Readers' Submissions

My First BarGirlFriend Part 2

  • Written by Ben Dover
  • January 15th, 2005
  • 47 min read


By Ben Dover In LOS


Night Number 2

Once again, from Part 1…as they used to say on Dragnet, “The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Here is their story.”

Now, as I mentioned in 'My first BarGirlFriend – Part 1', I had met some Asian girls online and I had been chatting with one particular Thai girl that I had met online…who was 19 years old…less than half my age of 40. Hmmm, sounds about right to me!!!

Anyway, she and I had learned a lot about each other and she was very funny and nice and I really wanted to meet her. For the purposes of this submission, I will call her Nan.

Now Nan had sent me many pics of herself over those first few months of chatting and she also availed herself to be in front of a web cam at an internet café on numerous occasions, so I knew what she looked like. In fact, several times, I asked her to model for me by standing up and slowing turning around so that I could see her full body on camera as well as her ass. She seemed to have no qualms about doing this for me, while in front of several other people at the café who must have been wondering what in the hell that she was doing sashaying and preening in front of the web cam. She was a little embarrassed to do it the first time, but she quickly warmed to the idea because I think that she really liked me.

A few months back, when I was still in the U.S. and had just begun chatting with her, I had asked her what she did for a living and she said that she was a hostess. Knowing all about the bargirl scene from Stickman’s site, I asked her if she meant that she was a bargirl to which she replied, “Oh no, I not go with customer. I only serve drink.”

‘Fair enough’, I thought, I would give her the benefit of the doubt, even though I knew that she was probably lying. I asked her repeatedly over the months before I came to Asia whether or not she dated her customers…and I kept telling her that if she did, that it was OK with me. I did not have a problem with that because I am not the jealous type at all. Besides, it’s not like I was going to marry the girl…I was just looking for a deep, meaningful, long-term, one night stand!!!

Now, I never had told her that I had a lot of money in the bank, or that I had a huge house, or how much money that I made, so she seemed very open and honest with me as she never thought that I would actually ever go to Thailand and actually meet her. She had asked me many times when I was going to go to Thailand and I was always evasive because I did not want to ‘limit myself’ to only one Thai lovely on my trip. She took this to mean that I was not even sure if I was ever going to go to Asia. Was she ever wrong…

One time, while we were getting to know each other while chatting on the phone over the course of a couple of months, she had told me, only once, where she worked in Bangkok. I committed the name of that bar to memory, which as you will see shortly, served me quite well, although I never repeated the name of her bar back to her in our conversations, so she did not even remember that she had once told me where she worked.

Life is good!!!

Back to Night Number 2…

So I got dressed up to go out. And no, not in shorts and a t-shirt looking all unshaven like a backpacker, but rather in nice slacks, dress shirt, and dress shoes, cleanly shaven and looking rather elegant as it were. I got in a taxi and headed over to one of the quieter farang bar areas famous for dead artists and I asked the taxi to drop me off at the soi entrance.

I got out of the taxi and just stood there for a moment and began to soak it all in while my eyes rapidly scanned back and forth and up and down the long soi. I could see lovely brown skinned women all wearing elegant evening wear or cute outfits standing outside of nearly every establishment begging for an opportunity just to talk to a well dressed farang with money. They were criss-crossing the street going to eat some ‘meat on a stick’ at one of the food stands looking all classy and elegant, yet while maintaining an aura of innocence and sexuality at the same time. It was truly mesmerizing to see all of these 18, 19, and 20 year olds dressed up like they were going out to a New Year’s Eve party, yet they were casually munching on some cooked pork on a stick on a dirty soi while sitting on cheap plastic lawn furniture. It was all rather ethereal to me. But the smell of sex was so thick in the air that night that you could almost taste it…and I did!

So, I began to walk the gauntlet, as it were, and as I strode past each bar, I noticed that there was a bevy of sexy young Thai girls smiling and motioning me to come in like I was a long lost friend. I casually sauntered into more than a few of these establishments to see what the atmosphere was like and I must say, that many of the bars had a selection of girls that was to die for. But on this night my mission was just beginning as I was not just searching for any old bar, but one bar in particular, and one girl in particular (Nan), at that bar that she had mentioned to me on only one occasion, many months before..

So, I found the bar where she worked and I just stood outside for what seemed like an eternity deciding whether or not I should enter to meet my lovely Nan or whether I should keep on walking and go into some other bar and try to find an even prettier girl. But this girl had been so nice to me, I felt as though I owed to her for her to meet me in person and fulfill my promise to her that we would, indeed, meet someday.

So, finally, I walked into her bar and suddenly, I was swarmed by at least 12 Thai girls. Now some of them were OK looking, a few were pretty, and a couple of them were outstanding…but that did not matter to me because I was looking for my web cam chat friend, Nan, tonight. I immediately was asked all of the normal BarGirl questions like, ‘Where you from?’, ‘Where you stay?’, ‘How long you stay Bangkok?’, ‘What your name?’, ‘You so hansum,’ etc, etc.

