Take IT For What It Is
Let me start by thanking Stickman for this forum and his weekly reports, as well as all the content provided by the readers. Many submissions have provided valuable insight for me and/or confirmed certain beliefs that I have about Thailand, Thai people, and all the good and bad farangs that live, work, or visit there.
I had debated whether there was something I could produce that other readers would find informative or enlightening in some way. I kept thinking: Is this valuable information?… Has someone already written about this? Not knowing the answer was the very reason I sat down for 2 hours on a hot Summer, Sunday afternoon and produced this report (and its title) that I believe can be helpful in Thailand and in life. For those of you with limited mental capacity, just remember TIFWII: Take it for what it is, my friend, take it for what it is.
I have been going to Bangkok and Phuket for approximately 6 weeks per year since 2000, when I first visited Phuket on my way home from Bangalore, India setting up one of the very first English speaking call centers in that country. I was visiting a friend of a friend who had retired to Kata Beach, married a local Thai lady (20 years younger of course) and opened up a Tex Mex restaurant there. Of course, I had heard all the stories and rumors about Thailand and the sex industry, but I was going for a little bit of relaxation and I didn’t really dig prostitutes so I thought I would just unwind for two weeks from all the globetrotting I was doing at the time. I thought, at the time, that it would be my first and last trip to that country. Well, a quick tally on my passport now shows over 200 days over the last 5 years, with thoughts of when and where I want to retire there (this is especially impressive given the fact that I travel from the east coast of the US and it takes me 28 hours on 3 segments just to get to BKK, let alone HKT. Anyway, I absolutely fell in love with the place, people, culture and everything else about the place. I am willing to take the bad with the good about any place I choose to spend time in, so all you whiners that have a Thailand complaint because things are not “perfect”, clam up… things are not perfect anywhere. TIFWII, my friend.
Before I begin my essay (which will essentially outline several important principles that I have learned over a few years), I find it very important to describe myself because many things that happen in life are dependent on (1) what you look like, (2) how educated you are, (3) what you do with your time, and (4) what values and beliefs you have. No, I am not describing myself to feel good about myself.
I am a 39 year old “American”(look 29), half Asian actually, a good wage earner (MBA/CPA in the US). I work my ass off 46 weeks per year, and then party my ass off the other six (mostly in Phuket) in two 3-week vacations per year. Once tan, I could easily pass for a Thai national (which gives me an interesting perspective that the average farang does not get, more on this later). I also could pass for a Thai pop star (I have been told that by Thais and farangs) given my unique blend of heritage (Japanese, Russian and Polish) and the physical features that it produces. In Thailand (as well in some other countries), I am just a handsome dude. I’m not bragging, it just happens to be true. I got lucky. Regardless, it helps with bargirl pricing at the minimum. Oh, also important: I treat everyone with respect and I never place my values on others. All you dumb blokes who try to impose your values are simply trying to confirm your own choices or limits in life. Leave me alone, and I will leave you alone. Having said this, here is my perspective on several recurring subjects that gloss over the Stickman web pages. Take it for what it is my friend. Choose to use, or choose to lose.
Never get emotionally involved with a bargirl: You are either insane, a masochist, or have low self esteem if you do this. This is the dumbest thing you could possibly do and you will end up miserable (no, it has never happened to me). Maybe you deserve it for some other transgression you had in life. Let me explain something to you. You are renting her time. She is your employee. Her job is to get you to fall in love with her or at least make you feel good as well as extract as much money from you as possible (this is not extortion mind you, just her way of upping her price/value in life). She has other employers. I have had several “relationships” with Thai bargirls over the years, as well as my share of one nighters, two nighters, short time, long time, etc. but four relationships I have had may very well wrap up what I want to say here.
