Readers' Submissions

Welcome To Limboland

Welcome to limboland, where nothing is certain, you're permanently in the dark and no-one can help you…

"Mr. Kindtortoise woke up this morning to find everyone's nightmare had happened. His girlfriend had gone out the door, kissing him on the cheek, and saying she would
be back later. She has not been heard of again. "I am amazed and worried," he said. "All I want is to know she is okay and for her to know that I miss her"…..

billboard bangkok

Well that's a rambling start, so let's go back to my first trip to the land of smiles….it was November 2004. My good friend from work, Mr. Sith Lord (the name has been changed to protect the guilty) had gone over to Pattaya three
times and this time invited me. Previous to this, I had been married to a half-Caucasian, half-Pakistan woman who would have cut off my unmentionables with a rusty pair of scissors had I suggested it, but my marriage had gone down the pan and
divorce had hit me. So no excuses this time, I thought, and I had always been keen on Asian and oriental ladies.

So, with a mixture of excitement and fear I hopped on an Eva Airplane with Sith Lord and took the long 11 hour flight to paradise – although Sith Lord had some warnings, as he had hooked up with girls previously who had turned out to have
some severe emotional and jealousy issues. He said that Thai girls would act like your girlfriend for 1000 Baht, but they would be great at mind games. I resolved to enjoy but to keep my heart locked away. Ha ha, if only I knew that Thai girls
have quality lock picks……

First night in Pattaya, met a little lady called Nok. As I was a little nervous of jumping in the sack with a girl I had only known for fifteen minutes, I told her she could sleep with me but no sex, and I would still give her some cash in
the morning. She acted like I was the saviour of her life. I did tell her that on the second night if I came back, then horizontal acrobatics would be required, and that is what exactly happened….

butterflies bangkok

I have to say that she was very young, and Mr. Kindtortoise at that time was a sturdy 39, and this came home to him when on the second night she asked if she could bring her English homework back to the room with her….she pointed out the
word 'MARRIAGE' in her workbook, giggled, and I was introduced to the farang husband mindset……

Then, along came Oum – she was 19, had a body like a teenage Venus and an addictively daft sense of humour which mirrored my own. She was also a bar girl at the bar opposite my hotel, Sith Lord thought this was convenient but dangerous for
later on in the holiday. Too late, I was smitten……the last eleven days of my trip was spent with Oum. I would pick her up at the bar, have a night of pleasure – when I could tear her away from the weird Thai pantomimes on the television which
she giggled at insanely but which left me cold – she would go the next morning and then I would pick her up again in the evening.

Last day came, Sith Lord was staying on an extra two weeks. Oum was sitting on the seat outside the hotel, a single moist tear in the corner of her eye. I resolved to send her emails and some money so that she didn't have to go with
so many men…..

So, home to Wales. We emailed back and forth, her emails full of "I miss yous and "I lover yous" – I said that I would try and get her over on a tourist visa. Forty good British pounds were sent over every month. Then it came
to April 2005 and I arranged another flight over to Thailand, again with Sith Lord. Sith Lord had told me that if I met the woman of my dreams, and so young and so gorgeous, on my first trip then I was VERY lucky.


We stayed in Bangkok for two days and then down to Pattaya. Met Oum again, just as beautiful as I had remembered. We spent a few days together. However, on the second day I had made the mistake of suggesting we might get married – her attitude
changed. She seemed bored with me, she invited her friend to pay pool and go to see a film and chattered away to her as if I wasn't there……come the third day, I said to her that we were probably looking for different things, and in the
evening she had a call from a farang she said was a friend. She promised to come back later that night after she had chatted to him – of course, I suspected something but could hardly stop her with what might be unfounded accusations.

The next day I had a message at the hotel desk that her grandmother was sick and she was sorry but she had to leave Pattaya for a few days. Imagine my surprise when next day, I saw her going into my hotel with two farangs – my own hotel!
I let it go, even when I saw her again two days after that on Beach Road with the same two guys. I decided to laugh it off as something ridiculous and resolved to get myself another woman.

