Stickman Readers' Submissions September 3rd, 2004

True Heartbreak

By Mr. Anonymous

I am not writing this story for any other reason than for some personal feedback from you as I am going through a very dark and difficult time in my life at the moment. Please do not post this email, I would just like to share with you and ask for your
advise. I am too wounded at the moment to see this on the net and would prefer to post it later when things have settled.

I met my wife in a Bangkok go-go bar six years ago. She wasn't a girl who was going out every night with guys and I liked her, she was happy and she seemed like a good person. I lived in Asia as well (another country) and knew about
bar-girls but she seemed different in some way. I was 29, she was 19. I never bar-fined her, just went to her bar for drinks, she is stunning. I invited her to go to Pattaya with me and we did. I stayed with her for about four weeks then left
for my other Asian country. There was some money exchanged but small amounts as I think she wanted more than that.

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About one month later, she joined me, I paid for her flight as I missed her, there was no money mentioned, just a long holiday with me. After six months and some problems our relationship and after she became pregnant, she decided she wanted
to leave and went back to the bar, did some bar-fining while pregnant then went to the province to have the baby. After much thought, I decided to go back and get her and she came back with me again and she had our wonderful baby in another Asian
country. We then moved to North Asia where I worked in a good job for two years and then we moved to Europe where we have lived for three years. In between, we got married. She is a good girl, some problems, but we all have. Terrible temper and
very Thai but she has some great things about her.

I have a good job, house, car. I am well liked and not a monster. I liked my wife because she is strong and well-willed. We had our problems over the years like anyone. I like a drink and football, she likes borrowing money. She has been
sending money back to her family for six years and recently began building a house for her Mum. Her family has been pestering us for years and this year, big amounts of money were being borrowed and then sent back to Thailand, 20,000 baht, then
40,000 then 60,000 baht (this was all borrowed from her friends here secretly then they would come to me asking for it back). There were also stories about her mum being wrongly imprisoned, her brother sick, a car for her sister, etc., etc. and
I would always send something or she would go mad and threaten to leave.

This year, she begged me that she needed a holiday to see her family and that she should take at least 100,000 baht. Then after booking the flights, she fell pregnant with our second child. She has always been desperate to go home and we
have not always been able to afford it as our phone bills are horrendous from her Thai calls, sometimes two hours a day and she sends money home often. I told her she could not have both, either we send money or she takes a holiday, but she became
very nasty at times. So she got the flight, a three week return trip, she was three and a half months pregnant with 40,000 baht to see her mum and family and relax and visit her brother's wedding. I thought that was enough as we have no more
capital, she had either sent it already, borrowed it or spent it on the phone. That was three months ago.

Got the story so far. happily married is an oxymoron and we were but with some problems, most coming from her family's requests for money as these caused all of our arguments. They see me as the dollar machine and will not let us have
a life to ourselves.

OK, this is where it goes wrong!

I gave her freedom back to her and I think upon her arrival, her family and friends poisoned her mind.

After two days of arrival two and a half months ago in Bangkok, my wife called me. She had spent all her money when she arrived. I said I had no more money at the time, she got angry and said she wasn't coming home and could I pay her debts to her
Thai friends in Europe as she had borrowed another 500 Euros before leaving. I told her that was her choice to stay and that she has a lovely life, husband and son in Europe and she should not sacrifice that. After two weeks, I called her and
she had not even been to see her mum, her mum had come down to Bangkok and my wife was now staying with the girls in the same bar that I met her in, living upstairs. I decided not to let money come in the way of our marriage (as I always do and
am weak doing it as it never stops) and I sent her 20,000 baht. she then decided to miss the flight home and said she wanted to relax with her mum, I said okay, but please come home in 14 days.

Well……..she then booked herself into an abortion clinic and aborted our baby, breaking my heart. She was four and a half months pregnant, that is severe. Then she went to the province. I was gutted and did not call her anymore. She told
me she had to work and could not work there or in Europe with another baby as it would stop her from earning, I think that was very selfish. The problem was that we had been to doctor's twice here for photos. etc and the baby was due on Xmas
day, heartbreaking for me.

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So, then I hear from a mate two weeks later that she is working back at the bar. she tells me she needs to work for three to four months to look after her mum, she will only work outside on the door and will not barfine but needs the money
and does not want to ask me for it. then my friend called me and said she is doing a show when he walked in one night. I call her, she says just once as the other girl was sick.

What do I do… I cannot stop calling her as I love here and I know where she works and what it is like and I thought I had taken her away from that. Now she is telling me that she wants to work for another eight weeks and then come home.
If I want her to come home now, I must send her 100,000 baht. She tells me her mum is dying.

She has killed my baby, spent both sets of money I gave her, wasted a flight home, worked and danced in a bar and is drunk every night when I call her. I am trying to forget about her but it is so hard.

She sends me messages saying "don't worry darling, I love you and come home soon, no money in phone to call you, I not do anything bad." and here is me trying to work and look after my son while the other half of my family
has gone.

I have always done everything to make my wife happy, I used to give her one thousand dollars a month here for her to spend for the house and everything, much more than the local Europeans get. she has managed to build a house in Northern
Thailand with all her savings. we have a good life here and a wonderful son. If she disrespects me so much, why does she want to come home. I think she is realising what she has done and wants to come home to the easy-life. but for me, I think
it is too late…

Can you help? any comments? please be honest….

Stickman's thoughts:

My God, what a truly horrible story…. I would love to be supportive and encourage you to pursue things with your wife but it seems to me that she has been just oh so terribly bad that I wonder if you will ever be able to trust her again. She has treated you like no person should ever treat someone. No-one deserves to be treated like that. It is totally unreasonable and she has no excuse at all. If she truly loved you, would she do this? I think not.

I am guessing that she became bored of the lifestyle in Europe and that is why she returned to her more exciting past…and my feeling is that no matter how much money you send her, she will not come back. She just ask for more and more…not good at all.

My advice to you is to seek advice from others. You've heard what I think, predictable if you have read much of this site.

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