Sometimes You Have To Treat Her Like A Child
Some of the best times in my life have been enjoyed in the company of Thai women. I'll never forget a certain Thai lady called Yu who was a waitress in a hotel I stayed at in Phuket back in 1998. We became friends and spent the days exploring the island, whizzing around on a motorbike. Her English was weak and my Thai not much better but we still got by. She was a real darling to me but nothing “happened” and I’m glad it stayed like that. Even though we were just friends, she spoiled me, treated me in a way that no woman had ever done before. If I hadn't been sold on Thai women already, I now was. There were other Thai women, some platonic, some not, who treated me exceptionally well.
But while I have had some magical experiences with Thai woman, I have also had the odd horror story. I've had my fair share of Thai women stamping their feet and throwing a tantrum, something which has never impressed me, and something which gets them shown the door awfully fast, a door which they will never walk back through. I've had items thrown around the apartment and I've even had a couple threaten to kill themselves.
While they can be fantastic girlfriends or wives, going much further for you than the average farang woman ever would, Thai women also have the propensity to go the other way. Have no doubt about it, some Thai woman can, and sometimes do, go a little crazy.
Thai women, and I mean a good number of them, seem to have a complete lack of responsibility and a genuine inability to understand the concept of accountability. Failure to act responsibly mars many Thai women and makes having a relationship with them not just difficult, it can even become something of a nightmare. So many Thai women feel that they can do just about anything they wish, with impunity. Like Western women, they are creatures who act on emotions, but when things go bad, Thai women are capable of taking things a lot further.
For Western men, this becomes a real issue. As followers of the system of logic rather than emotion, we quite simply fail to accept some of the irrational things that Thai women do when the heat comes on. One may find themselves in a relationship with a woman who they had previously thought might even become the new "Mrs Farang", but upon seeing her lose her cool on a grand scale realise that she is little more than a third world princess.
Thai men are not known for their subtlety and they do not accept such irrational behaviour. More than a few Thai men are not at all shy in giving a women a right good slapping. Not necessarily just a closed hand slap either, but sometimes they will give their woman a right thrashing.
Make no mistake. I do not condone, admire nor find it acceptable that someone would give a woman a slap, let alone a thrashing, but sometimes I see why they did it. I have seen Thai women behave so incredibly badly that I have admired the guy's ability to remain cool and refrain from becoming violent.
Hitting a woman is a serious breach of one of the unwritten rules of relationships. The bottom line is that you just don't do it – and if you do, you are immediately in the wrong. Seriously in the wrong. It is one of the rules that men who enter relationships need to accept. But for Thai women, they seem to push things further than most farang women ever would. There are I believe, several unwritten rules in relationships which women should also follow and frankly, many Thai women seem to overlook these. Such things as seemingly innocuous as constant nagging, acting like a spoilt brat and being a bitch are in my opinion a breach of the rules if they continue for a prolonged period of time. When they start throwing a tantrum, destroying things or threatening to kill themselves, then they have well and truly crossed the line.
A good number of Thai women don’t just seem willing to see how their actions effect others and I have said many times that the whole concept of cause and effect is not understood by many Thais, especially Thai women. what appear on the surface to be feminine, adorable looking creatures can push a man to the absolute limits. As callous as it sounds, when I hear some of the stories of Thai women complaining that a man thrashed out at them, I do not always side with the woman. I wonder what led up to that. Admittedly a drunk Thai man coming home and belting his girlfriend / wife is way, way out of line. We have to take responsibly and accountability for our actions, and that is something which a good number of Thai women are simply unable or unprepared to do.
In Thailand it is considered VERY bad form to get angry at a woman and merely raising your voice at a Thai woman in public is seen as a big deal. Thai women often use this to their advantage and hide behind what I consider is yet another antiquated part of Thai culture. They know that guys are not supposed to get angry at them so they will push the guy to the absolute limit, believing that they can say and do whatever they wish with impunity, the guy can do little but accept it. I see this all the time with Thai women, not just in relationships but in the workplace too. It is especially bad in those places where some poor wretch has a Thai female boss.
