Stickman Readers' Submissions August 1st, 2003

Betrayal, Deception And Love Online

I wish to tell this story for those who might benefit from it in some way and to possibly save anyone from making the mistake I have, a mistake for which I will regret for the rest of my life.

It was a number or years ago when I first started using the internet, I believe in the early part of the year 2000. I was not into home PCs that much until then even though at the time my work revolved around PCs and I was in an IT position. So, I started using the net in the early part of that year. I had purchased a new PC and was looking up sites about Thailand as I was always interested in Thailand as a possible holiday destination. I came across a site called I thought to myself hey this is interesting, a Bangkok chat room. Perhaps I could find out more about Thailand and perhaps it would help in planning a vacation there. I was totally new to chat and to chat rooms as I had never used them before.

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Before I get into the thick of this story, I must say I am from a smaller city in Canada where most people have pretty good ethics when dealing with people for the most part. I guess at the time I was naive about some things and for what was in store for my life. There are good and bad people everywhere I agree. But in some places there is more bad then good. People where I come from would never go to the extent this story does to make personal gain on anyone.

So I was now into the Bangkok chat room site. I hasn’t been chatting there for very long before I met one girl named May who was using the alias "Babely" as her nickname. We chatted a few times and it was nothing too serious at all. Every time I want back, I would find her there or should I say she would find me. Well she seemed like such a nice person and we started chatting more frequently. She would tell me everything about her family and about herself. I would also do the same. We seemed to hit it off quite well. The more I knew of her the more I liked her. The more I liked her the more I trusted her. Time went on and we kept in touch. Then by phone also, I would call her. She seemed so true and honest and I really started to believe her without a doubt that she was a decent and nice person. She seemed to really like me a lot and then later we seemed to somehow fall in love in some strange way. I even talked to her mother on the phone and used to talk to May also on a regular basis. She wanted me to come to Thailand to meet her. By this point we had already been talking through the net, e-mail, and by phone for some time, roughly 6 to 8 months. She was encouraging me to come to Thailand and she seemed so truthful and honest and seemed to truly care about me and love me. We seemed to love each other already and were dying to be together.

At certain points during my time before I came to meet her I had some suspicions. I one time asked her to give me access to her email because of those suspicions. To prove to me she was sincere she obliged and gave me access to her mail. When I checked her mail, it came as a shock to find an email she had sent to another guy. Some guy from New York City as I recall. Some guy named Jeff. In the email she was telling this guy how much she loved him, needed him, and missed him. I confronted her about this mail and she started crying saying she was sorry and that it will never happen again. I should have known at that moment and should have cancelled my scheduled trip to Thailand. But something in me said to give her a chance. So I gave her a chance.

I was now on my way to Bangkok, Thailand all the way from my small city life in Canada. I had to take my first flight from my city to Vancouver. Then aboard Japan Airlines on my way to Tokyo. Then to transfer to yet another flight to Bangkok. In total in took 24 hours to get there. Not to mention one of the engines on the first flight needed repair so I had to stay in Vancouver an extra night. I finally arrived in Bangkok full of sweat and exhausted from the flights. I was in so much anticipation to see the love of my life, the one I have been waiting to see for so long. I waited patiently going through customs and picking up my luggage. Finally I was there, exiting through customs into the main concourse at Don Meuang where all the people meet. There stood the girl I had been waiting to see for so long, the one who claimed she would love me forever, the one who claimed she would never leave me and would always stand by me as she stopped at me. The one holding flowers with the long hair and seemed so beautiful just as I had imagined. I went straight over to her and embraced and we talked about the flights and my journey. We continued upstairs to where her mother was waiting for us.

I was introduced to her mother with very cordial greetings and we all sat and had iced coffee and had conversed for a while. We then departed and went to May's new car and then back to her home with her mother which was my home as long as I was there. Every day there was like paradise in some ways. May took very good care of me and her mother was one of the nicest people I have ever met. She also liked me and seemed very sincere to me. Everyday was a new day there to be enjoyed. This point is that I was falling in love with May deeply because everything seemed true to how she was treating me. I was part of the family it seemed.

We did many things together and had a lot of fun nearly everyday. Her dad came from France one day since we were all there I think he had some vacation time to come and visit also. He works out of France. He was a very nice man and both her parents treated me with respect and they also seemed to like me a lot.

Thailand was quite different to me, never having been there before this. Early in the morning there was always a soup vendor coming up and down the soi selling soup but his chanting is what woke me more then anything. Sometimes I felt like a stick in the mud there because things are so different from what I am used to. But I was enjoying it. We had done many things and I wished my time there would never end.