Hom was a gogo girl in Nana Plaza that I met on my way home on that first trip to Phuket. I was there drinking a beer with a friend waiting a couple days to catch a flight back to the US. I could not believe how beautiful she was dancing up there on stage. Her body was perfect. Petite, with big tits, just like I like them. Beautiful face. I’ll stop right here with the descriptions, rather than bore you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. You know the drill. Anyway, she was my first bargirl, and the first girl I would pay to spend time with. I barfined her immediately and we spent two great nights together with great sex and a lot of fun. Two days later, I got up for my 7:00AM flight, hugged her and left. I didn’t get emotionally attached. She is an 8th grade educated, farmer’s daughter from Isaan. Our discussion was like baby talk on baby topics in life. Sure, I missed her and even called once a month from the US to see how she was doing, but mostly to see if she would be in BKK the next time I visited. She was, over a period of the next two years, when one trip I decided I would surprise her. I went to her Nana Plaza gogo and she was not there. Her sister (who also happen to work there) told me she had moved to Australia. I was devasted….. really I was. For 30 minutes. I moved on. There is no shortage of girls in Nana, BKK, or Thailand. Why do you idiots get so attached to just one? I think of the miles of penis that Hom took in from other guys between my trips to BKK, and the only advice I have for you people in bargirl relationships like this is: Always wear a condom, and never perform oral sex. I actually ended up that night with one of Hom’s childhood friends (unknowing to me). A couple of trips later I found out that Hom was mad about that. Can you believe it?!?!?!? Yes, the face stretches far and wide. Take it for what it is my friend, take it for what it is. I had a great time with her on many trips to BKK. She had a great time with me. I paid her the market wage, I never bought her a gift or flew her anywhere. I never took her to Phuket with me. I simply rented her time when I was in BKK, and she was happy with the price. I guess some Aussie upped the ante, called the bluff and took the pot. That’s all. I hope they are happy down under. Really. One last thing about Hom, as you all have or will lose your bargirl virginity like me at some point. For all you first time dorks to Thailand, please liken your experience to your first heroin injection. I was hooked too, but the euphoria should wear off along with the hangover on the way back to Farangland. If you continue to “Jones” while away, then I suggest you surf the Web for porn (Thai girls if you must) and jack off. If you are sending over money to a bargirl in Thailand, then look in thy mirror and profess thy dumbness to thyself. You are.
Aoy was a gogo dancer at the best gogo bar in Phuket. This was back in 2002 at the peak season, so there were lots of people on the island, and more dancers converging on the scene. I had already been there for one week and I had never seen her before on this trip or any trip prior to that. I bought her a drink and we chatted up nicely for several hours actually. I could tell that she was new (turned out to be her fifth day). As the night wore on, I inquired what the price would be. She told me she only had drinks and danced. What? She wouldn’t go home with me? I couldn’t believe it. After some persuasion, including some from all the girls there that remembered me from frequent visits in the past (and the fact that I had never barfined anyone from there in two years time), she agreed to go. She was shy, reluctant, but I knew she was truly attracted to me and couldn’t pass up the opportunity (more later). She was OK in bed. A little stiff, but her beauty and tight body made the experience that much better. The next night I visit her bar to take her out of there again. We chat for a while during which time she asks if I want to visit BKK with her over the next few days. I said no because I had just came from there. It’s now her turn to dance and she asks me to barfine her, which I gladly would do (it’s the reason I was there), but she had previously told me that she enjoyed dancing and I wanted to see her take a round having just gotten there. With this, she gets up and says that she will never have anything to do with me ever again. Then, she walks away. What the FU%@??? I left after trying to reconcile what had just happened. I even tried to talk to her again (a few times) before leaving. She didn’t want to discuss anything. I later learned the following, some I was told, some I surmised: Aoy was a college-educated, Bangkok Chinese Thai girl, who had just graduated university. She was also very beautiful. She was in Phuket seeking a “rich” (Thai definition) husband to get out of Thailand. She truly wanted to live abroad in a fancy lifestyle (or at least better than she could afford in a marketing or administrative assistant job in Bangkok on 12,000 Baht per month). She hated dancing, she hated wearing skimpy outfits parading onstage (and resented me for not knowing this I guess). She hated the whole Phuket scene, but made that sacrifice to potentially find a “rich” husband. It turned out that I was only the second guy she ever let barfine her. A Swede had beaten me to it two nights earlier to claim the first prize. Well, I was not there looking for a wife and she discovered this quite early. With me she had just swung (in baseball terms), and missed for a second time. I’m sure the Swede was a good-looking, nice guy in a similar holiday mood that I was in. I hope he has stopped scratching his head on this one. But the fact here is this: she was not going to strike out and become a mattress backed whore (in her mind anyway) like all the other girls around her. She had concluded that she would probably not find a suitable mate in this situation. And, rightfully so. The chances are very slim and always will be. Needless to say, I went back a couple of nights later and learned she had quit and moved back to BKK. I’m glad she did. She had probably heard all the great stories, or even had a friend living the good life in Los Angeles, London or Perth, or wherever. She wanted the same life, but was not willing to tarnish her cootchie long term to find the bloke who would take her out of there. She made it as a dancer for only 6 days, and that was all she could take. I think she really was a “good girl”, and just could not stand polluting her body in the hopes of finding the right man. I wish I knew then what I know now. Maybe, I would have been that bloke. Damn it!
