Stickman's Weekly Column › September 1st, 2024

The Eternal Conundrum

Many of the people I caught up with in Bangkok asked me the same question. By the second half of the trip, I was waiting for whichever friend I was catching up with to put the question to me. They wanted to know not if – but when – I would moving back to Thailand. Is relocation to Thailand on the radar?

When considering whether to move to Thailand, what most people seem to do is make a list of comparisons between Thailand and home, the relative advantages and disadvantages of each, and see which comes out on top.

Thailand is cheaper, and it’s warmer. And, of course, Thailand has far more attractive ladies. That’s about the extent of the decision making process of some who then go on to move to Thailand!

Each of these comparisons may be entirely true, while at the same time it’s rather more nuanced. For me, the weather, the cost of living and the attractiveness of the ladies don’t come in to the decision of whether I’d move back to Thailand. Let’s put these silly comparisons aside, and look at the stuff that really matters.

The first consideration is financial. If I were to move to Thailand, how would I finance it?

I have zero interest in working there, so moving to Thailand would essentially mean early retirement. And I’m too young to retire so already we face a problem.

I don’t have enough money to just move to Thailand and stay there indefinitely. I’d have to sell my house in New Zealand and I don’t really want to do that because once you get off the property ladder, it can be hard to get back on again. There’s a decent chunk of equity tied up in the house – but would it be enough to see out my days in Thailand? Maybe, but given that I lead a healthy lifestyle and my doctor joked at my last checkup that if I keep things up I could live to 100, I think the money would run out before I expire. With a few tweaks I am sure that financially it’s doable.

The next question is how I would spend my days in Thailand. That’s 16 – 17 hours to fill in a day, every day, for the rest of my life. I’m scratching my head already!

Could I not write this column if I was living in Thailand? No, that’s not an option. If at some point in the future I do move back to Thailand, I’d say goodbye to the bar industry once and for all. And that would mean my involvement with this column. I had my time as an expat visiting the bars regularly. That’s not a trap I want to get stuck in again.

So how do those who choose not to work spend their days? Many, it seems, spend inordinate amounts of time online. Again, this has zero appeal. I don’t want to spend much time at all on social media. YouTube is fine in moderation. Monitoring the news online, sure, for 30 minutes per day. ASEANNow? No, thanks! Spending large chunks of time online each day is not how I want to live my life.

As much as I like Thailand and as much as there is to do, honestly, I don’t know what I’d do. Sure, there are a gazillion eateries to try but sooner or later, you’re going to face health problems. Eating out 2 or 3 times per week is enough. I could help the Mrs. with her business more than I already do but she doesn’t actually need my help.

I could meet up with friends but do I really want to be meeting up with people every day? Meeting up with friends a couple of times per week is nice, but even meeting up with people every other day is a bit much.

Honestly, I really don’t know how I’d fill in my days in Thailand. Many friends who are retired in Thailand do the same things day after day, week after week, year after year. Routines are good and well and they may well be happy with that lifestyle, but I wouldn’t be.

And where would I live? Back in a condo in my old neighbourhood, Sukhumvit soi 16? No, thanks, the days of living in a condo are behind me. I have become used to living in a house with a large lawn. I need space and I need an outdoor area with grass where I can relax, plant some herbs, and where the cats can run around.

So I’d be looking at a house – and in Bangkok that means the suburbs. That’s fine, I’d actually prefer the suburbs. A house in suburban Bangkok is affordable, whether you rent or buy. But as a foreign national I can’t buy land in Thailand and even if I could, I wouldn’t. So I’d be back to renting, something I haven’t done for many years and something I’d rather not do again. I much prefer the certainty of home ownership. So the Mrs. would have to buy a house. Ok, that is doable.

What about the cats? Would I bring them to Thailand?

Wherever I go, the cats go – but they would hate Thailand. They don’t like the hottest time of year in this part of the world so I imagine they’d hate Thailand. For cats used to a pleasant climate which is seldom too hot or too cold, Thailand would be hell.

