A Bloody Mess

America—land of no opportunity. That is the sentiment felt by many of us living and working in the Silicon Valley area of California. This attitude was most recently felt on the job front, but it seems to be the standard for those of who are single when it comes to love. Silicon Valley is a place where the men out-number the woman 3-to-1, half of which are fat and/or ugly, and the fat ones won’t even give you a “Hello” unless they are desperate. But that is never the case, as there are always 10 guys standing in line behind you to talk to her, and she has the upper hand.

Now, I am no Brad Pitt, but I do know that I am a good-looking guy. I also play semi-professionally as a musician in the area. So why then is a guy like me complaining about finding a woman? I grew up in a place where frustration has reached levels forcing half the men to turn gay (a.k.a, San Francisco), and the other half into therapy.

So when my day job offered me this opportunity to come to Thailand and work for a few months, I took it. It didn’t take long to discover that paradise had been found! Finally–a place where woman out number the men; where you can look at anyone and get a warm smile in return; a place where nearly every woman is competing to be married by age 25.

For a guy pushing 40 yrs old, it’s not such a bad thing to have a young Asian hottie hanging on your arms. A girl that totally digs you, and treats you better than any woman you’ve met back home. I used to say I’ve never been with a prostitute (because I’ve told them up front I don’t pay for sex). But now I’m not so naive, and since learned that they just weren’t “working” when they were sleeping with me. Yes, I really should re-evaluate my position, as my friend pointed out, “Aren’t all relationships some form of prostitution, anyway?” But let me get to my story….

After a brief visit home, I returned to Bangkok and went to my usual hangout for some good old-fashioned live music. There was a woman I had met previously in the bar and the next night we went back to my hotel. I am a little new and naïve to this sort of thing. I am not used to the fact that some of these Thai girls are extremely shy. They keep the towels wrapped around them all night, and MAKE SURE you don’t look at them with the lights on. So, I did my best to accommodate this girl and followed her wishes.

After a wild and eventful night, I turned the lights on only to find blood all over the white sheets of my hotel room. It was everywhere. The down comforter, bed, and white sheets were soaked and ruined. This girl had neglected to tell me she was on her period.

Now I don’t know who was more embarrassed, she or I. But can tell you that facing the manager of Housekeeping the next day, and paying the bill to replace everything was no picnic.

The only thing racing through my mind that week was HIV. That was a close one. I definitely will head to the first clinic to get checked. Fortunately, I follow strict rules of hygiene. I scrub myself good before and after sex, and I make sure she does the same. I ALWAYS where protection.

Word of wisdom to the rest of you: Ask them if it’s that time of the month. It can be embarrassing and they don’t always like your question, but they get over it. It will save you some greater embarrassment in the morning. …And ALWAYS wear protection. That’s my story.

Stickman's thoughts:

You mean you didn't notice it was that time of the month? How can that be? I guess you must have finished pretty quickly and never had time to notice…