Stickman Readers' Submissions October 4th, 2003

Not Enough Trust Meant No Marriage

Anonymous Submission

I first met my Thai girlfriend in Samui working at a clothing shop. I had one BG experience, and was glad to meet her. She seemed different from all the other Thai girls I had met. She didn't ask for money. We didn't sleep together the first time. I waited until moving to Thailand until I first had my sexual experience with her.

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The almost marriage experience

Things were never perfect. In the nearly two years I spent with my Thai girlfriend I learned many things.

1. The lies.

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She constantly lied to me. At first, I was furious at her for lying, but with time I sort of got used to it, and accepted that as one of her weakness. I thought I could live with that weakness, and enjoy our relationship but I was wrong. I wonder how many guys reading this have Thai girlfriends who constantly lie to them, yet still believe they can marry, and trust their girlfriend.

2. The immorality

I have to admit that I was the one first to have a new girl, and felt ashamed of my mistake. I apologized, and told her it would never happen again, but when I went to Canada she had one guy I knew for sure. This behavior with her never seemed to change, so I would not let her go anywhere, and refused to go outside Thailand without her. She spent most of the time with me, and soon got angry at the fact that I didn't give her any freedom. But I sincerely believed that if I gave her the opportunity she would take advantage, and risk our relationship for a new guy.

3. The anger

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Before I arrived in Thailand I was never an angry person. She was angry ten times day. When I say angry I mean she loses control, and starts to break everything in the house unless I hold her down. She will say the worse things to eventually make me angry. I have never hit a woman in my life, but she knew how to make me so angry that I have lost control a little, and gave her a slap. I couldn't believe I had done this. This Thai girl brought the worst out of me. I really wonder if I am the only guy to have done this, or just brave enough to confess it.

4. The money

I always felt that if I didn't give her money she would be gone. I gave her a minimum of 5000 B a month, and as much as 30,000 B in one month. I think its ok to pay money for a girlfriend if all she can make working is a mere 6000 B in one month. But one time I was finished with her, and she demanded 30,000 B to prove that I loved her. I was heart broken, and couldn't face the possibility that she would be a freelancer, so I paid.

5. The dowry negotiation

I agreed to give 150,000 B in gold, money, and a new motorbike. She told me this was not much, but in the end when I told her this was the maximum she accepted. I would have been willing to pay more if I had trusted her, but that brings the next issue.

6. The "no trust" issue

My friends told me plainly I don't trust her, then why do I want to marry her? I have to admit the reason I wanted to marry was because I could not bear having a two-year girlfriend leave me and work in the bar. In fact, she often told me that if I would finish with her this is where she would go.

7. Reading Stickman's website

A month before the marriage I started reading Stickman's website, and saw all the stories of farang being burnt. So many of the stories related to my relationship with my Thai girlfriend. I honestly think it was because of all those stories I decided not to marry.

The bad news

after I told her I wanted to wait longer to build trust together she left a day later. She decides to work as a bargirl. I never imagined having a girlfriend who would end up a bargirl. I can tell you honestly it feels like shit. It breaks my heart each and every day.

When I sleep at night I have nightmares of other guys she is sleeping with. I can't bear seeing her with new guys in Samui, so I am moving to Bangkok. I am not a jealous person, but I really do care for her, and knowing she is trading sex for money is absolutely heart breaking. She is my family, and she is going to mess up her life now, and I can’t do anything to save her.

I never considered that having an Isaan Thai girlfriend could lead to this day. I hope this letter is a good warning to so many guys who are trying to be the night shinning armor for the girl, and save her from poverty. You are making a big mistake. She doesn't see you that way. To her she is a successful girl who has been able to make you fall in love with her. She knows her beauty is an asset, and if you do not pay her enough money, or marry her in spite of her weaknesses she will leave you for the next guy who will, or the next 20 guys a month she can get. Sad but true.

Stickman says:

Traditionally in Thailand, the woman was the head of the house and the woman would try and dominate the relationship. The man would work and at the end of the month would give all of his money to his wife, he would give him back a small portion for his expenses and she would control the rest. She had the money, she was at home all day ­ she was in control. I think Thai woman like the idea of being in control and if they think they don’t have it, they will put pressure on you to get it or regain it and if they can’t they will move on.

Yeah, it’s never easy in a situation like this and I really feel for you that someone you spent two years with and loved has become a bargirl. But to be rid of her has to be the best thing. Time heals all wounds.

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