Stickman's Weekly Column October 6th, 2002

Unlimited Sex Gets Boring



The number of farangs relocating to Thailand shows no sign of slowing down. Ever increasing numbers of farangs are arriving in the big city, searching for employment opportunities or setting up enterprises of their own. On top of this, there are also greater number of retirees moving here, realising that they can get far better value for their money here than in Farangland.

Many people have talked to me about their relocation to Thailand and when pressed as to why they chose this country, the availability of sex is far and away the most popular reason given. Sure, many folks mention food, weather, costs etc, but sex comes out a very clear number one. No surprise in that really. In fact many people have said to me that so long as you are getting your fair share of naughties, other things don't really matter.

I question this. Be careful how you prioritize things. Yes, sex is very much available for the average Westerner in Thailand, be it through commercial liaisons or otherwise. Even a blind man has no problem getting more than his fair share here.

But what I am noticing more and more is that after these people relocate to the Land Of Smiles, and go on to get more than their fair share, the happiness that they thought this would bring them just doesn't seem to be there!

Endless amounts of sex actually grows old after a while. I don't know if it is because so many sexual encounters are really little more than a bit of physical pleasure, but if this is the number one reason for relocating to Thailand, you might find yourself slowly becoming bored. Yes, really!

Its fairly obvious advice, but it does seem to be a mistake that many people make when they relocate here. "Getting more than my fair share of nooky" should not be the top item on your list of reasons to relocate to Thailand. Even if you get a bit everyday, I bet you'll still find there is plenty missing in your life. Sex is really just a very short term thing, and while it may be a lot of fun, there are other things that provide greater satisfaction over a much longer period of time. Balance is the key.

Where is this pic?

Ahhh, too easy for you na krap!

Last week's pic was of the temple styled souvenir shops on Suriwong Road, directly opposite the main Patpong soi. The first person to get it right, within 5 minutes of the column being published online, was "Long Dong Don". He wins $US25 worth of goodies from ClubHombre.com. The best guess for last week's picture was from Rusty (actually the ladies call him Lusty), who thought it was Jim Thompson's House! Who will be first with this week's pic? Again, $25 worth of goodies from ClubHombre.com's store is up for grabs to the first person to get the pic right.

Cheap.

