The Usual Story

No I am not a complete newbie to the Thai scene, I worked in southern Thailand a few years ago, settled down and played house for a year with a stunning non BG before eventually having my heart put through the grinder. But I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

Anyway, being a cynic with some experience of the bar scene I thought I was immune to BG’s, until last year when I met Lek (not her real name). Maybe it was the stunning looks, or the sense of humour that meshed so well with mine, or the mind blowing sex, the fluent English or the way she kept me off balance with unusual BG behaviour. Whatever, I knew I was in trouble when for the final 4 days of my holiday in June I returned to Phuket just to see her. As soon as I walked into the bar she ran to me, threw her arms around me and stuck her tongue down my throat, I was a drowning man.

I returned to Thailand to see her a couple of times during the year, each time spending a couple of days in Bangkok playing with NEP girls to try to prove to myself I wasn’t falling for Lek.. During the 3rd trip back I wanted to take a trip down Hat Yai way to visit old friends and also see if this lass would go with me. I paid her up for our time together then told her I really wanted her to comes away with me for a few days, but couldn't afford to pay her as I had lost my brief case and my money in a Bangkok taxi (actually it was pretty much the truth). Once she realised I was serious about taking her with me, she slept on it and in the morning said ok. She had told me before that she doesn’t like travelling but I hadn't realised how much she was putting herself out to do this; yes travel sickness, she threw up in the minibus, the plane, and the taxi at the other end. But we then had 4 days of bliss, with the high point being just hanging out in the hotel, shagging, and talking. She seems to enjoy being able to wander around naked, not self conscious at all and she wears her nudity with a certain air of innocence if that makes sense. She also proved to be a good talker, open to discuss anything, when and where we lost our virginity, hopes and dreams for the future, her life in the bar, always answering my questions, “You always answer my questions, but they don’t always answer my prayers” – Carly Simon. It was not the usual BG patter, she told me her life in the bar is okay, not something to do for a long time, but not so bad to make stake money to set herself up. All too soon it was back to Phuket for one last night. I remember making love in the afternoon then talking ourselves into an afternoon siesta. At one stage I got up for a drink of water, looked back at this exquisite creature curled up asleep and had the most profound feeling of contentment; life was good, but I was a drowning man going under for the 2nd time. Later that night I asked her if she would like to come live with me. Her answer was that she liked me very much and would come to visit me if I liked, but felt at 20 years she was too young for a serious boyfriend. The next morning I made ready to leave, there was no request for money, no “I love you, no shit”, no tears, just a request to come back and see her soon and a passionate kiss IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET before I got into the taxi.

I did come back and see her, but couldn't make it until 6 months later. She had changed somewhat in that time, slightly more BG-ish, with her image now important to her. There was the cosmetic surgery / dental work and she had started smoking ( despite describing it as a dirty habit last time I had seen her ). I wondered what the hell I had come back to. There was tension between us, we felt awkward with each other. Then she gave her cigarettes to a friend and told me “sorry, no more smoking”. I made a determined effort to chill out, and before we knew it, things were back to how it had been 6 months before. Since I had last seen her I had asked her a few times if she would like to come to my country on holiday for 2 or 3 weeks. So later I asked if she seriously wanted to go, and whether I had to pay her. Yes she wanted to go and no I didn’t have to pay her or a bar fine. So it was off to Bangkok to get the visa which was more difficult than I expected, but after a week and much paperwork it came through. I remember when she rang to get the verdict. She wandered out of the room to call and after a minute or two I heard this little shriek. She came back into room and tried to tell me her visa was not approved, except that she was grinning from ear to ear.

So it was off to my home for a couple of weeks which was excellent and we got to know each other better. She told me her dreams of buying land back in Nongkhai and building a house and had already saved 50,000 Baht. She described how she has few real friends in Phuket, a few expat guys she considers good friends but not many of the other girls. Her plans are to work another year or two in the bar, then try to find a husband. Her theory being that if she can get married at 22 or 23, then if the first marriage doesn’t work, she is still young enough to attract a good husband (have you heard that one before?). She is quite independent and I think one of the main attractions of bar work for her is the amount of control money gives her over her own destiny, well in comparison to what she probably had in the north as eldest daughter of a poor family.

Well all wonderful things come to an end and eventually it was the morning I had to put her back on the plane to Thailand. Again I asked her about coming to live with me on a more permanent basis. She was quite for a time and then asked, “If I say yes, what happens, what do we do?”. Doh! I hadn't thought much beyond the asking of the question and with the possibility of my employment taking me to either of 2 Pacific locations for an undetermined period of time, I had no concrete answers to give her. So that kind of fizzed out and we just agreed to talk about it more when she came back in a few months. At the airport we couldn't let go of each other, and when her flight was called she buried her head in my shoulder and shed a few tears. Then she was gone, and I left the terminal building, alone for the first time in a month. I went home, and noticed all the things where she had left them. My mum's jersey she had borrowed and which still had the scent of my darling. I needed to wash that and return it to my mum, maybe tomorrow, or the next day or……it hit me she was gone, and I felt nauseous. The drowning man was going under for the 3rd time.

I called her the next day. She had had a good flight and was feeling okay. We talked for ages and as we were saying goodbye she told me she loved me, the first time she had used the “L” word in the 14 months I had known her. Since then I have called her every week, but I feel her slipping away from me, back into the maelstrom of the BG world. Last week I asked if she wanted me to fly her down to my home for Christmas. She told me she could not, and when I pushed her, told me that she had brought some land in Nongkhai for her family for 250,000 baht, but has only paid 100,000 B so far. There is another payment due after Christmas so she said she would need to work hard for the next couple of months to make the payment. She asked me to wait until after Christmas and she has made her land payment, then she can come down for a holiday (and I guess she will need one by then).

So after all that, your web site has given me a lot to think about. It would definitely not be my first choice to have a BG as a girlfriend, I have a real problem accepting what she does and a nagging doubt regarding how far you can trust a BG. On the other hand, when we are together I feel more comfortable and close to her than any women I have met in the last 7 years. I think she has been reasonably honest with me, but after reading your site I am no longer so sure. Maybe she is working me for the big pay out down the track, I don’t know. Apart from when we first met, she has never asked me for money, except for 2,000 Baht for a new pair of boots to wear away on holiday. I do take care of all expenses when were together and usually give her a couple thousand Baht a week spending money, but I don’t feel that is excessive and she doesn’t ask for it. One night we went to see a friend of hers that works in NEP, and I suggested we bar fine her friend and all go out together. She said yes of course and insisted on paying the barfine herself. Ok it was spending money I had given her and maybe she was trying to gain face or something.

Stickman says:

It's important to note that this was NOT originally written as a reader's submission, but was just simply an email sent to me by a reader of the site. I liked it and requested that I use it in the reader's submission, to which the author kindly gave permission. This article is a very good example of the average bargirl. It shows that money is the reason that they enter the profession, though one could argue that the girl here is a little more organised and calculating, than most.