While I was enjoying the incredible attention of these lovely ladies, I asked for a drink and suddenly I was being served and treated like the Emperor of Rome. Now as I began to look around the bar I noticed that there were only about 4 guys in the entire bar, and I was one of them! And there were probably at least 20 girls. The gods were looking over me…

After I got my drink, I scanned around the bar looking for my Nan and suddenly I spotted a girl who somewhat looked like her over in a darkened corner…talking to some farang, but I really could not tell who it was! I thought nothing of it because I am not the jealous type at all and I hardly considered this girl my girlfriend, but we definitely shared a special bond as we had spoken on the phone for countless hours prior to my arrival in Bangkok. But it was really dark over in that corner, so I did not even know whether it was her or not. Although it kind of did look like Nan, this girl was actually MUCH prettier than Nan.

So, one of the girls noticed that I was looking over at that girl, while ignoring the adoring flock of girls around me, in the corner and she asked me if I liked her. I said, yes. Then she said, “She very pretty. She prettiest girl in bar. Men always think she pretty”, so I knew that, if indeed that was Nan, that I might be in for a treat! And if it wasn’t Nan…well…I was in for a treat anyway, because this girl looked much hotter!!!!

So, then I asked one of the girls, who was literally hanging onto me, what that girl’s name was over in the dark corner, just to make sure. She in fact confirmed that it was indeed Nan!

Now, Nan was even more beautiful than I had seen in her pics and on the web cam. She was tall, slender, with perfect curves, and she had these astounding natural D-cup breasts with her ample cleavage literally busting out of her shirt. She had long, straight, jet-black hair with beautiful olive colored skin and she moved so gracefully. It was like watching a movie in slow motion when she was chatting with the farang over in the darkened corner of the bar. Upon seeing my jaw drop to the floor, I am sure that all of the girls that had gathered around me after my entrance into the bar were all humming, in their 6th grade education brains, the same famous Queen song, “Another one bites the dust!”

Then one of the girls said, “She go with customer. You can barfine me instead!”

I said, “Excuse me? What did you say?”, then she replied again, “She get barfined, she go with customer tonight. You like me?” I thought to myself, ‘What the fuck? I thought that she didn’t go with customers???’

Now I wasn’t falling in love with her, but I was certainly falling in some serious lust with her. Now this was not your garden variety, hot looking, bar girl, rather this was a girl with the kind of body that literally causes traffic accidents when she walks down the street. I have sent Stick some pics of her (not for public consumption), so he can confirm the veracity of my description of Nan’s body and put his 2 cents in right here if he so chooses. <I have to confirm that she was very easy on the eyes in the picsStick>

So, finally I asked one of the girls to go and get Nan and bring her over to me so that I could talk to her. Several of the girls said that she cannot go with me because she has already been barfined. Well, I was having none of that. I spent $1,800 on a round-trip business-class flight and flew for about 21 hours in total transit to meet this girl and I wasn’t about to let her get barfined by some loser. Tonight was going to be MY night, not his!!!

Finally, after a few minutes of gently prodding, one of the girls dejectedly went over to Nan and told her that a man wanted to meet her. Well, it took some convincing, but finally Nan agreed to meet me.

As Nan walked towards me, looking like a model walking down a catwalk, from her dark corner into the light where I was standing, the group of girls that were surrounding me magically parted for her like Moses parting the Red Sea by opening his arms. As Nan got closer, she stopped about 5 feet from me and I noticed that she was even more beautiful and sexy in person than I ever imagined that a 19 year old could be! She was beaming with a smile that could melt ice. I was rather stoic as I was totally mesmerized by her beauty, grace and elegance.

I told her that she was beautiful and that I came to the bar to see her. She replied, “I cannot go with you tonight, my customer barfine me. But you come tomorrow and I go with you, Ok?”

I asked her, incredulously, “Do you mean that you want ME to barfine YOU?”

She nodded, yes.

But then I noticed something strange happen. She kept smiling while looking directly at me and then nothing. No hug. No kiss. No salutation with my name. Nothing registered with her. Then it finally dawned on me…she did not know who I was! She really didn’t recognize me!!!

Could this actually be happening? I was hurt a little bit because we had become so close. I had sent her pictures and she had seen me on my web cam many times, yet she still did not recognize me. Of course she did not know when I was coming and had never expected some farang to like her, let alone fly halfway around the world to meet her one day. So I said, “Don’t you recognize me?”

She said, “No.”

Then I said, “It’s me, Ben.”

She kept smiling at me, but was looking at me with a blank stare at the same time, always looking seemingly cordial.

Then I said, “It’s me, Ben…from Los Angeles.”

Still no response…

I was stupefied…Dumbfounded. Flabbergasted. Shocked. Whatever you want to call it.

Suddenly my Thai dream girl was turning into any farang's worst nightmare…a hot Asian chick who was blowing me of like how a farang chick would!!!