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Since May was in studies for her MBA she was busy during the time also for study. One day we went to Chonburi to Bangsaen beach. May did not want us to go to Pattaya. Wt Bangsaen we fed the monkeys and it was a lot of fun.

We had also taken a trip to Sukothai to where her grandparents were. I was quite moved by Sukothai. I thought that the history was extraordinary. We stayed there and I met her grandparents. However sadly her grandfather at the time I think was in coma, they were looking after him there. The only thing I didn’t like was being woken up by the chickens so early in the morning, my sleep was not so good. Hearing Dad's snoring kept me awake also. So between the snoring and the chickens my rest was not so good but it brings back a smile from that time. We headed back to Bangkok with me and May and her parents in the care. We also had a trunkload full of Durian to which I can almost still smell to this day. Still brings back a smile and memory.

Things seemed to be going quite well with May although she did have her fussy attitudes at time but otherwise I truly loved her with all my heart, more then anyone I have known in my life. I felt so attached to her and her family. I believed and trusted her 100%.

We went shopping sometimes at MBK and Siam Centre, went to the movies and enjoyed ourselves. One day I bought her a ring, not as an engagement but as more or less a promise ring. We had talked about marriage. Basically the thought was May would have to finish to study her MBA degree before she could marry as per her parents’ wishes. We decided that we would wait until that time. I truly believed her for this because she seemed so true and honest to me and sincere. My heart hung on every word. I believed her 100% at this point.

So the idea was to wait for her to finish studying and then we could marry and we would be together forever. With the reality that I had a job back in Canada it was soon time for me to go. It was my understanding it would not be so long before May had finished her MBA and we would then marry. I returned to Canada to continue my work, waiting expectantly for her to finish her MBA soon.

Come Christmas time that year and I was planning to send May something nice. When I came back to Canada May had started to change towards me. When we talked she would often cut me off. I used to use phone cards to call her but sometimes the connection was not the best, she would never understand about this and sometimes would get upset when I called back. I missed her so much. She would never understand this. I became more suspicious at Christmas when I was going to send May something. It was around then that she started to ask for Money. She wanted a new mobile and a new computer. She had never asked me like this before and I became very suspicious.

She really started to change, and I talked to her mother sometimes and her mother would tell me that some Swiss man would keep calling on May's mobile phone. So I got the idea other things were going on. I would try to contact her and things just started to fall apart. It seemed she did not care and I felt that she started to treat me like dirt. I could not believe this was happening. The same girl who loved me so truly and who seemed so sincere, the one I placed my trust and hopes and dreams in, was changing and I could not figure out what was going on. It was tearing me apart.

A short time later my mother fell ill in hospital. I told May about this so she would understand I was having a rough time. It was not long after that my mother had passed away. I called May to let her know and she seemed to care. But a few days later when the funeral was held. I was talking to May two hours before the funeral of my mother when, she indicated to me that she was leaving me forever. She indicated that she had made a mistake. Then she left my life forever, never to hear from her since and closed her life off to me. I was so shattered that during this family crisis the one I loved more then anyone ever in my life would turn her back on me and destroy my heart so badly. I then had to face a reception of near 200 people family and friends most of whom who knew I would soon marry my Thai girlfriend or at least knew I was planning to. I had to speak to them regarding the life of my mother, I was so shattered I could barely maintain my composure. I was in total shock that not only had I lost my mother that day. I had also lost the love of my life. Someone I truly trusted and believed more then anyone in my life. May seemed so true to me before, so honest, so sincere with all of her commitment to me. She changed towards me like this and it shattered my heart and soul that day so deeply that until this day, I continue to suffer in my life because of the effects of that past.

I believed her and trusted her for everything and I believed that because I seen her first hand when was in Thailand I believed she loved me. I seen her tears when I was leaving at Don Meuang. They were real. I loved May so truly and more then anyone ever in my life but once I left, that was my mistake. I later found out that she had been seeing others and had met others. The whole ordeal has changed my life also. As stupid as it might sound I can never truly trust people anymore. Everyone has told me to forget about that past, have a new life , have a new girl, do anything, you can do it, change your life, a new life a new day. But something deep inside my soul burns with a certain sorrow so deep and it will never change. I have tried to trust others who have come my way but I can never truly look into the face or eyes of anyone and actually say I can believe or trust them again. As I say I later found out that she had cheated with others and rather then for her to face me she decided to leave me and save face for her mistake. She could not commit to me.

Truthfully, I think she could never commit to anyone because when I look back over all that time and all the things that happened it would seem to me that she might have done similar things with others, but I think she could not commit to one. After all that time and all the things that happened, she never truly loved me. In some strange way it was all a game for her. She used me and played my life to make a fool of me. Truly I had learned my lesson about Thai girls from the chat room and that is to never ever take them as seriously as this small city Canadian guy did. Where I come from people would not go to the extent to chat with people for 8 months and lead them to believe something and prompted them to make a trip 10,000 miles to the other side of the world. People where I come from are not that deceptively inclined. To promise love and to marry and say all the things and make everything seem so real, only in the end to hurt another human being and destroy a love that was so true in another person's heart.