Just finished reading your "weekly" and I can confirm that you can get "every" bargirl in the beer bars for 1000 baht and they are extremely happy for it. Up until about 3-4 years ago they would accept 500 baht for long time and you can still get it, but you are being keeneow. A few of the younger lads that come over even try the "can I have a fuck for free…it's my birthday" trick and I can tell you their success rate is pretty good. Mind you they aren't old ugly fat fucks like most of the farangs.
English teaching in Thailand is underpaid.
I just wanted to make one comment regarding teaching English. It just really blows my mind that, in trying to obtain a job teaching English in Thailand and elsewhere it would seem, that I would be competing with so many people with a bachelor's degree. I mean we're talking a minimum of 4 years time, and in the U.S., I should think somewhere in the neighbourhood of $100,000, all to get a job that pays 700 – 800 dollars a month!
Money, money, money.
I firmly believe that Thai people think that farangs where put on this earth to give them money. I have been married to a decent Thai girl for two years. I am waiting for her visa to come in. It took a long time because we got married first. But her friends are telling her that she should divorce me because I am not rich. I do not send her enough money every month or because I am late with the payments. I send $US 500 a month. My wife is ok with that money. She says that is more than enough. Also her neighbours up in Kalisin get upset when she visits. Because they want her to pay for their liquor. They say because she married a farang she has to help them out. And when I visit Thailand it just seems every god damn asshole is asking me for money. From people on the street to people I just meet. No wonder expats just hang out together. Everything is money money money with the Thais. They act like children sometimes. They act like it is candy and that they have the right to ask all the time. Maybe I am a little racist here, but I am going to say it. I think a lot of their attitudes about farangs comes from the Chinese. Especially about the parts of us being barbarians and having loads of money because westerners stole it from China and all of that crap.
Jing reu blow? (Is this for real?)
Thought you might like to hear about an incident involving a former bargirl who relocated to New Zealand. I met her in NZ about a year ago and we started dating. Needless to say she was GORGEOUS – a classic Isaan beauty. She very quickly declared her love for me and, surprise – surprise I reciprocated. She was 35, I’m 30. After dating for about 3 weeks she informed me that she was in fact married to a 55 year old New Zealander who has shipped her over and made an honest (ha ha) woman of her. The funny thing is that he is absolutely loaded – a farmer worth about 16 million NZ dollars. She starts lavishing me with expensive gifts – watches, cell phones, etc, and moves me into a flash city apartment. She literally forces a brand new BMW on me and then proceeds to buy another house and sign it over to me! She genuinely wouldn't take no for an answer! A few months ago things started to go wrong. This woman is something of a notable femme fatale in these parts and like many victims of sexual abuse (oh yes), has a pretty fucked up attitude to the opposite sex. To cut a long story short I gave her back everything she had ever given me and dumped her (despite the fact that I loved her and I knew that she loved me). I could no longer tolerate her compulsive lying and even more compulsive flirtation with any man between the ages of 18 and 80. Then the trouble started – she started climbing up trees in my garden and literally staking me out. She slept in cars outside my house, followed me everywhere and even put a private detective on me to monitor my movements. Perhaps the most stressful thing she did was to enrol as an adult ESL student at the school in which I teach English! After numerous calls to the police I realised that I’d have to apply for a court order. This was immediately granted because of the extended history of emergency calls I’d had to make to the police. Last week she broke the order for the second time and spent the afternoon in the cells.
Full speed ahead, son.
One thing I love about living in Bangers is the BTS. Its fast, cool, comfortable and goes most places I want to. A curious feature must be noted however regarding the Thais and their tactics for boarding. It seems to them that its preferable to get ON the crowded train at Siam before the crowd gets OFF. This irks me no end as many an afternoon I try to disembark only to be confronted by hordes of them standing directly in front of the door!
The Mediterranean all over again?
The one thing that bothers me is, Koh Samui…East side Chaweng beach…my goodness….it's like walking around in Europe. never understood why people always want to look up the comfort of their home land in exactly the same way as they would do back home. Everywhere you look, big signs..'here we sprechen Deutsch', English breakfast, 'Irish Stew', all premiership matches…and so on… It goes even deeper, all the Thai people who are working and living there for many generations have a badge around the neck that shows tourists, that they have the 'right' to be there in this location. Understandable that you sometimes miss things from home, but why don't you stay home or if you live in thailand you can do all the things in the seclusion of your crib. I am not against variety, but the feeling I had from places like pattaya and Koh Samui is that it's just another Spain or Ibiza. More farangs than Thai people, I am not going on holiday to see more farang :)
No argument from me.
I have been living in Thailand a year now and there is a lot I don't like about the country, but it's nothing compared to the reasons why I left my native Britain in the first place. No Thai gives a shit whether I went to a private school or a state school and they certainly can't tell from my accent. The Thai government aren't going to drop bombs on another country then try and tell me it is to make me feel safer. I can walk home drunk late at night without getting mugged or beaten up. If that did happen it would be because I had done something to deserve it. If I knock into someone in the street accidentally, they smile rather than swear at me. Maybe I am turning native already – I certainly hope so – but I find it hard to comprehend why so many people in Britain put up with such an appallingly poor quality of life when there are alternatives. It might be because they are still waiting for the best moment to sell their house.

Some of the contraband available on Khao San Road.

Parts of Nana Plaza resemble a disaster zone at the moment with bar owners using the quietest time of year to renovate or build new bars. The old Mermadium Bar is still home to a huge pile of rubble outside and no work seems to be taking place there at all. The old Silver Dragon has been gutted and work is frantically taking place on a new bar nestled in between Mandarin and Rock Hard. Its going to be a gogo bar and looks like it will be about the same size as the nearby Fantasia and at the speed they are working, it won't be too long until it opens. The old Spider's Web has been completely torn to bits and work is taking place on what will apparently be a smallish gogo bar run by the same fellow who owns the two bars, either side of the entrance to Nana. With a lot of changes down in Cowboy recently, it seems that Nana and Cowboy are both undergoing a bit of a facelift.