So then I pulled out the big gun…no, not that one! I asked one of the girls (circled around us) for a piece of paper and a pen. Every girl around our little pow wow circle drew in closer, and were now listening with great anticipation of what might happen next between Nan and myself.

Then I took the pen and paper and proceeded to write down Nan’s cell number (which she had only recently gotten) and then I handed her that piece of paper. She looked confused, then started to get angry and asked me who I was and who had given me her number. Of course, I said, “Well, YOU gave me your number.”

She said, “No one know my number. This new number. No one know! How you know my number?”

Then I said, “Nan, it’s me, Ben…from Los Angeles.”

Suddenly she turned white as a ghost and covered her mouth with her hand and repeated my name. Now she knew. And she also knew that I knew something about her as well. Something that she never wanted me to know!

She immediately tried to step closer and hug me and got all emotional like we were lovers from years past. But I was having none of that, and I pulled back slightly when she stepped forward. She was busted and she knew it. And every girl around us knew it as well.

In love and war, the best element of attack is ALWAYS the surprise element…kind of like when you wake up in the middle of the night with Mr. Happy at full salute and you gently climb on top of your girlfriend while she is still sleeping and take care of business. Once Mr. Happy has penetrated past the initial ‘iron curtain farang girl defenses’ and your honey wakes up, usually she is relatively happy to oblige you for a 5 to 10 minute ‘middle of the night quickie’.

Well, it seems that Nan had really liked me because she had told many of the bargirls about me and when they also realized who I was, they all said, “Ohhh, Ben from America???!!! This really Ben???”

Nan kept trying to hug me and get close and I would step back away each time that she approached me. Then she said, “Why you not tell me you come to Bangkok? When you come to Bangkok? I thought that you never come see me.”

So I replied, “Well, why didn’t you ever tell me that you were a bargirl? And why didn’t you ever tell me that you dated customers?” ‘Nice comeback’, I thought to myself.

Then she said, “You not understand. He not customer. He my friend. He take me to movies and eat food.”

Yeah, sure…and my penis is 14 inches long, hard as titanium, thick as a can of Fosters, and faster than a jack hammer. Yeah, right honey (quoting the B-52s), "You’re living in your own Private Idaho!!!"

Great…all I could think of, was imagining that she would be at some Asian restaurant with her customer while ordering the ‘cream of sum yung gai’. That was an Asian homonym joke for all of you slow-witted Stick lovers (cream of some young guy)!

So here began my real-life bargirl lesson number one. Thai bargirls, for the most part, are pathological liars and have no compunction about saying anything so as not to lose face.

Nan quickly realized that I was not about to play into her little charade. So she said, “I tell my friend I cannot go movie with him. I go with you. I go tell him now.”

I said, “No, don’t bother. I am leaving.”

I slowly began to turn and walk away and suddenly she began begging me to stay and kept telling me that she was sorry that she didn’t recognize me and that she wanted to go with me and that she missed me. Then she asked me where I was staying. I said that I did not want to tell her because it did not matter at that point.

Well, I was still surrounded by about 10 to 12 girls, but I was not going to give in. So, I said, “You lied to me. You date customers and I know it!”

Then, more Thai chicanery began. She started to cry. You know, that fake, Thai girl sobbing and quiet wimpering, slowly at first and then it was Victoria Falls. She then ran off into the back weeping all of the way. True Oscar material for Best Actress, this one was.

The bargirls, realizing what had just happened, and that I had inadvertently made Nan lose face in front of all her co-workers and that I was hurt as well (although I must admit not really, I just acted hurt in order to catch her in a lie and make her feel bad), tried to make me feel better and kept saying stuff like, “Nan really like you. She talk about you every day. She want go with you now. Reary!”

I just took a moment, finished my drink, and walked out the door, never looking back. I could not help but expect that Nan would come racing out the door after me and try to give me a big bear hug and a kiss, but as I walked farther and farther from the bar, I realized that this was not going to happen.

I was walking away from my gorgeous Thai internet girl…or so I thought…

Not knowing what hotel that I was staying at and not knowing a local phone number for me, Nan could not contact me in any way…unless I wanted to also talk to her. So she did the only thing that she could do…she started to email me like crazy telling me how much she loved me and how happy that she was too see me and how much she missed me.

Believe it or not she also did something that bargirls rarely do, and that was that she apologized and said that she was wrong for lying and that she had made a mistake. But I did not get her messages that night or the next morning because I had limitless opportunities in the LOS with cute and young little hotties waiting on every corner for me, so checking my email was not high on my list of priorities.

Well, after I walked out of Nan’s bar that night, I decided to go exploring and seeing as I had not visited Soi Cowboy yet, I decided to check it out because is was only a ‘hop, skip, and a hump away’!!!

Well, low and behold, once I got there, it must have been around 9 or 10 PM and the street was hopping with beautiful young Thai girls just dying for an opportunity to meet a charming, well-dressed farang such as myself, but there were thankfully, few farangs. I checked out several bars and each time that I pulled back a curtain to enter a bar, I was like a ‘kid in a candy store’ checking out the girls dancing sensually around the brass poles.