Khak was a gogo dancer in the same bar as Aoy, but I met her in 2003 long after Aoy was gone. By the way, I don’t really like gogo bars but I know the best inventory of girls are there and in the best nightclubs. So this is where I go when I am looking for my “employee” for the current holiday. Anyway, I walked in as usual, chatted with the manager, ordered a drink, looked up and saw her. Bam. Stunner. Barfine. Chat. Drinks (for me). Cola for her (she didn’t drink or smoke). She was great and her English was good and I was in heaven. I spent the next two weeks with her until I left Phuket. It was the best sex I have ever had, with her initiating more than me. Several times during the night, once in the morning for two weeks. I was truly blessed and tired. I left Phuket for BKK, and it was a sad day for both of us. If you can believe it, she took all my condoms before I left for BKK, as if there are none to purchase in that city. Thai girls are jealous or they will feign jealousy if they don’t like you, and it didn’t matter that she would be on stage later that night. Amazing Thailand. Anyway, to get to the point. On my next three trips to Phuket, Khak was there and we repeated our relationship. The drill was the same every day at a prenegotiated daily rate (I got a good rate), plus the next night’s barfine. I picked her up at 8:00PM, we would go to dinner, a show, or a friend’s bar, come home at 2:00AM, have amazing sex throughout the night. Breakfast in the morning and I would take her home around noon so I could do all my daytime activities like golf, beach, gym, pool, etc. To be honest, it actually got a little mundane as I look back, but the sex was amazing, and she liked me and vice versa. Last year, I went back to Phuket to find Khak at her bar, but she was not there. I was told she had married a Norwegian and was living back in her hometown of Korat, where her mother and daughter also lived. I was devasted again. For 30 minutes. I did have to verify the story so I called her and was told by her mother that she would be back in Phuket in a month (unfortunately I would be gone). Was she married? Yes. Did she still work in Phuket? Yes. Did she keep her place in Phuket? Yes. I drove by her apartment, chatted with her friends and confirmed this. To this day, they still call me her boyfriend although I am sure she has many, I must just be her favorite (probably the best looking, or most fun or both, I don’t know). <Be careful, you're starting to sound like Ben Dover… – Stick> This Norwegian dork is in the dark. Apparently, his money is not enough, and she is going to supplement by working on holidays, while he stays at home taking care of her family. Will I “get together” with her if I see her on my next trip? Sure, why wouldn’t I? I really dig her. The lesson here is fourfold:
(1) Unless she is having sex with you or she is within your sight, it is possible that she could be having sex with someone else. If you are in Farangland, she is with someone else for sure.
(2) Asia does have its share of nymphos, Khak is one. She really likes sex. Hey, they have them in Farangland, why not Thailand. You are paying her (not just Khak to be fair here) to give her pleasure. This is ironic. Think of it that way as you reach for the tan notes.
(3) Stunners are pretty, and pretty girls are average once the makeup and skimpy clothes come off. Khak was the first, and so far, only girl to take me to her home. It is a dump. When her make up is off, she is only pretty, but I liked her and didn’t mind. Plus, the sex…. Anyway, she lives in a complex with a few other dancers who are not pretty at all, but they sure did look good the night before.
(4) Marriage does not magically stop bargirls from being bargirls. Khak’s priorities based on what I know of about her life is this in order of importance: Money, her, her mother, her daughter, her husband (I hope anyway), me. If you marry a bargirl, then you are hopeless bastard. You may as well, self mutilate yourself.
Jaeb was also a dancer in Phuket. Yes, same gogo bar. In Khak’s absence, I had to find a replacement and she was the best looking girl in the bar that night. Her story is as follows: She is a beautiful, college-educated Chinese Thai from Bangkok who owned a business with her sister. Her parents, who are also businesspeople had fallen on hard times and encouraged her (their only daughter) to go to Phuket so she could make the big bucks and bail them out. She made it clear to me. Three months, and she was out of there (I think she was on her third week at the time). I just could not believe that her parents would encourage her to do this type of work. It turned out, Jaeb had just ended a long relationship with her Thai boyfriend (she actually seemed embarrassed about this). Anyway, she needed a break from Thai men in general, and thought she might go Farang and like it. I had a great ten days with her, and I felt slightly sorry for her situation, but I know she had a great time with me. I paid her what the market price was, gave her my US phone number, and she actually called and or text-messaged me for over two months before I lost my phone and got a different number. I hadn’t written down her number, so I have lost contact. Too bad. Anyway, the lesson learned here is the following: Some girls don’t want to be there. They are making sacrifices. I doubt her policeman brother would ever have been asked by her parents to make such a sacrifice, so treat them all with due respect. I always do, and it pays dividends in how much they like you and how good in bed they are. PS. I recently saw a picture of her on ThaiLoveLinks.com. I guess she really does want to marry a foreigner after all. Her city states Bangkok, so she must have left Phuket. If you don’t mind a “good girl” with 3 months experience working as a dancer, she is quite a catch. Hell, I may have even pursued her if it wasn’t for the challenges I outline in my last section of this article.