And while Thailand makes it easy to take cats from elsewhere in to the country, if I had second thoughts I could not take them back to New Zealand (which doesn’t allow entry to animals from Thailand). So imagine things don’t work out, I leave Thailand and I have to leave the cats behind. That’s unthinkable.

But let’s not dismiss some of the many advantages of living in Thailand when compared to Farangland.

The cost of living for me would be lower, although this is something I see as a bonus and is not a major consideration.

There are many countries on Thailand’s doorstep. I’d love to be able to go to Hanoi or Vientiane or Singapore for a weekend away on the spur of the moment. And Thailand is a whole lot closer to Europe which I am keen to visit again.

Thailand is not without its disadvantages.

The lack of security and certainty can fester away in the back of your mind. There is always a chance something could happen. Visa laws change. You could make a mistake and find yourself shown the door – foreigners found guilty of any crime in Thailand are supposed to be deported (although it doesn’t always happen).

Who knows what the future holds for foreigners living in Thailand. As governments all around the world look to raise revenue, is it out of the question that your annual visa might, at some point, come with new fees attached? Is it really that far-fetched to think that something like an “infrastructure contribution” could be added to your visa fees? 50,000 baht per year as a contribution for using the country’s infrastructure wouldn’t be a deal-breaker but…. Nothing can be ruled out.

One thing that really puts me off living in Thailand again is the constant drama. Many Thais live drama-filled lives. Money worries, work pressures, health issues, personal / family / relationship disputes – it seems like there’s always something going on in many people’s lives. It can be stressful just being around people whose lives are complicated. I find New Zealand to be largely free of the dramas that plague many people’s lives in Thailand.

I also need to consider that I lived in Thailand for a long time before deciding I’d be better off back home. If I was to move back to Thailand, who’s to say I wouldn’t experience that same feeling again? The circumstances would be somewhat different – but I can’t say for sure that it wouldn’t happen. When I visit, I am soon reminded of some of the things that used to really annoy me!

When I consider my life in New Zealand, and imagine how my life could be in Thailand, I am sure I could be equally happy in either place. Each has its relative advantages and disadvantages. What I don’t have at this point in time is a compelling reason to move to Thailand. Moving from one side of the world to the other is a massive change and while I’d be happy living in Thailand, I can’t say with any confidence that I’d be happier than I am right now in New Zealand.

27 years ago I was a young man seeking adventure. Today, I am a middle-aged man for whom a peaceful and relatively stress-free life appeals. Of course I’d love to live in Thailand again, but when I engage my rational mind, moving back is hard to rationalise. Yes, I’d be happy there but there are just too many “buts” to actually think about moving at this point in time.

Of course the decision isn’t entirely mine. The other half vacillates between preferring the New Zealand lifestyle to being keen on moving back to Thailand.

Everyone asked me when I would be moving back to Thailand, as if it was a foregone conclusion. It’s something never far from my mind, but at this stage it’s something I just can’t rationalise. It remains the eternal conundrum.

Mystery Photo

Where is it?

Last week’s photo was taken of taken outside Exchange Tower, on the corner of Sukhumvit and Rachadapisek roads. This week’s is somewhat trickier than usual and was included specifically for those of you who said recent mystery photos have been too easy.

Stick’s Inbox – The Best Emails From The Past Week

Walking Street reality check.

I see many correspondents claiming that Walking Street is dead / taken over by Indians. I don’t believe this is true. Sure, if you walk halfway up (past Baccara), you will see more Indians but I don’t think many mongers get that far up. I was last there in March and one of the busiest places in Pattaya was the Pattaya Beer Garden where I would say 90% of customers were white males. Further along Walking Street, in the many gogos, there is still a large farang presence. I will admit the halcyon days are gone when gogo bars like Private Dancer, Babydolls and Up To You were all packed with Westerners. Up To You was probably my favourite but over the years the price of drinks and lady drinks has increased to the point of taking the piss. The bars shot themselves in the foot. It’s no wonder many mongers have relocated to the various gentleman’s clubs.