Finally, I ended up at a bar that shall remain nameless and I sat down to have a coke. Of course I immediately, noticed that there were only about 8 guys in the bar and there were about 25 girls. To quote Darth Vader (in that deep resonating voice) from Star Wars fame, “It is your destiny!”

There were a few decent looking girls, and some were kind of cute, but then I saw…her…

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!

She had a face like an angel, tiny body, hourglass figure, long dark brown hair, a captivating smile, beautiful legs, nice perky breasts, perfect round ass…you know…the works.

But the part that caught my attention was the way that she was dancing. She moved slowly and rhythmically to the music, swaying her narrow hips side to side while her hair followed her body a half a music beat behind her. Watching her dance was as if I was watching a porno movie, except this time, I was live on the set…with the porno star only 15 feet away from me!

I was mesmerized by her beauty and with her fluid like movements on the dance floor. She was dancing as if she were honoring the last request of a dying 14 year old adolescent boy with terminal cancer in the ‘Make a Wish Foundation’, who had never seen a naked woman before. It was indescribable what I was seeing!!!

Her hips and crotch were rhythmically moving in and out towards the pole like she was giving it the fuck of a lifetime. All the while she was slowly pulling her body up and down the pole from a squatting position to a standing position while never missing a beat. I’m talking true ‘porn star ability’, here, folks. This girl was born with a brass pole in her crib, I am sure of this! As each beat of music hit my chest, an invisible wave of motion simultaneously traversed down her body like ocean waves rolling onto the beach. Now I have seen many girls dancing in my lifetime at strip clubs all over the U.S., as well as a few…very, inspired bargirls, but this one was different.

Unlike some Thai girls who merely shuffle around the dance floor never in sync with the music, this girl moved and swayed back and forth to the music in perfect rhythm to the beat of the music. I was in some serious lust right then as she was putting me into a trance. In fact, had she noticed me leering at her looking like ‘a man who had spent the last 20 years in a Turkish prison, never having seen a woman’, she might have been turned off. But then again, I KNEW that she must have gotten those stares and looks all night long, every single night that she danced there.

But she also had and aura of innocence about her, like she was not really there, or like she was oblivious to everything around her, except for the music. Not in the way that some girls seem so detached and devoid of emotion while dancing looking totally bored and uninspired, waiting for the next punter to barfine her. This was different. She seemed to be just enjoying moving her body perfectly to the beat of the music. This girl just reeked of pure, 100%, high-octane sex, without having to act like it. Her body just seemed to instinctively know how to move and dip to the music in a way that would give any impotent man an instant erection! She also had a very sexy mouth, with pouty lips that looked like she could suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose in under 10 seconds…

Most of the men in the bar who were not accompanied by bargirls at the time, were also in a trance watching this sweet thing display her goods for all who cared to see. Every now and then she would oblige some of the farangs with a little tugging down on the bikini top or a slight tug of her dental floss bikini bottoms exposing just enough flesh to make mere mortal men quiver with lurid anticipation.

After a few minutes of staring on my part, which to me seemed like about 4 hours of hypnosis, one of the other dancers came and sat with me and started the same normal bargirl questions. Well, I politely answered her questions between long pauses while I was still staring at my prey like a cheetah stalking a hyena on the open grasslands of the Serengeti Plain in Africa.

Sometimes I would give this girl sitting next to me odd answers which made no sense and the bargirl knew what was up after a few of her normal inane questions and she quickly realized that I could not think straight while I was watching the ‘human lava lamp’ on stage that had me transfixed on her movements. I am sure that girl sitting next to me, inventing meaningless banter, had seen many a customer mesmerized by the sensual dancing of that girl on stage.

She then said to me, “You like girl, dancing?” while motioning towards my dream girl. I said, “Yes!”

She said, “I get her for you.” Wait a minute…was I hearing her correctly? You mean all I have to do is to stare at a vision of beauty and some other girl wearing a bikini will bring my lovely fantasy girl to me directly? Can this be? Yes, of course…this is Bangkok!!! ‘Your wish is my command, master farang!’

For the purposes of my story and to ‘Protect the Innocent’, I will call my Thai princess, Porn.

I just love that Thai name, Porn…how appropriate that name is for my little Thai honey. But I must really for sorry for that one unfortunate farang who brings his lovely Thai wife home to Farangland with him for the first time whose wife actually has that name…Porn. What a drag!

Can you imagine that? Some stranger walks up to you in Farangland and introduces his beautiful wife by saying, “Here is my wife, Porn.” That has got to be hilarious, especially if she is hot looking.

Or better yet, how must that sound when you first bring your Thai lovely to Farangland and you arrive at the immigration desk at the airport and the immigration officer asks her what her name is. While the immigration officer is still looking down at his desk going over her papers, she replies, “Porn.”. I can imagine that, hearing the word ‘Porn’, the farang immigration officer immediately tilts his head up, pretending to match the face to the passport picture, and then he thinks to himself …’yes, with a model’s face like that…it is only befitting that this girl be named Porn’!!!

