A Fast Learner

This is my first submission to Stickman, as I recently returned from my first ever trip to Thailand. I work for a small US based company in a niche market as a construction project manager. In Asia, my work has taken me to Hong Kong, Korea, Philippines,
Japan, and Singapore. Trips ranged from several weeks to several months. I have never been to Asia for a holiday, and with the exception of the southern Philippines and Japan, have not really enjoyed my time there.

Believe it or not, as this was just another work assignment, I did absolutely zero research before my trip. My entire knowledge of Thailand was as follows:

1) I knew the currency was called the baht, and that it exchanged at about 39:1 to the US dollar.

2) A friend and his wife had spent 1 day in Phuket, and several days at some super posh resort nearby at $500US / day I believe. They liked it I guess.

3) I had heard that backpackers like an area called Kao Sarn Road.

4) I had heard that Thai massage is very good and cheap.

5) Over the years, I had met 3 or 4 guys in airport bars that were coming / going from / to Thailand, and remember them mentioning something or another about girls, but no elaboration or details of any kind.

6) I had eaten Thai food 3 times in different restaurants in the US, and didn't like it as the dishes I ended up with were always sweet, not spicy.

That's it. My entire knowledge of Thailand before I arrived.

I arrived at 12:30 AM at the airport. Waited about 45 minutes in line for immigration, as they were checking everyone to make sure they had return or onward tickets. After that, quickly found an ATM and extracted 10,000 baht while fending
off the taxi tout. He explained to me that 600 baht was the standard airport regulated fare, and since I've seen this before at other airports, notably in Brazil, I was easily convinced. At the time, it didn't seem too bad for a 30 minute
trip. Uneventful ride to my pre-arranged accommodations on Lang Suan Rd, about 1 km from Ploenchit / Sukumvik Rd. Turned out to be a serviced apartment that was WAY too nice, and way too expensive at 2,900 baht / night. Oh well, I wasn't
paying for it. I was wide awake after sleeping almost the whole way from San Francisco, and asked the reception if there was a bar nearby where I might have a couple of beers. Was told no, at this hour only place for beer was 7-11 about .5 km
down the street. Off I went, returning to my room with a bag of Singhas. Set up the laptop with the free high speed connection, drank the beer, and finally nodded off about 4:30 AM.

Next morning it's Sunday and no work, so I have my free breakfast at the hotel restaurant, grab a couple of maps from the hotel desk and set out on foot about 10 AM to explore. I headed towards the way the taxi had brought me in the
night before as it seemed we were on a busy street and I had noticed the skytrain overhead. Turns out that it is Ploenchit / Sukumvik Rd, but where it intersects with Lang Suan, there is no roadside business, only hotels and offices. Hmm, guess
I'll turn right. Not looking too promising at first, but seems to be getting better. Passed a small massage place and glanced in to see 2 smiling faces waving at me. Pass another 7-11, and now I'm at Wireless Rd, and my first pedestrian
overcrossing. OK, I know from my instructions that the office I am to meet our clients in tomorrow is on Wireless Rd, so that's easy enough. Something told me to keep going up Sukumvik, so up and over the overcrossing I go. Now I'm sweating.
Why do they make those things so damned high? I walk a bit further and I'm now under the expressway, Soi 0 I guess. To the right, in the shade of the expressway there is a large open area with stacks of plastic tables and chairs. Hmm, must
be an outdoor food court, but not open now. But what is this behind this area? A neon sign that says "**** Bar". Well, I'm hot so I have to check this out. There is one girl working there, and 4 Thais finishing up eating. My first
encounter with the ice cold towel came next. (Boy what a great idea!) I order a beer, the Thais leave, and the girl wants to chat. She speaks pretty good English, probably the best I will hear from any bar employee. Pat is really friendly, and
we talked about all kinds of things over the next couple of hours. She tells me she is 34, and has a daughter who lives with her mom upcountry. I had my maps out, and was asking questions about different things, and she was enthusiastically explaining.
Several times if I showed interest, she would offer to take me there, now.

When I asked how she could leave the bar, she said "no problem, I'll call my boss and he will come down". What a great place, I'm thinking. Although not really beautiful, Pat seems to be one of the nicest people I've ever met,
and it turns out that she truly is. More on that later. The **** Bar is at the front of an alley (I guess this is Soi 0) with about 10 small units on each side, all closed this Sunday morning by metal rolling doors. I ask what these places are,
and am told they are all bars and will be open at night. As I am in explore mode, and I can see a lot of activity in the upcoming block of Sukumvik, I decline her offer for the time being, telling her I'm going to walk a bit further, and
that I will see her again as I have to pass here to get back to the hotel. She looks a bit sad, and says "no you won't". When I question this, she says "nothing, nothing, just be careful." "Careful of what?"
"Nothing, it's just that….uhm,…there are lots of girls there, and … many of them not so nice. Just be careful." I promised I would, and walked 2 blocks to…..