No fast track, no good!

I couldn’t believe it when I saw the news that fast track for arrivals is no more. I had to check that the date was not April 1^st! As a business class passenger, it is a perk I have paid handsomely for. I have just booked my latest flight to Bangkok in October with Emirates, at a cost of £3,800. Before Covid, I paid around £2,000. I like to fly on the A380 which means I travel with hundreds of other people. If other jumbo jets arrive at the same time, expect long queues at Immigration. Given that business class passengers have more disposable income, I would have thought Thailand would do everything to appeal to first class / business class passengers.

The land of phone addicts.

On phones, our driver coming back from Mahasarakam this week was doing 140 km/h on the motorway, and was not only scrolling on the phone but texting. I guess he must have had the right amulet. This is the land of phone addicts. My Mrs is one of the worst. She hardly ever puts it down and she snaps every meal.

Bangkok rubbish trucks explained.

Being a night owl means I see the behind the scenes action. For example, your rubbish truck photos. I see their schedule. I know what time they’ll be on particular sois (local to me). And I know there are several locations where they park up and do exactly what you surmised. If you look at your photos, you’ll see many black bags and paper sacks. Those are filled with aluminium cans and plastic water bottles. There’s a blue bucket suspended from the side. That’s for food waste and is used for animal feed. They have a compartment for paper and cardboard, and they asked us to flatten boxes for them to make it easier and quicker. The only negative is that there used to be an old lady and her son riding a saamlor. They kept a few minutes ahead of the rubbish collectors and grabbed the best stuff first. She’s disappeared and I wonder if she got warned off.

This Week’s News, Views & Gossip

Before I left Bangkok this week I made a final round of the bars. Despite it being the middle of the low season, it felt to me like the bar industry was humming along nicely. Nana Plaza stands out as the busiest bar area, and as I have noted in previous columns, even on Sunday and Monday nights (usually the quietest nights of the week), there’s a real atmosphere inside the plaza. Cowboy seems steady most nights and even the much-maligned Patpong had more people about than I expected.

While some try to tell me that the bar industry is in decline, in terms of the number of people about that is absolutely not what I saw with my own eyes. The feeling I have is that many bars are busier now than they typically were at this time of year – the middle of the low season. With that said, I’d say that overall there are fewer ladies working in the bars now than there were in the past. But not everyone agrees with me and some insist the bar industry is in decline. I think those saying the industry is in decline do so because they see prices increasing, and remember when prices were lower. They aren’t willing or able to spend 2024 asking prices and declare that things aren’t what they were. The thing is that plenty of customers are happily paying these prices. The bar industry is alive and well and is absolutely not going to disappear any time soon, as some have foolishly speculated.

To be really clear, I am not saying things are better (or worse) now than they used to be. I am simply saying that the industry is rocking on. Come high season, I imagine it will be bedlam – which is how many described the last high season. A couple of bar owners I spent time with this past trip – guys I have known for a long time – tell me they’re making more money now than they ever have. I’d absolutely believe it.

The date is set, the gifts are ordered and the countdown is on to the biggest gogo bar party of the year: the Billboard 9-year anniversary party. Set for Saturday, September 28, this is the gogo party no-one wants to miss! This year, the girls have been given the freedom to dress up however they like, so expect some over-the-top glamour. There will be free Billboard drink tumblers for the first 100 punters and a free pizza buffet for everyone. Doors open at 8:00 PM and, every year, there is a long line to get in so expect the bar to be full by 9:30 PM, if not earlier. You can beat the crowd by pre-booking a VIP table with the pre-purchase of two bottles of spirits, Champagne or wine via the Billboard VIP Club on Line at https://lin.ee/zyQjwES.

Tycoon A Gogo in Nana Plaza long has had an alternating 99-baht beer special, with either Tiger or Leo on special. But now Tycoon has expanded its happy hour to include Tiger, Leo, Singha and Chang – your choice – for 99 baht, every night from 8 – 10 PM.