If you have been in a fight in Thailand, it is your fault. If you have been scarred, maimed or permanently injured, then I am glad. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to get into a fight in Thailand, especially with Thai people. Fighting is stupid especially if you are on holiday and I am glad it has never happened to me. Why do blokes do it? Because you are a loser (you know who you are), and a nothing in Farangland that shakes his fist at the moon and curses your very existence. Thailand offers you an opportunity to let your hair down, act however you want, live like a king for a pittance, and hence it goes to your head. You have a sense of entitlement. You deserve the world. Blokes fighting other blokes is fine, sort of like a self correcting problem, but the Thais will actually do you a favor. They will scar you for life, and kick you harder and harder as you go down to the ground. He wouldn’t be in the fight if he thought he (and his friends maybe) was going to lose. If you are able to survive, I hope you limp and are otherwise scarred for life having learned a valuable lesson. Just don’t do it again. You have that reminder every time you look in the mirror, or gimp down that golf course. Take it for what it is my friend, and take it for all its worth.
Like I said, I look Thai, but I am an American. Put me in a line up and you cannot pick me out. I have felt and seen your arrogance to Thais because you do not know I am an American. Once I speak fluent English to you, you get scared, apologetic and back down. Even you bigger guys. But, even you aren’t going to ruin my holiday. I will not hit you unless you hit me first, even though I am tempted. I know you are going to get whacked in the long run by someone. Of all the talk about violence against farangs in Thailand on the uprise, I am very glad about this one. I used to feel guilty coming to Thailand, taking all the best looking girls for myself right in front of Thai men, and then jetting back to my $1M condo in Miami Beach. < HELL, it is Ben Dover the bloody second – Stick> Well, I know that if I treat everyone with respect, I can do just about anything (legal that is). The Thai men don’t care, they would do the same as me if they could. So if you have been in a fight in Thailand, it is your fault and I hope you learned a valuable lesson. If not, you are unteachable and will probably not live very long.
One other thing. The laws of physics are universal, even in Thailand. You are still on planet Earth. If you go too fast on a curve on a motorbike, you will invariably run off the road, and kill the girl on the back too. If you cannot swim well in Farangland, you can not swim well in Thailand and will wash up down shore somewhere. Don’t worry, someone will eventually find your body. If you drive into a solid object heavier than you and what you are riding, then you will be lucky to just be injured. I am just amazed at all the crashes, drownings, etc. of you dumb farangs who go to Thailand and think the laws of physics are different. You people are among the group to which the last sentence in the previous paragraph applies to.
I will tip what I want to tip, when I want to tip, where I want to tip, how I want to tip: For all you locals just squeezing by on your low paying job in Thailand, I say this: You can’t have it both ways. Yes, you want the low cost structure and great lifestyle that Thailand affords, but guess what….you also don’t make much money. I do, and when I am in Thailand I am going to spread some wealth to this third world country in hopes that in some way I am doing my small part to help this beautiful country and all the beautiful people in it. Stop complaining about me driving up the cost structure. These are market forces at work here. Supply and demand, Economics 101. So, you can curse the Japanese, you can mumble something to me about my tipping habits, all of which will go unheard. I don’t mind tipping $2 for a $2 haircut, because it costs me $20 in the US. I can spend double on something in Thailand and it will be 1/5th of what I pay in the US. That is why I make that 28 hour journey for you idiot, so stop complaining. I want 5-star service this habit of mine gets me. Don’t get me wrong, some Thais, once they think they know you well enough, stop going that extra mile. It is then that I simply stop going to that Thai. I can get a haircut, massage, meal, etc. somewhere else. That Thai will then have learned a valuable lesson. So, stop your bitching, look in the mirror, and run a better business or teach more hours, OK? Again, take it for what it is and relax. You will not get anything accomplished by complaining. I find it impossible that you and 100,000 farangs living there will change the behavior of the 10,000,000 farangs visiting every year.