Soi 4, NANA PLAZA
Never heard of it. All I know is it's a happening busy area. I stop briefly to decide whether to go left or right, and am immediately latched onto by the most obnoxious, persistent tout I've ever seen. He will
NOT take no for an answer. He's grabbing me, blocking my way, chattering non-stop about best ladies, I show you, come with me, etc. I can't shake him. Finally three 20ish Farang dudes ask me to take their picture, and Mr. tout literally
snatches the camera out of my hand and says "me, me, I do, I do." Perfect. I quickly dash into the safety of the nearest bar. This would be Morning 2 Night, and would become my bar of choice for the remainder of my trip. I never was
pestered again on the street.

Morning 2 Night is as perfect for me as a bar can be (except for one thing) I could not have designed it better. It's the perfect size. It's open air in the front, and air conditioned in the rear, where the pool tables are. The
music is my favorite classic rock played loud but not ear splitting. On this, my first visit there, there are maybe 10-15 farangs there, all in 2s, 3s, or 4s, and about 10 Thai girls which I naively assume are customers. A couple of them are sitting
with a couple of the guys, the rest are chatting and drinking amongst themselves. I sit at the bar, get a beer and another ice cold towel. The 2 cute young girls sitting to my right are talking to each other, ignoring me as girls that age normally
would, and I'm just enjoying my beer(s) and the music. It's still early Sunday afternoon, and I'm thinking about getting one of those famous Thai massages before long.

I had probably been there 45 minutes or so when the girl next to me turned around and said hi. The usual questions / answers followed. After talking to her for awhile, I inquired where I might find a good massage nearby. She replied that she knew Thai
massage and could do it. I asked where, and how much, and her response enlightened me greatly. For a 2 hour massage, Poo explained that I would have to pay the bar 500B, and get a room upstairs for 300B. Ah, so you work here? "Yes" And
the other girls too? "Yes" I'd seen some signs while walking that advertised 2 hour massages for 500B, so I'm thinking this is fair enough. I finish my beer, and off we go. I declined the shower, undressed down to underwear
and lied down on the bed. She went into the bathroom and emerged with only a towel wrapped around her. She proceeded to give me a good massage for close to 2 hours. No complaining about being tired. The towel kept falling off of her and onto me,
so I said she really didn't need it. She obliged, and took it off. After she finished, she asked if I wanted sex, and if so, I would have to buy a condom from the desk. I declined for reasons I will discuss later, but agreed to a BJ. It was
not the best I've had, but she was a cute little thing. After getting dressed, she said I needed to pay her 1500B. Since I wrongly thought that the 500B I paid to bar was for the massage, I suggested that 1500 was a bit high for a BJ, and
offered her 1000 instead which she happily accepted.

I'm learning fast. Now I know about airport taxis, bar fines, bar girls, and discussing price beforehand, and all this in less than 24 hours! After our encounter, I returned to the bar, and had a few more beers. Poo stayed away from
me in the rear of the bar. We waved at each other a couple of times in subsequent visits, but we never spoke again. I grabbed a metered taxi back to the hotel for 45B,(making sure to ask him what the name of this fine place I had found was) and
took a nap. I guess Pat was right…so far.

Contrary to what I've read here since, virtually everyone both Thai and Farang that I saw while out walking were wearing shorts and sandals, so I ditched the Levis and runners for my standard hot weather clothes, and headed back to Nana
about 8pm. I don't really like go-gos and don't really want to see girls dancing clothed or unclothed, but I thought I'd have a quick look in the plaza since one main thing was missing at Morning 2 Night bar. I poked my head into
about half the different clubs, and was surprised that the one main thing was missing everywhere. Almost none of the girls are smoking. What's up with this? Whores always smoke. OK, I'll admit it. I have a fetish. Nothing turns me on
more than a woman seductively smoking a cigarette with grace and style. All my life I've made it a point to only have sex with smokers, and if I'm paying, I even want them to be smoking during sex. So, I've now read that very few
Thai girls smoke, but this is ridiculous. Only about 2 out of 30-40 working girls in any bar / club are smoking, and they are the worst looking of the lot. On top of this, the ones who do smoke are not proficient at it. This most certainly is
different from the Philippines which has thousands of the sexiest smoking girls in the world working. I've read a fair number of complaints from other Stickman contributions about bar girls smoking. Where in the hell did you find them?