Fancy having a Thai female as your boss. Goodness only knows how bad you were in a previous life to deserve such a fate. Believe me, the average Thai women desperately needs to learn how to be responsible when dealing with others, not just in relationships but in life in general.
Despite looking a whole let better, the average Thai woman is much less mature than the average farang women and this means that sometimes you have to treat them like a child to get the message through that childlike behaviour is unacceptable. Hitting a woman is totally wrong, but sometimes, you do have to treat them like a child. Worst of all, treating them like a child from time to time actually seems to work.
Where is this pic?
|
Last week's pic
It was Brasart Hin Phanom Wan in Korat. |
This week's pic
|
FROM STICKMAN'S BAG OF EMAIL:
Bar layout.
II, G-spot, Voodoo, Classroom (Schoolroom??) are pretty well the better places for girl watching. If you go to Pattaya Classroom, Mistys, Dollhouse, Electric Blue, Happy-a-go-go, Hooties, Amazon all good spots to girl watch. In the old days
at Clinton Plaza, Rock Hard and Dollhouse were the places to be. On "the pong" there seems to be a dearth of this type establishment with only Pink Panther and the old Limelight of this type. On Soi Cowboy there is Sheba, Midnite
Bar, Long Gun and parts of Tilac Bar like this. I don't understand the reasons for this phenomenon maybe it has something to do with not having bartenders distracting you or blocking the view or being closer to the dancers, but it never
occurred to me before now. To me it seems that this type of bar also have more business than the others. With people that come into Bangkok for some fun I normally gravitate to these place over others, but when I go out on my Friday night
visits to see friends I normally end up in bars of the type that have the bar between the punters and the dancers. Maybe your readers could shed some light on this subject.
Broken-hearted farang….female farang, that is.
years previously and unbeknown to me had kept in touch with her and had on 2 occasions gone back for a holiday with her. She told him she was a wealthy woman in her own right and didn’t want any of his money. She was a divorcee from
an alcoholic husband with a 16 year old daughter. She had done bar work in Hong Kong to keep the child but now did not need to work. Her family own land in Korat area and she was having a house built for herself and my husband to live in.
She has spun him all the hard luck stories about her childhood with the Vietcong and her brother who has a heart condition and not long to live and her father is now ill and cannot farm his land. What a hard life she has had bring up her daughter
alone and now the first man that she meets is married, what can she do? He had transferred all his money to her account to get the money out there and being 54 had got a retirement visa to live there permanently. He has since been in a dilemma
because things had not turned out exactly as he had hoped. He didn’t like the humidity, had no one to have a conversation with as her English is not good, cannot go for walks (which he likes to do) because of the heat and wild dogs.
She had attacked him on two occasions (I was told because of me on both because I was ringing up and writing to him), once breaking his glasses and the second attacking him with a meat cleaver and he spent 2 hours locked in the bathroom. He
also missed me and still says he loves me but is besotted by this person. He came back after 3 months and I hope that we could put it all behind us, but because I worried all the time that he was going to go back as he wouldn't cut off
contact with this woman, he finally went back again. He stayed 7 weeks and came back again. He said he was worried at what I might do to myself and didn’t want it on his conscience. He stayed 7 weeks to the day here and has gone back
again for the third time. I have tried everything to try and make him see what this woman is. I have recommended that he read your website, but he is just completely blinkered. He now tells me that all his money has gone, that this woman has
spent it all on having extensions built onto her house. He wants me to divorce him because he thinks she will persuade him to go 50-50 in divorce proceedings to try and get half of my home and what savings I have left here. I really don’t
know which way to turn, I just want him back – can you recommend anything I can show him or say to him to convince him what these people are like. I think she just wants the European husband to look after her.