Western Union's advertisements along the walls in the Biergarten in Sukumvit Soi 7 are absolutely unnecessary for all of the bargirls know that that is the place to go to get money wired to them quickly and can be picked up effortlessly. Poking my head in the door of a Western Union branch this week, one Thai was mouthing off about all the money that was being sent to him. A gay guy, he had three sizeable amounts to collect from: A Collins, A Garcia, B Collins. So, if you are one of these gentlemen, your teeruk is being shared around!

The next Nanapong dance contest has been announced. It will be held at Suzy Wong's in Soi Cowboy, Sunday 13 October and will get going at 8:30 PM. Entry is free and the Pongers have described it as "16 frenzied girls, copious amounts of tequila and licentious debauchery a pre-requisite!!"

I do not go to the Thermae much these days because the place depresses me. Lots of really rough girls pleading with guys to take them away for the evening. Well, I did pop in there very briefly this week and was pleasantly surprised to see quite a few pretty girls. It made a change.

Pete, one of the owners of Suzy Wong and Playskool was hit by a bus purportedly running a red light at the Nana intersection on Saturday night of last week. Rushed to the nearby Bumrungrad Hospital, he underwent two operations on his various broken bones and it looks like he will be in hospital for a couple of weeks. We hope he makes a quick recovery and is back presiding over his bars, and his darlings, in no time.

The Honey Hotel in Sukumvit has a system whereby they monitor the names of girls visiting customers rooms. Once you have signed a girl in, they note her name and she becomes your "current girl". As long as she is your current girl she can come and go as she likes and the staff will allow her in without question. However, if a different girl comes along, they will not let her in. It seems that the hotel thinks that once a girl has gone once, she has the right to return as she pleases as she is now the customer's girlfriend. It's not like customers at the Honey butterfly, is it?

Woodstock in Nana Plaza celebrate their 18th anniversary next Saturday. There will be a lucky draw and prizes…but exactly what prizes, I'm not sure. All locally brewed beers and stock spirits will be 80 baht. Premium spirits will be 90 baht and it will be 10% off imported beers. Starting Wednesday October 16, a quiz will be held every night every on the third Wednesday of the month. Rodney Bain (who?) will be the quiz master. The entry fees for the first quiz will be donated to the Drinking Water Systems For Rural Schools, sponsored by the Rotary Club of Bangkok South. The entry fee will be 200 baht per person for the first quiz and 100 baht per person for the other quiz nights.

There seems to be something of a digital photography revolution taking place. Snow White, the photography shop on Phyathai Road, opposite Mahboonkrong, used to do a roaring trade in photo processing, developing, printing and the sale of film. They have turned what on the face of it seemed to be a successful business into a digital photography outlet where you can print all of your digital images. Rates are VERY good at 7 baht for a 4 X 6 inch print – and the quality is exceptional. You can take in your digital images on any form of media (any memory card, CD, floppy etc.) and they will transfer the images to their system and then print them for you. When I was there, the service was fast and I was told to come back in an hour for my 30 or so prints. My photo printer just became redundant and I would suggest that anyone with shares in a company whose primary business is consumer level photo printers that you offload your shares right away! With quality and prices like this, along with these new 14 megapixel cameras shortly to be released, digital photography just made a HUGE step towards OVERTAKING conventional photography.

Pattaya….is it a diver's paradise?