Then he lights up a big shit-eating grin, stamps her entry docs approved, and says, “Welcome to Farangland…Miss, Porn!”

Now back to the story. Now, it was the end of my dream girl’s dancing set, so my little Thai cutie then stepped down from the stage. The other girl that had been sitting next to me trying to make idle bargirl chit chat, suddenly got up and walked over to my dream girl and whispered something into her ear. She probably said something along the lines of, “That guy over there looks rich…and he likes you, too…GO FOR IT!” But that conversation, I shall never know…

My precious little angel then proceeded to walk right over toward me in her tiny bikini and proceeded to sit down right next to me and the other girl quietly stepped aside immediately and left the booth. There was certainly a pecking order going on here and this one had NOTHING to do with how much seniority that the girls had there at the bar. This ranking was purely based on looks…and it was NO contest. My girl decimated the other girl who had been sitting next to me.

Well, I was giddy inside like a teenager on his first date, afraid to even touch the silky smooth skin on her arms and legs. She took it upon herself to nestle up against me as she was a bit cold. Of course, I did not object as she smelled so sweet and clean like flowers after a spring rain. Just a hint of sexy perfume and her hair…yes, her hair. It was so shiny and silky to the touch and when it brushed up against my face it smelled soooooo good. I was in heaven.

We chatted the normal bargirl chat for about 1 or 2 minutes, but I had already made up my mind long ago. This girl was going home with me tonight. Period. No exceptions and no questions asked.

Before she even had a chance to ask me, I said, “How much for barfine…longtime?” to which she smiled broadly and replied, “You want barfine me now?…Already???” Sounding shocked that any man would just talk to her for a few seconds and say, ‘Yep, she’s perfect for me!’ But she was perfect for me.

The she came to her senses and said, “600 baht.” She did not know it at the time, but I would have gladly paid 6,000,000 baht to just to be able to spend one night with this amazingly, beautiful girl. She seemed so happy that I was going to take her away from her dancing job just to be able escape for one evening without having to close the bar down at bar time and go home empty handed.

She raced to the back of the bar, changed into her street clothes and then emerged a few minutes later wearing the standard issue Thai SUPER tight jeans, hugging her perfectly round ass and sexy, slender legs. She also wore a very tight and form fitting, pink, silk sweater top as well. How these girls can wear sweaters in Bangkok when it is 80 to 85 degrees F outside is truly beyond me. Anyway, she finished her attire with a pair of sexy heels with the see-through acrylic heels with clear straps showing off her perfectly manicured toe nails. She looked just like a sexy college coed getting ready to go out on Friday night to a nightclub, dying to get laid by the quarterback of the football team.

We exited the bar and she immediately asked if we were going to my hotel. I thought to myself, ‘Geez, where’s the foreplay?’

I said that I was hungry and I wanted to go and get something to eat. I asked her if she was hungry and she said, “Yes! We go eat?” I asked her what she wanted and got the obligatory Thai reply, “Up to you!” If I can die right now, I will have lived a life worth living, that’s for sure. This perfectly molded creature from the heavens is actually letting me make the call for dinner. ‘You have got to be joking’, I am thinking to myself, having been on countless dates in Farangland with women that didn’t look HALF as good as my Thai girl, yet who would complain about every restaurant and cuisine suggestion that I would make.

I told her that I liked seafood and she said that she did too. Now her English was very poor, but I am very good at picking up heavy accented, limited vocabulary English so I understood much of what she was saying. And for those few times when we had problems, I had brought along my English-Thai and Thai-English dictionaries. She seemed so pleased that I had thought about those things. It seems as though most of the men that she had had met had never even considered this because they only wanted sex and probably never wanted to talk to the girl anyway. But I am different. I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to know everything about her, what her real name was, what she liked, where she grew up, what her favorite color was…you understand because we have all been there!!!

But mostly, I just wanted to put her ankles into different ZIP codes…if you know what I mean.

So, we proceeded to go to a very nice outdoor seafood restaurant that was about 15 minutes away from the tourist areas. Frankly, we went past some crappy neighborhoods on the way to the restaurant and I started thinking to myself, ‘Great, I am going to be beaten by 4 Muay Thai boxers, stripped naked, bound with parachute cord, and then put into the trunk of a car which was going to be slowly pushed into the Chao Phraya at 4AM with no witnesses in sight.’

So I start wondering, ‘where in the hell are this taxi driver and bargirl taking me?’

Well, we arrived safely, and once we got there, we got to pick the seafood that we wanted to eat out of the large fish tanks and the restaurant would kill it and cook it and serve it to us. I always like that whole methodology at seafood restaurants where you get to see the food live before they kill it for you. It seems so prehistoric and caveman like.