Where is my black book?!
useless to anyone but me. It also had 5000 Yen and several digital camera memory
cards. All told between 10 – 15K baht worth of items (a couple months wages for an average Thai from what I gather). All of which I would have gladly traded for the useless, except to me, data contained in the pages of the book. The girls at the check in desk called the airline and told them what flight I took and where I sat. The Airline called back in about an hour and said they had found it. The hotel said they would have their driver pick it up on his morning run to the airport if that was all right by me. I agreed. By the time I got back from golf the next day the front desk had left a message that they had my date book. When I got it back, much to my amazement, everything was still there. Not a hair out of place. The girls at the desk noticed my happy if somewhat confused expression. They assured me that most Thais were very honest and this was not that uncommon. I would have not expected the cash or electronics to still be there back home. Probably even considered myself lucky that someone didn't clean it out and dump it in the nearest rubbish bin.
Another year, another clampdown on Bangkok's nightlife.
who decide such things. Picking on the farangs will usually win plaudits from the locals, while not endangering the political bases, patrons, or sources of money for those in power. The answer? Find a way of 'mattering'. How can
those who enjoy the nightlife act collectively in such a way that local influentials will feel it? Who or what can we boycott, or otherwise economically impact, that will feel the pain, and who has the ear of those who initiate these periodic
campaigns? Sorry. I don't have an answer to the question, but maybe some readers do. It would nice to get out of the position of being a target that local politicians can use to make some cheap points with their bosses and the public.
How good is your Thai, Mr. Expat?
takes the longer, more difficult road in life, working harder, going to school longer, studying more, with the hope and realization that the rewards will be there in the end. It seems that, unfortunately, the farangs that end up in Thailand
are disproportionately the "easy road" types. Why else would so many choose the bar girls over the nice educated good Thai girl except that it is much easier to find a bar girl. But my biggest complaint is against the long term Thailand
residents who have not put in the effort to speak fluent Thai. When one moves to a new country they are basically adopting this country as their home and also expecting this new country to adopt them in return. But when khun farang basically
thumbs his nose at Thailand as says your country isn't good enough for me to learn to speak your language or learn your customs, then why should khun Thai be so happy to have us there. If an immigrant comes to America we are happy to
accept them if they really want to be here. And learning to speak the language is a big way to show that they want to be here. So what if it's not easy. People that never want to work hard to achieve anything are failing the most important
person in their life — themself. Many years ago I asked a tennis pro for advice. He took a piece of paper and wrote down for me these words: "The price of success is high – pay the price". There is a lot of truth in that.
The information about Rock Hard in Patong published in the column last week turned out to be an eradicated rumour, but there WAS an interested buyer. The bar has not changed hands at all…so I guess that means that the next round is not on Larry after all. What is true is that Larry has increased his stake in Midnite Bar which would suggest he is no hurry to get out of the bar industry at all.
Several Pattaya gogo bars have been closed for an 'indefinite period', according to the notice in Thai stuck on the front door which says "closed until further notice". These include Frozen, Big Willie's, Marilyn, and one or two others. No doubt they were caught for the heinous crime of "showing" a bit of beaver and backside to adult men who were not shocked in any way… It seems that for the time being at least, all gogos are forced to insist that their girls have their bras well and truly on. But then earlier this week, bras were off in Soi Pattayaland 2 and I heard about some bar in Soi Pattayaland 1 showing also. Could it be that the crackdown is mostly centred on the bigger operators?
Down in Phuket, some (all?) gogo bars have been forced to pay a 100,000 baht bond to ensure no showing during the lead up to and period of APEC. Caught showing and they forfeit the bond. I wonder who the lucky recipient of 100,000 baht will be? Phuket gogo bars have to have their doors, well actually, the curtain in many cases, open whilst trading, so the police can look inside from the street without having to actually enter the bar. The air conditioners are going to be working at full speed so gogo bar owners can expect some bigger electricity bills.
