then all of a sudden, the ice broke and she started warming up. By then, I was drunk and feeling mellow, as opposed to depressed, so I offered to bar fine her, but told her right out that I had nowhere to take her and I was leaving the next day and she could just go home and go to sleep if she wanted to, or we could go somewhere and hang out for a while.
She said she wanted to go change clothes and I waited, not really expecting her to come back, pleasantly surprised when she did. Since there was no place else to go, we wound up on the beach. I told her I had been attracted to her the night before and she said she had been attracted to me too, but was shy and didn't want to say anything since I was with Rona. She also said she had been badly burned by some German guy and was very careful about who she went with.
At first, I dismissed it as "Bargirl bullshit" i.e.., tell the customer what he wants to hear, but then as she was all over me, like the horny teenager she was – she was also 19 – I realized she had nothing to gain. She had already been paid, she knew I was leaving the next day and there was no chance of getting more money from me, I was drunk and she could have easily ditched me at any time, yet here she was in my arms and I decided to stop thinking so much and just enjoy.
I've never been good with women, even when I was young and relatively good looking. Now, I'm almost 60 years old, my youngest child just turned 25 and I've got a gorgeous 19 year old asleep in my bed while I'm out on the beach making out with another gorgeous 19 year old, who's telling me how handsome I am.
Sure enough, I found out that just like Rona, she wore a ridiculously unflattering bra and once I got it open, I was immediately confronted with another set of perfect tits. I don't know what it is with Filipina girls, but with these two what I saw wasn't half as good as what I got.
Finally, I dropped Patleen off where she was staying and staggered back to my room. I expected Rona to still be sleeping and I had paid her before I left, since I knew I would be out late drinking, but when I walked in, she was not asleep or even pretending to be. Instead she was all over me, telling me she was going to miss me when I left and how she loved my eyes. In 8 days and nights, the only time she ever complained was when my beard scratched her face or I pulled her hair too hard, I never spent more than 250 pesos buying her a meal and the only extra money she asked me for, was 400 pesos for CDs.
THE TRIP WHERE NOTHING WENT AS PLANNED ENDS THAT WAY
The next morning, we got up before 7, to catch an 8:15 boat back to Batangas and a van back to Manila, so I could get my flight at 5 PM back to the States. I thought I had 2,200 pesos left in Philippine money, just enough to get me through the day and to the airport, with 550 pesos for the departure tax. Then I discovered to my horror, that two of the bills in my wallet were not 1,000 peso notes like I thought, they were all 100's. I was sure I had 2,000 pesos left from the night before and thought I had put them in my wallet when I got back from the bar. Now they were gone. Had Rona ripped me off after all, or was I just more drunk than I relaized?
Fortunately, I still had American money left, but where to change it at 7AM? I ran down the beach to another hotel that had a money changer on the premises and tried to change US $100. They wouldn't take it because the bill was crumpled and dirty. In desperation, I gave them another bill, just as crumpled, but they took that one. I ran back to my hotel, paid for breakfast and boat tickets, went back to my room and remembered where I had stashed the 2,000 pesos the night before. Sure enough, it was still there. I now had more pesos than I needed and would have to cash them in at the airport. Oh well. Went back out to finish breakfast and the money changer showed up. The manager had decided not to accept my money after all. They gave it back and I gave back the extra pesos I no longer needed.
Got packed and ready to go, figured nothing else could go wrong, then got all the way to the boat and realized I'd forgotten the water bottle back at the hotel, ran back there, just made the boat and figured surely nothing else could happen and the rest of the trip would be quiet and uneventful. I was wrong. There were only four of us on the boat. Me, Rona, Ed and a beautiful Filipina, may be 21 or 22, right off the cover of a fashion magazine. She starts talking to Ed, being more than friendly and he surprised me by being too hung over to even pursue her. Eventually, he and Rona both fell asleep, leaving just me and the new beauty awake and eyeing each other. I was trying desperately to think of a way to get Rona's head out of my lap without waking her, but couldn't do it.
We catch van from Batangas back to Manila (1,700 pesos, plus a 300 peso tip) and the driver is playing Christian music while I'm in the back seat with Rona all over me like rug and my hand up her nice short skirt. Get back to Manila, say goodbye to her, go to Ed's hotel to relax for a couple of hours before leaving for the airport and there is Ed's girlfriend, over being pissed off at him again.
Catch a cab to the airport and again the driver is playing Christian music, his whole cab decorated with Catholic symbols and statues, but he tells me he has to drive a cab because he has a wife and four kids and a good job, but spends all his money drinking, gambling and chasing women with his co-workers.
Fly home, exhausted after a 29 hour trip door to door, catch a cab from the train station and the cab almost kills a bicyclist before he gets to my house. I had to shout at him three times before he finally stopped less than six inches from the guy. And that's how my first ever trip to the Philippines went. Now I can't wait to get back.