Readers' Submissions

Love You, Hate You, Kill You

  • Written by Gooseman
  • January 1st, 2005
  • 20 min read


I thought it was time to make my submission. I’ve had this story written up in an e-mail to a friend 3.5 years ago. Was clearing out unwanted e-mail when I came across it and thought I’d submit it. It took place in 2001.

I blame it on Michael Owen. If he hadn’t scored 2 goals in the last few minutes to win the FA Cup for Liverpool in May 2001, I wouldn’t have gone out that night. And I would never have met Ming. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend the day before that final. I should have known what was in store the first night I met Ming. She worked in a bar from which I’d taken a girl called Neung out 3 years before. Neung still worked there. Well, sort of worked, she didn’t dance or go out with many customers because she had a farang boyfriend who “supported” her. He was out of town a lot so what else is an ex-bargirl supposed to do? Join a bingo club? Anyway, when I decided that I was going to pay bar for Ming, Neung looked a bit pissed off and said “What are you doing, I’ve never seen you take a girl out from here before.” Immediately there’s bad vibes between Ming & Neung. Next thing I know Ming throws a beer bottle across the stage at Neung and Neung returns fire. The bottle smashes on the stage 30 cm in front of me. A ladyboy leans over to me and says “I think you’d better go now.” For some reason I wasn’t too phased by the flying beer bottles – I was still happily pissed thinking of how Michael Owen had single handily destroyed Arsenal. For the first time in my life I took a ladyboy’s advice and left with Ming.

As I’d broken up with my ex, I decided to take her back to my place which I hadn’t done for ages. Big mistake – the next day she comes round and I had to tell her that I was with someone else. Not exactly good timing – luckily she didn’t make a fuss of it. In fact, she almost blamed herself for not trying hard enough to make it work between us. Perhaps I was more guilty of that than her. She still helped me move all my things before I left – I don’t think many people would have done that after seeing one’s ex-boyfriend with someone else 2 days after splitting up!

I took Ming on a nice holiday to Ko Samui and lived things up. I was convinced I was leaving Thailand (at least for a while) so I thought I’d go out with a bang and no expenses were spared. A few more words about Ming – she was not your average bargirl. She was able to communicate very well in English. Let’s get to the interesting bits – she was a goddess in bed. She loved sex. Most girls are just happy for the bloke to shoot his load and that’s it. Ming wasn’t happy until she’d come. She’d get really pissed off if I came before her! At some point in Samui we stopped using condoms and went bareback. When I put my dick inside her, her eyes would sort of flick up – a bit like when you close a dead person’s eyes for the last time. In fact, it looked as if she was turning into a zombie! She was now in the zone and out of the estimated 150 girls I’ve had since being here she was easily the best. 5 minutes after we finished she would demand to do it again. Needless to say she was an intense person. She lived her life as if it was stuck on fast-forward. Her mother died when she was a teenager and her father’s now with someone else who she hates. She got married to an American guy when she was 19, split up 2 years later because he decided to marry a rich Chinese girl for business purposes. She’s studied psychology in Australia, worked in Hong Kong for 3 months. She’s attempted suicide once – she still has the scars on her wrists. She’s got her own business selling flowers. And she’s been working off and on in Soi Nana for 2 years – quite a lot for someone who’s just 23!

Shortly after Samui, I went in to England to work for the summer – we kept in contact while I was there. She rang me often and my phone bills were pretty large! I kept in touch with her more than with my ex, who I suppose I was trying to forget. On my return to Thailand in September I begin to have 2nd thoughts about Ming and thought of re-uniting with my ex. 3 months of being in England had that rationalizing effect on me! I hint to my ex that I want to get back together but she said no. I took that for being “no never” but what she really meant was “no, not at the moment”. She was still living & working at her home outside Bangkok so I wouldn’t have had the chance to see her much anyway. This was one of the reasons why we split up in the first place. I decide not to see Ming for a few days, in fact, I didn’t even tell her I was in Thailand. I was intent on making up for lost time while I was in England. I went with about 3 girls in my first 3 days.