Nana bars have suffered badly recently. Things have been so quiet that one night earlier this week is reckoned to be the quietest night of the year at Nana! At least one of the big bars recorded their lowest combined take (drinks + barfines) for one night this calendar year – and other bar managers have been crying out for customers. A few bar managers and owners are worrying again, as they do every low season of every year… Oh, the life of a bar owner must be nerve wracking. You just never know what will happen next and things out of one's hands are a business owner's nightmare.
The latest from the dodgy Sukumvit Soi 4 couple mentioned several times in this column is that they are now claiming to be broke. Dolair! (Thai for bullshit) Whatever happened to the 20 million baht? Rumour has it that they bought a house in Bangkok for 2 million baht – but what about the rest? I have also heard an incredible rumour that they have tried (and possibly even completed the deal) to sell Titty Twister to a guy who owns a Soi Cowboy bar. Said Soi Cowboy bar owner must be in the dark over all that has gone on. I also hear that the female of the partnership has done a runner.
Wandering around Asia Books earlier today, I noticed that the latest edition of the Lonely Planet Guide To Thailand is out now. The 10th edition of what I believe is Lonely Planet's top selling book is being sold locally for a cool 1195 baht. Looking through it, I couldn't help but feel it was a bit smaller than previous editions and flicking to the back I noticed that it was a not insignificant 800 pages. When I got home, I checked with the the latest edition on my bookshelf. Sure enough, the last edition that I bought, the 8th edition – which has an Asia Books sticker of 795 baht is 1030 pages! So, Lonely Planet are charging 50% more for a book that has 20% less pages. Something is up here. I sure didn't notice that they have used a smaller font, so it would seem that something has been cut out. And yet again author Joe Cummings has failed to list this website in his list of recommended internet links. I guess he is scared that once readers find sites such as this, they will realise that buying the LP is really not necessary…
Supergirls in Patpong was raided mid-week and that they are now facing closure for doing lewd shows. It is not often that Patpong bars are closed for this most sordid of crimes. As for Hollywood which was one of the many bars raided in Nana Plaza a couple of weeks back, nothing has been heard from the police. Hollywood Two is almost completely renovated it looks great, so that is a bonus.
Really, these bar closures are something of a farce. Many of the bar owners own more than one bar, so whenever they are closed down, it simply means that they move the girls into another bar. Yeah, they inevitably lose a chunk of potential earnings and no doubt a few staff too, but it all repeats itself over again and virtually every bar that is closed for lewd shows has the girls dancing in their birthday suit within a week of reopening.
In terms of the naughty nightlife, resident farangs are staying in or keeping a very low profile. I hear stories of some guys photocopying their passport details, tidying up their visas and many are quite worried about being grilled by government officials in public areas. Personally I think a lot are overreacting to this crack down, which is obviously linked to three main areas: 1. Chuwit's expose of police corruption, 2. Taksin's current crackdown on police corruption and bars / massage parlours and 3. a general clean up campaign for the APEC summit.
Even in such far flung corners of the Kingdom as Samui, the crackdown on naughty nightlife is being felt. Dream Girls A Gogo have had a visit from government officials and the manager was read the riot act down there too. Yep, it is Thailand wide.
Carnival has re-opened its doors and they are offering a free drink if you can stay on their new mechanical bucking bull. Sounds like a load of bull to me. Now that all the Clown Group Bars are open they are looking really scarce on girls (but then what the hell would I know for I am supposedly banned in their bars…) They may have looked like they had a lot of girls before but they were being crammed into fewer bars. I dare say Cascade and G Spot looked OK when Carnival, which is a big bar, closed for 2.5 months, but now the girls have moved back into Carnival, they are looking low on girls and even lower on quality!
Some bars are also suffering because there are a number of girls who do not want to register with the police for various reasons. Although some bargirls are by no means angels, I think it is a terrible breach of their civil liberties for a start. The Thais are making their own people look like criminals; photos, ID, finger prints, police registration forms. Whatever next?
I think things will settle down soon and the resident expats, an important bunch of punters during the low season, will come out to play again but bar owners might have to right this month off and put it down to experience. Apart from that one dramatic raid on Nana Plaza two weeks ago there have been no more visits by government officials to Nana Plaza.