You are a farang, and you always will be: All of Asia is homogenous. It’s just a fact of life. Chinese live in China, Japanese live in Japan, Thais live in Thailand, etc. Asians discriminate against other Asians in some form or fashion, so why not a Caucasian. Hell, you don’t even have black hair. There is discrimination in every country in the world. Why wouldn’t Thais discriminate? At least their discrimination is harmless. It is not costing you a job or promotion, or a marriage to the person you love. It’s maybe just a higher taxi fare. Can’t you afford the extra 20 Baht?
The better question to ask here is Why do farangs feel the need or even the right to be accepted into their society as one of their own? You are not and never will be since you did not go through the required initiation process this country demands. You were not born here. You did not go through the Thai school system. You did not work in the fields tilling rice. You did not grow up not being able to afford your favorite CD or see your favorite movie. The list could go on, but you know what I mean.
Like I said, I have been going to Phuket twice a year for over 5 years. Before going out for the evening and almost every night while I am there I will drink a pint of Regency with a group of motorbike taxi drivers down the road from my hotel. Yes, the circle has changed over the years, but one guy named Dow has always been there since day one. He is my closest Thai friend, so to speak, and I don’t mind dropping some cash to catch a buzz with these guys. It’s worth the comraderie and insight into their Thai lives. They, in turn, get to hear stories about the US from me. Getting back to Dow and my story, I have taken him to the kickboxing fights over the years, purchased a girl for him twice, and even taken him and the other guys to a Thai disco in Phuket Town on several occasions. To this day, he will not eat a meal with me at the hotel restaurant that overlooks his taxi stand. Why? That would be taking him out of his group of friends, and apparently I wasn’t in it. That’s fine, I didn’t mind. I just found it particularly striking that I could eat vendor food with them down at the taxi stand, but asking just one of them to join me at the upscale hotel was a no-no. My bad. It’ll never happen again. I will invite all or none the next time.
So, for all you farangs that are and always will be farangs, just take it for what it is. You are not going to change a nation and a culture that has existed for thousands of years.
If you want to marry a Thai woman, you should move there to find one: Let’s face it. You are on a dream vacation. You are drunk. You are with a great looking woman, and if things don’t work out, you can always find another. This is not the real world. In a capsule, you are in a purple haze at best. Unless you are extremely wealthy, and have an iron bladder, this is not how life works. Your day in Farangland does not start at noon brunch, and doesn’t end accomplishing nothing other than lying on the beach and polishing off 18 beers. This is not the best time for you to begin thinking about marriage. I can assure you that your thinking is a slight bit off kilter.
If you really want to marry a Thai lady, and I don’t blame you one bit, then you are going to have to move there for quite a period of time to find the right one. You are going to have to move in different circles than ones you move in during a typical holiday. Things will go slower, the sex will not be the same as with a bargirl (hopefully I’m wrong on this one). You will have to invest some time, effort, patience and bridge the gap between your cultural differences. All in all, I believe Thai women can make for excellent wives, but you had better get used to the differences in culture. You may have to reluctantly pay a dowry, you may have to reluctantly help support her parents. Get over yourself, and understand this: In most countries of this world, people conceive children for support when they get older. You, the spoiled jackass, have it the other way. You have come to expect support from your parents for your entire life, yet probably don’t even need it. You may even be waiting for your parents to die so you can get your grubby mitts on your inheritance. Another sense of entitlement.
I am always amazed that it takes your typical human being approximately 25% of his life getting reared by their parents or guardians to face the world. Birds do it in a fraction of the time. Insects get no rearing. They are born and then get on with it. You have been spoiled and programmed to believe that your way of life is THE way of life. This is not so unfortunately.
So, if you want to marry a Thai woman and have a wonderful life in Thailand or in Farangland, it will take a great deal of effort on your part. Yes, nothing good in life comes cheap. It will not fall into your lap. You have to make sure she is suitable and compatible to you. Make sure that sex is only a small part of your decision. Make sure she really wants to live in Farangland. Make sure she wants to become fluent in English. Make sure she wants to raise the children you so desperately want. Make sure she can assimilate. Make sure she will not stray. Make sure she is the real deal. You simply can not accomplish this on a 3 week drunkfest. You are going to have to move there, take up a relationship, fail maybe several times, go through the mundane weekday nights watching TV, playing boardgames, or whatever it is you like to do most nights. You will have to tend to her when she is sick, smell her shit from time to time after she leaves the bathroom. Yes, this is life. Life is not just about getting as drunk as you want, dragging your rental home, having sex when/how you want, and then passing out.
So, there you have it. These are my thoughts on some very important subjects about Thailand and farangs in general. I hope I did not sound too harsh at times, as I was just trying to get my point across. These are my thoughts. Take it for what it is, my friend, take it for what it is.