Well, I'm not giving up yet. Back to Morning 2 Night, where there are now 35 girls working, including some real stunners. God I love the bar girl uniform of painted on jeans, bare midriff top and sandals. I actually prefer it to bikinis
for bar-wear. Spent the rest of the night drinking beers, chatting with many of the girls and people watching both inside the bar, and outside on the street. Back to hotel alone. Monday and Tuesday nights I walked through most of the odd numbered
Sois all the way to just shy of Cowboy, trying to find an attractive proficient smoking bargirl without luck. Ended up back at my neighborhood bar, and back to hotel alone. Wednesday night, another pass through Nana plaza, and now I have given
up. Upon entering my bar, I decide that the first cutie that shows a serious interest will be bar fined. It didn't take long for one of the better looking gals to latch onto me. 1000 baht for short time is agreed upon. About 6 beers and an
equal number of lady-colas later, we're in a taxi headed for my hotel. After a really fun first go-round, I tell her she can stay the night if she wants. She wants. Didn't get much sleep that night, and experienced the girlfriend thing
which has been discussed here so many times. At 7am, she's 1000B richer, and out the door, as I have to go to work. Next night, I barfined her again, and a repeat performance ensued.

No work on Friday, so I take a leisurely walk up Sukumvik to buy some shirts and other clothes I had seen at one of the street vendors earlier. Like a moth to a flame, on the way back I stopped at Morning 2 Night to check out the day shift
and cool down with a few Heinekens. It's surprisingly busy with about 25 girls and 15-20 Farangs. I had already decided that I would be sleeping alone this night, as the past two had taken their toll on me. Just my luck. One of the best looking
girls I've seen all week sits down next to me at the bar. Not only is Lek drop dead gorgeous, she's really funny. "Would you like a drink?" "No, I want to see" (touching my penis) "Really, why is that?"
"I think is very big. I want to see." "You like big?" "Yes, I like big, but maybe too big. I want to see." "Tomorrow you can see. I'll meet you here at 11am, and we'll go to my hotel. How much for short
time?" "1500" "OK, but you pay me 500 to see, so only 1000" "Giggle, OK, 1000 for you" "Only for me?" "Yes, only for you because you not fat" "And because you want to see?" "Yes,
I want to see"

Heading back to the hotel, I decide to eat at the food court at Soi 0. After I finished, I remembered Pat at **** Bar. I had forgotten all about her. Sitting down at the empty bar, I'm greeted by a big smile and a tear. She tells me
she has seen me walking by several times, always wishing I would stop. She says she has bought a present for me, and gives me a Lonely Planet Guide! "to help me know Thailand." We chat for a couple of hours, and she says she would like
to come to my hotel tomorrow just to give me a massage and sleep with me." Not for sex, and not for money." she says. Only to be close to me. I ask her why she wants to do this, and she says "I can't touch your heart, but I
can touch your body." Wow. I tell her I'll take her out to dinner tomorrow, her choice, and we'll talk about it. Back to hotel alone for some badly needed sleep.

After 14 hours of uninterrupted sleep, I'm headed back to pick up the goddess Lek. On the way, I stop by to firm up the dinner plans with Pat, and she has bought me more presents. Two T-shirts this time. Double wow. After backtracking,
I took the skytrain to Nana so Pat wouldn't see me, picked up Lek, and taxied back to the hotel. Lek got to see it, and seemed pleased. Short time ended up being two trysts with a 4 hour nap in-between. Really beautiful girl. Doesn't
use or need make up.

Met Pat at 7:30 and taxied to Vientiane restaurant. Really neat place. Open air under a thatched roof. Live music and traditional Thai dancers. Pat ordered the food, and did a great job of it. Best meal I've had yet in Bangkok. Back
to the hotel, together…..she had really softened me up. Without going into too much detail, Pat was an extremely horny woman, and it was not possible to defend myself from her. Pat left about noon the next day, and since it was to be my last
day, she asked if she could return and spend my last night together, including seeing me to the airport. I had a good-bye dinner planned with my clients, and I told Pat I'd call her when it was over. It was about 8:30 when I called her, and
at 9:00 there was a knock on my door. In her hand was a large sack containing 8 beers, 6 spy wine coolers, bottled water, snacks, CDs for mood music, and 6 condoms. I insisted on paying for the goody bag, and she reluctantly accepted. 4:30 AM
came way too soon, and we grabbed a metered taxi to the airport. Since all I had was a 1000 baht note, she insisted on paying the taxi, and when I received the 500B change from the airport tax desk, she refused it as well, saying I would need
it when I returned to Thailand. We did not exchange addresses or phone numbers. I told her I would always remember her, and she said me too. I gave her a quick hug then walked through security without looking back.

Considering my complete lack of preparation and knowledge, I had a great trip, and didn't make any really costly mistakes. I'm sure I'll return one day to LOS.

E-mail input is always welcome.

Stickman's thoughts:

You learnt very fast!