Anyway, by this time it was getting kind of late for dinner, 11:00 PM or so, and we noticed that there were only 2 other couples eating there with us, but the outdoor patio was so large that the other couples were probably 40 feet away from us, so it felt quite secluded because they could not hear out conversation and we could not hear theirs.

We slowly enjoyed a nice romantic dinner with several waiters and waitresses always standing nearby in case that we needed anything, while not standing so close so that they could hear our conversation.

I sampled many things on the menu because I love fresh seafood, and we proceeded to have a king’s feast of lobster, scallops, shrimp, oysters, and much, much more.

By the end of the meal, I looked around and noticed that we were the only ones there, save for the restaurant staff. The meal was about 3,000 baht, but I didn’t blink an eye and whipped out the plastic from my wallet and gave it to the staff.

My lovely little sweetheart wanted to see the bill which at first made me kind of uncomfortable. She reached across the table to grab the bill and then she gasped at the total. She said, “Too expensive. I so sorry. I pay my food.” To which I replied, “Absolutely not, this is truly my pleasure just having you here by my side.” and I was beaming with pride. I did not have the heart to tell her that I eat $75 to $150 dinners all of the time and that I eat out at restaurants at every single meal!

Now she had a full tummy and proceeded to ask me with excited anticipation, “Now we go hotel?”

I said, “Abso-fucking-lutely!” and she had this curious, non-comprehending look on her face, but she smiled anyway. More demure Thai charm…

We arrived back at my hotel, which was one of the nicer ones in Bangkok and she was immediately impressed with everything in the room and was amazed at the huge size of the suite. Then she jumped into the shower and came out to me in a towel. I then offered to take a shower as well.

Well, when I came out of the bathroom, she removed her towel and immediately knew what to do. Only this girl had some passion in her heart and was not just in it for the quickie sex.

Well, by now you can imagine that I was smitten with this vision of beauty that went along with all of her Thai charms. But it did not seem right to have sex with her, even though she thought that I wanted it. Then I would be just like all of the other guys that she had met…’wham bam thank you ma’am’ with the final insult quip of, “It has been a business doing pleasure with you!” arriving the next morning when she leaves. No, this was not to be on my night and subsequent morning.

I just told her that I wanted to hold her and hug her and talk to her. She then hugged me very hard, laid her head on my chest so that I could smell her sweet perfumed hair, and we whispered quietly to each other in bed for a while after which we fell asleep, shortly thereafter.

The next morning, we woke up and she instinctively slid down my body, sliding her head down slightly under the covers and lovingly took my proud member in her mouth for a quick moment, then pulled her head it up letting Mr. Happy flop out of her mouth. She was resting her sideways tilted head on my abdomen, then she starting licking up and down the shaft and once again she asked me, “You want me, now?” Again, I said, “No. I just want to spend some time with you.”

She seemed, very puzzled, but happy once again. I could see a very slight sadness in her eye that she might be thinking that she was not attractive enough for me and that I did not want to have sex with her because of that fact. Little did she know… Then, we got dressed and left my hotel for a casual afternoon lunch.

Afterwards, we decided to go to Panthip plaza to get some pirated CDs and DVDs. I could not help myself. I asked her to spend another day with me and she said, “Yes, I like. I like very much” She said that she had to go home to get some new clothes and asked me if I wanted to go with her. I asked her if she meant that she wanted me to go to her apartment with her and she said, “Yes. We go my apartment.” So off we went. I later learned that this is extremely rare for a Thai girl to take you to her apartment the first time that she meets you, especially if she does not live alone…

When we walked in the front door of her apartment I could hear 2 girls inside laughing and talking. We opened the door and she introduced me to her sister and her friend, who was also a dancer at the same bar where my little honey worked. I was amazed at how small the apartment was. In fact, it was not an apartment at all. It was ONE small room with a full size bed taking up almost the entire room with an adjoining bathroom. I asked who lived there and my princess replied, “All three.”. All I could think to myself was, ‘All three what, midgets?’

Jesus, the master bathroom in my house was bigger than their entire apartment and that is not even including my walk-in closets or the toilet room, although I did not have the heart to tell her that!!!

Porn’s sister and her friend seemed to like me and kept saying, “He very jai dee.” At the time, I did not know what they meant by that and they just smiled and spoke in Thai a lot to each other. But I did not feel left out as they would try to speak to me every now and then as well in their broken English and we had fun. Sometimes we had to refer to our translator dictionaries, but everything was going fine.

Then a little while later, Porn’s sister got a call. Apparently, their mother had something wrong with her and eventually I ascertained that they were trying to tell me that it was cancer.

I felt bad, but I had read this before on the Stick site where Thai people think that a mild cough is the same thing as hemorrhagic fever, so I asked where her mom had cancer and Porn said, “She have cancer leg.” What??? Leg cancer??? What the hell is that…a knee sprain…arthritis? Give me a break!

My little Porn told me that she had to go home because her mom asked her and her sister to go home and be with her. I was kind of bummed because I was enjoying my time with her, but at the same time, I was getting tired of not being able to understand anything that the girls were saying amongst each other.