I then met up with Ming and we stay together almost every night for about 2 weeks. The first few days were really good. However, she has expensive tastes and I spent a heck of a lot of money on her. We’re now in that grey area of a relationship. Was I her customer, was I her “special customer” or was I her boyfriend? Well, we went for the last option, which looking back on it was a big mistake. It’s a dangerous barrier to cross with a bar girl. Ming knew that I was still in touch with my ex and she felt threatened by her. She was convinced (in fact, she’s always been convinced) that I’d get back together with her. After an intense row she says to me “either you phone your ex and tell her about me or I’m off”. Reluctantly I give in and phone my ex while Ming is next to me. I tell her about Ming saying that I’d met her in a restaurant shortly after I’d arrived back in Thailand and that she was now my girlfriend. My ex bursts into tears (which believe me, she doesn’t often do) and says if that’s so that she no longer wants to stay in touch with me. It was then that I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I faced the prospect of losing my ex not only as a girlfriend but also as a friend. I suddenly realized that I cared for my ex a lot more than Ming. Nevertheless, I somehow agree that it has to be that way. I had never wanted to make that phone call, especially in Ming’s presence. Ming thought that phone call would have solved all the tension between us. In fact it made things worse – I believe she could tell I was upset after the call and she knew I still cared for my ex. After a while, my ex phones back telling me she’s sorry for saying that she never wanted to speak to me again and that the best thing for her to do is give me back all my things soon and that she’d still remain friends. That makes me feel a bit better. By now it was midnight and I just wanted to be alone, however Ming didn’t want to leave. She feels pretty upset too so she decides to go and see her friend who she used to work with. Her friend’s a nurse (another one of Ming’s ex-careers!) and also a kind of psychologist. She persuades me to go with her! We go to see her at 1 AM at the hospital. She was due to finish her shift at 2 AM but we managed to speak to her before then. Can you believe this I’m in a hospital getting advice off a nurse at 2 AM? Her friend is actually really nice, polite, sincere, calm, sensitive – exactly the opposite of Ming! Ming tells her everything and surprisingly her friend tells Ming she was in the wrong for forcing me to make that phone call. In fact, she took my side on quite a few other issues. Funnily enough, we both felt better afterwards – at least for a few hours…

The very next night we get stuck in another huge row. I don’t know what started it. I think I’d told Ming that I needed time to be alone. She goes off to work and I go to one of my favourite places to relieve stress – Soi Cowboy! I almost take someone home with me, but decide against it. Good thing too – I get to my guesthouse, ask for my key and the receptionist says my “girlfriend’s” in the room already! I’m a bit pissed off because I wanted to be alone that night. I go into the room, put my mobile next to the bed and have a shower. I hear Ming fiddling with my phone and tell her to stop checking who I’ve been calling. This really sets her off. She says she was just checking the football results (yeah, right!) and makes a big thing out of me not trusting her. Somehow the topic goes back to my ex and she starts complaining that I haven’t told my ex everything and that she wants me to tell her that I met her in May, not in September!

Again, very reluctantly I make the call. Ming is enraged by the time I make the call and while I’m making the call she gets out my sharp letter opener and presses it against my leg! She says if I don’t tell her, she’d put the blade in my leg. Apart from that, no pressure!!! My ex was driving on the motorway when I phoned her. She ends up stopping the car to talk to me! I can’t remember much about that phone call except for the fact that my ex was understandably very upset. I also told her I’d kept in touch with Ming more often than with her. My ex, bless her heart, just tells me she wants me to be happy and agrees to let me try to work things out with Ming.

