Readers' Submissions

Amazing Thailand

  • Written by Anonymous
  • April 30th, 2004
  • 3 min read


Black Pagoda Patpong Bangkok

By Amazing P


We've all seen this TAT advertising slogan and now I'm starting to understand why Thailand is so amazing.

I'd been investigating bus trips to Singapore from Hat Yai and most arrive in the early hours of the following morning. I found one today that leaves town 90 minutes earlier than the rest, at noon, and arrives at midnight. Great, I thought. It was a bit more expensive than the rest but the timing was better. After going through all the details I pay my money and the girl gives me my ticket. She then tells me the noon bus is full so she has booked me on the later bus despite the fact I only bought the ticket at that place to get on the early bus. There was no mention of this before I handed over my money. This demonstrates my amazing ability to think I am buying one thing when actually I'm buying something else.

The girlfriend calls and wants to go out for lunch. She has an amazing ability to be late whenever we meet for something that I want to do but she is always on time when she wants to do something.

When we meet she wants to go to Pizza Hut, which wouldn't be my first choice, but anything for a quiet life. It's a lot more expensive than local food but I have a magic wallet that never empties. Amazing.

I have an amazing ability to be able to speak a dialect of Thai that is understood by most Thais apart from Pizza Hut waitresses. What's more, when they don't understand what I am saying I have the amazing ability to become invisible. As I do my best to talk to the waitress in Thai she replies to my girlfriend as if I am not there. The strange thing though is that my girlfriend can still see me? Perhaps this is her amazing ability?

Today I must have entered a worm hole in space or something and in the process I was transported to a parallel universe. Everything was almost the same as the old universe except that in this universe Pizza Hut didn't sell hot tea. The identical Pizza Hut in the old universe that I went to last week did sell hot tea. Amazing.

Even more amazing, Pizza Hut in the new universe, who don't have any hot tea, suddenly find they do have hot tea. However, in this universe the Thai phrase 'nom lek lek' means a large glass of milk instead of a tiny jug of milk for my tea like they serve in the other universe.

It's not only me but also the Thais who have amazing abilities. Never before have I seen so much salad from the 'one serving only' salad bar put into a single bowl. 'One portion' of salad ends up being enough for a family of six. If you are ever in a Thai branch of Pizza Hut it's worth getting a table with a good view of the salad bar just so you can watch Thais perform this amazing feat.

After lunch it is raining so instead of going back to work the girlfriend walks me around all the clothes shops. It is amazing that whenever we go out together, for whatever reason, it always ends up as a clothes shopping trip for her. It is also amazing that when I want anything I pay for it and whenever she wants anything I pay for it. Thank goodness for my magic wallet.

Back on the street I think I have entered yet another parallel universe. In this one I am visible yet all the Thai people have become invisible. Tuk-Tuk and motorcycle taxi drivers and street hawkers can only see me as they tout for business yet can't see any of the local Thai people so I am the only one who gets harassed.

Thailand. What an amazing place.

Stickman says:

Great stuff!