Before the Billboard party, however, comes another epic event spread over three Bangkok bars: Mandarin Club, Red Dragon and Shark Club on Soi Cowboy. This Thursday, September 5, co-owner Frank celebrates his birthday with a Moulin Rouge-themed party. There will be free food, a professional pole dancer performance, a Tiffany Show Pattaya cabaret show and a Moulin Rouge show. Festivities begin early at Nana Plaza and move to Soi Cowboy after 10:00 PM.

One of Soi Cowboy’s most popular bars just lost one of Bangkok’s most popular managers. Dollhouse Dennis has left Dollhouse, leaving the bar without a manager. The owners are unwilling to pay the man who took care of Dollhouse what he is worth, so Dennis – Dollhouse Dennis as he is known – left. Dennis has been a popular figure on Soi Cowboy both with customers and the girls in the bar. He will be missed.

Speaking of Soi Cowboy, being a creature of habit I stopped by Long Gun for old times’ sake as much as anything. For many years, Long Gun was the best bar on Soi Cowboy but then Tilac and Baccara knocked it off its perch and it has sort of floundered along since. Even before Covid came along, Long Gun had become what could charitably be described as an acquired taste. To me, it felt like a decades-old Patpong soi 1 gogo bar that had become tired and was living on past glories. So I was amazed when a friend told me that Long Gun has been packed to the rafters some days this past month. What’s that all about? Apparently, the crowd is made up almost entirely of tourists, about 40% of whom are female. Long Gun must have appeared on some “must-see list” somewhere online. But what is the must-see attraction of Long Gun? Oh, that’s right, it’s one of a few bars that still has shows involving whistles, ping pong balls and darts. So if you drop by Long Gun and notice it’s busy, that’s why. Just don’t expect to see many expats there.

Over in Patpong, the boxing show at Pink Panther is popular with tourists and some expats seem to enjoy it too. But what would be an even bigger draw? How about Foxy Boxing? Put some gloves on the girls, get them in cut-off T-shirts and skimpy shorts – and let them go a round or two. That would draw out the locals as well and, based on the feedback of girls, it would be a hit among the ladies too.

Down in Pattaya, Chick A Gogo is due to open later this month on Walking Street, between Opium and XS. Chick A Gogo is the latest venture from the group which runs Pin Up, XS and Opium – 3 very popular bars – so expect big things!

Interestingly, while some Pattaya locals effused about Opium when I was in town, it is not doing anywhere near the sort of trade as XS or Pin Up, the group’s flagship bar. Opium has a following amongst white guys while XS and Pin Up are particularly popular with East Asians.

Where are they going to find 100 odd girls to fill Chick A Gogo? XS, Pin Up and Opium each have a heap of really attractive girls. How does a brand-new bar find dozens and dozens of attractive new ladies? What some bar groups do is shuffle girls around bars in the group which works perfectly well with visitors but not with locals. As one former Pattaya bar owner who is no longer with us once said to me, “The most exciting thing about a new bar opening on the strip is seeing who is working there and what bars they stole those girls from!”

A massive transformer explosion on Pattaya’s Pratamnak Soi 4 took out “most of the street” last week, destroying virtually every electrical appliance at the popular Catflaps gents club. Power was out for the entire neighbourhood and the GentsClubs.com group was left with an expensive, emergency repair job. Amazingly, the air-conditioning units, speakers, refrigerators and electric gate motors were either repaired or replaced within a day. GentsClubs said everything is back to as it was or, in some cases, better. Question is: Can those affected by the explosion seek compensation from the Provincial Electricity Authority? In Thailand, I really don’t know.

Pattaya’s cheapest beer – 39 baht a bottle – is no more after Bar 39 in Tree Town closed on Saturday after its lease expired. Operated by the GentsClubs.com group, Bar 39 sat outside the Escape nightclub, which closed earlier this year. All the staff will move to Maggie May Jomtien. There is no word whether the group will bring back the ultra-cheap brews.