After the phone call, I tell Ming I want to be alone. The fact that she put the blade against my leg was not a good recipe for a good night’s sleep! In true Ming fashion, she refuses point blank and another huge row breaks out. It got so loud that the receptionist had to come up and tell us to keep it down. After a while I decide it’s too much and decide I’ll call the receptionist and tell him to notify the security guard and take Ming away. As it happened, that night there’d been a terrible storm and the phone lines were down. Can you believe that!? Just when you need a phone most! I didn’t want to go downstairs in case Ming started to tear up the room in my absence – this had happened to me 6 years ago with another possessive bargirl. I decide there’s only one way to deal with this – fuck her. It worked. She calmed down a bit, I told her I was sorry and that she was the only one for me, etc. But the line had been crossed. I knew then that it was over – there’s no way I could continue with Ming. That last fuck reminded me of the last one I had with a bargirl I had been seeing in my 1st year in Thailand. We’d come to a point where we both knew it was over. We knew it was going to be the last time we had sex, and it was intense. I believe the mix of emotions and stress causes a woman to release loads of vaginal juices because that last time she was as wet as a fish (? – sorry couldn’t think of a decent metaphor). It was exactly the same with Ming. Juices kept flowing out and it was probably one of our best sessions!

About 30 minutes after we finish she goes out of the room saying she doesn’t want to stay in the same room as me. She leaves and comes back with a key to a room upstairs and says she’s going to sleep there. She then changes her mind and sleeps with me. When I wake up the following morning she’s gone. I guess that she’s gone home. This is my chance to get away – I pack up all my stuff and go to another guesthouse far away. Naturally, I leave no contact address! I get a call in the evening on my mobile from Ming saying she’d been sleeping the whole day in the room upstairs. She asked me where I was and of course I refuse to tell her. I tell her I don’t want to see her for a while. She phones me everyday and it gets annoying. I then get a phone call from my ex saying that Ming had called her! They’d spent an hour on the phone talking to each other! Ming had told her all kinds of crap, albeit some of it true. Luckily the day before I decided to tell my ex the real truth about Ming and where I’d really met her. I told her everything – including the bit about the sharp letter opener. I’d also sent her flowers to tell her I was sorry about everything.

Ming was refusing to let me go – she still wanted to be my girlfriend. She was becoming even more crazy. She told Boom she would go to my place of work (she knew where I worked) and tell them shit about me in order that they fire me. She said she would put shit on the Internet about me so that no one would hire me. Even more disturbingly she told my ex she had a gun!! Idle threats? Maybe, but believe me, Ming was capable of doing anything!

Funnily enough all this brought me & my ex closer. I get a call from Ming while I was with my ex and tell her she should go to the hospital as she’s mentally disturbed. She threatens that she never wants to see me again. I say fine and tell her to fuck off. Complete reversal! Now it felt good to cut ties with Ming, as it didn’t with my ex before. But Ming wouldn’t give in and kept phoning me everyday.

Many days later, I get a call from Ming and it happens that I’m really near her. I decide to see her just to put things straight once and for all. She was in an Internet café with her nurse’s uniform on! Stupidly I agree to go back to her place (which was nearby) to talk. We go there and after a while an argument breaks out again. I had had enough so I decide to leave. She stands in front of the door and refuses to let me leave. She gets a knife out and threatens to slit her wrists. I say “OK – do it, I don’t care.” She doesn’t, but still refuses to let me leave. I try to get passed but she starts pointing the knife at me. This lasts for an hour – I’m tired and I have to work the next day. If there’d been a window I would have jumped out of it to escape but there wasn’t. There was only one way out. Finally I decide to go for it. I force the knife out of her hand (she’s bloody strong!) push her out of the way and leg it down the stairs. Despite the fact she’s not wearing any shoes and is wearing a flimsy top she follows me. I reckon she’ll just turn back after a while but she continues to follow me. God, I’m so unfit, after a while I feel completely out of breath. Where is a taxi when you need one? Eventually I hail one down and jump inside. Ming hails down a motorbike taxi and follows me! She has no shoes, no money, her apartment door’s open, with her keys inside. Anyone could have stolen stuff from her room, but she was on a bloody motorbike following me. What am I supposed to do now? I don’t want to go back to my guesthouse otherwise she’ll know where I live. I can hardly think. Somehow I manage to think rationally and tell the driver to go to a big, expensive, posh hotel on the way to my guesthouse. Surely she wouldn’t make a scene there in front of everyone! Hopefully they wouldn’t even let her in. I leg it out the taxi and go straight in, to the bar. She follows and sits with me at the bar. After a while she calms down. She phones her nurse friend to come and pick her up but unfortunately she’s out of town. She phones up another friend who luckily decides to let her sleep at her place. I give her some money to pay the motorbike driver (who’s been waiting outside for about 20 minutes!) and for her taxi to her friend’s place.