Porn said that she would go home to see her mom and the she would return in a few days and then pointed me to the door and said, “You go home.”

Ok, no problem, time to go on the prowl again and stalk some new prey…

I left her apartment and went to an internet café in order to check my email and then BAM!!! Several emails appeared from my dearest Thai friend Nan, pouring her heart out to me telling me how much that she missed and how much she wanted to see me again.

I realized that she was at another internet café that afternoon and I replied to her, making her feel guilty for lying again, of course. Sometimes payback feels good to intentionally make Thai liars lose face.

We exchanged a few emails that afternoon as I periodically checked in that afternoon and finally, after her incessant email begging, I agreed to call her later that same afternoon.

Nan was so sweet and contrite on the phone, I succumbed and agreed to meet her now that my little Porn was long gone on a bus back home to Northwestern Thailand. We met in a hotel lobby (not mine of course) and chatted for about a couple of hours. I felt as though I liked her all over again like how we used to talk on the phone when I was in America.

Finally I was getting hungry and I told her that I wanted to get some snacks. I told Nan that I wanted to try some of those fried insects that they sell on the street carts on Soi Cowboy to which she agreed.

We took a taxi over to Soi Cowboy and the driver left us off about 70 feet from the entrance on the other end opposite from Asoke. I felt kind of uncomfortable as I was fearful that my goddess Porn might spot us, but fear not, as she was long gone earlier that afternoon.

Nan and I got some insect snacks and we walked up and down the street a bit as she had said that she had never been to Soi Cowboy before and she wanted to see what it was like. We walked a few hundred feet almost to Asoke and then we turned and headed back to the end of the street to pick up a taxi. Now remember, Nan had a killer body and everyone was looking at us, umm…I mean, rather looking at her. In fact, Tony (of Tony’s bar fame I must assume) walked up to me and told me that Nan was a total stunner and that I was a lucky guy. Then he offered to buy us a drink at his bar, but we took a rain check on the invitation. Tony, if you read Stick, then I am still going to call you on that drink when I return! <The boss of Tony's Bar is actually called something else!Stick>

As Nan and I turned right on the corner from Soi Cowboy onto Soi 23, we walked right into the path of two girls coming around the corner from the other way and almost collided with them.

HOLY SHIT…AGAIN!!!!

It was Porn!!! And she was with her roommate, whom I met only hours before…

Immediately Porn recognized me and looked shocked and surprised and then pissed. I could tell that Porn was quickly getting steaming mad inside and was trying to keep her composure, although she was not doing a very good job of it.

Porn asked me, “Is that your ladyfriend?” I did not answer, but replied that she and I needed to talk somewhere in private. However, she still demanded to know the answer.

I gently took Porn by the upper arm and backed her up about 30 feet down the street as I walked away from Nan and Porn’s roommate behind me. The whole time that I was pushing Porn backwards, she kept asking me that same question, “Is that your ladyfriend? Is that your ladyfriend? Is that your ladyfriend? Is that your ladyfriend?”

So there I was, facing Porn with my back to Nan and Porn’s roommate who suddenly began talking to each other. Uhhh Ohhhhh!!!

I start thinking, ‘Oh my God, are the two Thai co-pilots, who had never before met, now colluding against Mr. Farang?”

I instantly realize that things are quickly getting out of control and the situation is going to rapidly turn from 'Khun Farang' to 'Doomed Farang'…

Now at this point, I had decided that although Nan was a nice girl and very beautiful as well, I liked Porn much more because she had sex ‘coming out of her pores’. I just wanted to only be ‘friends with benefits’ with Nan. So once Porn and I were 30 feet away from Nan and Porn’s roommate, Porn asked me again, “Is she your ladyfriend?”

Well, not having spend much time in Thailand so far, and not yet fully being able to understand bargirl ‘pigeon English’, I replied, “Yes, she is my friend.” BIG MISTAKE!!!

Suddenly, Porn glared at me, squinting her eyes to a narrow slit, burning a hole right through me to the back of my head. Now she was starting to get really pissed off. She started to raise her voice and I could tell that she was very upset. I had thought that ‘ladyfriend’ meant ‘lady who is a friend’. WRONG!!! Porn was asking if Nan was my girlfriend and I had not realized what she meant. What a dumb shit!!! I now proudly added my number to the litany of farang mistakes that have been made in the LOS over the year. ’Farang mistake number 7,438,945 and counting…’

So there I was, trying to calm down my little angel, while Nan was 30 feet behind me standing just a few feet from Porn’s roommate. Now this was a major catastrophe in the making as God knows what kinds of things those other two bargirls might say to each other as far as cheating farangs go and I obviously could not understand the Thai chatter that Porn’s roommate and Nan might speak were they to talk to one another.