I heard a funny line from an old lady when I was wandering along Walking Street a couple of weeks ago. She must’ve been over 60 years old, was heavily weathered by the sun and was so haggard and tired-looking she might’ve had 30 kids. She looked at me and confidently said, “I’m a supermodel!”

One of the curiosities of the gogo bar industry in Pattaya are bars like Windmill and Kink which are, for want of a better term, hands on. Pattaya has a rich history of such bars and perhaps Babydolls was the most popular bar of that ilk. Bangkok doesn’t have any bars like this which makes me wonder – how would a bar in the format of Windmill or Kink go in Bangkok? I personally don’t like this style of bar at all – but obviously many people do because these bars have all done very well. Would they work in Bangkok? You tell me!

Speaking of Kink, many of the ladies working there used to work at Babydolls 10 years ago.

Still in Pattaya, I really enjoyed the food in the Robin Hood Tavern which I thought was better than any of the British pubs I’ve tried in Bangkok in quite some time. Quality-wise, it reminded me of The Londoner in its heyday, on Sukhumvit soi 33.

The price for a drink for a lady on Phuket’s main drag, Soi Bangla, is an almost universal 250 baht – which I feel is rather steep. The lady gets 100 baht, or maybe even 120 baht of that, right? Wrong! Ladies in various bars insist that they get only 70 baht of every lady drink bought for them.

In the Emails To Stick section of today’s column was an email from a friend shocked at how some ladies are getting teeth removed as it supposedly improves their smile. Ladies are going to greater lengths than ever to enhance their looks. Once upon a time it was boob jobs and nose jobs and, to a lesser extent, the witch’s chin, that were the working girls’ chosen surgical enhancements. These days, more and more like to blow up their lips. Lip jobs (is that what they’re called? – it has a certain connotation!) are becoming increasingly popular whereby the lady’s lips are injected with something (Botox?) to make them look much larger. Personally, I don’t think this works well on small-framed Thai girls. Actually, I don’t think any of these so-called enhancements work. All Thai ladies need is to look natural and retain their femininity and they’ll have men knocking at their door.

A pair of legendary bar designers have hit gold again with this week’s opening of the Daeng Daeng Room, a red-themed cocktail lounge on the second floor at Smalls in Sathorn. Smalls was founded and designed by Q Bar creators David Jacobson and Bruno Tanquerel, an artist in his own right who kicked off a new exhibit in Bangkok last month. The Daeng Daeng Room continues the tradition of the exquisitely designed Q Bar and Smalls with a cosy, intimate space aimed at sipping wine and premium cocktails. The lounge opened Thursday with a free-flow wine & cocktail party and is open Wednesday through to Monday. Smalls features jazz and other live music Wednesday through Saturday. See their event schedule on Facebook.

I am not a fan of big hotels and prefer to stay in smaller properties and my preference is always for a boutique hotel. But one of my frustrations in Thailand is hotels calling themselves boutique when in fact they’re just a plain old vanilla sort of place. One genuine boutique hotel on Sukhumvit Road is MaDuZi, at the top of Sukhumvit soi 16. While the name might sound Japanese, it’s actually a transliteration from the Thai มาดูสิ which means “Come take a look”. MaDuZi has been open since 2008 in a building that was once a showroom for Mitsubishi cars, and was later converted into a boutique hotel, hence some of the rooms have a funky lay-out. This hotel is a real oasis in the middle of Bangkok – the rooms are large and despite the downtown location, it actually feels very private. And at around $US 100 equivalent for a standard room (rates vary throughout the year), it’s a bargain for what you get. This Sukhumvit gem will be taken over and rebranded by Tui next month. And then in 3 years’ time it will be bowled to make way for a new tower, planned to be a 180-room hotel. That’s no surprise as the economics of the current format have always been a bit of a head-scratcher. A 40-room hotel on prime land that must be worth a fortune really can hardly be paying its way. If you’re stuck for somewhere to stay and are looking for somewhere a little different, MaDuZi is worth checking out.

