The Late Column

FROM STICKMAN'S BAG OF EMAIL:

Saying you don't understand works a treat!

About Thais and manners.

Inflation.

Supporting the boys in brown.

It takes a while before you see their true colours.

Don't be a bad guy!

Would a dull place be so bad?

Carnival in Nana Plaza was raided by the police this past week in what had to be the least unexpected raid on a naughty bar ever. Despite the fact that the coppers have been keeping an eye on things and insisting that no flesh is shown in the naughty bars, Carnival had hit the rewind button and gone back about three years to a time when all sorts of shows were the norm. The police entered the bar though just what they saw when they came in, who knows? Will it be business as usual for Carnival or will they get slammed with a closure order?

And after entering Carnival, the boys in blue went across to the other side and entered Hollywood Carousel. All the staff had to produce their registration forms for the police to inspect, but everything was in order so no problems there.

The team at Tony's Bar in Soi Cowboy have introduced a new happy hour. All standard drinks are 60 baht until 9 PM. It's not quite 7 Eleven prices but it's a step in the right direction.

We don't get a lot of bar news from Chiang Mai, and when we do, it is usually bad, reinforcing the idea that for those searching for a holiday companion, the northern capital is perhaps not the best place. Naughty bars catering to Western tourists are being closed at 12 midnight sharp and this is strictly enforced. The gogos can stay open until 1 AM but then Chiang Mai only has a few. The people behind all of this, the friendly boys in brown, also insist on accurate records being kept by all of the bars. Records of just what I wonder, but it must making running a business quite a headache. At least one owner has a stack of Xerox copies, marking off little strokes in various categories each time something happens, a drink is bought, a barfine paid etc. Asked what she was doing by a customer she replied "Records for month". It is also my understanding that girls walking the streets are being hassled and arrested too. Given that Chiang Mai is one of the main centres for tourism in Thailand, perhaps they want to keep this sort of thing contained in the traditional naughty places.

Earlier this week when Freelancer bar in Pattaya were hosting a party, the bar lost half of its electricity. FLB management thought it was just them as the sparky was in during the day sorting out some wiring issues but it seemed it involved a few bars on the beach side of Walking Street as they are on 3 phase power. Seems FLB bar has 1 and 2 phase running concurrently so when the one phase got knocked out the other phase kept on ticking over. About 40 minutes later a crew from the electricity supplier fixed the problem by replacing something on one of those big power poles and Walking Street was all back to normal again.

Pattaya Pete, the owner of Freelancer Bar in Walking Street, has a new prediction (remember the last one about the closing times fiasco – he got it spot on). Anyway, his new one is that the Thai parliament will introduce an exclusive zone to Pattaya for 4 AM closing but it won't be this year as it takes time to put things through parliament. And after Pattaya gets 4 AM as a test case, Chiang Mai, Phuket, and Koh Samui will each get the same treatment as tourist entertainment zones. Let's wait and see.

And just what is going on at the bus terminal in Pattaya? A week or so ago, passengers arriving in the seaside city of sin were met by a number of Thai police dressed in ‘DEA’ jackets. They then started to search the bags of all the farangs arriving at the bus station, while Thai people just walked freely by! There is something about the Police here that makes me very nervous, even though I abide by the law. I wonder why they were only targeting farangs? This sort of thing gives me the creeps….I guess it was some sort of precautionary measure due to all of the American military personnel down there….makes you wonder though, doesn't it.

And still in Pattaya, there's some nasty shit going on down in Soi Pattayaland 2. Earlier in the week in broad daylight the farang owner of Misty's Gogo bar was attacked by a couple of Thai lads equipped with big long iron pipes. The poor owner got quite a seeing to and the incident received a splash in the Thai press with Thai Rath printing their version of events which included a really nasty picture of the bar owner's face showing an horrific eye injury which will require ongoing medical attention. But what was the cause of this fracas? Well, my email to the bars went unanswered so what follows is a lot of speculation. Certainly, the management of Misty's have not been shy in saying what they think about other gogo bars in the soi and even certain members of the provincial government. Yep, to say that the Misty's management have an enemy or two is somewhat an understatement – and being a farang with enemies in Thailand is not good at all. Well, the best money is on it that one of these enemies got a bit pissed off with everything and had a go at the farang owner. Despite the fact that a number of onlookers saw it, only his wife came to his rescue, but then again in Thailand one does want to avoid getting involved in things that do not concern oneself. I was surprised to hear about all of this because the fellow involved is someone I was led to believe was one of the smarter bar owners. Perhaps it is that ugly situation of the local Thais jealous at his success? There is a definite undercurrent on Pattayaland 2 at present. The said farang bar owner was seen in Bangkok a couple of days ago with what appeared to be an entourage….of bodyguards.

Quote of the week comes from prolific writer, Dana. "I am more and more convinced that the vast majority of so-called 'sex tourists' in the Kingdom are not sexual adventurers at all; but sad guys still looking for attention from the girl next door, the girl next door at home who didn't pay attention to them when they were in high school".

And another good one from Professor Jon discussing the phenomenon of wedding former bargirls. "If you just want a glass of milk, why purchase the entire cow – and from thereafter be forced to support her entire herd?"

