Readers' Submissions

Visit To England – Part 7 – The Final Month



I have been pondering the conclusion of my epic struggle with Flossy, and I’m not sure there is a conclusion. I don’t know if I should elaborate on the last month, the final month in Thailand or the on going situation.

I’ve had such mixed emotions during this period. A hell of a roller coaster ride. (Not one of those good fast ones, but more the sickly up and down ones)

Her final month here included her 21st birthday party with 30 of the friends she’d made during the summer. A fantastic evening that filled her with love and kindness from all those around her. It was incredible to see the many friends together and the genuine affection they had for her.

Many that had advised and counseled me over the months many that had gradually changed their minds about the Thai / Farang relationship. Many who at first wouldn’t allow themselves to like her, grew to care about her and loved her infectious laugh, and happy go lucky way of life.

Then perhaps I should dwell on another evening of anger due to her ability to consume far more alcohol than her body can handle?

I can also talk at length about the month in Thailand when she slashed her wrist (14 stitches) or the wonderful week we had in Chang Mai, and the hard work she did for me, helping me look after 12 sex crazed visiting customers. Perhaps the golf we played in Hua Hin, and the caddies laughing with her at the pissed farangs playing golf, or maybe I should recount the discussion we had when I got back, the discussion I had with her about leaving her after I found out that yet again she had slashed her wrists over an argument with her father.

So I need to decide what to tell you to conclude the summer months of fun I had with Flossy.

I guess the best thing to do is describe how I feel now after bringing her here for what essentially was a trial run for “The big one”.

Frankly, she isn’t coming back again. I have a cupboard full of her clothes, I have some of her jewelry, I even have a half full knickers draw, some great memories, some fantastic photographs but no way she’s coming back to collect them.

WHY?

She’s slashed her wrists 4, times now – she’d not done this before meeting me? She’s obsessive, irrational, a spend thrift, a crazy drunk, and at times the most bad tempered mare you’ll meet.

She’s 14 kgs more than she was when I met her 2 years ago and growing! (When I asked her to do something about this, she rightly pointed to my own waistline, and said it shouldn’t matter if you love me – haha – women the world over, eh)

In her defence, we had a lot of fun during the summer, but when she’s in Thailand she appears to have no control over herself. Additionally when she was in England it was like someone kept lighting the touch paper, then putting it out before the dynamite blew, and each time the fuse gets shorter, and sometime she’s going to blow her top in front of my children, a customer, friends or family, and if she does that here!

I would like to just switch all the emotions off, and tell her to go back to work and leave me alone. That’s what I’d like right now.

I regularly try to rationalize my feelings, but like it or not, the heart is completely out of kilter, whilst only the head remains calm and constructive. (As well as it can!)

So the next move is to decide how to finish it.

My get out of jail free card is returning to my ex. If I told her I was going to do that, she’d not lose much face – important to her, she’d be less likely to kill herself, she could go back to work in the bars, and I could tell her my ex and I agreed to send her money for a period until she got on her feet – again, giving her time to sort herself out. I could change my apartment number so she thinks I’ve gone, and she’d believe it, as she knows my ex and I are close still, and her mum and dad have split up more times than bacteria on a warm turd.

So this seems like the most likely trouble free route – so why is everyone Thai that I know telling me not to do that?

I trust and can share my personal feelings with perhaps 4 or 5 Thais (I know a great many more on a work level) and I get 50 / 50. 50% dump her and tell her the truth so she’ll learn from the experience, or 50% just ease myself away over a period of time – perhaps wait a year before visiting again, so hopefully she’ll find someone else.

So what’s wrong with the get out of jail free card? It would appear that my Thai friends don’t like the idea of me lying to her! Nice one! With lies a national pastime in Thailand it’s a hard one to understand. (I just made a few more enemies!)

Apparently if I lie to her, then I’m doing her an injustice – yet here I am worried sick she’s going to kill herself if I finish with her, and doing my best to be as gentle as possible, and I’m not allowed to lie to her to help. Bloody hell, she used to lie to me all the time, until she realized she was crap at it.

So, moving on. Right now Flossy is living back at home, in her home village in the South, looking after her mum and dad, her 4 year old little baby cousin, (Not so little – she must weigh 50 kilos!) and her 18 year old half sister. She generally goes to bed at a good hour, drinks perhaps 3 or 4 times a week, not every day as before. She’s surrounded by the worst spongers on the planet, yet she has so far refrained from asking me for extra money – I send her 15,000 baht every month which is more than enough for her to live like a princess amongst her family, and we call each other still a couple of times a day. (Down from 6 –10 times a day!)

With her monthly expenditure she’s managed to build an extension on her dad's house to move into, and paid a deposit on a 50,000 baht motorbike, which she’ll pay for every month for 2 years. She’s visiting the monastery regularly and I’m shagging a 23-year-old Czech girl. Ooops, how did that get in there.

So, for now I’ve no plans to travel to Thailand until November, though Flossy thinks I’m over during March and May, but I’ve already cancelled those. She’s also confident I’m going to bring her back here – I’ve got a hard time coming unwinding that one.

I’ve read a bit about Cambodia, and I’m going for a taster in May. I’ve got a visit to flossy’s Aunt in Zurich February. (She insists on introducing me and a pal to some of her Thai friends, she seems to want me to shag them? Strange but true.) I’ve got a trip to Germany, 2 trips to Spain, a promised trip to Venice; I’ve got another boating holiday
with my children, and a fishing trip in Scotland, and best of all, in 12 months a trip around South America for a few weeks. I’ve plenty to keep myself occupied.

I’m going to try to put Flossy to the back of my mind – read your emails and submissions, and perhaps wait for a little advice on how to finish it from some of you lot. (Can’t believe I can walk out of an 18 year marriage, and leave 2 children, but can’t seem to find a way to finish this?)

For your info, even Stick's ball and chain, sorry that was disrespectful – his wife, was unable to advise me on how to dump my Flossy, so I’d be genuinely interested to hear anyone’s advise as long as it’s intelligent, and thoughtful, and takes my Flossy’s emotions into consideration.

Then I’ll write and let you know how I got on.

One last thing – I got a great deal of comment from my last submission “10%”. And it was pointed out to me that perhaps the problems were more about me not being able to handle Flossy’s problems, rather than the actual problems themselves, and I’ve thought about this a lot. The fact is, I’ve made so many allowances for her already, I don’t need to “handle it” anymore I need to move on.

So, two of my closest pals have pointed out to me many times that English women find me unattractive, and “only” foreign woman work for me, and how that must make me crazy! (That’s got to be a wallet thing hasn’t it?)

So I say thank god for the several billion foreign woman in the world without which my life would be worthless!


I’ll be in touch.

The Director.

Stickman's thoughts:

Do let us know ho it goes. As far as the 10% goes, I am with you on this. No-one should have to put up with as much shit as you did. There gets a point when you simply MUST walk away, otherwise it will be *you* who suffers.