I remain the cynic when it comes to bargirl / customer relationships. I have been hearing some really funny stories recently about more than a few girls in Pattaya who are on Khun Farang's payroll. Every month, Khun Farang transfers a nice healthy amount of baht over to his little darling – enough so that she doesn't have to work. Khun Farang calls her at various times, often at night, to see if she is working. She dutifully answers her phone (invariably a mobile) and Khun Farang confirms that she is in a quiet place and not working. He again asks her if she is working and she truthfully says that she is not. But what she fails to tell him is that she is tucked up in bed with one of the many farangs resident in Pattaya. From what I hear, it seems that the apartments of Pattaya divers are a favourite place for ex-bargirls to go and stay warm throughout the low season while Khun Farang is back in Farangland. The funny thing is that the girl genuinely feels that she is not cheating Khun Farang. She is not working in the bar as he requested and she is NOT selling sex for money. She is simply spending some quality time with a young, fit guy – and why shouldn't she, for she is a young girl with desires too! When Khun Farang returns to Pattaya, she will be with him and liaisons with the locally based farang will cease. If you are sending money to a girl in Thailand, whatever you do, don't let her stay in Pattaya! Now don't you all go rushing to become a diver… What is it with divers, BTW? I mean these Pattaya girls really do seem to have a thing for them.

The Londoner on the corner of Sukumvit Soi 33 is currently offering a great promotion. Buy a Londoner discount card for a mere 300 baht and that card entitles you to some incredible specials including: buy one meal and get another meal of equal or lesser value free, buy a .5 pint Londoner brew beer and get another free. Up to three glasses of beer per visit and two meals per visit. But what it does go to show is just how much fat is built into their prices! A good promotion which, from what I can see, is only available by reps at some BTS stations. The card is good until the end of March.

I hear ads on the radio ALL IN ENGLISH asking for donations to help the thousands of people whose lives have been turned upside down by the heavy rains and flooding upcountry. I'm sure many farangs (the target market as it is an all English language radio station and the ad is entirely in English) would love to help, but extreme cynicism exists amongst farangs resident in Thailand about donating to the flood victims. Any donation made begs the question of just where that money will end up…?

Quote of the week comes from Lumpini Dave. While a bunch of us were sitting around talking about women of the world, Dave delighted us with "there are many gradations of whore" referring not just to working girls, but to women in general.

To save customers fighting over which sports event they will watch, Woodstock Bar has a neat system whereby they play a different sports channel on each of their TVs in the bar. So, on Friday night, it was Star Sports on the big screen, ESPN on one of the smaller screen and SuperSport on another of the smaller screens. Excellent stuff. Woodstock also has sexy new tumblers to keep your checkbin in.

When your girlfriend habitually does things that piss you off, annoy you or things that are just downright unacceptable, it is time to set her free and look for someone new. The issue is that people repeat their past behaviour over and over again. So too it seems with bars, some of which virtually make it a practice of ripping people off. There are a handful of bars which I hear about, which pad bills or continually try to cheat customers. Dali Bar in Sukumvit Soi 33 is such a place. AGAIN, I have received reports of dodgy practices from down there. A shame, as it is a wonderfully decorated, relaxing bar. Just be very careful and always check your bill in there. Soi 33's resident Australian party animal, Blackie, even refused my offer to buy him a beer in there because, according to him, "they are a bunch of cxxxs who fxxk with the bill all the time". Known for his colour is our Blackie.

With the increase in fees, there is a graduated pricing system in place for work permit fees as follows: 750 baht / 3 months, 1500 baht / 6 months, 3000 baht / year. It also seems that that the minimum salary levels by which a work permit will be issued have increased too. Personally, I have never heard of this being an issue, but a reader this week suggested that at least one work permit office is enforcing this according to the law. Many English teacher's salary actually falls below the "minimum salary for work permit holders" which funnily enough, is different for different nationalities.

Remember, if you are a bar owner, a business owner or someone offering a service to expats living in the Mango, or to tourists journeying over this way, do let me know. I want to mention your business or promotion and give you a plug, but it is a bit hard to do if I don't know that you exist…so contact me and let me know what you're doing!

This week I'll be away from Bangkok touring around Southern Isaan. So, if you happen to be in, or passing through, Buriram, Surin, Si Saket or Ubon, drop me an email and perhaps we can meet up for a drink? Next week's column should be on time too!

Your Bangkok commentator,

Stick


Thanks go out to Khun Sanuk.