If you have walked past or been inside the JW Marriot in Sukhumvit Soi 2 recently you'll have noticed that they have a HEAVILY armed guy out front on Sukhumvit, and another in Soi 2 in front of the hotel's main entrance. By heavily, we're talking pistols and a sub-machine gun strapped across the chest – with his finger on the trigger! I guess it all goes back to the bombing of a hotel from the same chain in Indonesia a while back. So what do these mean looking armed security guys do when it rains? They're in the lobby chatting and snacking of course! And what did they say when asked why security effectively closes down when it rains? "Osama group, people him no like rain". So now you know. Perfectly safe when it's raining and Osama puts everything on hold.

After McDonalds dropped the price of their Big Mac recently, I notice that Burger King's prices have soared….hmmm, wonders never cease. Au Bon Pain and Subway will be rubbing their hands together because suddenly their products look a lot more attractive, at least in terms of price…still, I get the feeling that unlike in the West, people who eat this type of food in Bangkok are much less price sensitive. I mean, whether it is 100 baht or 125 baht, the difference is 4 times or 5 times the price of a cheap Thai meal, isn't it and thus if they wanted to save money, they wouldn't be eating farang food in the first place..

The Thai embassy in Hong Kong is handing out a small notice with all visas issued, stating that one should not use the services of visa agents to get a new visa and that such services may not be legal. It just goes to show how aware the Thai government and its various departments have become of dodgy visas.

Chatting with a Thai soldier in Korat, he told me how many of his colleagues were seizing the opportunity to be entrepreneurial and make a bit of extra money while the American military is in town. They have been providing a transport service for many of the soldiers who want to go from the military camp where they are staying into town at night. The Americans are picked up early evening and taken to all of the hot spots, read pubs and massage parlours. They are ferried around town and when all the bars close at 2 AM they are returned to base. The charge per person? A cool 500 baht. The Thai soldiers love this time of year as they can make a nice little earning from it. At 2,000 baht per carload for one night's work, that is very good money in provincial Thailand.

In Thailand they call is moo satay. We know it simply as satay. It comes from Malaysia and it is the grilled strips of meat served with a peanut sauce. What I don't get is that in most of Thailand we can only get moo satay, the pork variety. What about chicken and beef, as is the norm in Malaysia – and so much better than the fatty pork crap they sell in Thailand?

So you have made the big move and put a ring on teeruk's finger. She happens to be a lady from the countryside from a modest background and her family still farm the land. You're a fair bit older than her and she is concerned about how her future will be when your time comes to meet your creator. She asks you to open a life insurance policy that will see her right in the event of your death. What do you do? Do you take out a policy or don't you? For guys who find themselves in this situation, I'd be interested to know if you actually went through with it. It is after all quite an incentive for her to get rid of you! If she really is motivated by money then a big pay day could just be around the corner… Do you have any concerns about naming your Thai darling as a beneficiary on your life insurance policy?

Mrs. Stick's Corner

Each week, Mrs. Stick answers your questions about Thai / farang relationships and general issues that baffle the average Westerner in Thailand. Mrs. Stick likes to think of herself as an open-minded Thai lady so go ahead, ask anything because you won't shock her. Please send questions for her, via me, at the usual email address. Two questions will be chosen each week and answered in the following week's column. The responses are hers and NOT mine although I may attempt to correct her English from time to time. Please note that I may not necessarily agree with what
she says. Unfortunately, she doesn't have time to reply to your inquiries via email. Questions for her should be limited to 100 words. Mr. Stick may answer the odd question in place of Mrs. Stick of he thinks he can do a
better job.

Question 1: Do Thai students learn mental arithmetic as school? Every purchase in every shop appears to have to be checked on a calculator. Last week I made a 999 baht purchase in Boots and offered a 1,000 baht note. The change was checked twice on a calculator and once on the till before I was handed my 1 baht.

Mrs. Stick says:

Question 2: Unfortunately very little about Thailand is shown on the media here in England, occasionally the travel shows rightly claim it to be one of the best holiday destinations in the world, but mainly the media focus on the negative aspects, drugs, prostitution, nightlife etc and tend to give Thai women a bad press. For example the most popular TV programme (soap opera drama) called "Coronation Street" currently features a story line where an elderly, lonely man meets a Thai lady on the net, pays her fare to england, falls in love immediately and proposes. She tells him her father is very sick and must go home to look after him. The man then gives her £5,000 for hospital treatment for father. Of course it's all a scam and the Thai lady lives a few miles away and works on a market stall never having ever been to Thailand. In my view it is a terrible piece of stereotyping and offensive. What are your views on the way Thai ladies are stereotyped like this and also how is my country (England) and our men portrayed in Thailand.

Mrs. Stick says: I

Question 3: I purchase a lot of wine from various locations. Instead of being left in peace to make my selection, I will be offered various bottles which I am not interested in and told they are delicious. In every case the assistant will say that they have tried the wine, when in fact they are usually unable to even explain whether it is a red or a white. It is very difficult not to appear rude in such circumstances of make the assistant lose face by exposing their ignorance. Are they expected to lie like this by the store owners or are they trying to show they are more sophisticated than they actually are?

Mrs. Stick says: T

Please think of this column as a men's room, a place where blokes talk about bloke's stuff. With this in mind, while I welcome all feedback, positive or negative, please do not call me or any of the contributors up for being politically incorrect. That is quite simply the nature of the beast and no apologies will be made for it.

Your Bangkok commentator,

Stick