The extent to which it has affected my life is quite serious as I cannot trust people. When I see people or someone new coming to my life I see betrayal. It is so hard to explain and I guess you would have to be standing in my shoes during my mother’s funeral when I was giving a speech to close friends and relatives after someone you trusted and believed and loved with all your heart had just finished telling you they are leaving your life forever. That moment in time, that moment in my life is what has changed me and I do not know if I will ever be the same in my life again. I have suffered extensively in personal terms as a result. Sometimes when I look back at it I wish I would have heeded what I thought to be true of her. I gave her a chance. She never gave me a chance and turned her back on my life during the worst crisis I have ever had to face in my lifetime, the burial of my mother. That day marked the day that I lost 2 ladies whom I truly loved, my mother, and my lover. The events have changed who I am.

Many people have said, you have to forget about that past, you have to go on with your life. You can have a new life a new love. But in my heart I know now that I can never trust anyone again for love. People are all different they say, and yes that might be true, but I can never see that. I regret sometimes that I ever went to Thailand to meet her and be with her, the love of my life. I truly loved her and until this day I can say that because I know what was in my heart at that time. In some ways I just wish I had never met this in my life. It has taken a toll on my life in other ways also. It has affected employment at times form that past. Many sacrifices, too many to list.

I always hear this phrase from Thai people, “start a new life”. It seems that Thai people can start a new life daily if they have to and never care of how hurting another human being could have caused so much damage. If she really loved me she would still be with me, and if she never really loved me, then why was she in my life? Some things I will never understand about people in this world. It has changed my life and it has changed my life forever. One thing I did learn from May is that "Nothing in this life is forever", not even love. That is true and that is one reason why I no longer trust and do not think I will ever love again. If I do love I’m afraid I will likely hurt another because I will never truly love them or believe them. There are many other details surrounding my involvement with May. I later discovered this. When I first started calling her on the phone sometimes a guy would answer. I asked who that was. She told me "it was a neighbor fixing something in the washroom. Guess what? It was not a neighbor but her ex Thai boyfriend she was just about to dump because she had found me. Now isn't that something.

Yes many can call me stupid for believing and trusting someone I thought who sincerely loved me form 10,000 miles away. But if nothing else I can say I did love truly and with my whole heart. Having held nothing back I know I was not wrong to love as I did. I was unlucky to find a player like May. She played a hell of a good game on my life.

So, I hope that if anyone has found their "ideal true lover" from, consider it carefully especially if you are some unsuspecting foreigner or have not used the net much, particularly chatrooms. If you have not been to Thailand and are using the chatroom and have met someone you think is a good honest person, take it with a grain of salt and not seriously in the least or you could end up with the prize insignia of a blackheart like me from wonderful Thailand and my wonderful ex Thai girlfriend. Good luck to all and be careful. Just like in the rear view mirror, objects may appear differently. In this case people may be different then they actually seem. Be careful and good luck to all.

Where I mentioned about my others funeral. That was the day I found out May had cheated with another.


Site has since been taken down – Stick

Stickman says:

Oh, where to start, so many issues here! First of all, I am cynical about the idea of people falling in love before they have even met. Yes, you can develop feelings for someone, but I really wonder just how you can actually fall in love until you have met and spent some time with them. What if the person has some habits that you despise, a nervous twitch or a gravelly voice that you just can’t deal with. So, I would question just what had happened at this stage and question the feelings you were feeling. Love? Perhaps, but more likely the idea of falling in love was actual what you were in love with.

Now, this girl proved her lack of integrity early on. I have always said that once you have seen a bad sign, it is time to move on. I too have been guilty of staying on in relationships when I have already seen the writing on the wall.

Thai girls do not have the same levels of integrity as Westerners do. They will callously say “I love you” but do so only because it contributes towards focusing your attention on them ­ and away from other women.

Also, Thai women, ESPECIALLY INTERNET GIRLS, will often date more than one guy, but fiercely declare that you are the only guy in their life. They will use strong words to remove any doubt that others exist. They are quite simply playing you off, to try and find one. The problem is that they have become used to being dishonest to their partner, and to dating one guy, so why should they stop when they have found the one? The whole cycle repeats itself.

Yeah, what happened to you wasn’t nice at all. There is no denying that. It highlights the way that Westerners from wholesome backgrounds can be eaten up and spat out by Thai women who quite frankly, act on a whole different set of moral and ethical principles.

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