Then – and here we come in a roundabout way to the main thrust of my narrative – I met Mem. Mem was at a bar in Walking Street. She wasn't as pretty as Oum, and older at 23 years. She had also had a couple of jobs previously in Bangkok,
and had a daughter that her grandmother looked after in Surin. She was chirpy, full of life, and played a mean game of pool. Her English was a lot better than Oum.

We clicked. With this one again, the first night wasn't spent with wild sex. She had bad stomach cramps, and told me that this was the legacy from a Thai boyfriend who six months earlier had beaten her up and had given her a miscarriage,
and that sometimes she had this problem. Dear reader, you can take this as a manipulative effort to get sympathy or a true story of male Thais treating their ladies badly. Anyway, I spent the night massaging her back, and then talking to her for
a couple of hours after the alleged 'pain' had subsided.

Unlike with Oum, we spent every moment together (apart from two hours a day when she had to go home and shower ready for the bar), we talked and talked about our lives and never got bored. Boomsing started on the second night. On that night,
she started to giggle when I tried to kiss her and she said this was the first time she felt shy with a farang. She was convinced she was beginning to have feelings for me. She said that if I came back to Thailand, she would love me to meet her
daughter and she showed me a picture of this cute girl with her mother's nose.

I told her I was thinking of moving to Bangkok and doing a teaching course, as I have an English degree and I felt that it's a worthwhile occupation. She said she would be very happy if I did this.

The last day came, again time to go home. She resolved to come with me to the airport to see me off, and suffered the 3 hour bumpy minibus drive. There was no big outpourings of emotion and tears….over the holiday I had begun to find that
she was just like me in personality. She may feel lots of emotions, but damned if they were going to get shown on the surface….

I spoke to her every three days on the phone when I got back. Her periods had started the day before I had left Thailand (as she put it in her Thai way, "I have blood") and so she couldn't work at the bar for eight days. One
time I had phoned her and she told me she had been stopped by two Thai men on motorbikes just outside her room in Soi 3 and hassled. I asked her for more details but she said everything was okay…. didn't stop me worrying. Then she phoned
up and sounded really bad, and said she was sick with a bad chest and still couldn't work.

I said I would send her some money to tide her over, she was reluctant at first to give me her bank details but finally she relented and I put 4,000 baht in her account.

It was at this stage, fifteen days ago, that it happened.

I phoned her as usual. Some weird Thai callback recorded message. I phoned the next day. The same. Every day, and at all hours of the day, I tried to phone her. No luck. Now, I know from personal experience that Thai ladies do not go anywhere
without their mobile phone and it is permanently switched on. Also, changing a mobile phone is costly. So this was freaky.

I have emailed her, asking her to get in touch. No luck. I have now sent a letter to her home address. Nothing back from that for one week. Now I know that Thai ladies can give you the brush-off, but this doesn't fit with Mem's

If she was out to screw me for money, she could easily have carried on the "I still can't work" pretence. If she had another guy on the go, then that still doesn't explain the phone problem, and I'd like to think
I've learnt from my first experience.

You know, the old mind goes racing. I think of her alleged problems with her stomach and think she could be very ill in hospital. Or her daughter could be seriously ill and she's gone to Surin to care for her, but a short call to me
would have just allayed my fears…..or she could be dead in a ditch somewhere. Her call about those two Thai men makes me fear the worst.

This really is the worst case scenario. She is 6000 miles away, and I have no way of finding out the truth. I don't even remember the name of the bar she worked at…..though I know where it is…

I go to Thailand again in mid-August. I was going to stay in Bangkok, but part of me wants to go to Pattaya to see if I can find her. Then again, if she's screwed me over and I find her at the bar, then that will upset me. And if she
is dead, then that ain't gonna put a smile to my face. So I have gotta think about what to do…..

For the meantime, I just sit here and wait for that call, that email or that letter that tells me everything's okay and it was just a blip……..if it comes.

Welcome to Limboland. Hope you never come here.


Stickman's thoughts:

I'd put good money on it that she has hooked up with another bloke and is avoiding calls from all of her previous suitors.