I picked up a Thai SIM card and used that for the 3 weeks I was in town. From day #2, I started getting phone calls from unknown numbers. I didn’t answer any of them, as is my policy with unknown numbers. Could it be that the phone number I had was previously used by someone with a lot of friends? That’s possible, but there is a more likely explanation. The missed calls were probably from scam call centres. Telephone scamming is out of control in Thailand and while the authorities have been cracking down on this nonsense, there’s still a lot of this happening. In 22 days, I had missed calls from 9 different numbers.

Thailand-Related News Articles

A New Zealander thought to be on drugs leaps to his death from a Pattaya hotel room.

And again, after a night of drinking a Korean falls to his death from the 10th floor of a Pattaya hotel.

A Kuwaiti tourist is seen performing an obscene act on a balcony in Pattaya.

The Spanish chef who murdered and dismembered his gay lover in Thailand gets a life prison sentence.

Six people are dead and dozens are seriously ill in Bangkok after consuming dodgy alcohol.

Barry Kenyon looks at the Soi Buakhao neighbourhood of Pattaya which he dubs “Little Britain”.

A British former policeman drowns on an organised pub crawl in Ko Samui.

Kratom, a legal opioid ‘potion’ is proving a hit with backpackers in Thailand.

Closing Comments

If you live in Thailand or are considering moving there, how much of the appeal of Thailand is the low cost of living? I ask this question on the back of today’s opener where I discussed the idea of moving back to Thailand.

Many of my retired friends tell me over and over again how cheap it is living in Thailand compared to their homeland. One friend told me how his annual condo fees are just a small fraction of the property taxes he used to pay back home. Another compared his monthly electricity bills to those he used to get back home. Others talk about tasty meals for less than 100 baht. This was a constant theme from perhaps half my retired friends – Thailand is so much cheaper than home.

We New Zealanders rival the Scots for being tight with our money. And for a long time I was very tight. But things changed when I reached my 40s and I became more concerned about living the life I really wanted to live. I became less concerned with price. I’d buy the top-spec car over the more basic model. I’d buy sausages from a butchery as opposed to the supermarket’s mass-produced sausages at half the price. I’d buy better quality brand-name clothes. I’d buy the very best camera lenses. As the years crept by, the idea of doing what I really wanted to do with much less consideration of the price has become important to me.

In Thailand this past trip, I observed how many foreign retirees appear to make purchase decisions almost entirely based on price. One friend just about bit my head off when I suggested Bourbon Street for lunch. It’s f%^&ing expensive, he said. Really? I always thought it was inexpensive and good value for money. Another suggested we take the bus. Seriously, take the bus?! Fine, if that’s what you want to do for the experience, but that was not the reason. The bus is cheap.

Now don’t get me wrong, at any price point value for money should always be a consideration. But I can’t shake the idea that rather a lot of foreign retirees chose Thailand primarily because it was cheap. I get the feeling that deep down, some don’t actually like Thailand all that much. They chose it because it was cheap. More than a few would rather be back in Los Angeles or Manchester or Munich….but they may not be able to afford it. When people rave about Thailand as a place to retire because it’s cheap, it makes me feel a little uneasy.

Value for money is always something to consider, but should it be the primary consideration when choosing a place to retire? I don’t think so. Something being cheap doesn’t make you happy, it’s merely a bonus. I am of the opinion that the main reason plenty of foreign retirees in Thailand come across as grumpy and miserable is because they moved to retire in a place they could afford to live, but have come to realise that it’s not actually the place they want to be.

What do you make of this? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Your Bangkok commentator,

Stick

Stick can be contacted at : stickmanbangkok@gmail.com

The Eternal Conundrum

Mystery Photo

Stick’s Inbox – The Best Emails From The Past Week

More Readers’ Emails

This Week’s News, Views & Gossip

Thailand-Related News Articles

Closing Comments

Sukhumvit, One Morning

Thailand Tourism Today, Tomorrow