I get in a taxi and go back. On the way, there’s a bit of a traffic jam and the taxi stops directly outside a bar from which I’d taken a girl out the previous evening. It faces directly on the street so it’s quite easy for them to see me. Can you believe the chances of that happening? I lean back to avoid being seen. Not sure whether I was successful or not. Can things get any worse than this? The next day I find big bruises on my left arm from when I’d forced Ming out of the way. Hadn’t even felt them the night before – that’s how intense things were!

When I moved back to my old apartment things got better. I was on familiar territory. During my 1st month back in Thailand I had spent about 100,000 baht mostly on Ming. My ex & her friend helped me to put all my things back in my room. Things that she’s kept for me over the summer.

The story doesn’t quite end here. A month or so later, I get a call from my ex. A guy had phoned her saying he found her mobile number on the Internet. On the site, it said, if you want a free fuck, call this number – it also had her full name on it! I call Ming, she wanted 18,000 baht or she’d keep it on the website for people to see. I asked her why she was doing this. She said that as we had “broken up”, we hadn’t been “boy-friend, girlfriend” and that I had just been a “customer”. She wanted compensation for the money she had “lost” while she’d been with me! I was desperate to get her to remove that thing from the website and decided on paying her on the condition that she stays out of my life forever. I transfer the money to her account. Minutes later I get a call from Ming saying that she’d received it and she was hoping that we could still remain friends! She was so happy about the money! Complete nutter! <The Thai police take this sort of shit REALLY seriously and you could have had the bitch locked up for that. I get the feeling your ex would have been happy to make a complaint against herStick>

In the months afterwards, I still saw my ex now & then. We talked on the phone everyday and even managed to have a laugh about my adventures with Ming. I still went with a bargirl at least once a week. Old habits die hard! Not sure whether we’ll get back together – I guess I have to trust myself first. She came through the whole thing very well and showed her true colours. Perhaps this incident with Ming was a blessing in disguise as it’s brought me & my ex closer.

Moral of this story? Stay clear of girls with scars on their wrists – they’re all nutters!! Love you, hate you, kill you. In fact, I’d now say don’t ever cross that “girlfriend” line with a bargirl, it can only lead to trouble, somewhere down the line.

Recent update – 3.5 years later :

Never got back together with my ex. Have now been together with my “new” girlfriend for over 2 years and couldn’t be happier. I read over this and cringe, can’t believe it was me! I read through this thinking what kind of idiot would let this happen. How could I have let this go so out of control? Why was I so blind? This is so far from the kind of lifestyle I lead nowadays. So for you people reading this and thinking the same questions above, let me tell you that this could happen to you. It’s amazing how the bar scene can blind even the most sensible people. Do I regret all of this? Not at all, it has made me stronger & wiser, and has made me appreciate the kind of life I have now. I believe we all learn from experience and I hope you readers don’t have to go through the same as I did in order to “learn”. By submitting this, I’m hoping a lot of you would avoid making the mistake(s) that I made. Do as most Thai men do in the massage parlours, etc. : shag ‘em, pay them, and then move on. Don’t cross that “girlfriend” line – you’ve been warned!

Stickman's thoughts:

Fantastic story – a great read!