Finally to put the record straight, Hollywood Carousel is still open and they have not heard anything from the police authorities. Talking of which there is all hell going on down at Lumpini police station with coppers running around like headless chickens. The Lumpini Station Commander is reported to be under investigation by the government and word is he will be transferred to an inactive post. Sounds like Chuwit's rantings have finally made someone aware that Lumpini police did bugger all when Sukhumvit Square was demolished by the so called military mafia. Some 20 other high ranking police officers are also under investigation.
I was in Gulliver's in Sukumvit Soi 5 this past week and will reiterate what I have said in the past. This place has the best looking freelances in Bangkok by a country mile. Admittedly it has been a long time since I have been down into the Dragon's Cave (The Thermae), but my oh my, there are some pretty girls in Gulliver's.
Richard at Rosemary (next to Temptations) wants to sell his little bar. Richard has said this for some time so I also take it he has had no serious offers. So, who of you out there wants to make him an offer?
While most things are cheap in Thailand, you occasionally get a surprise when presented with a bill that is more than you anticipated. An Aussie friend tripped and fellow over on Friday night, breaking his leg in two places. 36 hours later he was ready to leave the hospital, not a big name place, but a private hospital in suburban Bangkok. The hospital was almost responsible for giving the already invalided fellow a heart attack when he saw the invoice for the 76,500 baht they reckoned he now owed them. Talking to Mrs Stick about it, she said that just because it is a hospital, a place where you would expect high moral standards, don't think that they didn't notice that the customer is white skinned, has a long nose and most likely has a decent sized bank balance. This is Thailand, where double pricing isn't just prevalent, it fast seems to be becoming the norm – so why should a hospital be any different?
Just to keep you up to date regarding what's happening at Larry's Dive. They are offering "Larry Drinks", a drink with 50% more booze. House Spirits : Regular 95 baht, Larry Drink 120 baht. Premium Spirits : Regular 115 baht, Larry Drink 155 baht. Tuesdays is there Drink'n'Dive night. Carlsberg draft starts at 90 baht at 9:00 PM and drops 10 baht every night until closing. Thursdays are Gai pride night…so we'll pass on that. Not gay, but gai, the Thai word for chicken. Ahhh, ok, we can put that in the column. Chicken Wing pieces are only 10 each and available in tangy and spicy from 6:00 PM. Support Gai Pride Thursday and get Larry out of his FOWL mood! Finally, they have a sunday brunch for 175 baht which sounds pretty good though frankly, in that neighbourhood, it is hard beat Bourbon Street for a good breakfast.
A prominent Pattaya bar owner was overheard saying that with the girls now receiving less salary from customers due to the low tourists numbers caused by a whole bunch of reasons, customers can expect to get more / better service from the girls who now see the customers (and not the bars) as their main source of income.
Wonder how busy or otherwise the bars actually were this week? For you stats fans, here are the hard numbers from Nana Plaza on Wednesday night, from 11:00 PM – 12:30 AM.
| Gogo Bar | Customers |
| Carnival | 4 |
| Cascade | 10 |
| Voodoo | 7 |
| Rainbow 3 | 4 |
| Spankies | 3 |
| Bottoms Up | 10 |
| Playskool | 20 |
| G Spot | 30 |
| Angel Witch | 40 |
| Rainbow 1 | 3/4 full |
| Rainbow 2 | 2/3 full |
| Carousel | 60 |
Trade in Nana seems like a real "roller coaster ride" at the moment, Sunday stone dead, Monday OK, Tuesday like the SARS scare, Wednesday rocking again. It is all very up and down and generally much more inconsistent than usual. These very heavy rainfalls don't help the situation either. No matter what the situation is with current politics, police problems, bad weather, SARS, whatever, it is always the same bars that are doing very well or very poorly. Occasionally the pattern will alter slightly but not much.