A couple of times I turned to glance back over my shoulder to make sure that Nan did not approach Porn and I noticed that Nan and Porn’s roommate were just standing there. But then I noticed that Nan, who was facing Porn and me, started talking to Porn’s roommate! Jeez, you have got to be kidding…instead of chatting facing each other while perpendicular to where Porn and I were standing, they were lined up just like Porn and I were. Let me lay out our physical positions here in relationship to each other on the street, the arrows indicating which direction that each person was facing.

(Nan)> <(Porn’s roommate) ————–30 feet apart————- (Myself)> <(Porn)

So this entire time, Porn was intermittently tilting her head to the side, looking around my shoulder, in order to glare at Nan, while Nan was simultaneously looking over Porn’s roommate’s shoulder glaring back at Porn. Catfight in the making!!!

Porn kept trying to walk around me to go over and confront Nan while she and I were talking, but I kept grabbing her arm thereby keeping her in front of me. One of the times when I glanced backwards over my shoulder to see what Nan and Porn’s roommate were talking about, I noticed that Nan was actually waving her hand, with fingers pointing upwards summoning Porn, seemingly taunting Porn to go come over to her. I thought to myself, ‘Jesus, Nan, what the hell are you doing…trying to start a rumble right here on the entrance to Soi Cowboy?’

I later found out that Nan (even though she was extremely beautiful herself) had realized how stunning looking that Porn was and she only wanted to talk to Porn. Nan actually wanted to tell Porn that she and I were only friends and that Porn could have me to herself. Well, of course, Porn not knowing this, just thought that Nan was egging her on and taunting her by daring Porn and inviting her to come closer and get into a fight.

All I could think of in my head was that famous boxing announcer Mark Buffer saying the following paragraph…

“…and in this corner, at 5 feet 7 inches tall with a record of 34 and 2, we have Nan from the city with the floating markets trained since the age of 6 in various forms of martial arts including Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, tae kwon do, and hapkido. And in this corner we have Porn…5 feet 1 inch of lightning-fast, solid steel with a perfect record of 53 and 0…with 49 wins by knockout within the first 3 rounds and 4 deaths in the ring of her opponents. Porn has trained since childbirth in various forms of martial arts including Thai kick boxing, kung fu, and aikido and holds a 10th degree blackbelt in karate as well as mixed martial arts cage fighting experience and has extensive training in various killing methods by the Israeli army with techniques so secret that I cannot mention them here in this venue!”

All of this, would of course, would then be followed by Mark Buffer’s now infamous, copyrighted tag line, “Let’s get ready to rrrrruuuummmmumbbblllllllle!!!!!!!!”

I couldn’t believe what I had gotten into here in the LOS. I thought that I was supposed to be on vacation…

I could feel like I was about to get a bullet in the back of my head at any moment from Nan or a swift kick in the balls from Porn right in front of me. Well, this whole incident probably only took about 3 minutes, but it felt like 3 years…of torture!!!

Then I started to get pissed and I asked Porn, “Wait a minute, what are YOU doing here? You were supposed to go home to visit your mom? Why are you here? You lied to me! You are looking for a new customer aren’t you?”

Then she got pissed off and said, “I miss you, I want be with you. I come back. I want see you. I look for you here Soi Cowboy. I no remember your hotel”

I said, “What about your mother?” and Porn said, “My sister go home, see my mudder (mother). I stay, look for you.”

Finally, Porn said, “You like her (pointing her finger over my shoulder at Nan who was still standing 30 feet behind me talking to Porn’s roommate)? You go her! You not like me. You lie me. I go now” I realized that I could no longer contain Porn and she signaled to her roommate to leave. As they walked away, I felt like I had just diffused the Cuban Missle Crisis II.

Slowly and meekly, Nan gently stepped towards me and then she said something amazing to me, “You like her. I can tell. You want go with her? She very, very beautiful. She good for you. I understand. It is Thai way. It’s OK. Thai girl understand this”

Well, by this time, Porn and her roommate had walked some distance away from Soi Cowboy and at that point I knew that Porn was furious and would have nothing to do with me so I told Nan, “No, I like you and I want to be with you, so I told that other girl to go home.” Yeah right. I was shaking in my boots while talking to Porn, not knowing what she might do at any second, but the last thing I would ever do, would be to tell her to go home!

Then I realized that I had forgotten that Nan and Porn’s roommate had been talking the entire time that Porn and I were talking 30 feet away and suddenly I got a lump in my throat. Great, I was busted AGAIN!!! I was sure that Porn’s roommate and Nan were talking about how I spent the previous night with Porn and I had this ominous feeling that instead of ending up with two Thai girls in my first 2 nights in Bangkok, that I was going to end up with NONE!!! Great…zero for two in the land of milk and honeys! But this was not to be…

I asked Nan what she and Porn’s roommate had talked about and she said, “We only talk about bars and bargirls. That all.” Whew, a sigh of relief. Nan then told me again that she really liked me and wanted to be with me that night.

Now I have had two girls ready to brawl over me in my first 2 nights in the LOS! Life is good.

To be continued in My BarGirlFriend – Part 3…

Stickman's thoughts:

Fun and games in Thailand!