Readers' Submissions

A Follow Up On Love And Money



Well this was supposed to be just a quick e-mail to Stick but as usual I seem to have gotten carried away and it’s turned into more of a follow up submission, or perhaps an amendment to the first one. After reading some of my feedback (mostly positive) I just felt there were a few more things I had to say on the subject so here it is:

After reading Stick’s comments on my submission “Love Or Money” I’m afraid people may have gotten the impression that I’m some sort of poor, pathetic, under-employed looser. So, just to set the record straight – I’m not working in a convenience store or living in my parent’s basement or driving a beat-up 1974 Ford Pinto. I actually have a fairly decent job and I live in one of the nicest places on earth – Santa Barbara, California. Unfortunately it is also one of the most expensive places on earth and a lot of people with good jobs here still live from pay check to pay check.

Anyway, several years ago when I met Gob I had some rather large financial obligations, which have since been taken care of. If I had met her today I would have been able to send her the money she needed. Perhaps my submission should have been titled “Bad Timing”. By the way, even if I do make less money than the other guy the standard of living and the quality of life she would have had here would be much better than what she has there. But then again perception is often more important than reality and at the time all she could see was the actual cash coming in and I don’t blame her in the least for that.

Money aside though, my story was meant to be one of hope, not just heartbreak. Stick has often said that “you can take the girl out of the bar but you can’t take the bar out of the girl”. Well here I was, lucky enough to have found this bargirl who somehow never let the bar get into her to begin with. How she managed to pull this off I’ll never know and I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own two eyes but this is the case nevertheless. I’ve met a lot of seemingly nice bargirls in my time and even had strong feelings for some but I’ve always been able to spot the bargirl inside them very quickly no matter how carefully masked it may have been. I couldn’t spot it with Gob because it simply wasn’t there. She is more honest and has more of a conscience than most normal “good” women I’ve met in Thailand or anywhere else. Sure she didn’t tell me about getting back together with the other guy but most girls here wouldn’t have either. In most long distance relationships anywhere in the world one person will inevitably cheat on the other and will then be too afraid to let their partners know about their infidelity. The fact of the matter is she was seeing both of us because there was something she liked about both of us. She could have easily got 50 guys to send her money if she had wanted to but she didn’t. She liked both of us but ultimately chose him for the money and it’s as simple as that. She was most certainly not with him for the money alone though (as much as I hate to admit it). Like I said she could have got that from anyone.

In my previous submission I voiced many doubts about how deep her feelings might have been for me but I never doubted her character for a second. She is an honest, ethical, warm, fun loving human being and my life is richer for having known her. She has also given me hope – hope that girls do exist in this world that I could be happy with. I will cherish the memories of our time together for the rest of my life and I wish her the best wherever she may find herself.

I realize of course that it’s probably an exercise in futility to try to convince others of what an amazing person Gob is. I could extol her virtues until I’m blue in the face and most people are still going to think she no different than any other bargirl. After all we’ve all read submissions from these guys who are all sure their girl is “different” from the rest (usually within the first paragraph I can tell that they are not). So I suppose I’ll automatically get lumped in with those foolish guys who think with their hormones rather than their heads.

I remember I was talking to my sister a while back about UFO sightings and I told her if I ever actually saw one I would definitely keep it to myself. After all it wouldn’t matter if it were as real as my right hand, everyone would still think I was a crackpot if I were to tell them about it. I think you see the point I’m making. Anyway I guess it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, I know and that’s all that matters.

Back to the money thing, of course Stick was right, and hopefully the readers can see that the analytical part of my brain never really doubted that money was the real issue. My insecure emotional side was just playing devil’s advocate. After all every good story needs conflict, and what better conflict than the one which plays out in our heads everyday – in this case, insecurity and self-doubt versus reason and intellect. Today I’m not here for storytelling time though, I’m just here to report the facts.

By the way, I have never gone to Thailand looking for a wife or girlfriend and it’s extremely unlikely that the girl I end up wanting to marry will be found outside of the United States. Finding Gob was just a freak thing and I wouldn’t expect it to happen again.

As for me “NOT being a good prospect for any women” all I can say is fortunately for me a lot of great women over here never got that memo. Of course I’d probably have a lot more money now if I had known that all I had to do is simply make the decision to “accumulate” it and it would just start raining down from the sky. Seems I’ve been working my ass off all these years for nothing.

In closing I’d just like to say that while it’s true that I’ll probably never make a six-figure income, I won’t be flipping burgers either. And either way I sincerely hope that my net- worth will never determine my self-worth.

Anyway, its time for me to make my dinner now since apparently I’m too poor to find a wife to cook for me, even in a third world country. :)

Stickman's thoughts:

The comments made at the end of Thai / Farang relationships, submission # 1758 hold true here.