I wonder which Thai girl gets hit on the most in Bangkok, that is the lady who is not for sale. I bet the girls in Robinson's on Sukumvit get more than just looks and some of the hotel staff, particularly some of those spunky girls at some hotel front desks must get hit on too. But my best guess as to who gets hit on the most would be the lovely who seems to be the head waitress at The Londoner. She looks smashing in that red Beefeater outfit and always seems to have a warm smile ready. Given the number of farangs who frequent The Londoner I wonder if a night goes past when she isn't propositioned. And what happened to the previous girl in that role? Another hot looker, I bet she got snapped up by some lucky farang…
Quote of the week comes from a locally based fellow who just married his sweetheart 3 months ago. He woke up in the middle of the night and said, "get the fuck out of the house". When she asked why he said, "because your breath smells like som tam"! The next day he was on the phone, apartment hunting, looking specifically at apartments in the Sukumvit Soi 4 area.
Movie star syndrome. Sometimes it seems to me that you can’t go anywhere, or do anything, without all of the locals watching your every move. It is just like being David Beckham. It is nice for a while but can get annoying and this is in Bangkok where there are a lot of farangs and we are hardly unusual.
I gather that from his silence on the subject that the rumour about Mekhong Kurt's beard being removed is true. I can however confirm that the rumour about his hat being removed is totally untrue. Several women of the night confirm that it is permanently stuck on and cannot be un-stuck.
Mrs. Stick's Corner
Each week, Mrs. Stick will answer questions about Thai / farang relationships and general issues that baffle the average Westerner in Thailand. Mrs. Stick is an open-minded Thai lady who is happy to answer your questions. Please send questions for her, via me, at the usual email address. Two or three questions will be chosen each week and answered in the following week's column. The responses are hers and NOT mine although I may attempt to correct her English from time to time. Note 1: I may not necessarily agree with what she says! Note 2: Unfortunately, she doesn't have time to reply to your inquiries via email.
Question 1: If you meet a jungle girl, then send her some bangers (bangers and mash = cash) on a regular basis and later return to see your girl a year later and she has gone from a jungle girl to Samui's number one party chick, who's to blame?
Mrs. Stick says: This is actually a very difficult one to answer and the result is due to a combination of factors. I presume that the girl has a modest education and for her, this type of work may seem like an easy way out. Farang orientated bars allow farangs to come and intrude into Thai culture and in many ways the attitudes of the farang customers help to falsely reinforce to her that what she is doing is acceptable, indeed an acceptable job. No-one can be blamed, but many people have contributed towards it. I guess if we really want to blame someone, we could blame Mother Nature for making Thai women so beautiful!
Question 2: Down here in Phuket, my non-bargirl girlfriend came to me with an idea to start up a new cafe. She and two friends, also with farang boyfriends, wanted to make some money. She wanted me to bankroll the idea and had grandiose ideas of making a fortune from it. I told her to come up with some sort of business plan, and basically put it all down in greater detail, and if I liked what I saw, I'd consider financing it. This made it all sound like hard work and she suddenly lost interest in it, muttering that annoying word beua. I have this perception that Thai women want to be as sabai as possible, but do as little as possible. What do you think about this?
Mrs. Stick says: If she wanted to be "sabai" she would never likely have asked you to finance this venture in the first place. She might have been looking at it as not just a way to make money, but a way to have fun, "sanuk". I think you are doing the right thing by not spoiling her by financing this, even though you would appear to be in a position to help her.
That's all for another week. I'm working on a piece for next week's on the stereotype of English teachers being permanent resident sex tourists. It should upset a person or two…..good!
As a final note, please do not try and read too much into the column, especially the opening pieces. Some people seem quite concerned with some pieces that Stickgirl and I are having marital problems. Not at all, things could not be better. Just because I write about some Thai girls and their issues does not mean that mine is giving me any grief! Things are rosy red here.
Your Bangkok commentator,
Stick
Special thanks go out to Dave The Rave and Phuket Steve.
